Bonds of Courage (24 page)

Vanessa waited for her mother to turn back around, her anger shoved behind the wall of indifference that had been built when she was still a teenager. Despite the woman’s flaws, she was her mother. The one who’d worked multiple jobs to raise two kids on her own. She’d done the best that she could, just like everyone did.

Vanessa heaved a sigh and let the understanding settle the hurt that managed to pick at her heart. “Go, Mom.” She motioned toward the building that was open for the restrooms. “I’ve got this covered.”

The grim frown on her mother’s face said it all. Vanessa was still a disappointment. “Don’t let the popcorn burn.”

She turned to the three kids who’d walked up and focused on them. Popcorn was handed out, the kettle was flipped and refilled, bags were stuffed with the fresh popcorn and dutifully given away with a smile in place.

The noise of the event became muffled behind the attention she gave her task. But her mind wandered anyway, picking out snippets of what Liv had said over the past few months, requests from Holden that had pushed Vanessa’s boundaries then expanded to encompass her interactions with Angie, the partners at The Den and more.

Had she become her mother?

Her hand stilled over the kettle handle where heat simmered in silent warning before she jerked it back. That was what she did to keep from getting hurt. She put out signals to push people away. In her quest to protect herself, she’d become a dressed-up version of her mother—prickly, defensive and cold.

The instant curl of rejection sucked the breath from her chest and only confirmed it more. She gripped the edge of the cart, arms braced to support her weight.

“Hey, doll.” Her dad stepped around the popcorn machine, arms spread. “Where’s my hug?”

The shock of her second revelation of the day left her floundering, but the burly man was impossible to resist. She wiped her hands off, stiffened her spine and embraced him. “Hey, Dad.”

“You did good here.” He nodded toward the carnival. His praise took away the sting of her mother’s words. They’d always worked like that. Mom cut and Dad soothed.

“It was Liv, really,” she said, meaning it.

Her dad shrugged, one beefy shoulder lifting in dismissal. “You’re still there for her, just like you’ve always been.”

Her half-hearted smile tugged at the sadness and exhaustion that drained her further. “Yeah.” She turned away, grateful for the chattering group of excited kids and parents waiting for popcorn. “So who’s your favorite player?” she asked the kids, who were all wearing Glaciers’s shirts.

“Conners.”

“Martini.”

“Hauke.”

“Walters.”

The names bombarded her, riding over one another in their rush to declare their favorites. Her laughter was real and refreshing. The group moved away with their popcorn, the player debate in full swing. From the sounds of the discussion, it wasn’t the first time the four kids had engaged in that conversation.

“Hey, Vanessa.”

She looked over to see Quinn and Marcus approaching. Their baby was snuggled into a front carrier, protected from the sun by a long sleeves and a floppy hat. It was an odd look for the Dom, yet it fit him too. He had one arm wrapped around Quinn’s shoulders, the other hand rubbing the back of the baby carrier.

She was around the side of the cart in a second. “It’s so good to see you both. All three,” she corrected. “How is everything?”

“Good,” Quinn said. Her long, white-blond hair was tucked under her own wide-brimmed hat. Big sunglasses hid her recognizable face, and paired with the loose sundress and flip-flops, she was just another person attending the event. The Hollywood actress was out in plain sight with her newborn baby, and the attending news reporters were clueless.

“Exhausted,” Marcus added, but his smile went straight to Quinn.

“Can I peek?” Vanessa leaned in, and Marcus lifted the hat so she could check on the sleeping baby. Soft and adorable, he was still untouched by the harshness of the world. “Perfect,” she whispered. “How old is he again?”

Quinn scrunched up her face. “Three, no four weeks. God, that’s bad. I can’t even remember right now.”

Vanessa laughed. “No, it’s not. I’m sorry I haven’t been by to visit.” She meant it too. She’d been really hard on the two of them when their relationship was starting out, but they’d proven her wrong.

“I probably wouldn’t have remembered if you had,” Quinn confessed to another round of chuckles and Marcus’s nod of agreement.

“Well, thank you for coming today.”

