Bookishly Ever After (25 page)

I held the red plastic cup gingerly in my hands and as far away from my body as possible. Ms. Forrester had given us counselors a few hours off while the campers had to sit through a zoologist talking about bats. I didn’t know which option was worse—the dark woods and smell of the beer in my hands or the thought of petting a flying rodent.

Someone plucked the cup out of my hand, replacing it with a different one. “It’s seltzer water,” Cassie said, coming into my line of sight as she dropped my old cup behind a fallen log. “I don’t drink, either. The guys are cool with it,” she added, probably at the surprise that had to be all over my face. “With that stupid reveille so early tomorrow morning, I don’t know how any of them can do it, anyway.”

I shifted my weight from side to side, my feet sinking into the soft sand. “Aren’t we going to get in trouble? We’re supposed to hang out in our cabins or on the docks…” I let my voice drift off. This place, far down a barely used trail, definitely didn’t count as one of the acceptable spots the teachers had listed for us.

“Relax, they’re too busy with the kids. Trust me, we’ll be out of here before anyone comes to check on us.” She
gestured with her cup at the trees around us. “Every group of counselors has been coming back here on the first night for years. My brother did, when he counseled two years ago.”

I took a sip of the seltzer and tried to look relaxed. “Sorry, I’m just not really used to rule breaking. Em calls me a super holy virgin,” I confessed.

Cassie giggled. “’Super holy virgin?’ You guys are too cute. We should hang out sometime when we get back to civilization.” She squeezed my arm and started making her way back towards the circle of flashlights near the keg. “I’ll talk to you later. I’ve gotta get back to Mike. Besides, I don’t want to be a third wheel.” She winked and tilted her chin at something over my shoulder.

“Huh?” I turned around to find Kris right behind me, the moonlight reflecting off his hair and features making him look even more like a paranormal book hero than usual. I mentally flailed for a minute before my catalogue of bookish flirting started working on disaster control.
Hold the cup to your lips. Smile a slow smile
. A quick review of my outfit concluded that my jeans and hoodie weren’t
too
awful.
Speak
. “Oh, hi, Kris.”

He smiled. At me. “I’m glad you’re here. The guys by the keg started talking about football again. Like they have nothing better to talk about. At least there’s one person in this place I can hang out with.”

I took a seat on the fallen log, watching to see if he would follow. My heart gave a nervous lurch when he actually did. “How is your cabin?”

“I already had one kid mouth off to me today. You’d think eleven year olds would at least have some respect for us. My parents owe me.” He bumped me with his shoulder. “You?”

I thought about our afternoon icebreaker with the campers. “They’re pretty awesome. One of the campers is even reading the same book as me.”

“Oh, yeah, you read that teen stuff, right? I grew out of those things when I left middle school.”

I bit back my automatic defensive response. So we didn’t have the same taste in books. “There are a few really good ones.”

He shrugged. “You’re probably right. I’m just into more literary things, you know? Like when we read
Catcher in the Rye
last year. That’s probably my favorite book.”

“Sorry, but I couldn’t stand Holden’s whining. Even if his sister did have an awesome name.” I tried to do a quirky half-smile, and hoped that it looked cute and not like I was having a stroke.

He stared at me blankly for a second, then let out a short laugh. “Oh, yeah. Phoebe. Cute.” He took a long drink from his beer and shrugged.

An awkward pause followed and I searched the trees for inspiration about something, anything to say.
Talk about him
, the Marissa voice told me. “You said you go camping a lot?”

“I do, but it’s nothing like this. You guys are getting it easy with the cabins and bunk beds. I usually sleep in a tent, and once, we made our own lean-tos.” I opened my mouth
to respond, but he pushed on, “In the middle of winter. I don’t know how you and Jacobs got to teach orienteering and firemaking while I got trailbuilding. He probably doesn’t know a flint from a lighter.”

Something about what he said irked me. “Dev’s supposed to be really good at camping, too.” Nowhere was it acceptable to totally contradict the guy you’re trying to flirt with when he talks about the guy you’re not supposed to like, but it was as if the impulsive part of me just didn’t care.

“Sorry, I know you guys are friends, but he doesn’t ever seem to take anything seriously except his music stuff.”

“He does. I—” I stopped myself. Why was I defending Dev, anyway? I bit my lip to keep from talking.

Kris turned to face me and looked me in the eye. “I’m different. I know what I want and go after it. I’ve been watching how you’ve changed yourself this year, and I think you’re the same as me.” He looked and sounded so
confident.

Not like me. My palms were sweaty, but when he took my hand, there wasn’t any of the electric nervousness they kept talking about in books. I didn’t feel a jolt like when Dev accidentally brushed past me in the cafeteria the other day, nearly making me drop my lunch tray.

Kris leaned in, his shoulder brushing mine. “We’ve only hung out a few times, but I know you like me. You’re smart, a lot smarter than most of the people in our class.” He reached up to touch my cheek with his free hand.

He was really close. I had to tilt my head up a little bit to see his face and was only able to focus on his nose.
Anything Marissa-like flew out of my head. “I’m not that smart. I mean, we have a really smart class. Everyone’s so talented in their own way and–” I was babbling. Badly. But his hand felt weird on my face. And as long as I kept talking, he couldn’t kiss me. This was like something straight out of a book and all I wanted to do was bolt out of there.

Marissa always felt like there was an irresistible force drawing her closer and closer to Cyril. Her skin would be all tingles and her heart would feel too small for her chest.

