Bound by Lies (50 page)

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When I was in seventh grade, I attended a small school in a small town. There were approximately 20 kids in my entire grade level. One day, the principal called me into her office. I’d been the victim of a lot of bullying and she wanted to give me a pep talk of sorts. She sat me in a chair across from where she sat behind her desk and told me I was an ugly duckling who would turn into a swan. Now, I know her intentions were pure, and I knew what she meant, but all that stuck with me were those words and the realization that even the principal of the school, a figure of great authority in my life, saw me as an ugly duckling, and I never forgot it. Looking back, my entire life almost feels like one big statement of, “I’m more than that, damn it.”

This book was inspired in part by that day in the principal’s office. Brayden is someone who had lots of people telling him he was an ugly duckling, too, and the thing about being stuck with that label is how do you know when you’ve become the swan? Is it a gradual transformation or does it happen overnight? And, even after you’ve become the swan, do those around you notice or are they so used to seeing you as the ugly duckling that they’ll never be able to see you as anything else?

I wanted to explore those questions through Brayden, and also help him find the love needed to strengthen his convictions. This story picks up after Brayden has gone through most of his transformation. He’s only beginning to be able to see himself as the swan, so when he’s thrown back into the small town where he’s only Cry Baby Braydy, he flounders and questions everything.

Being able to take Brayden, who I identify with so much, on this journey of self-acceptance was intensely fulfilling. But this isn’t just Brayden’s story. Living in a small town, everyone struggles with the way those around them feel they already know everything about you there is to know, and the constant, relentless curiosity whenever new information or occurrences come to light. It’s a balance of living as the person you’re thought to be, living as the person you know you are, and trying to carve out some semblance of privacy, even if it takes lying or misdirection to attain it. Though this story grew from Brayden, Jenner is the one who haunts me most. Once Jenner began to flesh out in my head, I couldn’t shake him off. While Brayden only wants to be wanted enough for someone to keep him, Jenner is the romantic. He sees Brayden first as the swan, and even when he discovers how Brayden used to be an ugly duckling, it only draws Jenner to him more. Jenner falls first, long before Brayden, and fights it, trying to resist, or do the right thing, then lying to protect the one he loves. Both Brayden and Jenner have their “Who am I?” moments, for different reasons. Whereas Brayden is overcoming perceived personal limitations, Jenner is trying to break free of the comfort of an assumed identity. Initially, they both let everyone else tell them who they are versus being brave enough to own who they are, come what may. They become each other’s reasons to step forward, inviting judgment and chaos, to say, “No,
this
is who I am.”

I found great joy and personal satisfaction in writing this story. I worked on it while writing other, darker, stories and every time I came back to it, it felt like my happy place. It’s my hope that the characters’ flaws only help you relate to them more, and give you more reason to cheer them on as they struggle, stumble and persevere. Thank you my editors, Rylan and Dany, for giving me the guidance needed to take this story where it needed to go. I couldn’t have done it without you. During the editing process, entire storylines, entire characters were removed and added, but each change lifted the story higher than I thought it could go. A special thank you to my dear Leyanne who lent much needed support from the beginning, when this was called
When the Sun Breaks Through
and it felt like all of my hopes and dreams were wrapped up in it. And thank you to my readers. It gives me great pleasure to introduce you to Brayden, Jenner, and all their friends. I hope you enjoy their journey as much as I have.

—Lynn

Website:
Lynn Kelling

Lynn Kelling
began writing in order to tell stories that weren’t afraid of the dark, didn’t hold anything back and always strived to be memorable, forging lasting attachments between character and reader. Her inspiration comes from taking a closer look at behaviors and ideas lurking at the fringes of life—basically anything that people may hesitate to speak of in mixed company, but everyone wonders about anyway. Her work is driven by the taboo in order to expose the humanity within it. Lynn is an artist, designer and lover of any form of creative self-expression that comes from a place of honesty and emotion, whether it's body art or opera. She has had multiple novels published, has written over fifty works of erotic fiction of varying lengths, and always has several novels in progress.

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