Bonds of Denial (13 page)

He opened his eyes when Carter crawled back up, leaving a trail of kisses on his knee, inner thigh, cock, abdomen, nipple and finally his neck. He held Rock’s gaze as he lowered his body onto Rock’s, hot flesh on flesh from chest to toes.

It was the first time Rock had ever lain completely naked with a man. “You feel so good,” he said, the honesty too pure to withhold. He wrapped his arms around Carter and took a second, marveling in the exotic feel of it. Their cocks pressed side by side between them, their chests rising and falling in deep breaths that came out in an accelerated pace. Like his heart.

The musky scent of arousal overrode the fading cologne to create a fragrance that was pure sex. It was one more thing he locked into his memory.

Carter studied him, serious now. “You up for fucking me?”

The question was so straightforward, Rock almost barked out a laugh. Fucking Carter had been one of the things he’d never believed would happen. Even when he’d paid for the chance, he’d doubted he could go through with it, and he’d been right. But there was no doubt now.

“God, yes,” Rock said, tugging Carter closer. “It’ll be an honor.”

He took Carter’s mouth in a kiss that showed exactly how much he wanted to be with him, hold him, keep him close all night long…and tomorrow too.

An honor
. Those words shook Carter’s foundation. It was a good thing Rock had pulled him into the kiss because he doubted he could’ve kept the shock from his face.
An honor
. He tried to keep the words from meaning anything. They were just words, after all. But there was no way he could ignore the tender passion that was in every touch and action Rock made.

He couldn’t process it all, so instead he lost himself in the hard length of the man beneath him. Rock’s hot mouth claimed his so thoroughly, his tongue playing with his, plunging, retreating, sucking in a way that had him wishing he could do nothing but this for hours. The full flavor that spoke of excitement and desire every time he pressed his tongue into Rock’s mouth was like an addicting drug.

He was so lost in the feel of Rock, in how much he craved this, that he was unprepared when Rock rolled them over, never breaking their kiss. He went willingly, wanting the weight of the man on him—something he usually hated. It was a vulnerable position that left him claustrophobic. Not with Rock.

Rock broke away to trail a line of kisses down Carter’s jaw before tracing the shell of Carter’s ear with his tongue. God, that was nice. It was usually him doing that move. No one took the time to do little things like that to him. He tilted his head, gasping for breath, hoping it continued.

The hard line of Rock’s erection pressing against his abdomen was proof of the man’s arousal, as if he needed more. He rocked his hips, seeking Rock’s cock to rub against his own. When he found it, the matching tones of their low moans rumbled in his ears.

There was no faking here, no imagining someone else or wishing for the end. He was all in the moment. Absorbed in every detail he usually ignored.

He ran his feet over the back of Rock’s calves, loving the way the hair bristled across his soles. His hands were busy too. Stroking Rock’s back, grabbing the round globes of his ass, memorizing the feel of him in his arms. He wanted this to last.

The slide of their cocks rubbing together as Rock rolled his hips had his eyes closing. The velvety skin on skin glided over each other, the ridge of the crowns catching on every stroke until his balls were heavy and aching to come.

“Do you have stuff?” he managed to ask through the cloud of desire that had turned his blood to liquid fire. He couldn’t stop his hands from roaming, rubbing, grabbing as he writhed beneath the big soldier.

“This…you,” Rock whispered, his voice full of gravel. “Feels amazing.”

“It gets better,” Carter promised. He wiggled his hand between them and fisted both of their cocks. Christ. He’d done this hundreds of times and it had never been this good. Never.

Rock braced his forehead on Carter’s shoulder and looked down between their bodies. He kept his hips moving, forcing his cock through the tight hold of Carter’s fist. “That…” He pumped a few more times, long, slow motions that let the need simmer right on the brink, sharpening the edge until Carter swore it could cut him.

Instead of finishing his sentence, Rock pulled away, reaching for the nightstand.

“How do you want me?” It was a standard question Carter always asked and it slipped out without thought.

Rock shot him a confused look over his shoulder before he focused back on getting what Carter hoped were supplies. He had some if Rock didn’t, but they were in the living room with
his coat.

The heated look Rock leveled on him as he tossed the lube and condom on the bed was almost enough to make him whimper. For real.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Rock said as he kneeled between Carter’s legs. He dragged his hands down the length of Carter’s chest, his gaze following the movement the whole way. The appreciation that gleamed in his eyes proclaimed his admiration for Carter’s body. But it was the gentle touch and almost awestruck expression that turned it into more than simple lust based on physical attraction.

