Chapter 16
J
esse stopped himself before he could demand what the fuck was going on. That wasn’t going to win him any points with Maura.
He sucked in air as his racing heart began to slow, and tried to think.
What had Fred told him? Be subtle rather than heavy-handed, and try to understand where she was coming from.
To give her a little space, and to help himself cool down, Jesse rolled away and sat on the end of the bed. He even picked the towel off the floor and draped it over his now-wilting erection.
Okay, what was Maura’s concern? She’d told him, so he said, “I get it, that you’re worried about your job.”
The two of them ought to be able to figure out a solution.
He glanced over his shoulder. Tonight, she hadn’t forgotten to put on her bra. He saw the white fabric as she did up the buttons of her shirt. When they were fastened, she looked at him. “Yes, I am. And about your community service. There’s too much at stake, Jesse.”
Pissed off, he wanted to snap that there was something else at stake. Their relationship. Didn’t she see that?
Yeah, she had to. Moments earlier, they’d been all naked and sweaty together. What she meant was that her job was more important to her. That hurt, more than he’d have believed possible.
On the one hand, she saw him, understood him, better than any woman ever had. She talked to him like he was a friend, respected his skills. She was hot for him. But none of it was enough. He wasn’t important enough to her.
He rose abruptly. The towel fell and he didn’t give a damn. “I get it,” he said bitterly, stalking across to the dresser. “Took me long enough. Seems I’m an idiot after all.”
“Jesse . . .”
Her pleading tone made him turn. She was crouched at the end of the bed, her flushed cheeks and vivid tumble-down hair a contrast to the drab gray buttoned-up shirt.
“What?” he demanded.
“You’re not an idiot. I do want this. I mean, you and me, like this.” Her cheeks grew even brighter. “Well, not like this, but the way we were.”
“You’re not making sense.” He turned to take fresh boxer-briefs from the drawer.
“I know. Sorry. What I mean is, I like being with you. But I’m practical. I love working at Cherry Lane. I could see staying there a long time. I don’t want to lose that chance, just for a few nights of fun with you.”
“Fuck.” Was that all he was to her? He slammed the drawer shut and turned in time to catch her wince.
“We’re different,” she said. “Such different people. And for me, sleeping with someone is serious. For you, well, you’re into casual relationships. Which is fine,” she added quickly. “I’m not judging. But a short-term fling isn’t worth risking my job, and it’s not worth you taking the chance of going to jail. Right?”
Looking at her earnest face, her tousled hair and lovely ocean eyes, those long, slim legs beneath the tail of her shirt, the answer didn’t come easily. “I guess,” he said slowly, but immediately the words were out, they didn’t sit right. He and Maura, yeah they’d only known each other a few days, but right from the beginning she’d been special. Already, she was much more than just “fun.” She mattered.
But how much?
He wanted a family and home, but a big part of him figured he’d never make that work. He’d screw it up, the way he always used to. To even think that a grade ten dropout who’d been in trouble with the law could make it long-term with a classy lady with an M.B.A. . . . Well, it was just plain crazy. Wasn’t it?
“I don’t want you to be mad at me,” she said softly.
He realized that, while he’d been musing, she’d climbed off the bed and finished dressing. Now that she was standing, he saw her shirt was buttoned lopsided.
He walked over.
Her body quivered, but she held her ground.
Gently, he reached out and unfastened a button.
She started to pull back. “No, Jesse, I don’t want—”
“You did them up crooked,” he broke in.
“Oh.” She stilled and let him undo all her buttons, then do them up again. “Thank you.”
She should’ve been in his bed, naked and hot and sweaty. He probably could’ve seduced her back there, but that wouldn’t have been fair. Yeah, Fred was onto something, with this stuff about understanding where the other person was coming from.
Didn’t mean Jesse had to like it.
“I hear what you’re saying,” he said. He just needed more time to think about it.
“We can still be f-friends?”
It seemed that word was hard for her to say. He realized that she’d never mentioned friends. Did she have any? “Yeah. I like us being friends.” Not having Maura in his life seemed pretty much unthinkable.
A smile trembled into life. “Me, too. So, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you then.” He watched her walk away.
He heard his apartment door close and went to the kitchen to look out the window. She got into one of those tiny Smart Cars and drove away.
Shaking his head, he sat down at the kitchen table in his underwear to reflect.
He’d drained his beer, but Maura had taken only a few sips of hers. He lifted the bottle, put his lips where hers had been, and swallowed lukewarm liquid.
