Book of Revenge (19 page)

I could tell he saw my point, and I could tell he knew it would come to this, though he’d clearly tried to deny it as long as possible.

I shut my eyes. “Fix this,” I demanded, because I didn’t know how to fix it for myself. If this was the way it was going to be, then I didn’t want him near me. There were amazing things I wanted to discover and do with my life, and having this obstacle made accomplishing those things hard. This would always be a distraction, and I couldn’t handle it. Just standing here before him, my eyes fixed on his bare chest and the curves of his torso I so longed to trace, was difficult enough.

I was selfish, maybe even shallow, but it was justified. I was
human!
I wanted to be near him, and not just for a simple pleasure, but because I loved him. The kind of love you know will sweep you off your feet, the kind of love you don’t consider the same as any other because it feels natural—impulsive. But that was the problem. Our love could never be impulsive. If what he said was true, then I knew it wouldn’t be long before I’d forget myself and get carried away in the moment. I’ll end up dead, as I nearly had already. I couldn’t trust myself, and that was the real problem. Impulsive was the perfect word to describe how I felt around Max. Was that such a bad thing?

When I opened my eyes, Max was gone. The room was darker than it had been before and the only thing my eyes could see was a small white origami dove lying on the corner of the bed. I walked toward it, picking it up and finding the small grass bow atop its back.

A tear rolled down my cheek as I opened the wings and gently unfolded the paper. There was nothing but a small, crooked heart drawn in the middle. Despite my behavior he still loved me. My head throbbed. I was a jerk.

“Max?” I choked, waiting a long while for a reply that would never come.

Emily:

I sat in history class next to Jake. He had his glasses and retainer on, downgrading his looks a couple hundred notches, but it was safe. When he wore the glasses, the blue light wasn’t there, and when we were in the light, it wasn’t there either. As long as we hung out when one of those two situations applied, I’d be fine.

“
Jake,”
I whispered.

The teacher was circling the room, eyeing us like a hawk as we read about the Conquistadores in supposed silence.

“
I’m bored.”
I was too tired to deal with school. After what had happened last night, I hadn’t slept much.

Jake looked sideways at me, his brown eyes hidden and dull behind the thick lenses.
Don’t talk out loud, idiot. Use your mind. Besides, I’m reading. Maybe you should try it.

I moaned, looking at the words on the page and reading the same line I’d read what seemed ten times now.
“How do you put up with this?”
I whispered again out loud, just to be impossible.

Jake glared. “I like
learning.”
His voice snaked through clenched teeth.

I smiled to myself for forcing him to play along.

Mr. Jackson clapped his hands together then. “All right class, time to break into our groups and continue working on our projects.”

It was music to my ears.

Jake slowly shut his book as the class broke into a low murmur. He sighed. “Want to go to the library?”

“The
real
library?” I urged with a wink.

Jake’s glance was so much smoother than his exterior would imply, a smile growing across his face. “Sure, Emily. The
real
library.” He winked back.

A rush of excitement washed over me. I’d put a lot of thought into what I was doing at school, and a lot of thought into what Jake’s sister was doing. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to do what I loved, though that wasn’t necessarily baking. All I knew was that sitting here following premeditated steps wasn’t what I loved. My clairvoyance had already taught me all I’d need to know, so school was just a giant mind-numbing experience. It was worthless, and if I could make him, Jake was going down with me.

Jake had risen from his chair, chatting with the teacher. I gathered my things and threw my bag over my shoulder.

“So, Mr. Jackson, we’re going to the library,” Jake finished explaining as I arrived at his side.

Mr. Jackson smiled at us in a way that made me uncomfortable—as though Jake and I were a couple and he’d found it endearing. “Sure. I’m very anxious to see what my two best students come up with.” He gave us both an awkward pat on the shoulder.

Buttering him up to let us leave class and his supervision was easy, but the dreamy look in his eye was no less irritating. I conveyed that toward Jake, he shrugged.

At least it’s a way to get on his good side. If he thinks we’re dating, doing what we want will be easy,
he explained.

I gave him laughter in return.
Just as long as it’s not true.
I challenged.
I know your reputation.

I’d never hit on a taken girl.

I pressed my lips together.
Yeah, right.

Jake lifted one brow.
Is that an invitation?

I put one hand on my hip.
Certainly not!

Mr. Jackson was grinning wider now, and I realized that to him, it looked as though Jake and I were gazing into each others eyes when we were really having a mental fight. I snorted and pushed Jake toward the door.

“Bye, Mr. Jackson!” I waved over my shoulder. The class watched us leave with jealousy written across their faces. As the door shut behind us, there was a rise of murmurs, kids wanting to be granted the chance to go to the library as well, but as expected, no one else followed.

Walking down the central hall, Jake’s slinky veiled light remained hidden, despite the shadowy lighting. A part of me was bummed, knowing now that his glasses were the one thing that hid it most. I’d thought about the light all night, finding that after my cold, late-night visitor, I couldn’t really fall back asleep. This was when I’d formulated my notions as to what made the light appear, such as lighting, and physical obstructions like the anti-reflective glasses. As I had lain there, unnerved and tired, I remember thinking that a small part of me craved its reappearance, just for its safety. How, though, could a blue light save me?

I compulsively wrinkled my nose.
“Why?”
It came out disgruntled.

He snorted. “I prefer
glistening,”
he corrected. “And I am different. I’m
very
different.”

