Bodychecking (6 page)

Cedric studied her face. “You don’t have to look so down about it,” he said, misreading her.

Bella shook her head. “I’m sorry. It’s not that. I was just…remembering.”

He stroked her face, his eyes soft with concern. “You should talk to someone professionally. At the least, promise me you’ll tell your sisters. I hate you going through this alone.”

“I’ll tell them.” Bella lied through her teeth, plastering her most earnest expression on her face.

He nodded, appearing to buy her lie. “Anything you need, let me know.”

Bella held up the debit card, forcing a wide, devil-may-care smile. “You just gave it to me, you poor bastard.”

That made him laugh, which made her feel good. She hadn’t heard him laugh in too long. She’d been dragging him right down with her, even before the attack. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tight, fighting back the panic, and wishing she could keep him here forever, but she couldn’t. He hugged her close, leaning back to search her eyes.

“I’ll be okay,” she insisted, kissing his lips briefly, and he didn’t push her for more. He seemed to understand in that uncanny way of his that she didn’t want to make out or even get a real good-bye kiss.

With another quick kiss on the cheek, he was gone. The door clicked shut behind him, and Bella immediately turned the deadbolt and armed the security system.

She stared around the empty apartment, completely bereft without his strong, steady presence. Imagine that. Her thinking of Cedric as steady. She’d never seen this side of him. She’d only seen or wanted to see his party side, which never took anything seriously that didn’t involve a stick and a puck.

Bella double-checked the door locks again and glanced at the alarm. She leaned her forehead against the solid wood door and filled her lungs with air, trying to calm her frayed nerves. She was strong. She was resilient. She would not be one of those weak women consumed by panic attacks. She would not.

A few seconds later, she ran for the bathroom and lost her ice-cream lunch. After an attack of retching, she curled up on the floor, rested her cheek on the cold tile, and closed her eyes.

Her eyes snapped open a second later. Every time she tried to shut her eyes, she saw him, those piercing, evil eyes of the coldest silver.

Sitting up, she hugged her knees to her chest and rocked forward and back, as she crooned an old classic
,
“You’re Nobody till Somebody Loves You.” The music and the motion calmed her somewhat. After several minutes, she stood and returned to the living room.

This paralyzing fear would soon fade, and her life would get back to normal. For now, she’d hang out on the couch, which was the only place she currently felt safe.

She was a screwed up mess, more than usual. At least in the past, she’d been bold and daring along with screwed up. This asshole had stripped all that was positive from her. Now she was hiding in Cedric’s condo and refusing to venture out. Even she understood how stupid and unhealthy that was, but she needed time to heal, and healing wouldn’t come overnight. Even though she expected more of herself, she was still only human.

Bella tried bring the anger to the surface, to embrace it, use it as a shield from her fear. Only the anger surfaced feebly at best. Impatience wasn’t the answer. Forcing the healing process wouldn’t help her come to terms with her trauma any faster.

Her iPhone rang, and she checked the number before answering it. They’d deactivated her old phone and activated this one with her old number. Perhaps keeping her number was a mistake, but Bella couldn’t imagine using a new number when she’d had this one since her freshman year of college. She would not let him take away that piece of her. It was a small triumph, and right now she’d celebrate any victory. Small steps, according to an online site on surviving traumatic events.

It was Sensei Lee from her dojo. Rumor had it he was distantly related to Bruce Lee, but he strenuously denied those rumors. Bella adored the older man and his quiet, calm confidence. He’d been an inspiration to her ever since she’d been a teenager looking for a place to belong. Over the years he’d shared his wisdom without lecturing, and never judged the poor choices she often made.

“You learn more from ten failures than one success”
was one of his favorite sayings.

Bella answered the phone on the fifth ring. “Hello.”

“Bella, how are you feeling?”

Guilt slid through her and settled heavily in her stomach. She’d left a message on Sunday saying she’d be out with a severe case of the flu. She should’ve claimed a broken leg or something more long term, but she hadn’t exactly been thinking straight at the time.

“Awful.” She faked a hoarse voice and added a fit of coughing to drive her point home and adding several more pounds to the guilty weight in her stomach.

“We miss you. Your students are asking about you.”

