Bondi Beach (17 page)

I blew my nose a few times and tried to talk while I continued crying.
"When he passed away, I knew that I would never find anyone like him again. I didn't even try. Friends would try to set me up with someone, and I would always turn them down. I just wasn't interested in starting over again. It takes so much work to build a relationship. You have to learn someone from scratch before you can figure out if you're right for one another.” I turned to Martin. "Then, I met you. Nothing was hard, and, in your dream, you already knew that we were supposed to be together. There were no bad surprises, no fear of losing someone that I love – at least not anytime soon.”

Martin pulled a blanket from the foot of the bed and wrapped it
over my shoulders. "You’re fortunate,” he said. “What you had with Jack sounds great. I wish that Melanie and I’d had a relationship like that. I think I just assumed at the very beginning that it was going to work, but it didn’t. You're right… you have to really learn someone well before you can even know if they're right for you or not or if you're right for them. And that takes time.”

“Melanie and I had good chemistry
at first, and that's what drew us together. I thought that if I worked hard enough I could overcome our differences, but they just grew bigger. And it was unfair to her. She was frustrated with me because she felt like I was waiting for her to change and she shouldn't have to. She was who she was, and she had every right to be who she was. We were just a bad fit. I was intent on making it work for the first three years even though I just made both of us more miserable. Finally, my mother said something that I’ll never forget. She’s always had a gentle way of getting a point across. She said, ‘Martin, when the heat and the passion have dissipated, do you have anything left worth fighting for?’ We didn't. That's when I really knew that I needed to leave. I think it surprised both of us when I finally did. She thought I would keep trying. Even though she had tried to sleep with some of my friends."

He turned to look at me
. “You had a good marriage, and I had a bad one. I had a dream that told me that you're supposed to be my wife. Other than that, Eva, I don't know how I stack up to Jack or if I'm what you need.”

He surprised me with this.
"What are you saying?"

Martin looked at me directly
, his eyes pained but honest. “I've wondered at times if I'm good enough for you.”

I smiled a little
.

“What is it?" he asked.

"I've wondered if I'm good enough for you," I told him.

He
shook his head and reached his arm around my shoulder. "You never need to wonder that." It was getting chilly, and we lay back under the covers listening to the wind whip around the house.

"Neither do you
,” I told him. “We've only been together for a couple of months, and we’re both feeling insecure. But do you know what?” He looked into my eyes. “Being with you in Sydney was the first time in years that I couldn't wait for the rest of my life.”

He kissed me on the
cheek, and a tear ran out of the corner of his eye. "I so don't deserve you."

I propped myself up on one elbow so that I could see into his face. I
wiped his tear with the crook of my finger and ran the back of my hand down his cheek. "We are two good people who deserve love and are really good at giving it. Let's agree now not to second-guess ourselves because it only hurts our relationship. Let's agree that we're going to make this relationship work. Period. And let's agree that, whenever we're feeling insecure, we’re going to talk about it so we can work it out. I don't want you feeling like you're not good enough for me or me feeling that I'm not good enough for you when, maybe, we’re perfect for each other."

He nodded
. “Okay.”

I leaned down and
gently kissed his lips. He took me in his arms and held me to him. Knowing what I did about Martin, I couldn't imagine how going through a bad marriage had affected him, but I was intent on finding out and doing what I could to make it right.

Chapter 33

APRIL
4

The rain began around 4
a.m. It was soft at first, but it wasn't long before it was pounding on the metal roof. I turned over in the dark to see if Martin was asleep, and he was looking at me.

"Are you getting any sleep?"
I asked.

He reached out and stroked my face.
"No. Do you want to go downstairs and sleep in one of the second-floor bedrooms?"

I nodded.
“Yeah. Good idea.”

We gathered our things and walked down a flight of stairs to the most protected bedroom, the one in the middle. Between the two of us, we
put sheets and blankets on the bed in a matter of minutes and climbed in. The room was only a little bit smaller than the master suite but was much more peaceful in the storm.

We lay side by side in the dark with an occasional flash of lightning followed by a
thunderous crack. “The hotel might have been quieter,” I said out load.

Martin chuckled
. “But not as charming.”

“This is probably why the owners do
n’t live here during the winter,” I giggled.

He turned to face me.
“My place can get pretty stormy in the winter, too. You get used to it after a while."

"I suppose it's not that different
from living on top of a hill. I get a lot of wind in the winter and early spring.”

“Are you sleepy?”

