Borrow Trouble (16 page)

“Have you seen or talked to him?” I asked.

“As soon as I found out what had happened to you, I went to see him. I told him that I'd told you everything. He was righteously pissed. But I didn't give a flying fuck. Now I
know
he won't be trying to make moves on me anymore.”

“Why did you come back down here?” I asked. “There's really nothing you can do for me now.”

“Because I knew you needed a friend to help you get through this mess. Who else was going to do it? As far as I am concerned, you are still my best friend. When you get home, I will do everything I can to help you get back into the swing of things. That's the least I can do.”

“I don't want you to pity me, Inez. I'll be fine,” I said.

Inez shook her head. “I don't pity you. You are the best friend I've ever had, and I want to be there for you again.”

I don't know what made me say what I said next. I didn't even believe the words as they rolled out of my mouth. “I wish I was more like you. I would not have been so quick to settle for Leon. I should have dated every man in sight.”

Inez gave me a long thoughtful look. “Why would you want to be like me?”

I shrugged. “At least I'd be happy.”

“You think I'm happy?” Inez guffawed. “You think fooling around with a lot of men makes me happy? Did you ever think that maybe the reason I do what I do is because I am unhappy, and I'm trying to hide it? You want to know what one of the few things in my life is that makes me happy?”

I blinked and shook my head.

“You,” Inez declared. “I never had any close female friends in my life until I met you. That's why I tried so hard to warn you about Leon. I guess I didn't try hard enough.”

“Yes, you did,” I rasped. “You did all you could do for me.”

I lost it first. I started crying, squawking like a crow. Inez was even worse. She burst into tears and cried so hard, I ended up consoling her.

I
nez stayed until visiting hours were over. I returned to my cell, feeling like a new woman, and in a way I was. I knew that I could never go back to being the same meek little housewife I'd been. I didn't know yet what I was going to do about my marriage.

Mama included some vague hints in her next two letters that Leon was thinking about getting a divorce, so there was a possibility that the outcome of my marriage was not going to be up to me, anyway. One thing that Mama had revealed in her letters was that Leon had agreed to let Cheryl stay with her until I returned. That didn't surprise me. I did believe that the man loved our daughter as much as he loved his other daughter, but he didn't have the patience to take care of two young girls on his own. He used to get nervous when both of the girls were in his presence. And that was even with me there taking care of most of their needs.

Another month dragged by, bringing me closer to my release date. But I was more depressed than ever. One of the inmates died in her cell while giving birth two and a half months early. When the guards and trustees found her the next morning, she was hanging sideways across her bed, with the dead baby dangling from between her thighs.

They were still cleaning up the mess when Luz strutted down the hall to my cell, with a familiar grin on her face.

“You have a visitor from America! Come about!” she hollered, clapping her hands like a trained seal.

I had received a letter from Inez telling me that she'd had some unexpected expenses, and because of that, she didn't know when she'd be able to visit me again. But I still assumed it was her.

“He's a nice-looking man,” Luz continued. “Nice blue suit.”

I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't think that any of my male relatives had scraped up the money for a ticket and a hotel, and gotten over their fear of something happening to them in the islands. There could be only one other man in a nice blue suit sitting in that visitors' room, waiting to see me: Leon. The way I felt about Leon now, I would have preferred a visit from Jose, or even Osama bin Laden.

“I don't know…I don't think I can see him,” I told Luz, wringing my hands. “He didn't come when I needed him, and it's way too late now,” I told her. I was feeling angry and sad at the same time. I was still angry at Leon for turning his back on me. I was sad because he still had an active role in my life, whether I wanted him to or not. I just didn't know how much of a role he was going to have in my future.

Luz gave me a puzzled look. “But he says he didn't see you for a long time before you got married….” Luz stopped when I gasped and stumbled forward. I almost knocked her down, trying to get to the visitors' room so fast.

He stood there in a blue suit, holding a wide-brimmed hat in his hand, grinning. He looked like a young country preacher. There was a part in his hair, on the side of his head, that was so wide, it looked like a divided highway. His receding hairline made it look even more countrified. The glare from the sun was as strong as ever, so I had to shade my eyes. But I would have known that bowlegged body anywhere.