Rock grazed his fingers over the area at the base of Carter’s cock, a back and forth movement that had Carter’s hips twitching. “It’s so smooth.” Rock’s blatant fascination at his waxed genitals sent a rush of something deep into his chest. “I like it.” He’d heard that before too, but the approval had never struck him as something he needed. Yet hearing it from Rock sent a shiver straight to his balls.

Rock dipped his head to nuzzle his nose into Carter’s groin, his lips swiping over Carter’s sac as his back rose with a huge inhale. The anticipation balled in Carter’s stomach, shooting lightning-fast tingles of pleasure through his system. When Rock finally closed his mouth around one of his testicles and sucked the solid ball into his mouth, Carter swore he saw stars. He loved having his balls sucked and it didn’t happen often. Without the hair, everything was more sensitive. The heat and wetness of Rock’s mouth soaked right through the thin flesh to leave him gasping for air.

At every turn, Rock was surprising him. Gone was the hesitation and blushes, replaced by the freedom that pure desire set free. This was the confident man who was taking what he wanted.

Carter spread his legs wide, giving the broad shoulders more room to move as Rock sunk down to give his task his complete focus. He squeezed his eyes closed and tried to concentrate on something besides the gentle suckle and roll of tongue on his balls, anything to keep him from coming that instant. Years of practice at timing his orgasm to make the customer happy was almost useless here.

“God, Rock.” He grunted the man’s name as a fist closed around his dick. The long pulls upped the sensation, and every muscle went tense, holding himself back. “You need to fuck me before I come,” he managed to get out.

Rock pulled his mouth away and the air rushed in to cool the wetness. “Yeah?” The satisfaction in his voice pried Carter’s eyes open. There was no missing the pleased smirk or the promise shining in his eyes. “Then I’d better do that.”

The click of the lube cap had never sounded so erotic. Carter knew what was coming, but the shocker was how much he wanted it. He grabbed his knees, lifting his leg to spread himself wide for Rock.

“Damn, that’s nice,” Rock murmured, his eyes focused on Carter’s opening. The comment could’ve been trite if there hadn’t been so much raw emotion behind it.

The chill of the lube was accompanied by the prod of fingers as Rock circled them over his hole. Again, the gentleness of the contact, the slow pace of the eventual slide of a digit into him was the thing that touched his heart.

The stretch was minimal, the fingering something he didn’t really need. But God, the fact that Rock took the time to do it made the act phenomenal. Each addition of a finger was paced to match Carter’s rising need. His fingers dug into his flesh where he gripped his thighs, and it took a while to realize that the random spill of sounds filling the room were coming from him.

“ThereGodfuck,” Carter cried out in one word when Rock rubbed over his prostate. His neck arched and he dug his head into the mattress, the pleasure exploding within him as he struggled to hold back his orgasm.

Rock lunged down to capture Carter’s whimper in a kiss that tore through the last of his barriers. He was left exposed to every emotion that slammed through him, every wish and longing that he’d pushed down. He was taking this, whatever it was, and enjoying it completely until Rock came to his senses and tossed him aside.

This was beyond his experience. Sex he knew, desire he understood, but passion this intense was a foreign subject to him. But he was willing to learn. Wanted to understand.

He needed to know. With Rock.

* * *

Rock rolled the condom on his harder-than-steel dick, his hand shaking. Thank fuck Carter couldn’t see that. The combination of excitement, anticipation and flat-out hunger had him teetering on the edge of completely losing it. Only the knowledge that he’d soon be buried deep within Carter helped him find his restraint.

There was no way he was coming before he experienced that.

He inhaled a deep breath, trying to slow his racing heart, but it was a pointless exercise. The vision of Carter splayed before him, chest panting, mouth parted, heavy eyes focused on him, was something to see. A still-shot frozen in his mind. He didn’t doubt the authenticity of the emotions that crossed Carter’s face because they seemed to mirror the ones crashing around within him.

He positioned his dick at Carter’s hole. Glancing up, he couldn’t resist swooping down to steal another kiss. The taste and feel of this man was going to drive him insane.

The slight resistance gave way to a tight clench of muscles that clamped around the head of his dick as he eased his way inside. The scorching heat and gripping hold was beyond amazing. He ripped his mouth from Carter’s to suck in a breath. His arms trembled, threatening to crumble where he braced himself over the man.