Something struck me as funny, and I began to laugh. “Not anymore.”

"What's so funny?"

"I don't know. Maybe it was the intense conversation right before bed and the wild storm raging outside, but I’m not tired anymore.” I was still laughing.

Martin smiled. "Well, when you put it that way, I see which you mean. No more intense conversations about our relationship
at bedtime."

"I don't mind intense conversations. Even in bed. Just don't be surprised when I start
to cry," I shot him a look, smiling the entire time.

He
turned serious and shook his head, taking my face in his hands. "I never mean to make you cry."

Of course, I knew that but
was amused by the entire situation. "Don't you find this funny? Here we are at this beautiful beach because you love beaches. But the beach is windy and the water’s cold. Then, there's a wild storm raging outside of this perfect house, and we can't sleep because we’re either discussing our relationships or it's too noisy outside. And we’re here because you got malaria. That wasn't funny but, somehow, the combination of everything is."

"Okay. I can tell that you're keyed up. Now, I'm wide awake, too.”

I laughed. “Do you want to talk about our relationship some more?”

His green eyes flashed.
“I actually had another idea.” As we lay facing each other, he reached up beneath my nightgown and lifted it over my head, tossing it toward the foot of the bed.

“I think you’re just trying to
wear me out so I’ll go to sleep,” I smiled.

“Not a chance,” he said,
propping himself up to kiss me between each word. He slipped one of his hands behind my neck and kissed me deeply while running his other hand over my body. He rolled over so that he was on top of me and interlaced his fingers with mine, kissing me. Then, he pushed himself up with his hands, and we made love, his chest hovering just a few inches above mine.

Afterward,
he lay on top of me for a moment to catch his breath. "I'm probably too heavy to be on you."

“No
. I like to feel your weight on me.”

H
e rolled off of me and onto his back. I could tell that it had taken a lot out of him since he was still getting over the malaria. I rolled onto my side to face him.

“Are you feeling okay?"

He nodded. "Just tired."

"Go to sleep,” I told him
, stroking his chest. And he did.

*****

When I awakened hours later, the sky was a brilliant blue, and Martin was just climbing back into bed. He’d made two cups of tea and put them down on the table beside the bed. I climbed out of bed to freshen up and returned a few minutes later.

"How did you sleep?" he asked me.

“Very well, thanks to you."

He smiled as he took a sip of tea. "I thought you could use a little help."

"Oh. So, that was for
my
benefit."

He smirked. “Here,” he said, handing me a mug.

“Thanks.” I tried to take a sip, but it was still very hot so I put it back down. "What do you want to do today?"

"I'd like to get back down to the beach."

"Okay. Is that all?"

“I think so
. Oh – we passed a restaurant that looks nice – The Café or something.”

“I think I saw that on the way back into town last night
. That sounds good.”

Once we finished our tea, we got up, showered, dressed, and drove into town
. We grabbed some breakfast at a little diner and drove to the beach. By then, it was warming up, and we found a nice spot on the sand and set up as we had the day before. The sun shone down on us and kept us warm enough to be outside. Thankfully, the wind was quieter than it had been yesterday, and the water was calmer as well.

Martin and I walked down by the water and found
some horseshoe crabs that had washed up on the beach a few months shy of their June mating season. One by one, we turned them over, picked them up, walked down to the water line, and put them back in. After we had finished, we grabbed our shoes and made our way to the boardwalk to wash our hands and get something to drink before settling back on our blanket. He had made a pillow out of sand underneath the blanket so his head was propped up a little bit. I lay perpendicular to him, using his abdomen as a pillow. He slowly ran his fingers up and down my arm.

"Do you miss Sydney?"
I asked.

"Yeah.
This whole thing’s been kind of strange. I mean, the trip to Africa with no advance warning and, then, getting malaria and coming straight here. I haven't been home in a month.”

"
You weren't even planning on coming until April. Do you know how long you want to stay?" I felt my stomach tighten in anticipation of an answer I wasn't sure I'd like. I would need to be okay with whatever he wanted to do.

"I
don’t know. I could go home and come back, but that would mean a lot of travel time. I can change the tickets that I bought for the April trip here.” Lost in thought, he paused for a moment. "What works best for you?"

"
Remember when I kept offering to go to a hotel to get better, and you kept asking me to stay? I think I understand how you felt. Every time I think of you leaving, I get this pit in my stomach. But I also realize that you have a life and work back in Sydney, and I can't keep you here forever. So, I'll support whatever you want to do."

