Borderland (22 page)

Myra
shook her head. "I couldn't. He'd worry."

"He
would," Nolan agreed. Then he sighed. "Myra, I know you're feeling
vulnerable and resentful, but you're going to have to find a way to deal with
it. It's natural to feel enmity toward me and to fight any feelings of
dependency, but..." His voice trailed off. He leaned away from the door
and turned to grip the knob. "All right, I can see you're in no mood to
listen. I'm going to ask Al to try and locate another pistol. I'll feel better
and I'm sure you will too if you have one for yourself. I spoke to Vic when he
came back from church and he's against it. He thinks it all may have been a
misunderstanding and he doesn't want any more guns around. You might talk to
him yourself when you get a chance. He seems to have a bug up his ass where I'm
concerned."

When
Myra said nothing he twisted the knob and opened the door. "And by the
way, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I was only trying to make you feel
better. I thought you would laugh."

Myra
finally looked at him. "You'd better go and change. I'll be down in a
little while."

He gazed
at her a moment, as if about to say something else, then he simply nodded and
left. Cal entered the room a second later. He was frowning.

"What's
going on, Mom? I've seen you upset before, but not like that. What did Nolan
do?"

Myra thought
of the blackberry stain. Her lips slowly began to curve. Cal stared at her,
waiting. "Mom?"

She
wiped her mouth and fought down the urge to burst into hysterical laughter. So
serious, standing there trying to talk reason with blackberry seeds and filling
all over his… She cleared her throat. "Has Al left yet?"

"No.
He's sitting on the porch."

"Where
are Vic and the girls?"

"They
went out to the barn to look at a horse. Did you see anyone drop it off?"

Myra
stopped smiling. She rose from the bed and walked to the door. "Yes. He
came while you were showering. Let's go down so I can make my apologies to Al
before he leaves."

Al
wasn't in a hurry. He sat on the porch and drank beer with Nolan until dusk.
Myra sat on the swing with Cal and listened to their talk, avoiding Nolan's
gaze when he happened to glance her way. Here, with the crickets singing and a
warm breeze blowing calm over the creaking porch, she felt foolish and more
than a little uncomfortable about his visit to her bedroom. His quiet sincerity
and understanding in a moment when he had every right to be upset and angry
was, she believed, completely out of the character he had presented thus far.
And he still had a blackberry seed stuck to his inner left thigh. She couldn't
look at him without glancing at the seed and wanting to smile. It was best not
to look at him at all.

When Vic
and the girls returned from an abruptly announced hike to the pond, Myra rose
from the swing and followed them into the house, where she asked Vic if she
might speak to him alone. He exhaled loudly before nodding. "Christa, you
and Andy get in the tub. I'll check on you shortly."

Myra
waited until the girls had exited the room before speaking. "It's about
Mr. Schwarz, Vic."

"I
know." He walked away from her and went into the dining room, forcing Myra
to follow. He pulled out a chair and sat down. "Tell me exactly what
happened."

Still
standing, Myra told him. His expression remained distant and unreadable.
Finally she said, "There was no possible misunderstanding, Vic. The man
put his hands on my body and promised to do things I can't even bring myself to
repeat to you. Darwin used to talk about this man, and when he did the word
psychopath came up frequently. I used to think he was exaggerating but after
today I know he was telling the truth. If it hadn't been for Nolan, Gil Schwarz
would have raped me right there in the stall."

Vic
lifted a corner of his mouth. "A man you've never seen before comes into
the barn while you're milking and attacks you. Nolan saves you, and you show
your gratitude by dumping pie on him. Funny."

Myra
blinked at his sardonic tone. Her voice lifted in anger. "You don't
believe me, do you? Why would I lie about something like this? What could I
possibly gain from lying?"

Slowly
Vic's mouth straightened. He frowned and put a hand to his forehead.
"You're right. I'm sorry. Dammit, I've had so much on my mind lately and
it's just one problem after another. I get one break and now I want everything
to go right. I'm not trying to be unreasonable, Myra, I just want things to
work out."

