Born Into Trouble (Occupy Yourself Book 1) (29 page)

“I…no.” Now his breaths were coming sharp and short, panic setting in. They’d do this, for him.
For me
. Take this on themselves. Put them at risk. If they did anything, someone might pay.
For me
. “I won’t ask…can’t. What if…no. I…no.”

Bear spoke for the first time from his place at Benny’s shoulder, the position and his presence making a statement of support that didn’t have to be spoken aloud to be true. “We can hold her a couple days, give you time to think about it. You don’t have to decide today.” Benny twisted his neck to look at the man who was staring hard at Benita. “You don’t even have to decide this year. An offer like this? No expire. She pisses you off? Looks at you wrong? Shows up where you don’t want her to be? Ten years from now, we’ll still deal. We got you, little brother.”

Benita gasped, and Benny turned to look at her. Ghost white, her stark red lipstick looked like a slash across her face and for a moment, he imagined her dead, a stripe of a different red across her neck. Mason’s fingers squeezed when he shook his head this time. “No. I have to live with what she did. She doesn’t get to take the easy road.”

“Good enough,” Bear said, then leaned close, speaking right behind Benny’s head, his voice quiet when he said, “Lucia saw something, Benny. You need to go find my girl. Talk to her. I’ll do the gig tonight, you take as long as you need to make her understand your demons, son. She’s strong, Benny. Give it to her. Let her help you through. Don’t let this damned bitch take
anything
else from you.” Sick with the knowledge Lucia had run from whatever she’d seen, his mind remembering the door swinging slowly shut, he twisted from Mason’s grip and quickly wove his way to the door even as the men at the back of the room stepped forwards.

As he hit the hallway, Mercedes swung into step beside him, and he heard his brother say, “I’m not as nice as my little bro, bitch. Let’s have us a chat.”

***

“God, Luce. Pick up the phone. Please,
God
. Talk to me.” Benny paused to take a breath because his throat was so tight he could scarcely squeeze out the words. “Been everywhere I could think of. Baby, I can’t find you, and you’re scaring me. It’s been hours, Luce. Please, baby. Please. Talk to me.”

Ass to the hood of his car, he sat in the garage parking for the apartments. He’d gone to every place he could think of, called her friends, the few people outside of the band and Rebels he knew in town, and even contacted bartenders and managers at the places she liked to hang out.

He’d been to the library. A familiar location because they’d spent hours there, draped over adjoining chairs, her nose in a book and him flipping through music magazines, spending way more time watching her than absorbing information about new bass kicks, amps, venues, or marketing tactics.

He’d been to her Abuela’s apartment, been to Bear’s house, his apartment. Talked to Ruby and DeeDee, twice. No one at Marie’s had seen her since she ran from the bar, her teary retreat the catalyst to Bear investigating what had upset her, his discovery of Benita bringing the club to stand at Benny’s back while he faced her down. Now, Lucia was gone, disappeared, and he was about a hundred light years past freaked out.

With his phone pressed to his forehead, he closed his eyes. “Where did you go, baby? Where are you?” Mercedes made a noise, bringing his attention back. He had a thought and unlocking the phone, dialed Ruby again. Without even saying hello, he barked out, “Did you check the studio?”

“Yes, little brother. Checked the studio, the house. Even the backyard. Had to turn off the sprinklers and…” Benny was no longer listening, a memory of pure joy jolting him. One of the most perfect days they’d spent together had ended with them at the park, getting soaked in the fountains of the splash pad. “…go next?”

“I gotta go.” Without waiting for a response, he disconnected the call as he jumped down. It was only six blocks; he could run there faster than he could take the car. Feet pounding the sidewalks, Mercedes ran beside him as he dodged around the few people on the street at this time of the evening. “Please let me be right.”

Rounding the final corner, heart pounding in his chest, he pulled to a stop, gasping for breath as he swept the park, looking for Lucia. Not at the tables, not seated on the retaining wall, she wasn’t lying on the splash pad in a recreation of their moment, a picture he hadn’t realized his brain was painting, the carrot for his sprint to the park. “Fuck.” Shaking with anger and fear, heart still thudding wildly, he spun in place, taking a long look at every person he could see. “
Fuck
.” His shout pulled the attention of everyone nearby and a sudden, startled movement where he didn’t expect it caused him to stare into the gathering darkness. “Luce.”

