Borrow Trouble (5 page)

“W
oman, have you lost your mind? You don't know a damn thing about this Leon Webb,” Inez said two days after the night she'd taken me to the Victory Club. She and I were the only ones in her nail shop. She had closed for the day but had agreed to give me a manicure after hours. “Now here you are planning to spend the weekend with him! What about poor Robbie?” Inez asked, filing my nails so hard, it hurt. I didn't complain or even flinch, because she never charged me to do my nails.

“Forget about poor Robbie. What about
poor
me! Look, you are the one who made me go out to meet other men so that I could be sure I wanted to marry Robbie. And that's what I did. If I don't like Leon and decide I still want to marry Robbie, that's my business.”

“I don't like this Leon. If I were you, I'd stay as far away from him as I could get. He's not what you think. Trust me.”

“Do you know something that I don't know?” I asked, puzzled. Inez had been acting like a fool ever since I'd told her about Leon. She had been making off-the-wall comments about him and trying to divert my attention.

“I know a lot of things that you don't know,” Inez said in a mysterious tone of voice. She blew on my nails for a few seconds. Then she started filing them again, twice as rough as before. This time I did flinch and yell out in pain, but she ignored me and started buffing my nails like she was shining the shoes on the feet of a man she didn't like.

“Do you know Leon Webb?” I wanted to know.

“Um…yeah. As a matter of fact, I do know him, and he's not your type. He's a friend of my cousin Earl, the one who has been in and out of jail half his life. You remember Earl, the pimp and drug dealer.” Inez kept buffing my nails, glancing at my face every other second.

“But Leon went to Morehouse,” I said thoughtfully, defending a man I knew very little about.

“So? There are a lot of educated thugs out there,” Inez insisted.

“Well, is Leon a pimp and a drug dealer, too? Like your cousin Earl?”

“Not that I know of,” Inez admitted. “But he's not for you. Trust me,” she added, as she narrowed her eyes and gave me a quick nod.

“Do me a favor, and let me worry about Leon. I am still a single woman. And I am a grown woman. I can make my own decisions,” I said firmly.

“But, Renee—”

“But nothing,” I snapped, cutting Inez off. I snatched my hand out of hers. As far as I was concerned, the manicure and the conversation were over.

Leon wore suits and ties most of the time, and I liked that. And, he was very family oriented, one of the most important qualities that I looked for in a man. His wallet contained pictures of everybody, from his daughter to his elderly parents. He loved his family so much that tears formed in his eyes when he talked about them. His only brother, Stanley, had been killed in action during the Desert Storm War. His older sister, Carrie, a bitter divorcée who had packed up her three kids and left them on her ex-husband's doorstep, now lived with his elderly parents in West Cleveland. There was a look of sadness on Leon's face when he talked about how he was ready to settle down. And how he hoped that that would happen, before he turned thirty. He was currently twenty-nine. I didn't tell him, but I was hoping to do the same thing.

Leon didn't take me to the fancy restaurant like he had promised when I agreed to spend the weekend with him at his house. But that didn't bother me at all. His house was the kind that I had been dreaming about living in all of my life: a cozy four-bedroom brick sanctuary on a quiet, tree-lined street occupied by professional people. He took me on a tour of his house, leading me by the hand. Every room in his house had the same thick beige carpeting. Each piece of furniture looked new and expensive. I was glad to see that Leon was also a neat housekeeper. Robbie's shabby apartment, situated on a dead-end street between a greasy rib joint and a place that sold fishing worms, always looked like a train wreck.

As soon as I stumbled back into Leon's spacious living room, he was all over me. He wrestled me down onto a plush brocade sofa, knocking a large potted plant off the end table to the floor, where the beige carpet was so thick, it felt like I had stepped onto a cloud.

“Oh, baby, I've been thinking about doing this all day,” he managed, rubbing my breasts. The only time that Robbie ever touched my breasts was when I climbed on top of him. Even after I'd done that, I still had to guide his hands.

I felt like I was made out of rubber in Leon's arms. I was so limp, he could have tied me in a knot. I swooned when he lifted me off the floor and carried me upstairs to his bedroom. He slowly undressed me, kissing me all over. When he ripped off my panties, I knew there was no turning back.

