Bones Would Rain from the Sky: Deepening Our Relationships with Dogs (27 page)

them appropriately. She's also endlessly
patient withand kind to children, even bratty ones. But when
loud, obnoxious teenagers begin shoving her around,
she's really weird-she starts telling them to leave
her alone. When they won't stop, she screams at
them. What can we do with Maggie? Her behavior
has us stumped."
Suddenly, the story seems quite different, and the dog's
behavior far from puzzling. To label a dog like
Cream aggressive is as senseless as labeling a
woman as a cranky bitch because she slapped the
face of a stranger who fondled her. And since these
dogs are often roundly punished by their horrified
owners (often on the advice of trainers who do not
understand dog behavior), the dog finds himself in a
terrible situation. Not only is the dog left open
to the assault of the rude dog in the first place, but
then he is also attacked (punished) by his owner.
Little wonder that these dogs can become hyperalert
to dogs who exhibit no sense of respecting the
personal space of others or dogs who are
excited and out of control. Some dogs can begin to set
considerably large safety zones around them,
compensating for the lack of protection available from the
handler. In the absence of clear leadership that offers
proactive intervention, these "aggressive"
dogs often feel that they have no other option but to act
defensively on their own behalf. And for that, they are
often harshly punished, banned from classes and
deeply misunderstood by the very people who should have been the
ones to offer loving, alert protection-the proactive
intervention of leadership.
Though these same owners would not let a stranger come
up and begin kicking or yelling at their dog, they
sometimes make no move to protect them from the
rudeness of other dogs and the people who allow their dogs
to behave rudely. This is not because they are unfeeling
or careless. They may be laboring under the assumption
that whatever dogs do is "natural" and that they ought not
to interfere. They may be convinced, especially after being
repeatedly told, that their dog (who may be offering a
fully appropriate and normal response) is
"aggressive" or "vicious," and feel terribly
guilty about their dog's behavior. Even handlers
who realize that their dogs have had their personal
space infringed on will find little support from other people
who have a limited understanding
of aggression and who thus interpret anything that seems
even mildly threatening in a simplistic, often
inaccurate way.

For dogs who have problems with other dogs
getting into their personal space, or dogs who
lack confidence about meeting new people and/or other
dogs, the simple act of the handler stepping forward is
a profound one. What this gesture tells the dog
is "I see the threat, and I will protect you." In
other words, what the dog sees in our action is an
assurance that we are willing to act as a leader should,
an assurance that relieves or at least minimizes
the dog's need to act in his own self-defense.
By its very nature, the simple act of a human
stepping forward with intent and confidence can make another
dog intent on getting your dog to back off or slow
down. And if it does not have that effect, it does at
least position you to do something before your dog can be
contacted rudely or possibly attacked. Though
there are usually other failures in leadership that added
to the dog's anxiety that he was unprotected, teaching
handlers to make this simple gesture has brought many
a worried dog much needed relief and a feeling of
security.
Trust within a relationship is built on the belief
that our behavior will be noticed and responded to,
if not necessarily always fully understood. In my
experience, dogs whose owners recognize,
acknowledge and act on early signs of
discomfort have deep trust in their owners' ability
to protect them in almost any situation. To my way of
thinking, a critical part of the relationships I have with
my animals and anyone I love is this promise:
"I will protect you." And to the best of my
abilities, I do not violate this promise in
any way. To keep that promise, I must be
vigilant and willing to step into harm's way on their
behalf. Not merely when the people and other dogs around me
are cooperative and polite. Not when it's convenient
or pleasant for me to do so. To be a dog's
protector, to champion his rights at all times even
when it means stepping up and speaking out on his behalf,
this is a true gift of loving leadership.
knock it off-Now!
Another aspect of proactive intervention
involves defusing of potential conflicts.
Leadership requires that we remain alert to the
Interactions between other family members and, if we deem it
necessary, end run a brewing confrontation. My mother had
a particularly keen eye for how her four children could

