Born of Legend (81 page)

Jullien paled as Ushara cried out again from a contraction. “Isn't she supposed to have something for the pain?”

Ushara tightened her grip on his hand. “It's okay, Jules.”

“This is not okay.” He glared at the doctor. “Can't you do something?”

The doctor gave him a droll stare. “We're doing everything we can to deliver your daughters.”

Katira actually felt bad for the stricken expression on Jullien's face. “It's all good,
m'tana.
Everything's going as it's supposed to. Your daughters and wife are fine. Trust me. I wouldn't be so calm if
my
baby were in harm's way.”

But as the hours passed, she could tell it was taking a hard toll on him. More so than even on Ushara. While he stood strong and helped her, there was a deep inner storm in his eyes that Katira didn't understand.

And it didn't abate until the doctor handed the first baby to her so that she could show the baby to Jullien and Ushara while they worked on prepping to deliver the next.

“What are we naming our firstborn daughter?” she asked Ushara.

Breathing through her contraction, Ushara inclined her head to Jullien. “Vladmira for the eldest?”

He nodded at the name, which had belonged to the first matriarch of his Samari Fyreblood clan.

“Vladmira,” Katira repeated as she handed the infant off to the nurse to be inspected, recorded, and bathed.

Ten minutes later, Ushara let out a final cry as Vladmira's sister joined them. She fell back to hug Jullien as she burst into joyous tears.

The doctor smiled in satisfaction. “Would you like to cut the cord?” she asked him.

Jullien looked terrified as he shook his head. “Are you out of your
minsid
mind? I'm not the one with medical training. Last thing I want is to risk my incompetence harming them.”

“Very well. What are we to name this one?” She handed the baby off to Ushara, who cried even harder as she cradled her daughter for the first time.

“My precious beauties look just like their paka.” Holding the baby close, Ushara brushed at her daughter's thick mound of dark hair. “We shall name this little a
н
remia, Viveka, for the first matriarch of the Altaan Fyrebloods.” She passed her to her mother for her approval on the name, then took Jullien's hand. “Are you all right, my darkheart?”

He nodded slowly before he pressed her open palm to his cheek. “I am so unworthy of you and your devotion.”

“That's not true.”

But his eyes denied her words.

Her mother held Viveka toward Jullien. “Would you like to hold your daughter?”

He paled as if the mere thought terrified him. “She's too tiny and fragile. I might harm her.”

Ushara rubbed his hand, then explained his fright to her mother. “Jules has never seen a newborn before, Matarra.”

She arched a brow at him. “Never?”

He stared in awe of the tiny baby in his mother-in-law's hands. “Just Davel's son.”

Her mother gaped. “No wonder you're terrified. Maksim was twice their size at birth and a month old before you met him the first time. Is that really the only infant you've ever seen?”

He nodded.

She tsked lovingly at him. “You are in for a very eye-opening experience,
m'tana.
”

“That he is,” the doctor agreed. “Now, let us get the babies registered and inspected, then we can release them to your care. My understanding is that there is a significant group outside, anxiously awaiting word about their safe arrival.”

Katira laughed. “That there is. I'll go tell them and give you two a minute to catch your breath.”

Ushara waited until she was alone with Jullien before she spoke again. An air of abject sorrow clung to him that she couldn't fathom. “What's wrong?”

He glanced around to make sure no one was within earshot before he spoke. “I swear I won't ever touch you again.”

“What?” she gasped.

Sincerity burned deep in his red eyes. “I never meant to hurt you like this, Shara. I'm so sorry. I had no idea it would be so hard on you. No wonder my mother hates me so.”

Cupping his face in her hands, she pulled him in to kiss him. “It's okay, precious. They're not my first foray into motherhood. I knew what I was getting into, and I wanted them. And I want more from you.”

He paled even more. “Why?”