“Robbie?” I choked, stumbling toward him. Luz helped me to a seat at the table before she disappeared. Robbie came around the table and embraced me.

“Renee, I know I am probably not the man you wanted to see, but I couldn't stay away no longer.” Robbie's smile was almost as bright as the sun, which had temporarily blinded me.

“Robbie, you didn't have to…I am so glad to see you.”

“Renee, Inez told me how Leon clowned you. I told her then, and I am telling you now, if you had called me the same day you called Leon to come down here and pay your fine, I would have been down here that night—lickety-split. There ain't no way in the world I would have left you down here in this place. Oh, I probably would have whupped the holy piss out of your little black ass once I got you home. And I probably would have never let you out of my sight again, but we could have worked through it.” Robbie smiled. For the first time, I realized how handsome he really was. He looked like an angel in my tortured eyes. Maybe it was because he had come to my aid that made him look so damned good to me now. It didn't matter. Robbie Dunbar never looked better in his life.

“Robbie, I am so sorry that things didn't work out between us. I know now that I made a big mistake breaking up with you for Leon.” I dropped my head and spoke, with my eyes on the floor. “You are worth five of him.” I looked up at Robbie. I kept a straight face because I didn't have the strength to smile at the moment.

“I feel you, Renee,” he said. The feelings that Robbie had for me were sincere. There was no doubt about that. And I felt and appreciated his feelings. I didn't care if I learned anything else from my nightmare, because I had learned how to be humble. This characteristic was going to be very important in my future.

I cleared my throat. “I was too blind to see that before. I don't know what's going to happen when I get home. But, I really don't know about you and me ever having a relationship again. I am going to need some time to sort out my life and my feelings.”

Robbie chuckled and waved his hand. “Girl, you ain't got to worry about me. I'm getting married next month.”

I managed a weak smile as I rolled my eyes. I was embarrassed.

“Oh, that's right. I forgot about you and that Mitchell woman,” I said, hoping I didn't sound too harsh. Despite the fact that I had learned how to be humble, I still didn't like the fact that a nice, sweet man like Robbie was going to end up with one of the biggest bitches in town.

“But me getting married won't stop us from being friends. I already told Janet that. I swear to God, she's such a good woman.” So Janet was the one he'd picked, not her identical twin, Jennifer, the bigger bitch in the Mitchell family. I still didn't like the idea of a nice, docile man like Robbie ending up in that family of shrews. They'd have him baby-sitting, washing dishes, baking cookies, and mopping floors every other day. Just like I would have done if I'd married him. The thought made me want to laugh, but I didn't.

“I need all of the friends I can get, Robbie.” I used to think that Leon was my best friend. But when the school board sent a registered letter addressed to me to our house, telling me that I'd been fired, Leon didn't even have the decency to send it to me himself. He sent it to Mama and had her send it to me. “I'm going to have to find a new job when I get home, and probably a place to stay.”

“Well, I bought out my uncle, and now the gas station is mine. Mine and Janet's. We can always use a good cashier,” Robbie said. “I can front you the money to get you a place,” Robbie added, pulling out his wallet. He dropped a wad of bills on the table.

“What's that for?” I asked, puzzled.

“Janet wanted to come. But she came down with the flu the other day and is taking antibiotics. She was the one that told me to give you whatever we could afford so you'd have some spending money to get whatever they allow y'all to buy down here.” Robbie paused, looked around, and scratched his chin. “See, your mama and your sister have been going all over town, borrowing money to send to you. Your mama even hit me up for thirty dollars last week.” Robbie slid the money across the table.

“You have to give it to the trustee when she comes,” I explained. “You don't have to do this, but I am grateful for anything you do for me, Robbie.”

Robbie looked away, and I had a feeling that it was because he didn't want me to see the pain in his eyes.

“I meant what I said about us staying friends,” he said, squeezing my hand. “I know working behind a cash register in a gas station is a big comedown from being a schoolteacher, but it's better than no job at all.”

