Bottleneck (16 page)

Cullen looked away. "No. I don't know why I said it. Sorry."

Sharon's eyes were wide with anger. "Are you?"

"Yes," said Cullen. "I'm genuinely sorry."

Sharon shook her head, rage still etched on her face. "Never accuse me of anything like that again."

"Then don't get pregnant again." Cullen held his hands up immediately. "That was a joke. Instinct. I'm sorry." He rubbed at his face. "I'm really sorry. I'm not taking this at all well. I just don't know what the fuck to think."

Sharon nodded, looking slightly less angry but just as disappointed. "What do you want to do?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

Sharon looked down, finger circling the rim of the mug. "We don't have to keep it."

"There's no way your mother is going to be all right about you having an abortion," said Cullen.

Sharon said nothing.

"Is there?"

"I spoke to her and she was okay about it," said Sharon.

Cullen felt anger surge. "Am I the last to know about this?"

"I swear you're not. Christ, Scott, this isn't just about you, you know? Your body isn't going to get massive and your boobs aren't going to swell up."

"I thought mine already were," said Cullen, grabbing his man boobs. "It's called lager."

Sharon laughed hard. "Enough joking about, Scott. I'm scared. I don't know what to do."

"That's probably the first time ever," said Cullen. "How pregnant are you?"

"I'm one hundred per cent pregnant, Scott."

"I meant the amount of time," said Cullen.

"Six weeks, I reckon," said Sharon. "The doctor should confirm it."

"Okay, so we've still got plenty of time to decide."

"I guess so." Sharon got up and poured another cup of tea, looking out of the window.

Having children was a huge step. It needed to be planned, not something that just happened to you. Too many people ended up in the situation and just weren't ready for kids, tearing their relationship apart.

Cullen was lucky to have parents who still loved each other, warts and all. Many of his friends' parents were divorced and he saw the toll it could take. Then again, it was worse to stay together for the sake of the kids, heaping misery, resentment and guilt on them.

Sharon sat down with her fresh cup. "I think I might like to keep it."

"I need to think this through," said Cullen.

"We need to
talk
it through," said Sharon. "
Together
."

"I need space to think," said Cullen. "I need to go to my cave like in that book you made me read."

Sharon slouched back. "That's the only thing you took from it, isn't it?"

Cullen shrugged. "It's useful. I need space and time to think. I'm going to have something to eat and then watch some mindless foreign football."

Sharon screwed her face up. "And that's it?"

"Sharon, you've just told me I'm going to be a father," said Cullen. "That's fucking
huge
. I need to focus on it. My head is full of shit right now. I'm a DS, I'm working with Bain again and I'm leading a murder case. I'm all over the place. I need some perspective."

"Well,
I
need to talk about it," said Sharon.

"So talk," said Cullen. "I need to cook. You've got a captive audience."

He marched to the sink and refilled the kettle. He took ingredients from the cupboard - onion, garlic, passata and pasta shells - and started chopping.

"Pasta again?" said Sharon.

"You're eating for two and all that," said Cullen.

She folded her arms. "Can you be serious about this for once?"

"I'm trying," said Cullen. He put the knife down, returning to her side and held her tight. "Look it's okay. We need to think this through, then we'll know what we're doing, okay?"

"Okay." Sharon kissed him. "I love you, Scott."

"I love you," said Cullen. "I'd rather go through this with you than anyone else."

The cat bleated again, his yellow eyes staring at Cullen. They both laughed.

"I'm serious," said Cullen, "we need to work out if we're keeping this thing or not. And I'm not talking about the cat."

"He's staying."

Monday

1st April 2013
 

Cullen woke up early next morning, his mind twisting over all the shit in his brain. He'd watched the football while Sharon read, not discussing the baby at all until his eyes closed and then it was all he could think about.

During brief snatches of sleep, Marta Hunter haunted his dreams, her army of children looking more like wild cats than humans. It didn't take a great intellect to connect it to the little thing growing inside Sharon, determined to one day ruin Cullen's life.

