Bound Beneath His Pain: A Dirty Little Secrets Novel (16 page)

In my bedroom, I move to the floor mirror in the corner, running my hands down the black lace Atelier Versace gown. I turn slightly, admiring the open back all the way down to above my butt. When I turn again to face the mirror, the light sparkles off the Tiffany’s mixed cluster necklace around my neck, matching cluster earrings, and the bracelet on my left arm. All of which are gifts from Micah that were delivered to my condo minutes after I got home from work today.

I heave a long sigh, hearing a scuffle behind me before I see Liv at my shoulder in the mirror.

She smiles, admiring her work. “Wow. Just wow.”

The second I plucked the dress from the white box wrapped in a red bow, I called in reinforcements for tonight. It’d been so long since I went to a black tie event, and wearing
this
dress and jewelry needs hair and makeup that matches, or there’s no way in hell I could pull off this look. And, well, Liv is really great at girly things.

“You’re going to blow Micah’s mind tonight,” she adds, lifting her twinkling eyes to mine in the mirror.

Even I have to admit that the dress, the heavier makeup than I usually wear, and the soft updo make me look ready to walk the red carpet at the Oscars. Still, though…I draw in a heavy breath and exhale it deeply through my nose, as nervous butterflies flutter in my belly.

Liv rolls her eyes. “And somehow only
you
could look so miserable in”—she waves a hand over my body—
“this.”

“It’s excessive.” I stare in the mirror at the gown, embellished with what I think might be Swarovski crystals. “I don’t even want to know how much Micah spent on all of it.”

“Oh, hush.” Liv tucks a couple of loose, fallen curls back into place with bobby pins. “You’re not supposed to think about those things. Besides, it’s not like it’s breaking Micah’s bank account to get you this stuff.”

“Just because he can afford it”—I step away from the mirror and move into the hallway, entering my living room—“doesn’t mean I
need
them. There’s starving children in the world, for cripes’ sake.”

Liv follows me into the living room, and when I turn back to her, I find a smile on her face. “There are, yes, and it’s all types of terrible. But let’s not forget that Micah gives a lot of his money to help children, so let him spoil you one day out of the year.”

My throat is tightening because with Micah it’s not going to be one day out of the year. It’ll be a lot of days out of the year that we’ll have to attend charity functions and such, where people will only see me as
Micah’s girlfriend,
not Allie Parker.

My heart begins racing, but I exhale a long breath, stopping the panic. Micah enjoyed the carnival and seemed comfortable staying at home with me, too. He’s open to not being in the spotlight all the time, and that’s a compromise we can make.

Besides, Liv is right—Micah does give a lot in return. And that’s not something I ever saw a lot of growing up. Darius was too focused on rebuilding his lost inheritance to give any of his money away to others.

I’m wondering now if it would’ve changed my perception of things if he had been more giving with his money. I’m also wondering if those glazed looks and distant stares from others will bug me as much now that I’m older, and now that I have Liv, Taylor, and also a life that
I
built for myself.

I guess, tonight, I’ll find out.

Liv steps in closer, studying me from head to toe. “Okay, let’s give you one final look to make sure everything is
perfect.
”

I watch her examine every single part of me, making sure when the world sees me tonight, not a strand of hair is out of place. God, she’s so good to me. Guilt makes my chest feel like a thousand-pound weight is pushing against me.

Through the entire time Liv applied my makeup, I thought of how to explain that I hadn’t exactly been honest with her about my past. Tomorrow the tabloids would know the truth about me, or at least I assumed they would, and I really want Liv to hear it from me.

But how does one explain?

Oh, by the way, I’m actually really rich, but I don’t use the money because it feels dirty, so this whole perception that I’m a normal, struggling twenty-five-year-old is actually complete bullshit. Don’t be mad, ’kay?

I tried a least a dozen times tonight, but I froze. Every damn time.

“Hmm…” she says, dragging me from my thoughts. She’s tapping her lip, staring directly at my face, then quips, “One final thing, then my masterpiece is complete.”