find ways to irritate each other, and if
she saw a brawl taking shape, she would intervene in
various ways. At times, she simply redirected
us, setting us to tasks that would occupy our attention
and, preferably, remove us from each other's company
for a while. At other times, lacking any way
to distract us, she would resort to clear warnings:
"Knock it off. Right now."
In the same fashion, our role as our dogs'
leader requires us to be alert to possible
conflicts, reading the subtle gestures that flash from
dog to dog. As pack leader, my dog Vali was
remarkably skilled at assessing whether two
dogs might be having a grumbly but civil
discussion and when a more serious argument was taking shape.
From her preferred perch on the couch, I could see her
look up and watch the dogs in question. Sometimes, she just
sighed and looked away, and at those times, the
squabbling dogs would resolve the problem without needing
intervention coma sharp bark or unhappy grumble, and it
was over. At other times, however, she saw something
else, and would get up from the couch and walk
directly to the would-be combatants, placing herself
directly in between the two dogs. She would stand
quietly, turning her head first to one and then the other,
and wait until each had gone their
separate way. Crisis averted, she'd return
to the couch and her nap.
As dogs do with other dogs, human leaders of dogs
need to learn to read the subtle signs that point
to problems that are brewing, and step in proactively.
This can be tiring, as it requires a great deal of
attention, particularly when the potential for conflict
is high: unknown dogs being mixed together for the first time,
the excitement of a class or show situation, new
additions to an established group, the presence of
high-value resources [toys, bones, food,
attention), when visitors arrive, etc. In stable
groups, the degree of attention required is
minimal, with more attention (and intervention if necessary)
brought to bear only at the moments where potential
conflict arises. By and large, dogs are a peaceful
bunch who would much rather party than parry, but prevention
is always better than cure. Recognizing the
moments where excitement or emotions may run a
bit higher or hotter than usual, the wise leader
helps maintain peace by setting the tone.
Those dealing with multiple-dog households have a
bit more on their plate, especially since our very
human tendency is to want to place blame on one

dog or feel sorry for the (perceived)
underdog. Since we often do not read the relative
status of the two dogs or the situation correctly
(usually because we're not seeing it from the canine point
of view), it's often best to take the approach that
wise human mothers take: Neither party to the conflict
is upheld, but both participants are reminded
to behave themselves. As my mother often said, "I don't
care who started it. Both of you go to your room."
Sometimes, I just tell the dogs involved to knock it
off, and they will cease their squabbling without any other
intervention. At other times, I might need to underline
my message by telling both dogs to lie down and
stay for a few minutes, a technique that also allows
them to calm down.
Sometimes, one dog simply won't let it go, or
both are unwilling to back down. Or mysteriously,
dogs will enter that strange war zone where the conflicts
between the combatants are unfathomable to a
nonparticipant but recognized by parents the world over
by the classic wail arising from the backseat:
"Mom-she's looking at me like that again!" What the
particular look may be and what response it's
exciting in the victim are far beyond any mortal
adult's comprehension. But to the two children involved, this
is more than just a way to pass time on long
car rides-it's a genuine conflict. Dogs have
similar conflicts, though they are rarely triggered
by boring road trips (during which dogs usually have enough
sense to just sleep or stick their heads out the window).
Watch for eye contact-even across a very long distance-as
a possible trigger for the doggy version of teenagers on
a school bus making faces at passing cars.
Bored dogs sometimes entertain themselves by playing head
games using nothing more than eye contact to get a
rise out of other dogs. Dogs who do this have the same
unerring instinct as kids who play this game, and they
are able to choose their victims with great success.
They do not pick on confident, assured dogs or
people. Instead, they target the unsure, the immature
or the downright frightened, and are thus guaranteed of a
fascinating response. Countless owners have found
themselves terribly surprised when their dog erupts in
a barking or snarling frenzy toward another dog who,
as is often said, "didn't do anything but look at
him!" The opposite is also true-it is possible
to find yourself