“It’s good to get out,” he said, his dark hair shining in the sun. “And this is a perfect place to do it.” He looked around at the carnival booths. “Besides, I wanted to see how everything looked. Jake was a...” He caught himself, lips quirking. “Perfectionist while we were building the booths.”

She nodded, understanding exactly what Marcus meant. She made her goodbyes as more kids came up for popcorn. “Enjoy yourselves,” she said, waving the couple off. She turned back to the popcorn booth, surprised to see her dad still there. She inhaled then turned away to hand out bags before adding another batch of popcorn into the popper.

“Friends of yours?”

The inquisitive tone of her father’s voice came across as invasive. She bristled and her automatic reaction slammed home everything she’d been thinking about. The element of pride she’d taken in keeping her worlds separated disappeared behind a wave of guilt.

“Yeah,” she managed to mumble around the tightness in her throat.

“You didn’t introduce me,” he said. “You never do.”

It was one push too many. All of the introspection had left her vulnerable when she couldn’t be. “What’s your point, Dad?” She faced him, brows lifted.

He studied her. His eyes, so like her own, slipped into sadness before he shook his head. She’d never meant for her actions to hurt the people she cared about. “You were always so strong. I never worried about you because I knew you’d always be okay.”

Her puff of loathing was directed at herself.
Okay
was a relative term. She bit her tongue, using the pain to hold silent. She grabbed the towel and concentrated on getting the oil off her hands.

He sighed, the sound similar to her own. “You’re my daughter, V. I love you.”

She wet her lips, swallowing to find her voice. “I know. I love you, too.” She did love her parents, even if they were blind about the ways they’d hurt her.

“Why is the line in the women’s bathroom always a mile long?” her mother asked as she hustled up to the booth.

“Because the buildings are designed by men,” Vanessa answered, gaining a laugh and nod of agreement from her mother. “You good here?”

“Yes. Go do your thing.” Her mother immediately checked on the popper and scanned the warming bin as if Vanessa would’ve messed it up somehow.

She waved to her dad and left. She had to get away, but she refused to think of it as escaping. Her hands were still slick and provided the perfect reason to head to the building. Wash her hands, find her focus and get through the day.

* * *

Holden did his time at the autograph table, signing shirts, sticks, photos, whatever was shoved at him. He joked with Grenick, who was sitting next to him, and stopped himself from seeking Vanessa out. They weren’t together at this event. He couldn’t even talk to her without drawing attention to them. Not in this crowd.

By the time his hour was up, he was tired, hot and completely annoyed with the entire situation. To hell what anyone thought, he wanted to be with Vanessa. Talk to her, make her laugh, be there for her. She’d given plenty of hints without saying it directly that she was stressed about this day, hence his gift the other day.

He spotted Deklan and a man he recognized from the Fourth of July party carrying large coolers toward the food table. Farther down, Seth’s girlfriend, Allie, was laughing with one of his teammates, along with the guy’s wife and kids at the ring toss booth. Two of V’s aunts were behind the silent auction table with Holly and Liv, who were talking to the Glaciers’s owner.

Another deliberate scan had understanding dawning. Fuck, he was slow. He’d heard her but hadn’t understood the why. It was all of her worlds, converged onto one spot. The Den, the Glaciers, her family—three groups she probably never let cross, for good reasons. Yet they were here today at her doing, all because he’d had this crazy idea and Liv had gotten behind it.

Vanessa was exposed as she never let herself be, and it was all because of him. Or for him and Liv? It didn’t matter. The fact that she’d done it at all said everything.

She spoke in actions, not words, and he hadn’t been listening. Fuck, he was an idiot. He had to find her and let her know he understood.

He hunted for her in the sea of people, his heart thumping solid quick beats of intent. He nodded at teammates, smiled at kids, paused when necessary to keep from being rude and somehow managed to cover the entire field without finding her.

Circling back, he moved up the perimeter behind the games, where he spotted Liv coming at him from the other direction. Her smile was tight when he reached her, but she quickly covered it with her usual beaming grin. “Have you seen Vanessa?”

Her tone had him tensing. “No. Not lately.” He held back that he was looking for her too. And why was that? Why did they have to be a secret from her family? From her sister? From her friends at The Den?