She laughed at his earnest question. “Because I love my husband and I love my children. Wait until you hold them. You'll see what I mean. And when you hear them call you Paka the first time … you will be lost forever to them.”

Tears gathered in his eyes as he buried his face in the crook of her neck and held her. “I love you.”

He was still holding her like that a few minutes later, when the nurses returned with their daughters.

“You ready to hold them?” Ushara asked, rubbing his back.

Pulling the cap from his hair, he sat up and nodded.

She smiled at his gentle hesitancy when the nurse carefully laid Vladmira in his arms.

His breathing ragged, he bit his lip as he studied his sleeping daughter. “She's all right?”

The nurse smiled approvingly at his eager question. “Indeed. She has all her fingers and toes. They both are perfectly healthy. A little underweight, but that's to be expected with twins.”

Jullien lifted her so that he could place a kiss on her forehead. “My little Mira. No male shall ever come near you. Or my Viv. That I promise you both.” He tilted his head to look over at Ushara and the baby she held.

Ushara tsked at him. “I have an equal say in that, you know.”

He screwed his face up at her. “Like I would ever trust you in that department? Look who you chose for their father. Obviously, you lack all judgment when it comes to picking males of good moral character.”

The nurse laughed. “Admiral, we do need one more thing before we can allow visitors. The babies' surname. How do you want it registered?”

Jullien held his breath. It was something they hadn't really discussed. Andarion culture was caste based, and the parents always chose the lineage of the higher-ranked parent for their children to use so that they would have the best social and political advantages in life.

What sickened him was that, by all rights, their daughters were tizirahi of Andaria and Triosa. They should be Anatoles on Andaria and Triosans on his father's planet—as Nyk's children were. But because of his own foul actions and hateful words to his parents, they were forever denied their legitimate and noble birthrights.

He had no one else to blame for that. His selfishness and stupidity had cost his daughters much in way of an advantage and future prospects. Never had he hated himself more than he did right then.

Yet there was no accusation or censure in Ushara's gaze as she smiled at him. “They are of the True Fyreblood Samari.”

The nurse made a note. “Their father?”

“Jules Dagger vestewi Pavakahiri Samari.”

The nurse's eyes widened at the name. “Son of the high priestess?”

“He is indeed my son.” Unira came into the room with a bright smile and her arms loaded with two giant stuffed lorinas as she stepped around the nurse. “And I'm here to bless my precious granddaughters. Let me see my Mira and Viv!” She set the toys down next to the bed.

“This is Mira,” Jullien said as he handed his daughter to her. “Shara has Viv.”

Unira cooed proudly at her bundle. “You are going to be the most spoiled little girls ever born! Yes, you are! Both of you will be rotten to your precious cores. So I proclaim. You didn't see how fast your paka got here to be with you and your matarra, but I did.”

Laughing, the nurse excused herself to go finish filling out the forms.

Ushara also laughed while Unira carried on. Then she met her husband's gaze and sobered. “I'm sorry that I broke my promise. I told you I wouldn't go into labor while you were away, and then what did I do the very hour you took off?”

Pausing, Unira looked up. “He knew it, too. From the moment he woke this morning, he nagged us that something wasn't right.”

Ushara gaped at Jullien. “Did you?”

He shrugged as he sat on the bed by her side. “I had a strange premonition.”

And before she could ask him anything else about that, the door opened to show Vasili and Trajen entering.

Vas hesitated until Ushara held her hand out to him. “Come here, baby. Meet your sisters.”

He scowled as he looked back and forth between them. “How can I tell them apart?”

Jullien grinned. “For now, they have name bracelets. We might ought to keep those on for a bit.”

She rolled her eyes at them. “They'll be different enough, all too soon, just like your aunts. It won't be long before you'll never confuse them again. I promise.”

Trajen paused as he looked down at Mira. “They're so little. I don't think I've ever seen any
this
small before.”

Unira handed Mira to him before he could stop her.