He’d watched this act executed countless times and knew exactly what he was doing. But nothing had prepared him for how fucking wonderful it would feel.

His eyes rolled back as he slowly pushed himself all the way in. There were no words for the tight clench of heat and muscle that wrapped around his dick. This right here,
this
was what he’d always ached for. The recognition rang through him, forcing a moan from his chest as the last of his denial was finally released.

Carter yanked him down, searing him with a kiss that reached to his toes before Carter jerked his mouth free, his breath panting over Rock’s cheek. “Move. God, please. Move.”

“Yeah,” was all Rock could say.

He lifted back and spread Carter’s legs wider. He had to watch as he slowly withdrew and plunged back in. It was by far the most sensual thing he’d ever seen. Nothing in all the years of watching sexual acts compared to the simple sight of his dick sliding in and out of Carter.

Carter’s low sounds of enjoyment filled the air and added to the potency of the act. All the years and waiting had been worth it for this one moment alone. The final sense of being whole would make every derogatory remark and bigoted sneer bearable. He wanted this to last forever, but the rush of his orgasm was already building in his groin.

Carter jerked his hips, slamming down on Rock’s cock. He grabbed Rock’s neck and pulled him down with a strength that surprised him. His eyes were piercing with lust and need.
“Fuck. Me. Now. Hard.” Carter released his hold and dropped back to the bed. “Please.”

Christ. There was no way he could deny that demand—that plea. His hips bucked and he ground into Carter’s ass, savoring the slide of skin over his groin and balls. There was no holding back now. He dropped to his forearms, pumping into Carter at a pace that was impossible to slow.

“You feel so fucking good,” he mumbled, his mouth pressed to Carter’s shoulder.

“Yes,” Carter gasped.

The slap of skin became the backdrop for the indistinct sounds that came from both of them. Rock pushed up, wanting more leverage. He brought his knees under him and thrust into Carter with a fierce growl.

Carter arched off the bed, his cry ringing through the room. “There. Fuck. Again.”

Rock complied. Over and over he hit the sweet spot that had Carter squirming on the mattress.

With his own orgasm simmering close to exploding, Rock reached down to stroke Carter. Sweat covered his skin. The smell of sex filled his nostrils with every inhalation. His heart pounded in his ears and all he could see was the passion-filled face of his lover.

“Come on,” Rock growled, jerking Carter’s cock and driving into his ass with a force the man would probably feel in the morning. Right then, he didn’t care. “Fucking come.” His lone goal was to see Carter come.

A few strokes more, and he got his wish. Carter squeezed his eyes closed, his mouth open in a silent scream as his muscles tensed, curling him forward before the withheld sound escaped in a throaty cry. He collapsed to the bed, come shooting across his stomach and over Rock’s hand as Rock continued to thrust through the clamped-down muscles on his cock.

He gritted his teeth and forced his orgasm back. He wanted to see the pleasure crashing over Carter’s face. Feel every twitch and spasm as it rang through Carter’s body. Take every goddamn thing he could before it was done.

Carter sagged beneath him, limp, panting and spent before Rock finally let himself come. He gave one last hard pump and ground his hips into Carter, his orgasm exploding from him in a rush of heat. The sound that came from his chest was almost inhuman, filled with years of rage and loss as he finally claimed what he’d sworn he’d never want.

He’d been so fucking wrong.

Carter wasn’t sure how long he lay there, dazed and floating before the world came back to him. Rock’s panting breaths were easing where they cooled the perspiration on his neck, his weight just starting to get heavy. Instead of instantly pushing him off, he held the man, absorbing his weight until breathing became a necessity. He nudged Rock’s thick shoulder. It was a weak shove that reinforced his vulnerability and should’ve had his panic rising but it didn’t.

Rock eased out of him, and he kept his wince from showing until Rock had his back turned. Damn, he was going to be sore in the morning. A smile spread across his face when he realized he didn’t care. For once, he wanted the reminder tomorrow.

The bed shifted as Rock stood then headed toward the bathroom. His retreat gave Carter a fantastic view of his fine ass as he walked away. The man was solid muscle from head to toe and there was no way he couldn’t appreciate that.

The air was slowly cooling his heated skin and he shivered. Goose bumps formed on his arms, but he couldn’t muster the strength to care. Absent was the urgency to clean up and leave that usually pressed on him to get the hell out once a fuck was done.