He could understand the team to some extent, given her role, but not everyone else. Unless she had an issue with him. Unless she wasn’t serious about him.

Unless he was nothing more than a sub to her. Was he misreading everything about the carnival? Jesus. What the fuck?

“Okay.” Her smile wavered as she grabbed the ends of her ponytail and jerked the band tighter. She swiveled her head until she spotted someone. “Thanks,” she mumbled, turning to leave.

“Hey.” He grabbed her arm before she could walk away. “Is everything okay?”

Her gaze darted past him and she dropped the smile that wasn’t fooling him anyway. “It’s probably nothing.” She scanned the area again. “I just... I’m concerned about something...” She let the sentence drift off and glanced at the phone in her hand.

“What’s going on?” Her anxiousness sent a chill of unease slithering down his spine.

She shook her head then craned her neck, giving another search of the crowd. “I need to talk to my parents.”

He released his hold, not wanting to keep her. “Then go.”

Liv hurried away without a backward glance, her gait driven as she made a beeline to the man doing card tricks.

He swung around, a curse riding the back of his throat before he swallowed it away. The added concern collided with his own worries to push his steps faster as he continued his search for Vanessa.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Vanessa turned off the water and grabbed the towel to dry her hands. The building was quiet, compared to the noise level outside, but the low din of the music and people found its way into the kitchen. It was a taunting call of the responsibility waiting for her.

She blew out a breath, tossed the used towel into the trash and sagged against the wall, eyes closing. She let the darkness surround her, seeking the peace it provided. Tears welled behind her lids, but she squeezed them back. They wouldn’t take away the pain that battered her heart and turned her stomach.

“Hey, Vanessa.”

Chills ran over her skin in a scurry of disgust. Her eyes flew open and she jerked away from the wall. It didn’t matter how many years had passed, Rick’s voice always took her back.

He stood in the doorway, arms crossed tight, muscled biceps rounding beneath the sleeves of his polo. His sandy brown hair hung in stylish disarray that went with the cool-kid image he’d cultivated his entire life. But it was the sad, almost dejected frown that dug at her.

“What are you doing here?” The flat tone of her voice was pure reaction. She had nothing left to give him.

“Liv told me I wasn’t welcome.” He blew out a breath and glanced down. “When are you going to forgive me?” He stared at her then, eyes reflecting the years-old hurt that twisted within her.

She sighed, a rush of air filled with everything she didn’t want to tackle right then. “Why here? Now?”

“Because you always avoid me,” he insisted, moving into the room. “And I’m tired of being excluded from family events or having to endure your scorn whenever we’re near each other. How many years are you going to punish me for something that happened when we were kids?”

“I trusted you!” she yelled, her voice echoing off the tiled walls and floor to surprise her.

“I’m sorry!” he shouted back. “Damn it, V.” He gripped his hair, anguish contorting his face before he dropped his hands, shoulders sagging. “I’ve said that a hundred times and you refuse to accept it.”

“How am I supposed to forgive you?” She stepped closer and waited until he lifted his gaze. “You let your friends drug me, hurt me and then brag about it to our entire class. And you did nothing to stop them or the lies they told.”

“I didn’t let them do that to you,” he insisted, leaning in. “You know that.”

“I don’t know anything.” She had no memory of the actual events except for waking up naked, aching and full of regret. But she was fully aware when the rest of their senior class fed on the lies told by the guys and Rick did nothing to defend her.

“I was passed out, just like you. I don’t remember anything from that night. I was a stupid, immature seventeen-year-old and I admit I made some huge mistakes, but so did you.”

The last statement rammed through her to destroy every defensive shield she had. Even fisted, her hands trembled. Her throat was raw with the emotions stuck there, cutting it to shreds.

“And I paid for it,” she gritted out. “Not just that night, but every time I was scorned or mocked or shunned by everyone who believed your friends and you did nothing to stop any of it.”

“I’ve paid, too.” He pressed in even closer. “Every time I’m excluded from the family or forced to stand to the side so I don’t upset you. When are you going to understand that?”

“When are you going to get that I don’t have to understand or forgive or do anything for you?”

“Then do it for you!” The shouted words bounced off the walls to hit her from all sides.