His expression horrified, he stared down at the baby as she opened her eyes to look up at him. Then she nuzzled against his arm and sighed contentedly as she clutched at his shirt.

If Ushara lived a thousand years, she'd never forget the look on Trajen's face.
That
was love in its purest form.

He swallowed hard, then glanced to her and Jullien. “Congratulations.”

Jullien met his gaze and then spoke in private to him.
No, thank you, Tray. I wouldn't be here without you. Damn sure wouldn't have my family. I owe you everything, my brother.

Trajen didn't respond. Rather, he moved to stare down at Viv and compare the two girls. “They are so amazing.” When he returned Mira to Unira, he paused by her side. He indicated Jullien with a tilt of his chin. “Watch him.”

“Why?”

“He's about to lose every last bit of his shit.”

Ushara scowled at him. “What are you talking about?”

Trajen sighed heavily. “Jules? Look at me.”

He did. “What?”

“There are nine hundred people ready to descend into this room. All of them will take a blast for your daughters, your wife, and Vas. I want you to keep repeating that over and over in your head until you actually believe it. Okay?”

Rolling his eyes, Jullien scoffed at Trajen's insanity. “I'm fine.”

Trajen scratched his brow, then leaned over to hug Ushara. As he did so, he projected his thoughts into her head.
Call me when he goes nuts.

She had no idea what he meant until five days later, after they were all home.

From the instant they left the hospital, Jullien refused to sleep. He barely ate. She'd never seen anything like it.

Worse, he refused to put the twins down. He would barely let go of them long enough for her to feed them. As soon as she finished, he'd cradle them back to his chest as if daring anyone to come near his daughters for any reason.

The only good to come out of it was that she didn't have to change their nappies. He was so neurotic about letting go that he took care of it without complaint or hesitation.

Even now, it was the middle of the night. Instead of resting in their bed, he had himself wedged on the nursery floor so that he couldn't move or accidentally roll should he doze, with the twins sleeping on his chest while he watched old movies.

Ushara knelt beside him. “Honey? What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

Tilting her head, she arched a doubting brow.

He sighed heavily before he spoke again. “Losing all my shit.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Then I'm going to call Trajen.”

“Tattletale,” he said sullenly.

She knelt back by his side. “If you don't want me to, then let me in and tell me what's going on.”

He took a deep breath and turned the monitor off before he met her gaze. “They're defenseless, Shara. I just keep thinking about all the shit that was done to me and my brother. All the mean shit I did to others … I'm scared that the gods are going to punish me by hurting them, or you, or Vas. I don't want them hurt. How can I let them venture into this universe, knowing what's out there. What others are capable of?”

“You think I don't know it's scary? That I don't have nightmares, too? That's how we met, Jullien. Remember?
You
saved my baby for me after he'd been abducted by slavers. And
I
never forget that. Every night when I go to tuck Vasili in, I know that I have you to thank for the fact that he's safe in his bed. You will never know what a hero that made you in my eyes.”

Jullien looked down at the girls on his chest as they slept in peaceful ignorance of the violent universe that had never spared him a single nightmare. “I'm beginning to.” He didn't move as Ushara pulled Viv off his chest so that she could cradle her against her shoulder.

“You can't keep living like this. You've got to eat and sleep, or you're not going to be around for them when they're grown.”

He brushed his hand over Mira's dark hair before he touched her tiny hand. Even in sleep, she clutched at his finger. “Thank you, Shara.”

“For what?”

His red gaze burned into hers. “For not recoiling from my daughters, and for suckling them.”

Those words choked her. “Jules—”

“My mother refused to feed me when I was an infant. I was only seven the first time Merrell told me that. It was on my birthday, and I was indulging a bit too much with the cake. Merrell, being his usual asshole self, said it was no wonder I ate so much, since my mother had almost starved me to death when I was born because she refused to feed me. I didn't believe him. Not until I pulled my medical records and saw it for myself.”

Ushara's heart sank. “What?”