Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends (26 page)

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Authors: M.T. Pope

BOOK: Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends
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Alex’s Epilogue
 
Starting Fresh
 
“Good-bye, Cali.” I sat back in my seat on a plane, waiting for the plane to take off. Ashley and I were headed back to Baltimore. Life pretty much went back to normal after all of that went down out here almost two years ago. Or as normal as it could get. Both Ashley and I graduated with our degrees in college and in life. Outside of my degree, I learned a lot about myself and life. I learned that when you go searching for things you really never know what you are going to get into. The people that I have met over the last few years have changed me in profound ways. I thought I was looking for a lost father, but I found out that what I was looking for I already had in me, as my newfound grandmother said:
“You are your father. You carry pieces of him with you and you didn’t even know it. I’m talking about the way you walk, the way you talk. You nosy as can be. Your father was quick-minded and so are you.” I smiled and looked on in amazement. I loved this lady and haven’t even known her that long.
She continued, “I know you told me that you were looking for his family for medical reasons, but I can tell you that you will get what you will get medically. God knows you can handle it and he got you whatever may come. I’m a witness, baby. God is good. He‘ll be good to you. Keep on living and you will see.”
I was so glad for each and every thing that happened here. The good, the bad and the downright ugly. I can say that I have seen some things and made it through it. When think about my biological grandfather, I wish that things didn’t turn out the way they did. But there is a season and a reason for everything. It may not seem right at the time, but one day it will. He seemed crazy, but I knew that there was a hurt man in there screaming for help, but too prideful to get help. Having secrets will do that to a person. Thinking we can fix everything, we hold it in until it festers and then we pass it on to our offspring unknowing. Loose ends are a mutha. You never know who you are affecting when you keeping quiet about your secrets. But we made it. The Black family made it. My sister was a prime example of what can happen with loose ends, but she too made it, with God’s help.
I watched as Ashley progressed into a new woman. Over the last two years Ashley and I became closer than ever. She had totally stopped having sex with women and had been on a few dates with some men. At first, it was hard to swallow, but I knew that if anybody could change a person, God could and Ashley was a proven witness of God’s ability.
But before we left California we both had long private conversations with my grandmother and we were told not to discuss it with each other and that is a vow we both keep to this day. It was a stretch for my inquisitive self, but I did. Sadly, my grandmother passed away at the ripe age of seventy-two. We had only known her for two years but we would visit her often and she would tell us all about our father and how we were some much like him. She would cook us dinner and would watch some home movies she had of James. There were only a few and they were short in length, but I got a glimpse of James/Jerry, his father and mother, when he was very, very young. They looked like a happy family, but that was only in the few minutes we got to see it. No one knew the secrets lurking in the shadows, but we would all experience the backlash from them. We all would reach back and look at it and say,
But God. But God. But God
.
“But God, but God, but God.” I mumbled and smiled to myself as I looked out of the window next to me. Life has its ups and down, but I knew that all and all it would be all right. I would be all right. When I get off of the plane in Baltimore, I don’t know exactly what is going to happen or what I am going to do but I am sure going to make the best of it.
Wallace’s Epilogue
 
