BOMAW 1-3 (92 page)

"I'm talking to you Crystal! Don't stand there looking at me like you don't know what's going on?" Sylvia ground out through a tight jaw.

"Mama... I don't know what to say... I don't mean for it to happen... it just does!"

"Hitting someone does not just happen!! You have no right! No right - to hit that man! Who the hell do you think you are!?? I cannot believe this!!" Sylvia was so angry she was shaking, covering her face with her hands to take a needed moment to think but couldn't.

"Mama he just - he just - irritates me to the point where I just have to - to - punch him!" Crystal forced out, still feeling the rushing sensation that coursed through her when he pushed her buttons.

"He irritates you? He
irritates
you!" Sylvia asked incredulously, "Oh my my my, well - that's surely good enough reason in my book - to stand there and - humiliate your husband - in front of your family! Well hell... that tells me what the hell I did wrong all those years with your -
father
... I irritated him!!! No wonder he was knocking the -
shit out of me
- so much, irritation... that's what it all boils down to! Thank you for helping me understand." Sylvia swiped at her tears staring at her daughter.

"Mama... I - you - you're not there... you don't understand."

Sylvia walked around the bed toward her daughter, stopping barely five inches from her making Crystal brace herself, when her mother was this angry, she wasn't sure what she would do. "I don't need to understand." Sylvia stopped, trying to bring herself in control, she sniffed as more tears rolled from her eyes, "I don't need to be there. I was here... and what I saw was enough. You have - no right - to lay your hands on that man... as you did just now! You have - no right - to humiliate him - and treat him as you just did... alone ... or before others! You have no right! Does he hit you Crystal?! I want the truth... does he hit you?"

Crystal stood a moment swallowing looking down at her mother, she stood a few inches taller, and struggled to answer, because she knew the answer would make her mother more ashamed of her, almost as much as she was ashamed of herself sometimes, while it was hell living with her own shame, she couldn't stand for her mother to be disappointed at her, it was that that made her fly off on Victor, that he would expose her in front of her mother.

"I'm waiting Crystal."

"No... he doesn't... he doesn't."

"Yoooou, how could you... how could you... I thought... the last person... I feared would... would... be like their father... would be you! All this time, I've been scared to death for Mundo to have a relationship, for fear of hearing his girlfriend say to me... he hits me... he beats me. And its... my own
fucking
daughter! How could you do that to someone after seeing what I went through?! How could you use your hands to hurt someone like that?! No one has the right... to hit another person if it is not in self-defense! No one, not even you! Oh my god! Oh my god... I am so ashamed of you... I am so ashamed-...I can't believe it."

"Mama please... ple - please... I'm sorry! Mama I'm sorry... I can't take you... being ashamed of me... please... please mama... please." Crystal began sobbing reaching for her mother. "I don't mean to do - to do it mama... I don't mean to - it just comes up in me... and I - and I can't stop it ... until I've hit him... then... then... I feel bad... I don't know... why ... mama please... please don't be mad at me... I'm begging you... ple-e-ease."

Sylvia grit her teeth, shaking, she couldn't stand to see her daughter this way and reached out grabbing her, hugging her tightly in a grip that shook them both - they moved back and sat on the bed as she held her. Sylvia began crying in earnest, as her daughter cried... it hit her then like a ton of bricks... her decision to stay with Armundo... had been wrong. All wrong. By staying with him, she'd allowed him to plant seeds of anger, his actions had somehow charged her daughter with reactions of aggression and violence. She could only wonder how far back it began, because Armundo had attacked her even while pregnant with Crystal. She was wondering about her son... did he too have moments of uncontrollable rage? While pregnant with him, she had not been attacked because they had lived with her friend Sheila, who Armundo would not cross, nor her husband, having been evicted from their apartment they opened up a temporary place for them, which thanks to Armundo, had extended to almost seven months. Sylvia tried not to think about that time way back when, she had buried that part of her life and never wanted to think about it again, burying it with Armundo's burned remains, what little there had been remaining of him. What saved them was him joining the army, for that time period - income had been there.

All this time now, she'd been worried about the repercussion to Mundo Jr. thinking her daughter was clear from any of those flaws... believing that it was the son who would be most effected by his father's example. She had been totally wrong and she cried because that wrong among others, meant that now... her daughter's life was adversely affected. Victors life affected. Then Isaac and Darren... how would it affect them, and the thought made Sylvia sob even more, because she stayed, four more people would some how manifest those ugly seeds from a time, when she should have found a way to leave, it hurt.

"Oh my god... what have I done... what have I done - to you?!"

"Mama...mama its not your fault."

"It is... it is... I stayed I stayed I stayed I stayed - I shouldn't have stayed... I'm so sorry - I put you - and your brother through that... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry-..." Sylvia was gasping short of breath, her chest burning she was crying so hard.

"Mama please! I'll stop, I'll stop... I won't do it again... mama - you're scaring me..."

Sylvia felt as if she couldn't catch her breath she was sobbing so uncontrollably, she turned from Crystal who ran into the bathroom and brought back tissue for her mother and herself, Sylvia grabbed it, blew her nose and was trying to get her breathing and catches in her chest under control.

"Mama...?" Crystal was standing by wringing her hands, afraid for her.

"I'm okay... just give me a minute... just..." Sylvia needed to take deep breaths, she realized she was going to hyper-ventilate if she didn't calm down, and started blowing to ease herself. "I'm gonna go get Shawn!" Crystal was about to dash for the door when Sylvia grabbed her wrist, tugging her back. "No...sit down... just give me a minute."

"Mama - I don't wanna hurt the baby!"

Sylvia looked at her stunned with wide eyes, "How did you know?"