The urge to curl in on herself warred with the frozen state that held her rigid. He inhaled deeply before releasing a shuddering breath that drifted over her cheeks.

She flinched away. From him, the words, the truth of what he’d said.

“Let it go, V. Please.” He gripped his hips, eyes squeezing tight before he opened them to plead with her. “Stop punishing everyone for something no one can change.”

It was too much. All of it. She pushed past him, needing to leave before everything that was balled up inside of her came crashing out.

“No.” He grabbed her arm, and she spun around to glare at him. “Don’t walk away. I want to fix this once and for all.”

“That’s not your choice,” she snapped as she pulled on her arm. “Let me go.”

His grip tightened. “We’ll never settle this if you refuse to talk this out.”

Her struggle increased with the panic that rose up to choke her. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think or respond past the basic urge to find safety. She struck then. Instant and reactive with a blow across his cheek.

His instantaneous backhand nailed the side of her face and sucked the air from her lungs. She jerked back, her movement halted by his hold. Pain radiated from her palm and cheek in pounding beats of shock. The distinct sound of flesh hitting flesh rang in her ears.

Time froze in a jumble of broken thoughts and distorted emotions that refused to make sense, only to zip into warp speed a second later. She pushed at his hand, arm, chest—wherever she could reach to get him away from her.

“Vanessa,” he snapped. “Damn it. Listen to me.”

She only fought harder but he was bigger and just as determined.

“Let her go!” Holden roared, his voice filled with rage as he barged into the room. In the next instant, Rick was shoved away from her. “What the hell are you doing?” Holden was in Rick’s face as he herded him against the wall.

“Me?” Rick exclaimed. “She hit me first.”

“To get away from you.” The throb in her cheek had spread to encompass the entire side of her face and pulsed in her teeth, but she refused to touch it. She wouldn’t give him that victory.

“Bullshit. I would never hurt you.”

“You just did,” she snapped, pointing to her cheek. She sucked in a breath to hold back the pain that balled in her chest. A tremble shuddered through her as she scrambled for control. “But your betrayal hurt me worse than that hit or anything those other guys did.”

“How?” Rick strained around Holden’s bulk. “Your goddamn bitch shield won’t let anything through. If you had cracked just once, shown anything, maybe I would’ve had a reason to stick my neck out for you. But it wasn’t worth it.”

The smack of Holden’s fist destroying Rick’s nose pummeled through the air in a sickening crunch of bone and skin. “She’s always worth it,” Holden growled.

“Fuck you,” Rick barked before he dove into Holden and they stumbled across the room to crash into the cabinets. Blood streamed from Rick’s nose and grunts filled the air between body slams and side punches.

“Stop,” she ordered, but her voice came out as a faint croak that didn’t penetrate the sounds of their struggle. This was her fault. Holden shouldn’t be here, fighting for her.

“What the fuck?” Grenick charged into the kitchen followed by Walters. Grenick wrapped his arms around Holden and hauled him back, while the other man jumped in to trap Rick against the wall.

Holden fought the hold, twisting and kicking to break free.

“Dude. Stop it.” Grenick grunted but maintained his grip.

“Why?” The snarl didn’t sound like Holden. His lip was curled in rage, expression fierce in his intent to impart justice on a man he didn’t know.

For her.

Vanessa swallowed and forced her voice to project. “Holden, stop.” He slowed, his head snapping in her direction. “Now.” She put every ounce of her Mistress tone into the word, hating to use it here but needing to get through to him.

It was another second before he slumped forward. Grenick eased up on his hold, and Holden broke free with a swing of his arms. But instead of going after Rick again, he spun around and engulfed her in a hug.

“Shit, V.” The worry was there in the rough gravel of his voice and the tight clench of his arms. He buried a hand in her hair and held her to his chest. Soft words were mumbled next to her ear. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

She sank into him, taking his support. He had nothing to be sorry for, yet he continued to say it, soothing her shattered heart and piecing it back together with every touch.

She buried her face into his chest and inhaled the fresh outdoors and tangy scent of sweat. The shivers raked through her with the adrenaline crash and she clung to him, his soft sounds never stopping as her tears fell in silent streaks down her cheeks to be caught by his shirt.