He smiled.
"I want to spend as much time with you as possible. I can work from pretty much anywhere. If I stay here until May, I'll need to get some work done. But I’ll also want to be sure that I’m not interrupting your life."

“Martin, I understand what you're saying. But
you’re part of my life now. I guess I need to find a way to integrate you into whatever I have going on."

His eyes were curious.
“Like what?"

I shrugged and looked at him.
"I just started taking a painting class a few weeks ago."

"Really?"
A smile crossed his face, and he looked intrigued.

I nodded. "I
also joined an outdoors club."

"Maybe I can stay home and work while you're doing your painting. If it's okay with you, we could go to the club together.
It would be nice to do some things outdoors with a group and get to know some more people with common interests.”

"Okay
,” I agreed. “That sounds great. Painting is Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and the outdoors club does things mostly on weekends. So, we can pick and choose what we want to do."

Martin looked at his watch
than back at me. “You’re missing your painting this week.”

“I know
. You’re more important.”

“I appreciate that, but I don’t want to interfere with the things that you
love to do.”

“T
hat’s the thing with long-distance relationships,” I told him. “It’s all or nothing. You’re either here, and I drop everything for you – just like you did for me in Sydney even before we were seeing each other. Or, when we’re apart, we’re each completely alone and doing our own thing.”

He
raised an eyebrow. "Any ideas?"

"I think we just keep doing what we've been doing. We get together when we can, and we make a point of talking every day when we can't."

"I just remember how empty the house felt after you left Sydney."

"I know. I'm already dreading you leaving. I think it's just going to be that way for us."

"At least for a while," he said, sounding a little distant. “Eva, do you love it here in North Carolina?"

"I like parts of it. I love my house. I love my fr
iends. But I wouldn't have settled here if it hadn't been for Jack."

Martin sat up
a little. "Last night, you said that we should assume that our relationship’s going to work. Did you mean that?"

"Yes, of course
. What are you thinking?"

"We don't have to do this right away – it's just an idea
, something for us to think about. But if we did decide that we were comfortable with this, we could spend part of the year in Australia and part of the year here."

I thought about what he was proposing.
"You're right. People who have two or three houses in different places travel back and forth every year. They'll spend summer in one place and winter in another."

“
It doesn't have to be six months here and six months there. We could work it around our schedules. Sometimes, I have to travel overseas for work. You might have classes that you want to take. It could be a rotation every three or four months where I'd be here twice a year and you'd be in Australia twice a year."

"
You mean that you could stay here for three months then I would stay in Australia for three months, and we could just switch back and forth?”

"Yeah, something like that. Or, if one of us is anxious to get home, we could just have a month apart in between the times together.
” Apparently, I looked bewildered. "You came to Australia in January. Let's say you stayed for three months – through March. You might be really ready to go home in March, but I might still have some work to do there or there’s something going on with family and I need to stay a little longer. I could stay there for an extra month before coming over to meet you at the end of April. We could keep it flexible like that to allow for differences in our schedules. And the need to get home sometimes.”

“It's a long trip. It seems like twice a year would be easier than four times a year.”

"Sure. It’s just something to think about. It's not something we need to decide on right away. But let’s just think about it and see how it feels for a while.”

I smiled and reached for him, kissing him.
“Okay.” I appreciated his willingness to find a creative way to be together. It made me feel hopeful.

We spent the rest of the day playing in the water because it was warm enough – unusual so early in the season. We went back to the house and showered and changed
before heading back out to dinner at The Café. We had a great day, and I could tell that Martin was feeling better and really enjoying himself.

The waiter took our orders, and we talked about
our personal tweaks. The topic had arisen because Martin wanted to know what makes me unhappy so that he could be sure to avoid doing those things. Pretty soon, we were talking about what tweaks each of us.

"I have a few things that tweak me," he said. "Just as a caveat, I'm working on them."

I smiled and laughed. "Okay, I want to hear them."

"I'm not always great at taking criticism."

I cocked my head. He seemed open to suggestions so this didn’t make sense to me. “What kind of criticism?"

"
About what I wear. Or how my hair looks. Or how I walk."

"Really?
” I was completely bewildered by this. “Why in the world would anybody criticize you for any of that? You always look great."

He shook his head.
“This started with Melanie."

"Is there anything else she would criticize you about?"

"The question should be more like what wouldn't she criticize me about?”

“That bad, huh?”

He laughed a little. “You have no idea.”

“
That’s terrible. You know, only someone who's really insecure would say things like that."