Borrowed Magic (18 page)

“I was furious and demanded my son, but
Lydia insisted he was dead. I believed her because I thought I had
the ability to…convince her to tell the truth.”

Which also killed her.

“Imagine how I felt when I discovered twenty
years later that my son hadn’t died, that my childhood friend had
hidden him all those years.”

Maren scowled. “My father is not the reason
you’re destroying Tredare.”

Kern laughed. “No. I already took care of
him.”

He might as well have struck her.

“But if you want to know my reasons for
destroying a kingdom, I have to start at the beginning. And that is
the beginning.”

“My father hides Philip and then you kill
Daric’s parents?” she asked. “I think there are a few missing
pieces.”

He paused. “Did you know I had a younger
brother?”

No, she didn’t know that.

“He was a very gifted mage. Even before he
was twelve, he was doing things that were unthinkable. In good
ways…but mostly in bad. At the time, I was horrified.”

Her scorn must have shown.

“Yes, Maren. I was horrified. Do you think I
was always the person I am now? No, I was naïve and trusting. I
didn’t believe him when he said power was the only thing that
mattered.

“My brother had that power. Daric’s father,
seeing how talented he was, made him Chief Mage of Tredare. It was
a huge honor. And they became friends. Over time, I watched my
brother’s power grow, watched him turn into someone I didn’t
recognize. He only laughed when I confronted him, insisting I
didn’t know what I was talking about and that in order to survive
in this world, in order to get ahead, certain lines needed to be
crossed.

“And then came a day I will never forget.
I’d been married just over a year. Half of the King’s Guard were
found dead in their beds. There wasn’t a mark on them and magic was
immediately blamed even though there was no indication of magic.
Only my brother had that kind of power. He assured Daric’s father
he hadn’t done it, appealing to a friend, even pointing out the
evidence exonerating him – which was actually quite persuasive –
but the king didn’t listen. Instead, he bowed to the pressure of
his Lords and executed my brother a week later.”

Maren still didn’t feel sorry for Kern. Or
his brother. He probably had killed all those guards.

“As you can imagine,” Kern said, “I was
furious. I wanted justice. But there was nothing I could do. I had
magic, a good deal of it, but I hadn’t honed it as my brother had.
I realized he’d been right all along. I needed power, and lines had
to be crossed. So I trained.”

And he changed. His wife saw it and was
frightened enough to hide their only son.

“It took years, but eventually I was
powerful enough. I killed Daric’s parents. I got justice for my
brother.”

“And then Daric captured you and trapped you
in that tomb,” she said.

“For which I murdered his son and will
destroy his kingdom. What better revenge could I want?”

She climbed to her feet and met his gaze.
“If you hoped that story would make me feel sorry for you, you
failed. One wrong deed doesn’t warrant another. It doesn’t solve
anything.”

“You can judge me all you want, but how is
Daric any different? He trapped me because of what I did to his
parents. Revenge, either way.”

He was right. As much as she hated to admit.
He was also wrong. “Maybe the driving force for both your actions
is the same, but at least Daric didn’t allow it to turn him into
something sick and evil and terrible. I don’t know how Philip can
even be your son. He’s everything you aren’t. Honorable. Good.
Capable of caring.”

Kern laughed. “So was I –
once. And it hasn’t helped him any more than it helped me. He’s
just as deceived as everyone else. The only difference is that
Philip
is
my son.
As long as you don’t interfere, he’ll live to one day be
king.”

“Over what?” she cried. “A destroyed people?
That’s no kingdom.”

His features hardened. “It’s power, and that
matters more than everything else.”

Anger burned within her. “You’re wrong.
Life, freedom, prosperity. People sacrifice for those things. They
die for them.” She backed towards the door. “You won’t get away
with this.”

“And who’s going to stop me?” He advanced
towards her. “You?”

She took another step back but didn’t look
away. “If I can.” Then she turned and reached for the doorknob.

“You’re forgetting one thing.” His breath
was hot against the back of her neck and she froze, remembering why
she’d come in the first place, why she was so desperate. She spun
around, only to be pushed back against the door.