"I
know you do," Myra said. "And I hate to be the cause of yet another
problem. But the man did attack me."

Vic
rubbed his eyes. "Do you think you could stay out of his way until you
leave? You know, avoid going out to the barn if you see his truck here? It's
only for a few more weeks, right?"

Myra
couldn't believe her ears. "And what about when I'm gone? Will it be one
of your children? Vic, the man is sick. You're not so desperate that you have
to allow a would-be rapist to roam your property. If you do that then you're
just as sick and twisted as he is."

Vic came
out of the chair in an instant and struck her across the face. Myra stumbled
against a chair and then stood staring at him in disbelief. In the next second
Vic had his arms around her, holding her against him.

"Oh,
God. Myra, I'm so sorry! Forgive me, please. I'm really sorry. I don't know why
I...

She
froze as he began to cry. Her cheek throbbed with heat.

"I'm
going crazy," he sobbed into her hair. "Last night I saw Connie
standing by my bed. I woke up and there she was, just as real as you or me. Her
hair was wet and smelled so . . . I've been seeing the most terrible images in
my head. Dead bodies. My girls are losing weight and talking nonsense and I think
they might need professional help. I can't even buy them a candy bar without
worrying about the money—how am I supposed to help them? I feel like I'm ready
to crack. Please, please forgive me."

Myra, still
stunned, put a hand on one shaking shoulder and tried to ease him away. He held
on tighter. "Vic," she said, "I know it's hard. It's a lot of
responsibility for one person. I haven't been doing so hot myself."

"These
people," he said. "These Denke people want to help me. Do you
understand? They're offering me a lifeline, a way to survive. I'm a stranger
here and they've not only accepted me, but they've taken me in and given me the
means to provide for my family again. Do you know what that means to me?"

"Yes,"
she said. "I do. And I'm grateful to you for sharing what little you have
with us. But I think Cal and I should go. The sooner we're out of your way the
sooner you'll be able to—"

"No."
He lifted his head and looked at her with reddened eyes.

"Don't
go. I need you. I need your help with the girls until August. A woman from town
has offered to come out and keep house, but I told her I wouldn't need her
until then. I want you to stay. The girls like you, Myra. They're comfortable
with you. And if you want me to, I'll have Gil Schwarz come and get his horse.
I'll do anything to make this up to you. I swear I've never hit a woman before
in my life and I can only keep repeating how sorry I am. I've been under a lot
of pressure and I just lost control. Please believe me and say you'll
stay."

Myra
didn't want to. She had an ominous feeling the day's incidents were only
precursors of events to come. Twice in one day she had been— No, that wasn't
fair. Vic Kimmler was not a violent man. Like his father, she couldn't believe
he would ever willingly hurt anyone. He hadn't really been striking out at her;
he had been striking out at the helplessness and frustration that came with
being sole provider and a single parent. Myra knew those feelings. She knew
them well.

And
Nolan had been right. She was better off here, at least for the time being,
where she had help in looking after Cal. It wouldn't be too difficult to snatch
him out of a motel room somewhere along the road, a cheap motel room at that.
When August came she would have a plan of escape. Perhaps Vic could even help
her with that, a way to leave Denke without being followed. He would be the
local law starting tomorrow. He could detain anyone he liked while she and Cal
slipped quietly away.

Vic was
watching her with moist brown eyes, waiting for her answer. She told him she
would stay—on the condition that he asked Gil Schwarz to come and retrieve his
mare.

"I
will," he promised, and he hugged her again. When he finally released her Myra
turned to see Cal and Nolan staring at them from the dining room entrance.
Cal's expression was confused. Nolan merely smirked.