Robbie was an easy man to lie to. I didn't even have to put forth that much effort when I lied to him about why I had suddenly become so unavailable each time he wanted to take me to the Ponderosa Steakhouse or fishing. “I've been tutoring one of my students. The boy has potential, and I want to make sure he takes advantage of it.”

“That's nice, baby. I am so proud of you. I hope this boy and his folks appreciate the sacrifices you make. I sure do,” Robbie told me.

An hour after I got off the telephone with Robbie, I was back in Leon's bed, wallowing on his satin sheets, and squealing like a stuck pig.

The more I saw of Leon, the more Inez protested. “I don't want you to get hurt, Renee,” she said the next time I stepped into her shop.

“What is your problem?” I yelled, grabbing an opened can of Diet Pepsi out of her hand and taking a sip.

“I have a lot more experience with men than you,” she reminded.

“Tell me about it,” I hissed, finishing her soda with a loud burp.

“I've made a lot of mistakes, and I've learned from my mistakes. I just don't want to see you get hurt.” Inez started dragging a broom across the floor, her eyes still on me.

“Then stay out of my business,” I said casually, tossing the empty soda can into a trash can by the door.

Inez stopped sweeping and placed one hand on her hip, shaking a finger in my direction. “You make it my business when you ask me to lie for you when Robbie or your mama calls looking for you, girl. You make it my business when you have Leon pick you up from my house so your nosy neighbors won't see you crawling in and out of another man's car so they can run and tell Robbie.”

“Let me make one thing clear. When I want your advice, I will ask for it. In the meantime, stop wasting your breath. Leon wants to be with me, and I want to be with him,” I said, holding up my hand. I guess my girl didn't want to talk to my hand, because she dropped the subject.

Inez was the only one who knew about my relationship with Leon so far. But it wasn't long before the neighborhood busybodies saw me and him out together and started blabbing.

The following Saturday morning, my telephone rang at six a.m. “You just like your Aunt Denise!” To my everlasting horror, it was Mama. I'd grabbed the phone on the first ring, hoping that it would not disturb Leon. He looked like a man who didn't want his sleep interrupted. I had never seen a person sleep the way he did. His face was frozen in a frown so extreme that his lips looked like a horseshoe. He was curled up in my bed, with his arm around my waist. I preferred to be with Leon at his house. There was no comparison between his nice place and my tiny apartment, which I'd furnished with odds and ends from thrift stores, yard sales, and dollar stores.

“Mama, is that you?” I asked, whispering. I was so groggy, I could barely see.

“What's wrong with you, girl?” Mama asked, her voice full of her usual impatience and nerve. She stopped talking long enough to suck on her teeth. “You know doggone well who this is, gal!” Mama hollered loud and clear. My mother hollered a lot, but I overlooked it because I knew that all the hollering she did was out of love and concern. She had made it clear that no matter how old I got to be, to her, I'd always be one of her babies.

“Good morning, Mama,” I muttered, rising. I was not comfortable talking to my mother while I was naked and lying next to a naked man. I pulled the sheet up to my chin.

“You are going to end up just like your aunt Denise: old and as lonesome as a micky ficky. You can't clown men like you doing, girl! Robbie ain't no fool. He ain't going to settle for whatever nasty hind parts you got left when that IRS scalawag takes off.”

“I know, Mama,” I said, trying to keep my voice low enough for Leon not to hear.

“It's just a matter of time before Mr. IRS realizes all he's got by having you is a woman who cheats on her man. And poor Robbie! He's going to ball up and die when he finds out he's being played.”

“Mama, may I call you back later? I can't talk right now,” I said, sitting up on the side of the bed, my feet dangling. I could hear Mama and my twelve-year-old sister, Frankie, mumbling in the background.

“You better get yourself sorted out girl. I am telling you that that Dunbar boy ain't no fool. Poor Robbie! It would serve you right if he came up to you and snatched that nice engagement ring off your finger. And you setting a bad example for your baby sister.”

“You're right, Mama. Like you always are.” There was nothing like agreeing with Mama to calm her down. “Mama, I will call you later, and we can talk more about this,” I insisted. “I love you, Mama.”