“That’s very nice. I—I have several personal issues right now. I don’t know when I’ll be able to return, if at all.”

Her words were met with silence. Bella waited knowing no one hurried the sensei. Finally, he spoke. “You must do as you see fit, but problems are better faced head on than buried in the dirt where they can grow roots and large trunks with complicated branches.”

Didn’t she know it.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.

“No, I’m afraid not, but thank you.”

Not a damn, fucking thing. No way could she teach self-defense when she hadn’t been able to defend herself. From where she was standing, it didn’t matter if her attacker had had martial arts training himself. She’d failed at one of the few things she’d ever excelled in, and those students deserved better than a failure. They deserved someone who believed in herself and believed in her ability to improve their lives as a result. And Bella no longer believed.

After ending the call, Bella turned to the Internet, Cedric’s card in hand, and did the one thing in which she still had confidence in her abilities—shopping.

* * * *

Cedric sat across from Coop and Ice as they gorged on their postgame meal. The Sockeyes had beaten Calgary one to zero with no help from Cedric, but at least he hadn’t hindered them this time either.

He was in a slump and preoccupied, and he needed to pull his head out of his ass and do the job he was well-paid to do, regardless of his concern over Bella. He’d always separated personal and professional in the past. No matter how shitty his home life or how grave his personal issues, they’d stayed off the ice.

Coop’s perceptive gaze disassembled Cedric piece by piece, leaving him naked and exposed. Fearing he’d blurt out the truth, he ducked his head and concentrated on his burger, hoping Coop would take the hint. He didn’t. Not only did Coop have an obligation as the team captain, he had an obligation as Cedric’s friend, and Cedric knew how seriously his buddy took both those responsibilities.

“Gotta be a woman,” Ice noted from the seat next to Coop’s, and Coop actually laughed—the bastard. Ice was engaged to Bella’s younger sister Avery, and his brother, Tanner, was married to Emma, Avery’s twin. Yeah, it was a small fucking world.

Cedric looked up, not bothering to disguise his irritation. So much for ignoring them. He should’ve known that’d never work. He shot them both a warning glare.

“Yup, it’s a woman, and most likely our future sister-in-law.” Ice grinned. Ice and Coop tapped their beer glasses together and smirked knowingly.

Cedric wanted to wrap his fingers around each of their necks and squeeze hard. Not that it’d do a damn bit of good. The dumb shits wouldn’t let his crappy performance go, even if they were drawing their last breaths. Hell, they’d probably come back as ghosts and haunt him the rest of his life.

“Bella’s moved in.” He hoped one tidbit would be enough to keep them satisfied.

Two sets of brows crept upward. His admission had caught them off guard. Cedric patted himself on the back for getting one up on them. He’d take his small victories where he could.

“When did this happen?” Cooper asked.

“Sunday. It’s only temporary, I think, but her shit is everywhere.” Cedric attempted a light tone and hoped like hell they didn’t pick up on his worry and concern.

“She’s not known for neatness,” Ice laughed.

“Yeah, I know.” Cedric forced a smile, as if Bella’s messiness was the worst of his worries.

“Why is she living with you all of a sudden? Doesn’t living with a man clip her wings somewhat?” Ice scrutinized Cedric over the rim of his beer glass as he took a sip.

“She’s, uh, in between apartments.” Cedric shrugged as if it was nothing, but Coop wasn’t fooled.

“What aren’t you telling us, Ced?”

Cedric shrugged and signaled the waitress for another beer. Getting drunk seemed a viable option.

“Bullshit. There’s something else going on. Izzy said she’s not returning calls, and the one time she talked to her, she turned down a couple party-crasher gigs, which paid good money. That’s not like her.” Cooper chewed slowly as if chewing on the situation, not just his hamburger.

“Avery says she’s been behaving oddly ever since she turned twenty-six.” Isaac added this little tidbit as he stuffed fries in his mouth.

Cedric took a deep breath. Damn, he wanted to tell them the truth and get their advice, but he didn’t dare. They were both direct lines to Bella’s sisters, and she’d be all over his ass if her sisters got wind of the attack before she had a chance to tell them—if she told them.