Two strides across the grass brought him to the wall, and he jumped down, stumbling into a run again, watching as Lucia slowly stood from where she’d been sitting in the shadows. Wrapping both arms around her, he absorbed the feel of her along with the knowledge that she was okay. Telling her what she already knew. “You’re okay. Thank God. You’re okay. I’ve been looking for you. Couldn’t find you, baby. Scared the fuck out of me.” She was stiff against him, not holding on in return, not relaxing into his arms and his heart jolted to a faster rhythm again. “Luce, baby. I need to tell you what happened today.”

“
No mames.
I saw what happened, Benjamin.” She said his name in the Spanish way, her accent and voice thick with emotion. “
En serio? Mi corazon esta roto y tu quieres hablar?
No. I saw what I saw, Benjamin. Saw so much more than you wanted.”

“No, baby. Let me—“

Head already shaking, she pushed against his chest, cutting off his words. “No. I don’t need to hear.” When he wouldn’t release her, she twisted her head, facing away from him. “I
saw
.
Pinche puta’s
hand in your pants, you so lost in what she does for you? You didn’t even know I existed.”

“That wasn’t—“

Cutting him off again, she struggled against his grip. “I know what I saw.”

“No, you don’t,” he said firmly, tightening his hold on her. “Lucia, listen. Please, please.
Listen
.” When she stopped trying to escape, he released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and dipped his head, mouth close to her ear, already knowing where to start.
She’s stronger than I could ever be
. “I lost my virginity at fourteen to Benita. Me a freshman, her a senior. She was five years older than me, and I thought I’d hit gold. Every boy’s dream.” Lucia stiffened, and he whispered, “Please. God.
Please
, listen.” Nothing, no movement, no words, but no resistance, so he swallowed hard and began again.

“For the next eleven years, she owned me.” Lucia jerked in his arms, and he pressed closer. “My first drink? Poured by her hand. My first line of coke? Cut on a makeup mirror in her bedroom. The first time I shot up? Her hand held the lighter to cook the spoon.” Licking his lips, he paused, not sure how much to tell her, but then Bear’s words echoed through his head, and he knew if he didn’t do it now, their love would forever be in the shadow of what Benita had done.

“Every…” He paused when she moved and took a panting breath as Lucia’s arms slipped around his chest, holding him to her. Holding on.
Thank God
. “Every sexual encounter I had, orchestrated by her.” Turning his head, he pushed his face into her neck, muffling his words. “Until you. Every single thing I did for eleven years was dictated by her. I didn’t even realize how controlling she was until rehab. Until Doc talked me through it, made me see how fucked-up my life had been.” Her arms convulsed around him, squeezing hard, holding tight.

“Until I met you, I didn’t know what love was. Until I met you, I didn’t know what pure beauty was. What it was like to love someone and know they loved you back just for you, not for what you could do, or what your cock felt like, or the money you could make them. Someone who would go to bat for you, help you pick yourself up when you fell down, and still love you. Until I met you, I didn’t know there was this kind of love in the world.

“Everything she did was ugly. It feels like everything I did with her colors me with the same pen and I hate that. Hate it with everything in me. Everything I want to be is at odds with what I was.” Lucia’s head was moving, shaking back-and-forth in denial.

“I did so many…so wrong. Because I…” His breath hitched, and he faltered for a moment, struggling to pick up the broken thread of his thoughts, trying to find the right words to say. “I don’t even know why now. Stupid. I was so fucking stupid, and I’m sorry. What you saw today, Luce. I didn’t know she was coming. I didn’t want her there. Didn’t want her hand on me. What you saw was yet another time she forced something on me I didn’t want. Standing there, feeling that slimy touch, trying not to vomit on my shoes, I got away from her as fast as I could.”

Her hand slipped up, fingers threading through his hair, cradling the back of his head, pressing his face into her neck. Comforting
him
. Him.
God, so sweet
. Holding him tightly, she told him everything he needed to know without saying a word, communicating her love through actions. Holding on.

“Fast as I could. But, like always, not fast enough because…
God
, I’m so sorry you saw. I never wanted anyone to know.” Hiccupping, he felt like he was five again, bawling at his father’s graveside, the sobs uncontrollable. “And now, everybody knows. Everyone who matters knows what I’ve done. So ashamed, Luce. I hate myself. Hate what she did. What I did. Don’t leave me. Please. I hate it all so much. I’m so sorry.” The last word broke in three places before he could get it out, but even over his ragged breathing, he heard Luce’s barely-there whisper.

“
Estar en silencio
, Benny. Be quiet,
bebe
.” She paused, and he felt her lips graze across his jaw. “Shhhh. I love you.”