I should laugh, but I can’t. My insides are twisting, watching her reach into her makeup bag, taking out a cherry-red shade of lipstick.

She carefully applies it to my lips and hands me a tissue. “Blot, and then you’ll be done.” I blot carefully, doing as told, and when she takes the tissue from my hand, she adds, “There. Perfect.” She places the lipstick into my black clutch and then shoves it at me.

My heart begins pumping harder. Time is counting down. “Listen, Liv, we need to talk.” I hear the shakiness in my voice.

“Oh, yeah, about what?” She moves to the curling iron resting on the coffee table and switches it off.

“Well…you see…” I draw in a long deep breath, forcing myself to go on. “I haven’t been entirely—”

The loud beep of my cellphone blasts into the air, and Liv waves me off, grabbing the phone. “Hold that thought.” She peeks at the screen, a smile rising to her face. “Whatever it is, you’ll have to tell me later. Micah’s a minute away.”

“He can wait.” My skin flushes, face warms. “It’s important.”

“Tonight’s important.” She grabs my clutch out of my hand and places my cell inside before handing it back to me. “And there’s nothing you can’t tell me later.” With her classic Liv beaming smile, she pushes me toward my front door and then steps back, giving me an examination, fiddling once more with my hair. “You look absolutely beautiful. The tabloids are going to be all over this, and they’re going to
love
you.”

“Thank you, but—”

“Oh, my God, Allie.” She sighs in exasperation, scowling at me. “It can wait.” She swings open my front door. “Go. No time to waste. Your knight in shining armor awaits you.”

“My knight in shining armor?” I raise my brows at her.

Liv giggles, giving a little shrug. “Okay, how about your hot, rich boyfriend?”

“That’s probably closer to the truth.” Micah’s a lot of things, but a knight in shining armor isn’t exactly one of them. “But let me just—”

“Leave?” Liv quips. “Yup, that you can do. Now go and wow the world with your awesomeness.” She shoves me out and slams the door, locking it behind me.

I sigh at
my
closed door. “Fuck.”

The second the Bentley comes to a stop, I’m out the door, enraptured by the vision before me. Allie’s dress is hugging her body as I imagined it would when I selected it for her to wear tonight. “Christ, Allie,” I murmur, closing my body against hers and running my hand across her rosy cheek. “You are breathtaking.”

“Thank you…for all of it.” She turns her head slightly, kissing my thumb with her pouty, painted red lips. I’m imagining that lipstick around my dick when she adds, “You clean up nice, too.”

I step back, holding her hand, giving her the look over she deserves. A long, slow whistle escapes my mouth as I lift my hand high and she spins, showing me the open back of her dress. Unable to deny myself the available flesh, I trail my finger from her nape all the way down to the dimples above her bottom, relishing in her shiver, and groaning against the blood rushing to my cock.

When she turns to face me again, I clench my jaw, desire flicking like flames through my veins. “No one will notice me tonight.” Not with her next to me.

“Oh, please.” She scans my tux with its black tie and exaggeratedly rolls her eyes. “In that tux,
everyone
will notice you.”

I still disagree with her, but keep silent, leading her to the car. “Your chariot awaits you.”

She gives a soft laugh and slides into the backseat, and once I settle in next to her, she says to Levi, “It’s good to see you again, Levi.”

“You as well, Miss Parker.” Her lips part, and Levi adds with a smile, “Right, forgive me,
Allie.
”

“Much better,” she quips.

Amused by their interaction, I shut the door and focus on her next to me, while the soft purr of the engine surrounds us. The more I look, the more I’m noticing the tightness around her pretty eyes. “You sure you want to do this? I can tell Levi to turn around.”

She gives me a small smile. “No, it’s okay, really. Just a little nerve-racking, I guess.” A sad tone fills her voice, gaze downcast. “I wanted to tell Liv tonight about everything, but it was a lot harder than I thought it’d be. Every time I tried to tell her, my voice froze.”

“She’s a good friend to you.” I tuck a loose curl behind her ear. “She’ll forgive you once you tell her why you kept this to yourself.”

“Hope so.”