Maeve would feel so warm when Aedan was close, it was like her skin was on fire—in a good way. He’d touch her hand and shocks would travels straight up her arm and down her spine.

I felt…neither of those things.

He stuck a finger against my lips. “You’re too nice to everyone, also. It’s cute.”

He bent forward. Oh, God, he really was going to kiss me. Butterflies—no, ravenous clothes moths—took over my stomach. Did I even like him enough? I did a mental inventory of my hands, dropped my cup, and awkwardly put my free hand on his arm, just like Marissa did in the Mirrorfall scene. His chin brushed my cheek, the stubble pricking at my skin. Was he old enough for stubble? Why didn’t anyone tell me that it would feel like someone was trying to scrape your skin off with a wire brush? His eyes met mine, like he was asking for permission to kiss me.

I tried to find the gold in his eyes that reminded me of Aedan, but that wasn’t enough to make me feel the same
wound-up anticipation as when I read about Aedan looking into Maeve’s eyes. But maybe we just needed to start kissing and all the feelings would start rushing in—like when Nya and Lito first kissed in
Other Side
. I gave the tiniest of nods and then his lips were on mine. There weren’t any fireworks. My heart didn’t jump into my throat and I definitely didn’t have the urge to pull him closer, like Maeve and Aedan in the cave scene. In fact, it was kind of soggy. And sandpapery. And incredibly uncomfortable. I tried closing my eyes, but that didn’t help. My neck hurt from tilting up to meet him.

But Kris seemed to like it. His hands slipped into my hair and he pressed his lips harder against mine. And when he tried to slip his tongue into my mouth, I pulled away as quickly as possible.

“We, um, probably shouldn’t be doing this.” I resisted the urge to wipe at my lips. Maybe the books were wrong. Maybe all first kisses were miserably awkward. Those clothes moths were having a party in my stomach like they’d just found my best cashmere sweater.

He took my hands into his. “I doubt any of the teachers will say anything. We’re some of Pine Central’s best students. We can get away with anything.” This close, he didn’t look so much like my mental picture of Aedan. Not enough gold in his eyes and I couldn’t help but notice how much that confident smile of his actually irked me.

He leaned in to kiss me again and I arched my back away from him, like my body was doing what my apparently limited language skills couldn’t.

“It’s not the teachers. It’s just that…”

“She’s my girlfriend.” Dev came out of the woods with an expression on his face that was a cross between wanting to strangle Kris and disappointment in me. “Phoebe, I thought you said you loved me.” With the hood of his sweatshirt up and shoulders back, he looked like an avenging warrior, the tiniest bit like Aedan in the
Glittering
battle in Dublin scene.

Kris jumped away from me like I’d suddenly caught on fire. “Whoa, I didn’t know, Jacobs. I’m not the kind of guy to mess around with other guy’s girlfriends. She didn’t say anything. Honest.”

I stared at Dev, half-confused and half-relieved. The tornado had landed me in Oz and everything was topsyturvy. The corner of Dev’s lips quirked up the tiniest amount and everything settled into some semblance of sense. “Dev. I—” I was an awful actress, but adrenaline and confusion melded together into something I hoped was realistic. “—I can explain.”

“And I’m getting out of here,” Kris said, just before reaching out to squeeze my arm. “If you break up with him and need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here.” The confidence slipped back onto his face and he headed back towards the keg like nothing had happened. As soon as he was gone, I collapsed onto the log and let the utter mortification I’d been holding back wash over me. How much had Dev seen?

The log shifted as Dev sat next to me. “Nothing ever bruises that guy’s ego, does it?” I didn’t answer and he pressed on. “You looked really uncomfortable, like you
needed an out. I hope that was okay.”

I pulled my face from my hands. “I…yes, thank you. I thought I liked Kris, but the more I got to know him…”
And there was no spark
, I added silently. “I didn’t expect—” I broke off again and took a moment to compose myself into a little less embarrassing of a state. “You two could have gotten into a fight.”

Dev let out a laugh that had a darker edge to it. “Nah. I know Kris really well. We’ve been scouts together since we were little kids. He doesn’t like being in situations where he doesn’t have the upper hand. Nothing fazes the guy.” It was easy to tell from his tone that he didn’t like Kris at all.

“Even
I
believed you were going to rip his head off for a minute there.” I couldn’t seem to get a smile to go onto my face, so I settled for a half-cringe smile thing.

It was impossible to see his eyes from the way he tilted his head in the hoodie. “I’m a good actor.”

I moved my hands to my lap, weaving my fingers together and apart. “Thanks for looking out for me,” I said softly.

“You’re my co-counselor. It’s my job,” he said, but the joking in his voice was tempered with something low and comforting.

Afraid of what my face would reveal, I tilted my head back to look at the stars. Dev didn’t push, and we just sat there in silence.

My first co-counseling module with Dev was the most uncomfortable morning of my life. Neither of us spoke about the night before or what he’d said on the docks, but we had to work together. Theoretically. I could barely make eye contact with him. I grabbed the box of compasses and he gravitated to the fire pits, so we had silently sorted ourselves into two unrelated teams within seconds of getting to the field.

It started out the same way for the archery module as we silently pulled the targets, bows, and arrows out of the storage hut and set up the field. I saw him watching me out of the corner of my eye and matching my setup. But as I took a few test shots with my competition bow, his expression grew serious and he made his way over to me.