“Thank you, Robbie.” I smiled. “Have you had any more dreams about me?” I asked. When I smiled, my face ached like I'd been slapped. My lips were so dry and ashy, I had blisters.

He shook his head. “Just that one I had before you came down here. The one where you kept trying to call me for help.” Robbie gave me a serious look. “I don't really believe in dreams or anything else supernatural. But the Monday after I had that dream, I got my passport renewed, and I put aside some traveling money. And even though you didn't call me yourself, I knew you needed my help.”

T
he last two weeks were the hardest. They seemed like the longest two weeks of my life. A lot happened during the last few days. One woman gave birth in the showers. A few prisoners that I had become friendly with were released. One elderly woman who had been serving a life sentence finally died, and they hauled her away in a gray body bag and then dumped her on the back of the same truck that hauled away the garbage.

Ten days before my release, I received two letters from Mama on the same day. One contained some photographs that she had taken of my daughter, Cheryl, weeks ago that she kept forgetting to send.

I received the first and only letter that my sister, Frankie, took the time to write. She didn't have much to say. Just that everybody in town was still talking about me like a dog. And, she advised me not to forget to bring her a few island gifts.

Debra Retner paid me one final visit, glowing like a lighthouse because she was almost as happy as I was that my sentence was almost over.

“I am sure that you will look at yourself and life from a different perspective from now on,” Debra said, giving me a hug as soon as she entered the visitors' room.

I nodded and cleared my throat. “I can't thank you enough for what you did and tried to do for me. I know I probably won't ever see you again after I leave this place, but I do want you to know that this was all just a big, stupid mistake that I made. I am not a criminal. Especially not a prostitute.” I held up my hand. “I know what you're thinking. Like you told me before, sleeping with a man and accepting money for it is prostitution. I was mad at my husband and my best friend. I had to do something that night to get my mind off of them. I didn't have much money, and that's why I was trying to get men to buy me drinks. I wasn't trying to get them to take me to bed and pay me.”

Debra rubbed her nose until it turned red, and then she gave me a dry look.

“I did need cab fare to get back to my hotel, and that's what I'd asked that motherfucker for. But when he offered me a lot more than cab fare, I only took it because he'd been so lousy in bed. And I thought that I'd deserved something extra for my troubles.” I rolled my eyes.

Debra had an amused look on her face. She glanced over her shoulder before she began to speak in a low, detached voice. “I lived in France for a few years right after I got out of college. There were times when I had no job, no money, no place to live. Let's just say I asked for a lot of cab fare, too.” Debra laughed and gave me another hug. “Some of us get caught. Some of us don't.”

That was the last time I saw Debra Retner. I never saw my favorite trustee, Luz, again, either. One of the other trustees told me that Luz had been transferred to another facility the day after Debra's last visit.

It rained off and on for the last three days of my confinement. Hurricanes had already whipped the hell out of some of the other islands earlier in the year, but so far Paraíso had been spared the brunt of Mother Nature's wrath. I prayed that the storm would not interfere with my release. My prayers were answered.

An hour after I was processed for release, Inez arrived, grinning from ear to ear.

“I thought you'd like some company on the flight home,” she told me. She had on just as much make-up as usual, but not enough to hide her red, puffy eyes. She had arrived in a rental car, which she had planned to take me to the airport in. But I was still in custody and therefore not allowed to ride to the airport with Inez or anyone else other than a prison official. Inez trailed behind the gray prison van as it transported me to the airport, where I would be officially deported. We got separated once we got to the airport, and I didn't see Inez again until I arrived at my gate.

“It's all over now,” she said, giving me a bear hug.

“Almost,” I told her.

I got nervous going through customs at the airport in Paraíso. I was so paranoid and afraid that something else would happen that might cause me to be detained. But as a person being officially deported, I had no problem getting out of the country.

I didn't know what I was going home to. I had not heard a peep out of Leon, so I knew I was not going back to the house that I had shared with him for the past few years.

The most logical place for Inez to drive me to once we made it back to Ohio was my mother's house. I couldn't wait to hug my daughter and hopefully undo the psychological damage that she had probably suffered during, and because of, my absence.