“I love you, too, baby,” Mama said, her voice much softer. She sounded like a totally different woman now. “Do you want me to come over there and cook up a mess of greens? I ain't got nothing to do today.”

“That's all right, Mama. I'll call you back later,” I replied, hanging up.

“What's up, baby?” Leon asked, sitting up. His arm was still around my waist. He placed his long, muscular legs on top of mine. “Who was that on the telephone?”

“My mama. You know how old people are,” I replied, with a heavy sigh, waving my hand.

“Unfortunately, I do,” Leon said, rolling his eyes. “I hide when I see my mama and daddy coming up on my front porch.” He laughed. “I hope we don't end up like them with our kids,” he added, giving me a playful tap on my chin.

His last comment opened the right door for me to reveal what was on my mind. “Uh, Leon, I don't know where this relationship is going, but I think it's something we need to talk about,” I said in a tentative voice. I held my breath and stared straight ahead. He was taking too long to respond, so I looked at him.

“Where do you want it to go?” he asked. Leon didn't look half as good when he was just waking up as he usually did. Without his neatly combed hair and suit, he was a fright. His hair was matted and full of lint that had rubbed off of my cheap bedspread, and his breath stank like horse shit. I didn't even want to think about how I looked, or smelled, after the long night we'd just spent drinking and fucking.

I shrugged. “I
am
engaged to marry another man. I've told you about Robbie Dunbar. If he doesn't know about you and me already, he will soon enough. If I lose him, and I wouldn't blame him for calling off the engagement, I'll be alone again. That is, if you decide to move on, too. And that's not where I want to be.” I paused and turned my head slightly to the side so that I didn't have to see Leon's face. But I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. I looked at him again and blinked.

“Why don't you tell me where you want to be?” Leon held up his hand. “Do you want to be with me?” His eyes were looking directly into mine.

“Of course. But are we going to take this to the next level, or is this it?”

“Girl, if you want me to marry you, just come out and say it.” He laughed.

“Is this a marriage proposal? You didn't say anything about love.” I looked away again, talking now like I was talking to myself. “I love you, and I've told you so, repeatedly. But you've never said it to me.”

At this point, Leon placed his hands on my shoulders and gently spun me around. “I love you, Renee. I would marry you in a minute if I thought that was what you wanted—”

“It is what I want!” I boomed.

“Well, before we do it, maybe I should at least meet your mama,” Leon decided. I had already met most of his family. I liked all of them, and as far as I could tell, they liked me, too. I knew that once Mama met Leon, she would come around. He was the most charismatic man I'd ever met.

Inez had made it clear that she would probably never accept Leon. That bothered me, but I ignored it as much as I could. Other than the fact that Leon had once been best friends with one of her thuggish relatives, I couldn't figure out why she didn't like him. But it was just as well, because Leon hated Inez just as much as she hated him.

And that was one thing that didn't seem like it was ever going to change.

A
s hard as it was to believe, I still had feelings for Robbie. But I knew in my heart that I could not spend the rest of my life with him. It wouldn't have been fair to him, and it wouldn't have been fair to me. He did next to nothing to excite me, and if that was already bothering me, I couldn't imagine how high I'd be climbing up a wall ten or fifteen years down the road. Compared to Leon, Robbie was from another planet.

There was never a dull moment with Leon. In addition to a regular weekly night out at the movies, Leon took me to dinner at least twice a week. Not to any of the greasy rib joints and cheap Ponderosa Steakhouses that Robbie used to take me to with coupons, but to five-star restaurants where the menus didn't show any prices. Then, to show off, I started cooking Leon's favorite foods for him. We both had ties to the Deep South, so we both loved greens, beans, corn bread, neck bones, ham hocks, and candied yams. Robbie was so indifferent, he didn't care if I fed him cold hot dogs or mud pies. And getting honest compliments from Robbie was as difficult as pulling a hen's teeth. The few times that I had tried to pry comments out of him about a new outfit or a new hairdo, he'd always said the same thing, “Baby, you look great!” Even when I knew I didn't.

I had never felt like I had a whole man with Robbie. He seemed more like a half. Because of that, I felt like I had to be a woman and a half just so we'd make a complete couple! I didn't have that problem with Leon.