CHAPTER 19

The week
passed with Vic feeling alternately relieved and anxious. He spent many hours
in town in the company of a sullen Ed Kisner, who grudgingly showed him what he
called the ropes around Denke. There wasn't much to it; the town was probably
smaller than Mayberry. But he was wearing a badge again. And he was sleeping
better with the drugs Doc Stade had given him after church last Sunday. As a
vice cop Vic had seen more than his share of drugs, but he had never sampled
any. It was amazing how much calmer he felt after taking one of Doc's generic
tranquilizers. The man had his own pharmaceutical license and he filled his own
prescriptions. Vic didn't care what it was, he only cared that it worked. When
he began to feel restless and edgy again he simply took another pill. The
doctor assured him the dosage was a low one; he wouldn't hurt himself unless he
took more than four or five in one day.

He
wished he had taken two during Sunday's dinner. His fit of temper with Myra was
still a source of agony and self-disgust.

Even in
his worst arguments with Connie he never lifted a hand to her.

His
relief came from the fact that Myra apparently didn't hold a grudge against him
for slapping her. His anxiety stemmed from Ed Kisner's obvious unhappiness and
Gil Schwarz's outright hostility over the horse business. Jinx had said no
matter, don't worry, Gil could be a real fool sometimes, and Ed was just being
a baby about being replaced so quickly. But Vic still couldn't help feeling
he'd gotten off on the wrong foot with the people who were doing their best to
be nice to him.

Nolan
was another story. He owed him. He owed him a lot, and lately it seemed all he
could do was argue with his best friend. Wednesday morning after Gil Schwarz
finally arrived to pick up his mare, Vic found Nolan packing his things,
preparing to leave. When Vic asked him why, Nolan said, "You've got to be
kidding. I don't know what the hell your problem is, but I'm not sticking
around to find out just how far you'll go to destroy ten years of
friendship."

Vic
broke down again, cried, begged him to stay in an attempt to hold on to the
part of his past that Nolan represented. Something, some secret knowledge that
went beyond any surface reality, told him he would be lost if Nolan left.
Lately he had grown to resent everything about his friend—his insouciance, his
freedom, and his easy rapport with the children he found bothersome—but Vic
needed him. Nolan was his preserver if the lifeline Denke offered happened to
snap, or if he himself happened to snap.

Seeing
Connie had nearly done it. Waking up and finding her standing beside his bed,
mere inches away, nearly pushed him over the edge. He squeezed his eyes shut
and prayed, ignoring the prickling sensation and the raised hairs on his skin
until the feelings went away. In a sense Connie's visitation was worse than the
visions upstairs in Cal's room. Part of him wanted to look just to see her
again, but the rest of him cringed away from the sheer oddness of her ghostly
presence. He wasn't taking care of the girls as promised. They were even
starting to avoid him. He couldn't buy them new clothes, new dolls, or even
make them laugh the way Nolan could. Myra fed them and helped them dress. A cut
finger or a scraped knee was called to her attention, not his own. Cal was
their playmate of choice.

But the
drugs helped. Doc's sedatives eased the pain of loss and the feelings of guilt
and let him sleep through the night. In time he wouldn't need them anymore. He
would be settled in and accustomed to his new lifestyle by the time Nolan and
Myra departed. Fred Bauer's volunteered to help with the girls and the house,
and when school started the girls would find new friends. If things went well,
maybe he could buy them a pony next year.

Under
Jinx's tutelage he was learning how to care for the three horses now in his
keep. Two of the mares belonged to Jinx, the third horse, a gelding, belonged
to Doc Stade. Before their offer they kept their horses in a community-owned
stable, but the shelter was inadequate, the pond needed to be cleaned, and the
heat wave had taken its toll on the pasture. The arrival of two more horses the
coming Saturday would round out Vic's morning schedule of feeding, grooming,
and mucking out stalls. His afternoons were to be occupied with town business,
which consisted of the daily "cruise," the noting of complaints and
the settling of neighborly squabbles. With fewer than two hundred people, all
of whom knew each other, Vic pretty much had his afternoons to himself.