A moment passed, then another, and his sobs slowly faded. Darkness gathered around them, shadows giving them privacy while he pulled himself together with the knowledge that Lucia wasn’t pushing him away. She was holding on. What she’d said registered, and he knew she needed to know it all, so he told her, “Baby, it’s not that simple. I need to tell you—“

She pushed against his chest, gaining a few inches of space and then leaned right back in, tipping her face up and kissing him gently, silencing his words. Pulling back a fraction of an inch, her breath caressed his lips when she said, “It
is
that simple. I don’t want to waste one second with you thinking any of that will matter to me. I will want to know, need to, but none of it changes how I feel. I love you, Benjamin Jones. Not because of anything you’ve done, or will do. Not because of anything other than the good man you are. Don’t say to me different. The man in front of me is good. So good,
bebe. Te amo
, Benny.”

She blew air out between her teeth, pulled back and stared into his eyes. Hers were flashing, and he knew why when she said, “
Dios! Estoy tan enojado con ella!
So pissed at her, I could spit. Little
fresa? Pinche puta
thinks she can put her hands on
my
man?” Palms flat against his chest, she made a face he thought was adorable, but he knew better than to say anything when she slapped his chest with both hands and yelled. “
Dios! Esa perra estupida de una mujer. Donde esta ella?
Where is she?
Puta
better watch her back.”

“Luce, baby.” She was nearly quivering with anger, and he realized this gave him something else he needed her to know. “Never had this, baby. Someone who cared so much they’d go to war for me.” He remembered the men he left in the room with Benita and scoffed. “But, all this went down in the backroom at Marie’s, and the guys got in on it. I left her there with Slate, Mason, and Bear.” Lucia pulled in a breath, but he squeezed her and shook his head, cutting off what she’d been about to say. “She bought anything that happens to her. What you saw…” He swallowed hard, then said, “What the guys heard. They were…well…mad doesn’t cover it.”

“And they gave that to you today, yes?” He nodded and she smiled up at him, not a tip of the lips, but a full, broad smile, showing him she knew exactly what it meant. “You are well loved, Benjamin.” Moving in, she pressed those beautiful lips to his, whispering just before she kissed him hard, the beautiful emotions evoked by her actions leading to his hands slipping down her back to cup her also beautiful ass. “Well loved.”

Lying next to a sleeping Lucia in his bed, Benny’s fingers trailed over her shoulder, tracing an imaginary line down her arm. Using his fingertip, he slowly wrote out the words of his love song on her skin, singing along in his head.

If you’d told me I’d see her once and be hooked,

I’d laugh at you.

If you’d told me her beauty would call to me in the night,

I’d laugh at you.

If you’d promised me a lifetime of beauty like hers,

I’d laugh at you.

Knowing nothing

Nothing is as sweet,

Nothing is as pure,

As the promise of love.

There’s a moment in time where your heart knows,

Mine beats for you

Never making peace with the hollow left behind,

My heart weeps for you,

Finding you again grants my dream come true,

It’s always been you.

It’s you for me and me for you.

Nothing is as sweet,

Nothing is as pure,

As a promise come true.

Be my promise, baby.

My promise of love.

True love come to me.

My promise come true.

Love me, like I love you.

Be my baby, be mine.

My baby.

Mine.
 

“Please, be my promise,” he whispered the words into the stillness of the room. “My true love.” Leaning close, he kissed her shoulder and then gently pressed his lips there, holding still, breathing her in. “My baby.” Rolling so his back was to the mattress, he curled her into his side, bringing her beside him. “I love you, Lucia Foscan.” Turning his head, he kissed her forehead, fingers sweeping dark hair back from her face. “My Lucia.” Her nose crinkled as she made a humming sound, scrubbing her cheek against his chest and he grinned, whispering his deepest desire against her skin. “Lucia Jones.”

***

“Benny,” her voice called to him as from a distance, and he drifted slowly up from sleep. “Benny, wake up.” He sighed and felt her hands gliding across his chest, up his neck, and then she cupped his cheeks. Exaggerating the movement, he pursed his lips in a silent request, making little smacking noises when she didn’t immediately kiss him. “What do you want? Huh?” With the softly whispered question, her lips were on his. “Want this?” Her hands framing his face, she controlled the kiss, and he let her, opening when she stroked across his lips with her tongue, dueling with her softly. Taking everything she offered and letting her end it gently, she pressed her mouth to his again and again, and again, humming deep in her throat as she did so.

“’Mornin’,” he whispered, eyes still closed, wrapping his arms around and holding her close. Cupping the back of her head, he pressed her cheek to his chest and kissed the top of her head. “Good morning, baby.” He knew she could hear the smile in his voice when he said, “My Luce is fun in the mornings.”