“You’re forgetting that you aren’t going to
have a choice. You aren’t going to be able to think or plan or
remember.”

“Please, no,” she begged. But it was already
too late.

Nineteen

Maren walked
through the halls of the castle in confusion. She’d woken in a
strange bed, felt as if her body had been beaten and hadn’t had
time to heal, and some woman she’d never met but who seemed vaguely
familiar came in and brought her breakfast and helped her dress.
She’d cautiously stepped through her doorway a few minutes later.
More people, who something told her she should recognize but
didn’t, passed her in the hall. Most greeted her as if they knew
who she was. She pretended she did. But now she didn’t know what to
do or where to go.

“Maren?”

A man walked towards her. She recognized him
but couldn’t remember from where. She only knew she should be
afraid and took a step back.

Pain so intense she couldn’t breathe coursed
through her. And then she knew. Lord Teige. No. Kern, disguised as
Teige. He raised a single brow, and a hint of amusement covered his
face.

“Wandering a little earlier than
normal?”

Her mind spun in confusion. Normal? She’d
done this before? Wisps of memory hovered at the edges of her
consciousness, but she couldn’t seem to grasp them.

Kern took a step closer. “It’s all right,
Maren. You’ve been forgetting a lot lately.”

She rubbed her hands on her forehead.
Something was very wrong.

“Everyone’s gathered downstairs to watch the
troop demonstration. Shall we?”

He held out an arm, but she didn’t take it.
Some part of her didn’t want to.

“Maren, take my arm.”

She felt an uncomfortable pressure in her
head and then placed her hand on his.

“Here’s what’s going to happen today.” Kern
patted her hand reassuringly as he led her down the hall. “We’re
going to join the others, and you’re going to act as if you
recognize them. You’re going to watch the demonstration with me.
You will cheer and smile when everyone else does. If anyone asks
you a question, answer the best you can. If you’re ever confused,
just complain of a headache or that you’re not feeling well.
They’ve all been very understanding about your illness and its
effects.”

He stopped and turned to face her.

“There’s only one more thing, but it’s the
most important. There’s a man named Philip who will be there. You
don’t like him. You don’t want to be near him. You want to make him
hate you. Don’t talk to him. Don’t let him ask you questions. Do
you understand?”

She nodded mechanically but something about
Kern’s mention of Philip made her chest ache.

When they walked out onto the lawn a crowd
was already gathered, and her confusion grew. Faces swarmed around
her that she knew. Only she didn’t. Kern led her to where a lady
and a man stood.

The woman smiled and put her arms around
her. “I’m glad you felt well enough to come.”

This woman loved her. Maren knew it, even
without memories. The feeling somehow transcended that. She knew
this woman was her friend, that they were close, and that Maren
would do anything for her.

The man took her hands. She felt that same
sense of love she had from the woman.

“It’s good to see you,” the man said. “Adare
and I have been so worried.”

Adare. That was the lady’s name.

The man helped her to a chair next to Adare.
“We’re just waiting for Philip before we begin.”

Her heart did that strange ache thing again
when she heard Philip’s name. Why did she want him to hate her?

“Are we still riding this afternoon, Your
Majesty?” Kern asked as he sat down next to her.

Her breath caught. The man was the king?
Then Adare was the queen. She was loved by the king and queen? She
was their friend? Her breath started coming too quickly. She
couldn’t process everything. She didn’t know what was real.
Everything was hazy and confusing and…

“Maren.” Kern’s breath was on her neck.
“Maren, it’s all right. Calm down. Act like you’re enjoying
yourself.”

She didn’t want to. She
wanted to run away. She wanted to be alone. To think. But she
couldn’t. She
had
to stay. Kern had told her to.

“Ah, there’s Philip. It’s time to start.”
The king pointed as a man led a group of soldiers onto the
field.

Maren barely noticed them. Her eyes were
focused on the man in charge. Of all the faces she’d seen today,
his was the most familiar. She wanted to watch him. She wanted to
get out of her seat and run to him. He could help her. He could
explain what was going on. She didn’t even realize she’d started to
stand when a hand clamped around her arm.