shocked when your dog is the target of another dog's
seemingly inexplicable annoyance. As a rule of
thumb, unless engaged in a game or posing a
challenge, dogs don't maintain eye contact with
each other. Appropriate leadership includes
watching what our dogs are watching and making sure that
rude staring contests are not going on, just as
responsible parents would not allow their children to engage in
such foolishly rude behavior.
It always cracks me up when people visit and watch the
interactions between my dogs. They seem to think we're
living on the set of a nature documentary and that
I've been given a copy of the script. And if
things heat up to a mild grumble, the questions fly hot
and fast: "Why did they do that? What does that mean?
Why is he growling at her?" They're shocked when
I sometimes answer that I have no idea what the hell
the dogs are saying to each other. Though it's nice
to have an understanding of what caused the problem, sometimes
we just have to accept "Mom, she's looking at me like
that again!" Like the wise parent who then blindfolds the
kids or leaves the troublemaker at the next rest
stop, we need to just trust the conflict is real though
mysterious and deal with the participants
appropriately. A mom routine is usually
appropriate- I'll escort both dogs to their
crates or separate them for a brief time-out.
Our dogs rely on our leadership to provide them
with protection. Maintaining an awareness of what is
happening around and to a loved one is a tremendous
gift of our attention. All of us long for a living,
breathing guardian angel who watches out for us. This
is something dogs have traditionally offered mankind; it
seems only fair to reciprocate with loving,
protective awareness of our own, at least for the dog
at our side.
keeping the covenant
We may be very uncomfortable with the concepts of power,
status and leadership within the context of our
relationships with our dogs. And yet, no matter how
unwilling we may be to think in such terms, it does
not alter the reality that dogs perceive their world in these
terms. If we fail to give full weight to the
importance of benevolent, reliable and evenhanded
leadership in a dog's life, we will fail our
dogs. If we cannot come
to grips with our own emotional responses to issues

of power, our dogs will have to deal with the
uncertainty and anxiety that many dogs experience when
they lack appropriate leadership.
Facing inconsistent or ineffective leadership,
dogs will not interpret this as a momentary lapse or as
the actions of a stressed human trying to fulfill far
too many roles. Dogs will not understand that our
inability to sort out our own feelings may be
blocking us from acting as they need us to act. What
dogs believe when faced with inadequate or shifting
leadership is that change is in the wind. Should a
leader grow old, incompetent, weak or be disabled in
some way, the natural progression of canine
society is for the role of leadership to be filled
by someone more qualified and willing to take on the job.
Someone must be in charge, preferably someone strong and
sure and competent, and shifts in the behavior of a
group's leader point to the potential need for some
other member of the group to step up and take over that
position of authority. Our behavior-whether we
intend it to be or not-may serve as a marker that the
pack's hierarchy is up for review and
restructuring: "Seeking qualified leader for
small, intimate pack. Benevolent management
skills a must."
This uncertainty about who is in charge can
make dogs quite anxious, as any of us are in the
face of uncertain but impending changes. And it can
also make dogs behave in interesting (though often
disconcerting, puzzling or even frightening) ways as they
attempt to redefine their world and how their position in
it may be shifting. A shake-up in the structure
of the dog's family group is no less disconcerting
and upsetting to a dog than an equivalent change
is for us within our human families and groups.
Following the death of our longtime pack leader, our
dogs had to recast the pack order among themselves.
Though the steadiness of what John and I were able
to provide in terms of leadership helped ease their
stress, the old dog's death left a hole in more
than just our hearts-she left a gap that required the
dogs to reestablish their status relative to each
other.
We need not be heavy-handed dictators or anxious
bureaucrats who feel the need to enforce every
subsection of every rule and regulation. We do need
to ask our dogs if perhaps they need more from us, or if
they need us to offer guidance with a lighter hand or with a
crisper style.