“I could be more fun.” She suggested softly, and he brushed his lips across her temple. “So much more fun.” Her hand grazed his stomach on a downward path, and he sucked in a breath. Her murmur was soft, threaded through with desire. “Way more fun,
Papi
.”

“Yeah? You want more fun?” She nodded, hair rustling as it cascaded across his chest. He gave her a squeeze before releasing her and tucking his hands behind his head. He tipped his chin towards his throat so he could watch. “Knock yourself out, baby.”

“Yeah?” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and he had to stifle a groan. Her eyes were dancing with excitement, and he loved seeing it. Loved so much about this woman. “Whatever I want?”

“Go for it, baby.” He gave her honesty and watched her breath catch in her throat at his words. “I’m all yours, Lucia. Always yours. Anything you want, anything I can give you, yours.”

She shifted, and he watched as she selectively set aside the weight of those words, reaching for and recapturing the lighter mood with which they’d begun. Curling her hand around his hip, she trailed her fingertips across the hollow and towards his belly, brushing back-and-forth as his cock stirred, uncoiling, thickening. Her arm skimmed across in a move that could have been accidental, but when it repeated, he knew she teased him. “What if I want this?” Lifting to one elbow, she pushed the sheet just below his waist, exposing the head of his cock, and with one fingertip, she traced along the rapidly defining ridge of the crown. “If I wanted this,”—a fingernail lightly flicked the already-weeping tip—“is it mine to have?”

“Anything.” Voice hoarse, he groaned when the heat from her hand engulfed his shaft in a loose grip, gliding slowly down to the root, tenting the sheet over his hips. “My Luce is playful.” She wagged his cock to-and-fro, making little waves beneath the sheet and he smiled. “Aw, yeah, my Luce likes to play.” Still under the sheet, he didn’t have a visual of her hand as it moved but felt every change in grip, every nuance of difference as she shifted and her fingertips plucked at his sac. “
Jesus
, baby.”

Benny tried to hold still, tried to let her play as long she wanted to, but when she moved down so her breath heated the head of his cock, he reached to gather her hair, holding it loosely clasped at the back of her head, to better see what she was about to do. “All yours,” he urged as she hesitated a moment, eyes angled up. Her tongue darted out to lick across his tip, the corners of her mouth curling up. “Baby.” He groaned when she took him in, her hand working the shaft in counterpoint to the movements of her head.

He held her gaze for a long time, watching the heat build as she loved on him. Sucking and licking, gently nibbling, she opened her throat and took him as far down as she could, then backed off, lips glistening wetly as she sucked the tip, jacking him fast in her fist. With her hair held away from her face, he saw the moment she lost herself in what she was doing. Lids sinking closed, she was entirely focused on his reactions, moving to counter every jerk of his hips, her other hand fondling and cupping his balls, fingertips sliding between his cheeks and back up, caressing firmly.

It was building, and he wouldn’t be able to hold it back much longer. The heat, friction, suction, and—
God
—just watching as she took him in. His cock in her mouth and her obvious enjoyment of the intimate act, everything pushed him faster towards the end. “Baby.” She didn’t acknowledge his call, so caught up was she in the moment. “Luce, baby.” Reaching down, he cupped her chin with one hand, the other holding her hair out of the way. Urging her to look at him, he waited until he had her eyes before saying, “Come here, baby.”

She shook her head, closing her eyes and moving faster, head bobbing, strands of dark silk escaping his grip, trailing down her cheek to his belly. “Luce. I want…”

He lost what he was going to say when she took him entirely in, and he saw the side of her throat working to hold him there. “God.” Her hand was stroking his balls, rolling and cupping, stretching out the sac and then rolling them in her fingers again. “Mmhmm. Baby.
No
.”

Jackknifing to a sitting position, he reached down and hauled her bodily up so she straddled his hips and he could feel the slickness between her thighs. Sucking him made her hot, and he knew it when she rocked against him with a muffled, sexy moan. Eyes at half-mast, there was a dark flush in her beautiful face, and he loved the look on her.
Mine.
Her lips were puffy, pouting, and he pulled her close, kissing her hard as he rolled them in the bed. In one movement, he was inside her and thrust hard, pushing to the root and staying planted. Nipping her bottom lip, he kissed her until they were both breathless and then started moving. Slowly. Deliberately. Feeling her all around him. “Hot. Tight, baby. Always so fucking tight.” With a groan, he rooted himself again, every muscle clenching as he ground deep, feeling her hips tip up in response.