Ice’s eyes narrowed. “What I don’t understand is why you aren’t having the games of your life? You should be getting more sex than even you’re used to.”

“That’s it. He’s exhausted.” Coop and Ice fist bumped.

Rolling his eyes, Cedric bit his tongue, refusing to admit he’d been celibate for way too long. “Yeah, I’m worn out.”

“This road trip will be good for you. You’ll get some rest,” Ice said.

“Damn, Ced, get in the gym and build up your stamina.” Coop grinned. The two bastards threw back their heads and laughed hysterically.

Usually more than willing to laugh at his own expense, Cedric set his jaw and scowled at them. “There’s nothing wrong with my stamina. I’m not sleeping well.”

Now tears rolled down their cheeks as they cackled like two crazed hyenas. This fucking wasn’t funny.

“No shit.” Coop fist bumped again with Ice.

“You’re not sleeping at all.” Ice snorted.

“Fuck off,” Cedric muttered. He wished they were right, and his problems were that simple. Sex was the furthest thing from his mind. Getting Bella healthy was priority one. Cedric and his dick could wait.

Bella’s vulnerable state brought out every protective, possessive instinct he never knew he had. He had to be careful, let her pick when she was ready for intimacy again, whenever that might be. He had no experience in this area and was way out of his element. All he could do was exercise extreme patience and understanding, even though being helpless sucked. Regardless, it sucked worse to see the haunted look in her once playful gaze.

He took another bite of his burger, glad Coop and Ice had gotten bored with harassing him and were now discussing the NHL season so far.

Ced snuck a glance at his phone. He texted Bella.
What’s up?

Cooking dinner.

Cooking? He didn’t know how to interpret that. The Bella he knew didn’t cook unless heating up water for a hot buttered rum counted.

Sisters are coming over. Last-minute wedding plans.

I’m glad. You need them.

His text was met with silence for a long minute.

Bye.

He tapped out
Good-bye, miss you,
and shoved his phone in his pocket, feeling better that Bella wasn’t alone. Leaning forward, he immersed himself in hockey talk, arguing with Coop about who the best goalie in the league was while Ice disagreed with both of them.

Things seemed almost back to normal, whatever normal was.

* * * *

Bella’s sisters showed up all at once. She opened the apartment door a crack to allow them to squeeze inside.

“Did you guys come together?” she asked, keeping it casual, ignoring their puzzlement at her odd behavior.

“Yes, and we’re glad we did. There’s a creepy guy hanging out on the sidewalk in front of the building.” Emma shuddered and glanced over her shoulder as if expecting the creep to have followed them.

Alarmed, Bella craned her neck to look too and slammed the door shut, coming within a hair of smashing Avery’s ass in the door. Bella flipped the deadbolt and set the alarm. Ignoring the meaningful glances her sisters gave each other, she grabbed their raincoats and hung them in the entry closet.

Avery shot her a quizzical look. Her sisters were suspicious, which signaled danger.

“We needed you with us, Bella,” Emma added. “He made rude remarks and grabbed his crotch. You’d have ripped him a new one and sent him scurrying back to the hole he crawled out of.”

Bella went pale. The old Bella would’ve done that. This Bella only felt fear and wondered if there was a chance the asshole from Saturday night had found out where she was staying. Maybe he’d been watching her apartment and followed her here after they’d made that trip to pick up stuff out of her old apartment.

“But we had Izz. God forbid anyone would be stupid enough to cross her right now. She’s in wedding-countdown-bridezilla mode.” Avery grinned while Izzy scowled and appeared to contemplate whether she could pull off the wedding with one fewer sister.

“What did he look like?” Bella asked, trying to sound casual, but her voice cracked at the end. She covered it up with a sneeze.

Izzy waved her hand like royalty dismissing her lesser subjects. “I don’t know. It was dark. Why do you ask? You know him?”

“Uh, no, it’s probably Ced’s neighbor’s brother. Bad news. He’s always hanging out trying to hit his brother up for money. They won’t let him in the building anymore,” she lied somewhat convincingly. At least her talent for fabrication hadn’t deserted her completely.

“What happened to your face?” Emma asked with concern as Bella moved from the dark entry to the brightly lit kitchen.