Alive and Well
 
I sat in my car and cried tears; tears of joy, tears of sorrow and tears of gladness. Today was the day that the sign for my restaurant was being put up. I was finally the owner of my own business. It wasn’t a dream anymore. It was now a reality. I sat in awe and watched as the workers put up each individual letter. It was an experience to remember.
“Park’s Place.” I smiled real hard. That was the name I named my restaurant. “This for you baby.” I looked up toward heaven and smiled even harder. I knew my baby was smiling down on me.
I found out from a personal conversation with Mama Jones all I wanted to know about James. The conversation we had over the phone a couple of days after we left her seventieth birthday celebration gave me some very good insight into James’s past: his early years.
“Good morning, Ms. Jones.” I spoke in a mild tone. I was sitting in my room in a corner with a picture of James in one hand and the phone in another. “Do you have a couple of minutes to talk?” It was a Saturday morning and I was off from work. I still had on my boxers and socks. I hadn’t even cooked anything to eat. I had a dream about James last night. It was like he was telling me to call his mother and get the truth from her. I knew what other people had told me about him, but as the saying goes, “Mama knows best.” I am sure she knew him better than anybody.
“Yes, baby. I have some time to talk.” Her tone was just as pleasant as it was when I first met her. “You want to know about James I figure?”
“Yes ... yes, ma’am.”
“What is it that you want to know about Jerry?” She livened up a little.
“Well, Ms. Jones.” All types of questions were flooding my brain. The one that would be first wasn’t an easy pick.
“Call me Mama.”
Mama?
That threw me a little. I wasn’t expecting that. I knew that she was a Christian woman and most Christians didn’t condone homosexuality or the marriage of two men. She never judged me though. So I’m assuming that it was for the love of God and her son that she treating me with such love.
“Okay ... Mama. Did James have anger problems as a child or a destructive nature?”
“Wallace, Jerry evolved over time. Like I told everyone else, and I’ll tell you the same. Jerry was a mild-mannered child as a kid. He was giving, loving and playful. He was very affectionate as well. But, I noticed early on that he was passive-aggressive, something I am myself. He had his bouts of anger, but you had to push him to it. It was never something he just did. Most of the time he would get teased in school because he was so quiet. We would talk about it, when I got the chance, but Jerry would always be the bigger person and try to befriend people in spite of the negativity they pushed his way. Now he was no angel, let me say that. He had a smart mouth on him and that didn’t help. But he was honest and considerate. Son, what I am trying to say is that you knew Jerry as you knew Jerry. Yes, he hid some things from us all. But, one thing is sure. He loved and lived. He didn‘t have a picture- perfect ending. That doesn‘t mean that he didn‘t touch lives. He touched yours. It‘s not one’s beginning, middle, or end that defines the life of a person. But if you can say that you loved with everything in you and fell, but got back up to love again, than you are blessed. Wallace, don‘t mourn for my son any longer. His life is an example. Take from it what you will. But you can‘t discount the love. He chose to let God love on him through another individual. Enjoy your memories of him. Never let anyone dilute them. You understand?”
“Yes, ma’am. I understand.”
“Good, son. Now get yourself in church and live your life. Let God’s love reign in your heart still. It’s the only thing that is worth anything. Love is the blood of your soul and spirit. It keeps you warm when this world gets oh so cold.”
“Yes, ma’am. I agree.”
“Good, now Mama got to get off this phone and head on out. Keep in touch, son.”
“Good day, Mama.” I hung up that phone so refreshed and enlightened. I finally can move on with my life and live.
Tap ... tap ... tap.
I was broken out of my daze by the Mexican guy that was installing my signage.
“All done.” He smiled at me. I smiled back as I got out my car and looked up at the bright red letters. I pulled out my phone and took a few pictures to send out to family and friends.
I walked up to the door and used my thumb on the finger reader to open the door and I flicked on the lights and the place lit up like stars shining at night. It wasn’t huge, but it was mine. All mines. You see, after my father passed away and was buried, we found out in his will he left us all some money. I used my inheritance to do what I want to do all my life: Open my own restaurant. It was really ironic that he tried to make me do what he wanted me to do, but him dying brought it to fruition anyhow. It just taught me that dreams of a true believer can be deferred a little, but if they hold on long enough it will come to pass.
After I secured the doors to my new establishment, I made my way over to the graveyard to have a talk with my father. It was a talk that we should have had when he was alive, but he pushed me away thinking it was for my good.
It was breezy day and the wind pushed me around a little as I made my way through the cemetery toward his plot.
“Wassup, Pop.” I played it cool, like I wanted to do when he was alive. I always wanted a good relationship with my father. A father-and-son bond is what all boys dream of. I didn’t get it, but I decided against being bitter about it toward him now, standing in front of his burial plot.
“How’s it going?” I knew there wouldn’t be an answer back, but I did it anyway.
My mom had put a real picture of him on his headstone. It was a picture of our family. We looked happy. I thought we were.
“Dad, I’m opening up my restaurant soon. I know it’s not what you wanted for me, or maybe it was. From what I was told you were trying to save me from being like you, but I guess I will never understand that. I forgive you. I really do. You did the best you could with what you had. I see that now.”
I breathed out and looked around at all the leaves and loose debris the wind was blowing around. It was nice to be alive. It was nice to have a family again, minus my father. I missed James, but that too will pass. They say it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. That was so true. In this case, I didn’t lose. I actually got my family back looking for what I lost.
I walked slowly back to my car, whistling the whole way. I was a happy man indeed. I felt so free ... so alive.
Ashley’s Epilogue
 