I see the tension in her posture, the worry in the depths of her eyes, and it makes me think of how much she’s risking for me.

“But this is happening the second I step out of the car with you,” she continues, giving me a sweet, uneasy grin. “Soon I’ll belong to the world for a little while, so I gotta just deal with it.”

I’m not sure why her statement affects me so intensely, but it does. Blood rushes to my already hard cock, hardening me to pain. This burn I experience for her flows so deep into my body, I can’t control myself. She’s right—by tomorrow morning, all of San Francisco will know she’s mine, and I’m hers. I will have to share her. Her life will be picked apart, until the tabloids grow tired. We’ll be all everyone is talking about, including everyone at Holt. But for now, in this quiet moment in the back of the car, I want her all to myself.

Her brows begin drawing together when I hit the button on the armrest beside me. The black panel begins to rise, separating us from Levi. Right before the divider closes, I tell Levi, “Drive until I tell you otherwise.”

“What are you doing?” Allie gasps, when I yank her onto my lap.

I slide my hands over her neck, grasping her nape. “Taking what I want.”

Her hands come up to my shoulders, nails digging in through my coat. “Now?”

“Stay still.” I grab the neckline of her dress, gently pulling the fabric down, as well as her bra, exposing her puckered nipples. I squeeze each breast in my hands, latching onto the hard bud, sucking her nipple to the roof of my mouth. She gives a soft moan when I twirl my tongue around her areola before licking her other nipple, tasting what’s mine.

Fuck, what this woman does to me.

I’m growling as I pop my mouth off her nipple, sealing my lips over hers, kissing her firmly. Hard. Passionate. Hungry. Her tongue is twirling with mine and she’s hiding nothing from me. Her transparency—vulnerability—burns within me, freeing me to be myself.

She wants
me;
I feel that in the hard press of her lips against mine.

My breath deepens, my muscles flexing, clenching and unclenching with the race of my heart.
Claim her.
I clasp my hand around her nape, struggling to stay present, not allowing my
real
desires to rise. The urge to push her face against the blacked-out window and to drive into her until I made her weak overwhelms me, yet with a grunt, I force the thought away.

She begins grinding against my erect shaft, and I’m kissing my way over to her neck and nibbling there, relishing her desperate moans. Urgent to feel all of her, I run my hand up her thigh, pushing her dress closer to her hips and inching my way toward her sex.

When I touch silky flesh, I break the kiss, looking between her thighs, finding she’s wearing black lingerie, garters and all. “Is this the
something sexy
I asked you to wear?” I pull on the garter, slapping the band against her leg.

“Well, you bought the dress, so I bought the lingerie.” She arches her brows, skin flushed. “Do you like them?”

I grasp her hip, shifting her against my hard cock. “What do you think?”

Her eyes roll into the back of her head and she moans. She’s wanting to please me…to be the woman she thinks will make me happy…to be the woman I desire, and now I’m reeling. Like she’s always done, she’s stripping me bare, layer by layer. “Is this what you want, Allie?” I squeeze my fingers tightly on her nape, pressing her harder against my cock, feeding her the pleasure she’s craving. “What you
need
?”

“Yes…” She fights against my hand, arching her back, filling my vision with perfect round breasts.

She’s offering herself to you. Take her.

My vision is blurring, my chest squeezing, when I cup the side of her head, bringing her gaze to mine. “Do you know what I want, Allie? What would please me most?”

She nibbles on the end of my thumb, breathless. “What? Tell me.”

“I want to watch you.” I gesture to my pants, releasing my hands and resting them at my sides on the leather seat. “Undress me.” Heat is flaring inside of me, clawing to be freed, demanding to be fed.

Her breath becomes shaky—desperate—when she scoots back on my thighs and then removes my belt and opens my fly. I grab my wallet from my pocket and lift my hips, helping her push down my pants to my knees, groaning against the air brushing across my straining cock.

I offer her the condom, watching as she opens the wrapper with her teeth. She strokes me from base to tip, sliding the precum over the rounded top. My eyes shut, pleasure sliding like adrenaline through me when she applies the condom.