"Angela slipped up and told me. She didn't mean to, we were at the store and she was in the baby section, excited about something she wanted for the baby."

"Oh God! Well there you go... your turn to go at me now." Sylvia breathed wiping at her tears trying to stop the buzzing in her head.

"For what mama? I got nothing against you finally being happy." Crystal slid from the bed to the floor looking up at her mother at her knee, holding her hand. "I'm so happy for you mama, I am. You honestly think, that I for a moment would believe you and him haven't slept together? You're human mama-..."

"But I drove it into you, over and over... marriage first... maintain your dignity and self-respect, not to give into-..."

"Mama, mama stop. You did, what a mother is suppose to do with her daughter! That was your job, that was your responsibility... to make sure I understood how valuable it is, to hold value in myself... that can never be wrong mama, no matter what you've done now. I know... that that man loves you mama. He does... I know he does, I've talked to him. Like that time you two had some kind of problem, he called me looking for you... I knew then... that he was gonna be my stepfather. And you know what... I look at Angela... and see how she is about her father... you should hear how she talks about him..." Crystal turned away from her mother then, with her knees raised she sat with her elbows perched on them, her hands shielding her eyes, "... I - I wish so much mama... so much... I'd had a father like him. 'Cause mine didn't give a damn about me." She crumbled into tears again. Sylvia slid to the floor and pulled her to her lap and held her as she cried, all she could do at that point was pray. She rocked and held her, and prayed. Prayed that the heavenly father would please help her child.

Sylvia wasn't sure how long they sat on the floor on the side of the bed, but someone tapped on the door, it came open and Victor peaked in.

"Aye ummm, I'm gonna go. I just wanted to say-..."

Crystals head popped up and turned on her knees. "Wait Victor... please... wait."

"Naaaw, save it... I already called my mom... she'll pick me up in town at the store ...I'll be going to the house to get my stuff, I just want my clothes."

"Victor please..." Crystal stood going towards the center of the room towards him. "... give me a chance to at least explain-..."

"No... no Crystal... I told you a long time ago... that I wasn't going to be taking that from you. To live with you, I'd have to hit you and I'm not gonna be doing that. You know, I love you but... I can't have my sons... looking at me in that role... letting you do that to me... I'm setting them up wrong... you're setting them up wrong... I can't stand by, and just keep letting it happen... no... it ain't gonna work. I gotta go... my mom'll be waiting for me."

"Victor please... I'm begging you... don't do this... I'll change... I'll get help - I will - I promise I will."

"You always say that Crystal! But you haven't! You got too much on your plate! You going to school full time! You working damn near full time! You got the boys, and me... well, I'm just in the way... getting on your nerves... so... naaaw... I'm just gonna remove myself from the scene... maybe things will work out better for you. All I want, is time with my boys... just give me that... I'll give you help... money ... whatever you need... but... naaaw, no more."

"Victor..." Crystal cried his name in a plea.

He shook his head, "I'm sorry... gotta go. I apologize to you Sylvia, aye... this is suppose to be a happy time for you... sorry I had to lay this out on you... good luck, be happy - somebody deserves to be."

Crystal stood in the middle of the room with her hands in her hair, "Noooo, nooo..." He closed the door and left. "...mama...mama make it right... mama please make it right... pleeease mama."

"Sh sh sh sh - come here... let'im him go right now. Crystal... let'im go."

"Noooo-..."

"Yes baby... you're too upset and so is he." Sylvia was holding her, Shawn peaked in on them, then gestured that he was going to follow Victor, Sylvia gave a slight nod to him. He pulled the door to and went out of the house to find Victor.

He was in the yard talking to Mundo, hugging his boys, telling them that he would see them later.

"Where you goin' daddy? You mad at mama 'cause she hit you?" Isaac asked standing before his father, who was holding Darren, he'd taken him from Angela to give him a kiss and hug. Angela wasn't quite sure what was going on, but she knew something wasn't right, Victor had been quiet and not talking much all morning. She didn't even know Crystal was mad at him, because she had been smiling and playing with her and the boys all morning, getting everyone up and ready to bring her back home. Now, she tried not to look at the bruising and scaring to his face. His lip was swollen, his skin mottled and red, with raw scratches on his neck.

She turned and looked toward the house and saw her father striding towards them. They were further down the yard towards the woods, a good distance from the house, she chewed nervously on her thumbnail waiting for him to get there.

"Man... you do what you gotta do. No matter what happens between you and my sister, we always straight - know 'dat!"

"I just don't wanna hurt her Mundo, if I stay... I would have no choice... so... I'mo have to walk."

"Hey... like I said... do what you need to do. Maybe now, she'll do something about herself... especially now that my mother sees it." Mundo added just as Shawn reached them.

"Can we talk?" Shawn asked Victor.

"I gotta meet my mom." He said.

"I'll walk with you." Shawn replied.

"Can I go wit' you daddy?" Isaac asked.

"No son, not this time... I'll be back to get you later."

"But where you goin' though... you goin' to the store?"

Victor stood with tears gathering again, "No Isaac... look, daddy needs some calm down time. But I'll be back tomorrow to get you, okay?"

"Why can't I go wit' you now? I kiss it, make it better."

Victor looked at Mundo for help.

"Isaac! Come on man... yo' daddy got stuff to do, he told you he'd be back later. Come on lets go back to the house."

"No! I'm goin' wit' my daddy! No!"

"Isaac, you can come with me - if - you're good and let your daddy leave to take care of business ... okay? You be
really
good, and we'll go for a ride on the motorcycle when we walk back, okay?" Shawn offered. Isaac rushed over and took his hand, and then offered his father his other hand. "Okay, gimme your hand daddy. Okay, me and Shawn gonna walk with you, then you go on, 'cause we gotta come back and ride the motorcycle."