Could it save his life? Would it force him to grow up, settle down and take on responsibility?

He just didn't know.

In the harsh cold of the early morning, he knew he should have talked to Sharon rather than retreating to the cave, which hadn't helped in any way.

He got up, dressed and showered, then drove the short distance to the station, leaving Sharon snoring. He was so tired, he probably should have walked, but he didn't know which city he'd be in that day. A coffee would take the edge off.

In the car park, Cullen spotted Buxton by the panda cars. He did a double-take as he approached - Buxton was peeling stickers off the cars, removing
Lothian & Borders
and leaving only
Police
. Rumours had circulated of beat cops having to unstitch the lettering from their clothes to save money, but this beggared belief.

"What are you doing?" said Cullen.

"Order from the top," said Buxton. "Can't outsource it or it'll cost a packet so anyone of constable grade is being press-ganged."

Cullen shook his head in disbelief. Surely there were crimes deserving more attention than
stickers
.

As he neared, Cullen was almost blown away by the stink of booze. "Watch for any stray fags from the smoking area."

"Eh?"

"The fumes coming off you are likely to catch light," said Cullen.

Buxton reached into his pocket for some mints. "Heavy session yesterday afternoon."

"Smells like a heavy night as well."

"Got home just after eight," said Buxton. "I'll be the first to admit I wasn't exactly sober."

"Or this morning I bet," said Cullen.

"There's that too."

"Best stick to the mints," said Cullen.

Buxton crunched away. "Heard any gossip from the announcement?"

"Nothing," said Cullen. For once, when he got up that morning there were no waiting text messages. "The jungle drums are dead. How long have you been in?"

"Got in at half five," said Buxton. "Seen a few other DCs but no juice yet." He pulled the last sticker off the car, dropping it in the bucket at his feet. "Be interesting to see what transpires, shall we say. What'll happen to you, do you reckon?"

"Hopefully, I'll get made a full DS," said Cullen, not exactly feeling or sounding confident. "God knows they need more."

"Good luck with that," said Buxton. "I'd heard whispers to that effect."

Cullen's heart beat faster. "Who from?"

"Methven was blabbering away on his mobile as he came in," said Buxton. "Don't think he saw me."

"Yeah, he does that," said Cullen. "Did he say anything else?"

"He asked someone what the date was," said Buxton.

Cullen frowned. "First of April."

Buxton laughed. "April Fool, mate."

Cullen clenched his fists. "You twat."

"At least you know you'll still be in SCD," said Buxton.

"Yeah, whatever," said Cullen. "You must be pissed off still being an ADC."

"Better than being on the beat, mate."

Cullen headed up to the canteen, worrying about what the day would hold.

DCI Turnbull's staff briefing was held at seven, before the bulk of the operational briefings.

Cullen sat in the third row, clutching his second coffee of the morning, the first not having quite hit the mark. Looking around, he noticed a few faces from his stint at St Leonard's lurking at the back of the room.

Turnbull cleared his throat and brought them to order. "Briefings such as these are happening, right now, all over Scotland. This is an exciting dawn, the first steps in a brave new direction."

The current Lothian & Borders logo filled the screen behind him. Turnbull clicked a button on the small device he held, making the logo shrink down and move to the top.

Buxton leaned towards Cullen and whispered in his ear. "Death by bloody PowerPoint, mate."

"Tell me about it."

"Brave steps my arse," said Buxton. "It's a load of bollocks. My mate in the Met reckons Turnbull is getting a DCS gig down there."

"He's just a DCI, though," said Cullen.

"Just passing on what I hear."

Cullen didn't know whether to believe it or not.

Turnbull was having difficulty with his clicker. Eventually, two boxes filled the bottom of the screen with arrows splitting out from
Lothian & Borders
.

"The first big change is that Edinburgh City is now a key division in the Police Scotland East structure, discrete from Lothians & Scottish Borders, now a separate regional division."

He talked for a few minutes about how the move would give more local accountability and national consistency before clicking again. The presentation switched to a busy slide entitled
The future of CID...
, filled with text in such a small font that Cullen couldn't quite read it.