Then I reopen my eyes, finding an angel looking at me.

That innocence…the purity…she’s yours to command, to protect, to cherish…it’s all yours to absorb,
echoes in my mind.

Weight now fills my chest alongside the heat, pulling and pulling at me…

She’s nearly lowered onto me when I grasp her bottom, squeezing hard. “No. Turn around.”

A small smile curves her mouth before she pulls her legs up and spins around. My thighs are surrounding hers as she places her feet on the floor, and her bottom is resting in my lap. I grasp my latex-covered cock, holding myself up to her when she begins to lower down. I’m fighting the urge to slam her down on me, and instead gather her dress in my hands, holding the fabric to her waist, watching myself disappear inside her warm, wet channel.

Her soft moan echoes mine when she takes me all the way to the hilt, and I grit my teeth against the surge of euphoria lacing my veins. The streetlights passing by the tinted windows continue putting her in the light and then darkening her in the shadows. She’s bouncing on top of me, moving up and down, slow and then faster, but it’s not enough.

Not for me.

Take what’s yours,
a dark visitor whispers in my ear.

Then I know nothing but the way
I want her.
The way I’ve always wanted her. The way
I
deserve to take her, because that’s what
I
want. Her round bottom is slapping against my pelvis when I yank my tie off from around my neck, and reach for her wrists. I bind them at her back, a smile curving my mouth.

Yes, this is what you desire…
the darkness purrs.
This is what you crave…

My cock is throbbing with each of her thrusts, as I see her bound for
me,
and I’m fighting not to blow inside her. She’s pumping her hips, giving me those soft, sweet moans, and I reach for her waist, assisting her, helping her to send us both flying over the edge.

Mine to fuck, to own, to command…

Because as much as Allie’s innocence delights me, I want to suck in her light and exhale some dark into her. I don’t want soft moans. I want screams from deep within. I want her coming all over my cock because I’m giving her no other choice. I want her to
feel
me. Every fucking inch of me.

I reach up, grasp her head, not caring if I mess her hair up, and press the side of her face against the divider. She’s shouting out her pleasure now when I slap her bottom…once…twice…three times, demanding she move harder, move faster.

Her breath hitches. “I’m going to…”

“Give me everything,” I growl, slapping her ass again and again. “You’ll give me that, Allie, won’t you?”

“God, yes,” she breathes, pumping her hips, faster and faster, because I’m demanding that of her now.

The darkness smiles.

I thrust roughly up inside her before she can slap down against me, shocking her into orgasm. Her scream of total loss of control slides across me and her inner walls clamp around me. I’m gritting my teeth as
hot
sensations are tingling within me. Heat flows like liquid fire down my spine, burning in my sac before my semen is shooting from my cock, and I’m roaring out my release.

The next few minutes are a haze, until I hear, “Micah?”

I reopen my eyes, seeing I’m pressing her head against the divider forcibly with my hand, but my gaze immediately zeroes in on her bound wrists. A bitter tang fills my mouth, my skin crawling. I drop my hands like she’s burned me, grab the tie, and with two tugs she’s free. I reach for her wrists, rubbing them, seeing the indents from the tight binding.

She leans against me, her back to my heaving chest, and she smells so sweet…so good…so perfect. Darius’s warning is screaming in my mind:
You honestly think you can walk away from something you have craved—and needed—for over fifteen years?

I’d thought I could.

My throat tightens and I bow my head, shutting my eyes. Memories of Clara burn in my mind, through the darkness both behind my eyes and in my soul. I can’t allow history to repeat itself.

I fucking won’t let it happen.

Warm hands suddenly grasp my face, lifting my head, then I’m staring into innocence. “What’s wrong?” she demands.

I wrap my hands around Allie’s, craving that this second lasted a lifetime. That the happiness I see on her face now could remain, because deep down, my stomach is churning. “Nothing,” I manage.

“That is
not
the face of
nothing.”
Her eyes are searching mine, searching for a truth she’ll never find. “What are you thinking about?”

“You.” I squeeze her hands on my face. “Always you.”

And if I can protect you from me…