The Promise
 
As the plane taxied down the runway and lifted off of the ground into the air, I thought about the last couple of years. It was a mess. I was a mess and I barely made it out with my life. I looked over at Alex who had this huge smile on his face. He was still goofy, but I loved his butt. He was my right-hand man. I treated him some kind of terrible. I was a real piece of work. But that was then, this is now. I am changed. It wasn’t an overnight process I tell you. It took lots of prayer, from my three grandmothers, me and, I know, my parents as well. I was done with women. Yeah, most people don’t think it’s possible to change up, but I am a living witness to it. God can do anything, as long as you are willling to give it over to him. He not gonna take something you want to hold on to. You got to want to let it go. And sure enough, I did. It wasn’t the lifestyle for me. It wasn’t a lifestyle period. It was hell. One bad situation to the next. Being with a man ain’t easy, but put two women in a relationship together and it is mass chaos.
Almost losing my life wasn’t the only factor that changed my attitude and mindset. It was the conversation by grandmother had with me days before she died that persuaded me to get my act together and fly right, permanently.
“Baby girl, you got to promise me you not end up like your father. Bitter toward people for the wrong they did to ya. You got to let it go. You got to take the chance that God has given you and make something of it. Make me proud. Make Jerry proud. Make your parents proud. But most of all ... make you proud. Hold your head up, baby. You special and don‘t let nobody tell ya different. God chastises those that he loves. Baby, that little scar on your head is God’s love on ya. It’s not a reminder of the gunshot wound. It‘s a reminder of His love. Just for you. You understand?”
“Yes, ma’am.” I smiled as she reached over and rubbed my head right where the scar was located. Her touch was so gentle. “I understand.”
“Now baby, I’m not no judge or no jury, but you know you need to leave that foolish lifestyle behind ya. God got some blessings with your name on it. That wonderful voice you got there is gonna be an instrument for Him. I have seen what it did to the people in the church. God don’t make no junk or mistakes. You got to use it honey. God don’t take stuff back, so you have no choice but to use it. Don’t let the devil lie to you and tell you different. You healed of your sins. You got the blessings in your belly. Use them, baby. Use them. Your voice is your weapon. I am so glad God brought me you two. I thought I lost my only son, just to find out that God had triple the blessings in store for me. I wish it wasn’t so late in my life, but God is God.
“Ashley, baby.” She paused and softly wiped her thumb across my cheek. She gazed deep in my eyes and I in hers. I felt a connection so deep. It was pure love. It was God’s love. I knew it. It radiated like none other. It pierced my heart and tears flooded my eyes. “Repent and turn away. Never look back. Never.”
“I won’t, Grandma. I won’t.” She pulled me into her arms. “I promise.”
I laid there in her arms for at least an hour. It was a promise that I was going to keep.
No looking back
.
I really didn’t have a clue as to what I was going to do career-wise when I got off of this plane, but I knew one thing. I was going to keep my promise to her, but not just for her but for the people counting on me and my testimony.
“I promise!” I whispered to myself as I placed the headphones on that the airline gives you. I put my head back and smiled, because I knew I was blessed to have made it this far. The sky is the limit for me and with God, I will supersede that as well.

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