"The next big change will impact most people in the room," said Turnbull. "CID will be radically overhauled. This is not just a fresh lick of paint, either. There will be those who remain in the first-response CID units in the Divisional areas, but most officers will move into the central Major Investigation Team structure in SCD."

The slides switched and showed a blank page, with
Edinburgh MIT Structure
appearing at the top. Turnbull clicked and his name flew in from the left, sitting top middle.

Cullen had to read it twice.

Detective Superintendent Jim Turnbull.

Cullen's stomach fluttered again - if Turnbull could be promoted, then surely he could?

"As of this morning, I will be heading up the Edinburgh MIT," said Turnbull. "I will report into DCS Carolyn Soutar, head of the MITs nationwide. The bulk of officers from the Torphichen Street, St Leonard's and Leith Walk CID units will be merging under my command and will be based here in Leith Walk."

Turnbull clicked again. "My number two will be DCI Alison Cargill."

Another promotion.

The next click brought in a row of three names. "DCI Pieters now takes the grade of DI in the new structure alongside DI Alistair Davenport from St Leonard's and Colin Methven from Leith Walk, now a full DI."

Sharon swore under her breath, loud enough for Cullen to hear.

"There is, of course, a vacancy for a fourth DI," said Turnbull.

Cullen turned to face Sharon again - she raised her eyebrows.

Turnbull clicked and names appeared one by one. "At the DS level, we have Bryan Holdsworth in the Admin Officer role, then Sharon McNeill and Catriona Rarity, both from Leith Walk, and Brian McMann from DI Davenport's team. DS McKern will be taking early retirement and-"

Turnbull clicked but nothing happened.

The butterflies in Cullen's stomach were doing somersaults.

Click.

"Finally, DS Bill Lamb from East Lothian will be the fourth DS."

Cullen couldn't believe it.

"Moving on," said Turnbull, "we have the DCs."

The screen changed, now showing a hierarchy of DCs reporting to DSs. Cullen, Chantal and Buxton worked for Rarity now.

Cullen stared open-mouthed at the screen. His extra stripe had gone. No-one had the courtesy to brief him in advance.

Idiot.

He barely took in the rest of the structure. Stuart Murray from Lamb's team was in, alongside another face from Cullen's past, Eva Law.

Turnbull's next slide covered the officers moving to the local CID and was just noise to Cullen. He was publicly humiliated. He looked around the room, trying to see who was pointing at him and laughing.

Idiot.

Why did he think his tenure was going to be made permanent? All the chat with Buxton, how assured he was. He thought he'd arrived.

Naïve.

Turnbull looked around the room, but Cullen felt he received more focus than others.

So much for being a
rising star
.

"I appreciate this will be disappointing for some of you," said Turnbull, "but all I ask is you behave in a professional manner. These are straitened times and, while you might not get the stripes just now, you will get experience that will help in future." His eyes settled on Cullen. "Dismissed."

Cullen got up, ready to head God knows where. Anywhere to hide his shame.

Sharon grabbed his arm. "Breakfast?"

Cullen nodded, realising how desperately he needed to talk.

"Reckon you'll get the DI vacancy?" said Chantal.

Sharon shrugged. "I doubt it. Might be someone from another force."

Cullen was sitting in silence while they prattled, still reeling from shock. There was so much he needed to get out of his head. When Sharon asked if he wanted breakfast, he thought it would be just the pair of them, but then she'd invited Buxton and Chantal along.

Why had no one told him? Was he just a name on a spreadsheet?

Methven must have known beforehand. He'd had at least two opportunities in the previous forty-eight hours to let Cullen know and he'd dodged it.

This was his reward for all the hours he'd put in over the years, letting others take the credit for his results. The only
possible
explanation was they'd had their hands full with the enforced retirements and making sure the St Leonard's officers were properly briefed, so they avoided formal grievances with HR.

As he watched Sharon talk to Chantal, he just wanted to speak to her. He deeply regretted the way he'd reacted the previous night, clamming up like that.