He opened his eyes when a wet cloth landed on his stomach. Rock smiled down at him before he walked out of the room. Carter assumed he was turning off the lights in the outer rooms and not sending a message that he should leave.

But what if he was? The doubt rushed back to crush the last of his buzz. Money wasn’t involved, but that didn’t mean the expectations were different.

He grabbed the washcloth from his stomach and rolled out of bed to use the bathroom. If he was being kicked out, he wasn’t driving home with come dried to his stomach. At least Rock had given him time to clean up. That was more than some of the johns allowed.

He’d just sat down on the edge of the bed and was reaching for his clothes when Rock returned. A heaviness filled his chest, a black cloud that was draining the light away, but he knew how to hide it.

“Hey.” Rock’s low greeting held a hesitancy he’d heard before. It was the “what do I do now?” tone. Or maybe the implied “how do I get him to leave?” question.

Carter forced a smile and looked up, only to freeze. He clenched his jeans in a sudden death hold. Rock stood outlined in doorway, backlit from the lights in the living room, holding two things in his hands: a glass of milk and a plate of cookies.

“You’re leaving?” The hard tone was lined with a protective defensiveness that had Carter dropping his clothes. The happiness that jolted through him was stronger than it should be, but he couldn’t care.

He flashed a grin and scooted back on the large bed. “Not a chance in hell if you plan on sharing those with me.” The scent of warm chocolate chip cookies drifted over to him and he inhaled, bringing the distant memory of cozy afternoons and love with him. His mother used to say that cookies cured everything. Right now, he had to agree.

Rock continued into the room, stopping when he reached the side of the bed to let his gaze slide over Carter.

Carter propped some pillows against the wood headboard and tucked his legs under the covers before he patted the space next to him. He braced his back against the pillows and motioned to Rock. “Come on.”

“I was enjoying the view,” Rock said with a smirk.

“Well, enjoy it over here. My cookies are getting cold.”

Rock kneeled on the bed and shuffled his way to the center, but he held his prize out of Carter’s reach. “Who said they’re for you?”

Carter let the laughter bubble out of him. It was way too easy to reach out and grab ahold of Rock’s balls, which were dangling free and unprotected right at his eye level. Rock sucked in a breath, but he didn’t flinch away or give up the cookies.

“I do believe you lured me here with the promise of homemade chocolate chip cookies.”

“Huh,” Rock grunted. “And I thought it was me you wanted.”

Carter rolled the soft sac between his fingers, pulling a mumbled curse from the man kneeling next to him. “I do.” He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Rock’s flaccid cock. It jerked in a vain attempt to harden again, and Rock mumbled another curse. Carter glanced up from beneath his lashes. “I need some nourishment if I’m going to make it to round two.” He eased a finger back to rub on the sensitive spot just behind Rock’s balls.

“Tease.” Rock pulled his hips away from Carter and twisted to sit down.

Carter laughed as he flipped the covers over Rock’s legs then impulsively leaned in to kiss Rock’s cheek. He couldn’t believe the man had brought him cookies and milk in bed. “A promise.” He savored the rough brush of beard stubble and the lingering scent of sex that clung to Rock before he reached for the plate. “Give me those.”

“You have to share,” Rock insisted as he let Carter take the cookies.

“Should I feed them to you?”

“Only if you want to wear the milk.” He lifted the glass in warning, a smile stealing the validity of the threat.

Carter shook his head. “That would be such a waste. Not to mention a huge mess for you to clean up.”

He picked up a cookie, the chocolate from a warm chip melting over his finger as he did. He took the first bite and moaned at the taste of pure heaven.
Oh my God
. He couldn’t remember cookies ever good. He closed his eyes to better savor the creamy chocolate goodness as he slowly chewed.

“So you like them?”

Carter’s eyes flew open to see Rock trying to withhold a slight smile. Once again, that unexpected shyness kicked at Carter’s heart.

“Like them?” he asked after he swallowed down his mouthful of heaven. “I love them.” He shifted the plate out of Rock’s reach. “I think you need to get your own.”

“No way.” Rock stretched behind Carter, trying to grab the plate, but his reach wasn’t long enough. “I brought enough for both of us.” He swatted at Carter’s arm before changing tactics. He wrapped his arm around Carter and pulled him into his chest as he nuzzled a kiss into the crook of Carter’s neck.