I didn't have the heart to break off my relationship with Robbie in person. I took the coward's way out and called him up on the telephone. I had played it safe and waited another month, though. I felt badly about it, but I didn't want to let go of one man until I was sure I had the other one securely hooked.

“Robbie, I have something I need to talk to you about,” I began, clutching the telephone in the teachers' lounge. I had called him at his job at the gas station. Shirley Blake, a nosy busybody who taught first grade in the room right next to mine, walked in as soon as I got started. “Uh, Robbie, I might have to call you back,” I said, both my eyes on Shirley. As soon as she realized I was talking to a man, she came and stood right next to me. Like me, she was well into her twenties and had never been married.

“Ask your friend if he's got a friend,” Shirley whispered in my ear, the garlic on her breath almost melting the side of my face. Shirley was one of the most attractive women I knew, and one of the most desperate. She was so anxious to get married that she had already purchased a wedding gown—and didn't even have a steady boyfriend! Her beautiful shoulder-length black hair and soft delicate features had done her little good so far when it came to men. She had not had a date in over a year. Nobody knew what she did that turned men off. Robbie and I had had some interesting conversations, and a lot of laughs, about Shirley. I was going to miss that.

I covered the telephone receiver with my hand and gave Shirley a pleading look. “Do you mind? This is a private conversation,” I told her.

“Well, excuse me,” Shirley said in a loud, hostile voice, rotating her neck. She waved her hands, shook her head, and muttered under her breath as she rushed from the room.

I watched the entrance for a few seconds before I returned my attention back to Robbie. “Robbie, I need to tell you something,” I said, keeping my eye on the doorway.

“Was that Shirley Blake's voice I just heard?” Robbie asked dryly, about as interested in her as I was.

“Uh-huh.”

“She still looking for a man?”

“Every day.”

“Well, I hope she finds her another one soon.” Robbie laughed.

“Um, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about,” I stammered, turning my back to the door. I no longer cared who heard what I had to say to Robbie. With all of the gossips I knew, everybody would know about the breakup sooner or later, anyway.

“Talk to me,” Robbie ordered in a firm voice. He had never sounded this assertive before, so it stunned me for a few seconds. “Well, are you going to talk to me or not?” he said, sounding even more assertive.

I cleared my throat. “Robbie, there is another man in my life. It's pretty serious between us. Uh…and I wanted you to hear it from me,” I blurted.

“You are too late,” Robbie replied, now sounding as weak and passive as ever.

“Who told you?” I gasped.

“Who didn't? Your aunt Vicki that runs the produce stand told me. Your cousin Fred, who buys his gas at my station, he told me. Your mama told my mama, and then my mama told me. Your baby sister even told me.”

“Oh. Well, I am really sorry that you didn't hear it from me, Robbie.”

“So am I,” he said, sounding tired and disappointed.

“Robbie, I wanted to tell you myself way before now, but I didn't know how. I didn't want to hurt you.”

“You are a little too late for that, too. And to tell you the truth, I already knew about you and Leon before anybody else told me. I saw you and him coming out of that fancy restaurant on Price Street a couple of weeks ago, hugging, kissing and everything. I got the picture….”

“Oh. Um…I know you will find someone else,” I said quietly. “And I hope you will be happy with whomever that is. You're a good man, Robbie.”

“But not good enough for you.” Robbie's voice sounded so hopeless, I almost changed my mind.

“Robbie, don't do this to me, or yourself. I didn't plan to fall in love with another man. It just happened. But…I hope that…uh…you and I can still be friends.”

“I still love you, Renee. Whether I marry another woman or not, I will always have a place in my heart for you. You were my first love, and that's something I won't ever forget.”

“Robbie, I think we should end this conversation right now. You take care of yourself. Do you hear me?”

“You, too, Renee. And, uh, you tell that IRS henchman that if he don't treat you right, I'm going to whup his black ass.” Robbie laughed again. “Bye, Renee.”

It would not have done Robbie any good to try and talk me out of breaking up with him. I was a little disappointed that he didn't even try. Now I was glad that I'd severed the relationship. But I had no idea that my decision was going to come back to haunt the hell out of me.