It took all of my strength to hold back my tears when I saw the Cleveland Hopkins International Airport from the air. But I lost it when we approached the international section. Greeting me was a gigantic black and white sign that said:
WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
. There was a large American flag blowing in the wind next to it. The sight of these two symbols of freedom was too much for me. I couldn't stop shaking and crying. I was so overwhelmed, you would have thought that I had just returned from hell. In a way I had. I now knew how prisoners of war felt when they returned to the States. Inez wrapped her arm around me and led me from the plane. I stopped crying when I noticed security guards and other people staring at us.

“Did I ever say I was sorry for slapping you?” I asked Inez, with a chuckle, sniffing and wiping my nose with the back of my trembling hand.

“I think you did. But if you ever do it again, I am going to slap you back,” Inez told me, with a straight face. We laughed at the same time for the first time in over three months.

Right after we retrieved our luggage and headed for the exit, I saw Leon. He stood near the exit, with his arms folded and a scowl on his face that was so extreme, it made him look like a baboon. He had on a black suit, a black hat, and a white shirt. Whereas Robbie had looked like a country preacher in his suit, Leon looked like a gangster straight out of
The Sopranos.
My legs were stiff, but somehow I managed to march over to him just so I could look in his face. As soon as I did, I revised my opinion of him and decided that he looked like the devil, not a gangster. He was the embodiment of evil. He had used me for years and then betrayed me in the worst way. I'd done a stupid thing in the islands, but it didn't come close to what Leon had done to me.

He looked me up and down, shaking his head. Inez chose to stand behind me. I could feel her breath on the back of my neck.

“My wife—arrested for prostitution!
Prostitution!
Woman, what in the hell got into you down there in those islands?” Leon hissed, his eyes looking like they belonged on a snake. “I hope you learned your lesson. Any other man in his right mind would tell you to go to hell. Any other man wouldn't take you back on a platter. I am giving you one more chance to act like a wife and a mother—only on account of Cheryl!” he shouted, shaking a finger in my face.

“Hello, Leon,” I said, with a smirk, looking him up and down. “Nice suit.”

“Don't you try to change the subject, woman,” he ordered. I ducked when he reached for me, causing him to give me a surprised look. “Renee, you don't know what you put me through, going down to that island, fucking up the way you did. What the hell was the matter with you? Your little stunt cost me a major promotion! And half of my coworkers won't even look me in the face these days! My mama told me to tell you to your face that she does not want you around my daddy, or even in her house, anymore!” At this point, Leon looked over my shoulder at Inez, looking at her like he wanted to kill her and drink her blood. “And you…you! I knew that sooner or later you were going to drag her to hell with you, Miss Inez McPherson! For being such a whore yourself, at least you were smart enough to stay out of trouble!” Leon turned his attention back to me, snapping his fingers in my face as if I were a dog. “Let's go. I need to get your ass home so I can straighten you out. There are a lot of things we have to sort out. I can tell you now, you won't be going on another out-of-town trip without me anytime soon!” he screeched, grabbing my arm. I snatched my arm out of Leon's grip so fast and hard, he lost his balance and fell against the wall.

“Don't you touch me, you low-down, funky motherfucker,” I said in a cool, calm voice. Leon let out a profound gasp and looked at me like I had tossed a bowl of acid in his face. “I'm divorcing you, motherfucker. You can visit your daughter at my mama's house, but if you ever come near me again, I'll kill you.”

Leon's mouth dropped open, and he stumbled like a drunken sailor. His face looked like somebody had suddenly let all the air out of his cheeks. He had a slack-jawed look that made him look like a hound dog now.

I released a big breath and then motioned for Inez to follow me to the door. When I looked back, Leon was still standing in the same spot, with that same deflated look on his face.

I recalled how Inez used to warn me that Leon hid who he really was behind a mask. Well, that mask had finally fallen off. Now I knew exactly who he was.

Despite her many flaws, Inez was my friend. And, even though Robbie had no desire for me to be his woman again, and I didn't blame him, he was my friend, too.

If that cashier's position was still open at his gas station, and if it was still all right with his wife, Janet, I was going to accept it.