“How?” I challenged. “I think that’s in your head.”

He stopped, spreading his arms. “This is not me. If I could be myself, I sure wouldn’t look like a geek. I’m handsome, but no one here knows that because of all the things I have to hide.”

I chuckled. “So you think you’re handsome? Cocky much?”

He dropped his hands, conveying an impartial look that didn’t disagree. “The worst part about being me, though, is all the rules.”

Just the mention of the word made me edgy. I hated rules, too.

“I can’t do anything without asking a group of elders first, and they’re so uptight it’s ridiculous. I’ll always have someone to answer to, like a parent. Look at it that way.” He slanted his head toward me and looked at me over his glasses. The silver reflection in his eyes caught the overhead lights—no blue veil. My light idea was true, too.

I pouted. “Just break a few rules then,” I said absently, distracted by the mental notes I was making about the light.

Jake released one sarcastic laugh. “I can’t just
break
a few, Emily. Though there are a few I’d love to. They’ll kill me, and I mean it. There’s no three-strikes-your-out in my world.”

I began to feel bothered, imagining myself as him. “I don’t envy you at all.”

He weaved into me, leaning against my shoulder. “Gee,
thanks.
That really helps.”

We’d arrived at the end of the hall, the parking lot outside. We stared at the freedom beyond, but I suppose to Jake it wasn’t freedom at all.

Jake pressed his lips together in thought. “Here, follow me.” He grabbed my arm, his hand burning hot against my bare skin.

He whipped me around and away from my freedom. Walking with determination, I couldn’t help but be dragged behind him. We made our way toward the library, a place I’d thought we were going to avoid. I never liked the library, and not just because of the fact that Jane loved it. The problem was that books spoke to me here, and as you can imagine, it was distracting. We walked in, the whispers lighting up my undiluted mind. If there was anytime I would falter and want a hit of Valium, it was now—
here.

“Jake,” I cautioned. “I hate it here.”

He refused to allow me to wriggle free. “That’s because you can’t enjoy it for what it is. For years I’ve wanted to show you that this isn’t a place to get all worked up about.”

“What do you know about what I think?” I retorted. It was a stupid question.

He glared.
Everything.

“Why did you watch me so closely?”

Jake stopped, releasing my arm. “Because it was entertaining to watch you flounder, and truthfully, there just aren’t very many mind readers left. Black Angels have taken them all and abused them for their powers. If it weren’t for Max, you’d be a goner, too.”

I angrily crossed my arms, refusing to look at him. “Whatever. That’s sadistic.”

He pinched my arm and I reeled out of my defensive pose. “Ouch! What was that for?” I was forced to look at him, and I froze. He’d removed his glasses and there it was. The veiled light had returned, the shadows of the overhead stacks inviting it out to play. My arms dropped limply to my sides, my body overcome with elation. I was being sucked into the feeling, hopelessly falling away from any anger I once felt.

Jake went about mindlessly thumbing through books. I was confused. He didn’t seem to notice this light at all, and though I thought that was what he was trying to show me, I quickly learned it wasn’t. Perhaps he didn’t know about it?

He pulled a book out and held it before me, perfectly framed within the light as it wrapped it’s blue, smoky tendrils around the cover. “See, listen to it.”

Stuck hopelessly in a state of blissful calmness, poetry entered my ears. I reached out for the light, grasping the book instead as the blue wisps twisted about my fingers. Jake searched for another book, turning away from me. The hold the light had over my thoughts broke, and the poetic voices grew louder. It took all my strength not to grab him and twist his gaze back toward me. I shook my head, clenching my fists over the cover.
Stop that,
I told myself.

“Can you hear it?” his hands were above him, thumbing for a book on the top shelf.

With so many books, the poet’s words were a blur, but the melody of the syllables was beautiful and relaxing.

He brought down another book, replacing the one in my hands, along with the return of the light. “So, when you’re forced to come here for class, just come to this section. It’s a lot easier to digest. It’s like music.”

I told myself this wasn’t right, using all my strength to turn away from him, still holding the book. Keeping my eyes fixed on the ground in order to avoid another glance at the light, I tried to hone in on just one voice. I hoped that by doing so, I could get my sanity back.

“Whose voices are they?” I asked.

I heard him pull another book from the shelf. “You’re saying you don’t know?”

I let my backpack fall from my shoulders, suddenly feeling as though it were holding me back, keeping me from some sort of freedom. “No… I don’t know. I hate it here, remember?” I couldn’t stop myself from glancing up. The light caught me.
What was I thinking?
I squeezed the book hard, as though it were the only thing keeping me from being sucked in.

“It’s the author’s voice.” He pressed the book in his hand toward me, again taking the one I had been holding. I forced my eyes shut, only to open them to the cover of the new book. I flipped it around in my grasp, nervously reading the title over and over—Edgar A. Poe.

Edgar’s voice dominated my thoughts, surprisingly soft and withheld. I used the sound of it to draw me away from the light, swallowing hard. “That’s unreal.”

I pulled the book to my chest, hugging it like I would my savior. I hadn’t let him know, right? “Oh,
uh…
it’s just amazing, is all.” The sucking sensation was gone as though it had never been there. My independence had been returned.

I used it as an excuse to find better overhead lighting. “Let’s go.” I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the library, avoiding any shadows that provoked this emotion out of Jake, this emotion I don’t think he even knew about.