Sliding, pushing, rocking into her, she tightened around him. Threads of electricity pulsed up his spine. It felt like his skin was about to come off his body, as if every gasping breath unmoored him. Slipping a hand between them, he glided back, pressing his thumb against her clit. Rolling back and forth, circling as he swiveled his hips, thrusting hard with his cock while his fingers tweaked and teased, stroked and played. He kissed her deep, hard, and ate down each of her moans, feeling her legs lift, calves pressed to his sides. Her hips cradled him, holding him as close as she could, heels to his ass while he powered into her. Every sense heightened, he shivered at the sound of her musical whimpers echoing in the room, gloried in the feel of her hands on his back, watched as his fingers threaded through her hair. The taste of her lips under his, heat of her pussy wrapped around him, all of her holding him tight.
Holding on
.

He pulled his face from her neck to find her watching him, eyes wide, just in time to see her orgasm take hold, sweeping her eyes shut as it passed through her. It started deep, tightening her around him in a way that was exquisite pain of the best sort, making it impossible to keep the rhythm because he wanted to be in there, stay in there, feel it as she did.
With her, always with her. Forever
. Her arms wrapped tighter, her legs folded around him, her pussy squeezed, and breathlessly she called his name. “Benny.”

My name
. “Mine.”

Fuck
. “My Luce.”

Face to her neck, he thrust deep, pushed hard, rocking into her and found it right
there
. Exploding, taking his senses as the orgasm stole his breath, making him gasp for air even as he grunted, hips driving wildly, then deep and hard, deep and rocking.

Mine
. “Love you.”

Always
. “So much.”

Holding on
. “Lucia.”

***

The brief phone conversation he initiated with Bear that morning hadn’t settled his nerves much. A quick connection to see how things went with the gig last night, confirm to Bear that Lucia was good and then set a time that afternoon for Benny to show at his house for a chat. Something Benny didn’t even understand why he needed to do, but he did. This wasn’t a want; it was a need, nearly as compelling as the addiction. That time was now. He had hoped like fuck he’d figure it out before he opened the car door, but he’d been sitting at the curb for nearly fifteen minutes and wasn’t any closer to sorting his shit.

Unfolding out of the car, he looked up at the Crews’ new house. Big, spacious, it was a home for a blended family healing from something he couldn’t understand. There seemed to be a lot more going on than he could put his finger on. Half the time, even with Slate, it felt as if he were skating around the edges of something. Shaking off his uncertainty, he started up the walk, but his steps slowed as he again cataloged the residence in front of him. Multi-level, multi-bedroom, big backyard, three-car garage, the house had a huge kitchen the family lived in half the time. Immense, roomy, and really fucking expensive.

Bear worked for the Rebels as a graphics designer and specialty mechanic, and Benny realized the man had to make a lot of money to buy this kind of place.

Benny had been pouring nearly all his money from gigs back into the band, replacing old tour equipment, paying for promotional shirts and other things out of pocket, so they’d have cash from merch sales at shows when they eventually hit the road again. Bethany had helped by getting comps from sponsors where she could, and sourcing things a lot cheaper than he could on his own, but it was still going to take a fortune to get things rolling again. If it weren't for his brother finding him the apartment in a building the Rebels owned, and then gifting him with a year’s rent, he wouldn’t have been able to do as much for the band.

Benny knew Lucia hadn’t been raised in a house like this, but it didn’t mean she didn’t deserve it. Every good thing that could come her way, she deserved, and more.

I can’t give her this
. Halfway up the walk, he stopped, gaze dropping to the sidewalk. Broad, smooth, framed on either side by a sweep of brilliant green grass. A good life. Memories painted over what he saw with the cracked and busted sidewalk leading to GeeMa’s house, the mud paths taking his resentful footsteps to the front door of so many of his mom’s cheap apartments.
What if I can’t ever give her this?

“You’re stuck.” Twisting, he looked to the side and scowled at Mercedes. “Worrying about things which don’t warrant the cerebral labor. She doesn’t care about these things, other than to be forever grateful that her brothers will know a different life. Trappings don’t matter to her. You do. Lay it aside, Bibi.”

“How in the hell do you always know what I’m thinking?” He shook his head. “Weren’t you going to wait in the car?”

“I was until my Bibi got stuck in his head. Now, I need to straighten him out before he fucks up bad.” Stepping out of his sight, she got behind him and shoved hard, hands in the middle of his back. “Move it, soldier.”

He set his heels, not moving. “This is a mistake.” The words tore out of him, ripping pain thrashing through his chest. “Things can stay as they are.”