“Hey.” Carter chuckled and tried to squirm away, but Rock’s hold was too strong. It was only a second before he gave up and laid back into the firm chest. He leaned his head on Rock’s shoulder and looked up as he lifted a cookie. “Fine. Here.”

Rock was still holding the glass of milk with one hand and his other was wrapped around Carter, so he opened his mouth and waited. Carter didn’t even hesitate to place a bite of the cookie in the man’s mouth. If someone had told him that he’d be in bed feeding chocolate chip cookies to the stoic man who could barely meet his eyes the first time they’d met, he’d have called the person a liar. But here he was.

“Do you do this for all of your dates?” Carter asked as he settled into the warmth that was
pressed against his back.

“I’ve never had another date in my bed.”

It took every bit of his control not to react to Rock’s open statement. He knew the man had only recently admitted to being gay, but there had to have been somebody he’d dated before. Carter grabbed another cookie off the plate and lifted it to Rock. “Not even a girl?”

Rock took a big bite then shook his head.

“No? Then I feel special.”

“You are special,” Rock said before Carter felt the press of a kiss on his hair. Well, damn. There was no way to fight the swell of emotion that tightened his throat, but he couldn’t make it out to be more than it was. Escorts weren’t special. But this—right here—was.

Carter took a bite of the cookie, since there was no way he could respond, and gazed around the room as a way of distracting himself. The furniture had the same bold, straight lines as the rest of his loft. The dark wood looked rich against the deep-green paint on the interior walls. The two dressers were both void of clutter. Not even a small bowl of change or a random item sat on top. There was one picture in a silver frame and a lamp. That was it.

There were no clothes tossed on the chair in the corner or a shoes lying around to stumble over. The man was meticulously clean, which wasn’t bad, but it made Carter wonder how often Rock let himself relax.

They finished the plate of cookies and shared the milk in comfortable silence. The lethargy that sucked the energy from him usually didn’t hit until he got home. It was just too damn easy to lay there in Rock’s arms and pretend that it was just them. That none of the outside world existed to pass judgment or throw stones at his choices.

Rock shifted him forward. The chill hit his back to remind him this wasn’t permanent. He handed the empty plate to Rock as the man stood. He was halfway to the bedroom door before Carter found the strength to ask, “Do you want me to leave?”

Rock turned around and studied Carter. “Only if you want to.”

They were dancing around each other again, trying to define where they were headed. He took another leap and gave Rock a smile. “I don’t want to.”

Rock gave a sharp nod, his frown easing. “Good. I’ll be right back.” He left the room, his steps soundless on the hardwood as he disappeared down the hallway.

Carter made another quick trip to the bathroom before climbing into the large bed. He was adjusting the pillows and covers when the lights clicked off in the outer room. The soft glow of streetlights through the thin drapes allowed enough light into the room to see the outline of Rock as he entered.

After a detour to the bathroom, he crawled in beside Carter. He didn’t even pause before he wrapped an arm and leg around Carter and rested his head on Carter’s chest like it was something they did every night.

“Do you mind?” The low hesitancy in Rock’s voice was mixed with a wisp of something that bordered on uncertainty.

Carter hugged him closer and let out a slow breath as warmth and a pure sense of belonging soaked through him. “Not at all,” he said softly, half-afraid he’d scare the man away. Snuggling was a novelty he rarely wanted or enjoyed. Being held simply to be held was something people failed to appreciate when they got it all the time. For him, it was a rare treat.

“Thank you.”

The whispered gratitude reached Carter as he was drifting to sleep. “For what?” He rubbed Rock’s back, cherishing the heat and feel of the man beside him.

Enough time passed that he thought Rock wasn’t going to answer when his response was finally mumbled. “For holding me.”

Oh, God. Carter got that. There was nothing else Rock could’ve said that would’ve nailed him in the heart like those words did. Here was another man who knew the loneliness that came with hiding a part of himself from the world. Rock understood.

Carter turned to his side so he could wrap a leg around Rock and hug him tight. “Any time,” he said into the short bristle of hair on the top of Rock’s head. “Any time.” And he meant it. He was starting to think there was nothing he could deny this man.

As the light exhale of Rock’s breath evened out and his chest fell into a steady rhythm, Carter stayed awake as long as he could, filing away the elusive sense of worth and love that had been absent from his life for so long. There was a desperation within him to remember it for that time in the future when it would be gone.