“No,” Kern whispered. “You want him to hate
you. You will not talk to him. You won’t even look at him.”

Her head screamed resistance, but she
couldn’t resist. She pulled her eyes away from Philip and tried to
focus on the soldiers. Eventually she leaned back in her chair and
pretended to watch. She clapped when everyone else did. She managed
a few weak laughs.

When it was over, everyone moved onto the
field. She followed, staying as close to Kern as possible. She
didn’t want to. She wanted to get away from him. But even stronger
was a desire to do everything he asked, to have him tell her
exactly what to do and where to go and how to act. It was less
confusing that way. Easier.

Until they reached Philip. Then nothing was
easy. The same desire to run to him almost overcame her, but Kern’s
orders were stronger. Her head pounded, and the one time she tried
to look Philip’s way, pain shot down her arm. She didn’t try again.
Even though she knew he was watching her.

“Philip,” Kern clapped him on the shoulder
and smiled. “Wonderful. Now you need to take a break and come
riding with Daric and me. I haven’t seen you in over a week.”

They were friends? Why did Kern want his
friend to hate her?

“I’ve been too busy, but I’ll come with you
today.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Philip
run a hand through his hair.

“I think I deserve it.”

Someone else claimed Philip’s attention, and
she once again followed Kern through the crowd, feeling like a
trapped animal. No matter where she looked there was a sea of
strangely-familiar faces but no way out. And even though being by
Kern sent fear through her, leaving him was worse. Impossible.

She couldn’t bring herself to eat when Kern
handed her a plate. When Adare sat down next to her, she didn’t
know what to say, and only nodded and offered short answers to her
questions. Which didn’t seem to surprise Adare, but she didn’t say
anything, just kept talking – and looking worried.

When everyone was finished, Kern helped her
to her feet and they walked towards the castle.

“Teige!” The king and Philip headed towards
them. “Twenty minutes?”

“Perfect,” Kern said. “I just need to take
Maren to her room. She’s tired.”

The king smiled at her. “Could I borrow him
for one moment first? There’s something important I need his
opinion on. Philip can stay and keep you company.”

She glanced at Kern. He didn’t say anything
in front of the king, but he did send her his own kind of warning.
“That would be fine.”

She was alone with Philip, and she couldn’t
forget Kern’s words. She couldn’t talk to Philip. She couldn’t look
at him. He needed to hate her.

“Maren, are you all right?”

“I…” Emotions she didn’t understand warred
inside her mind pulling her back and forth, only adding to her
confusion. He placed a hand on her arm and she shivered.

“I just want to help,” he insisted. “We used
to be friends.”

She wanted him to help. She wanted to be his
friend. Instead she stepped away. “I’m tired.”

She heard him let out a frustrated breath
and felt his hesitation. “Why don’t you let me walk you upstairs?
I’ll let Teige know you’re all right.”

“No!” She tried to back away, but he grabbed
her arms and almost shook her.

“What is the matter?” The desperation in his
voice clutched at her heart. “Why are you afraid? Tell me the
truth.”

She struggled but his hold only got
stronger.

“Maren, I can’t bear to see you like this.
Look at me.”

She shook her head and he finally released
her. “I want to help. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t
understand why you chose Teige.” He paused. “But I can deal with
that. What I can’t bear is seeing you like this. I know you’re
dying—”

She gasped, and he reached out a hand that
quickly dropped back to his side.

“You’re still afraid. Whether it’s real or
imagined, I don’t know anymore. But—”

“Maren?”

She jumped at the sound of Kern’s voice.

“Is everything all right?”

“Please, I’d like to rest.”

He turned to Philip. “Tell Daric I’ll be
ready in ten minutes.” Then he put his arm around her and led her
away.

She had to stay here until Kern came back.
But she was scared. If she said the wrong thing, he’d punish her.
She just wanted to be alone. She wanted to close her eyes, to shut
out the haziness all around her…