With just a few words, she’d changed his world. Dyslexia, not stupidity.
He thought about things he could do that others had trouble with, things he’d always taken for granted. He thought about the jobs he’d lost or walked away from because he refused to read instructions or write reports. He’d always preferred to be labeled a troublemaker than a dummy.
Yeah, he really was an idiot. An idiot for not realizing he wasn’t stupid.
Maura had given him options for a different future. He could get his GED. Maybe even study landscape design.
But at the same time, she’d taken away another option: the one of the two of them being together.
He went to the fridge and got a fresh, chilly beer. No, he was seeing things in black and white, as Fred had termed it. And he was thinking short-term, the way he’d always done.
He needed to change his perspective. He’d be working with Maura, seeing her almost every day, getting to know her better. Yeah, he’d sure as hell miss the sex, but they’d figure out how they felt about each other. Patience wasn’t his long suit, but he could learn—with the right incentive.
One day, he’d no longer be working at Cherry Lane.
One day, there’d be nothing at stake but their hearts.
Jesse had barely slept, his brain was so filled with ideas. Some were hugely ambitious, like being a landscape architect, and like him and Maura maybe getting serious one day.
But one was more straightforward. He made a quick trip during lunch break, then talked to his construction boss and got some more information. He’d have to run his plan by Maura. She might see some angle he hadn’t considered, not to mention some liability issue.
Or maybe that was just an excuse to see her as soon as he possibly could.
Unfortunately, his day job went overtime. Not only didn’t he get a chance to clean up before riding over to Cherry Lane, but he was ten minutes late. At least that Nedda person wasn’t there to scowl at him. Instead, it was Ming-mei, who gave him a friendly smile.
“Ms. Mahoney in?” he asked, enjoying the taste of her name on his tongue. Ms. Warm Honey . . . oh, yeah, she sure was.
“She is. Go right ahead. I’m sure she’ll want to see you.”
He sure hoped so.
When he glanced through Maura’s open door, she was staring straight at him, like she’d been waiting. Her words confirmed it. “Jesse, you’re late. Is everything all right?”
No criticism, just concern and a warm smile.
He smiled back, enjoying the sight of her in a tailored blue shirt with two buttons undone at the collar. Much prettier than the dull gray she’d worn yesterday. Man, he wished he could round her desk and give her a big kiss.
Friends for now, he reminded himself. They’d see where that took them. “Hi, Maura. Yeah, everything’s fine. Sorry, we had to work late on the construction job. Didn’t have a chance to change before I came over.”
Her gaze scooted over him, and he wished there weren’t rips in his jeans and tee. Or maybe he didn’t, because her cheeks flushed as she studied them. “There’s no reason to, when you’re only going to get dirty again. Come in, sit down. Did you have time to get dinner?”
When he shook his head, she said, “I’ll have the kitchen send you a couple of sandwiches when the rush dies down.”
He smiled with pleasure, as much at her thoughtfulness as at the idea of food. “Thanks.”
Color tinting her cheeks, she said, “You thought about what we talked about last night? I mean”—she flushed brighter—“about being dyslexic?”
“Sure did. I want to find out what kinds of programs and courses I could take.”
“I hope you don’t think it’s presumptuous,” she said hesitantly, “but I did a little research.”
“No, hey, that’s great. Thanks.”
Her smile flashed, and he wanted to hug her. Then kiss her. Then unbutton her and lick the sweet curve of her neck, all the way down to other sweet curves, where he’d—He forced himself to stop imagining.
This business of just being friends was going to be tough.
“I talked to a social worker today, Jesse.” She picked up her pen, clicked the top, opened her notebook, and studied it. “I made a list.” Then she glanced up at him and grinned. “Which I need, because my memory’s not as good as yours.”
He liked how she said that, not rubbing his nose in the sorry truth that he’d have trouble reading her list. Yeah, he had a great memory. It was one of the ways he survived in a world that was so reading-oriented. “Tell me what you found.”
She put on those sexy glasses and recited the details of half a dozen different programs. “The social worker recommends the one offered through the education department at the university. Several of her clients have had great success with it.”
“University. Seems like a strange place for someone who never finished high school.” And intimidating as hell.
“They specialize in adult learners. Some students will be older than you. But it’s your decision, Jesse. Call the ones that interest you, and get more details.”
Yeah, it was his decision. And maybe he was man enough to handle a university program. “I’ll call the university first, and see how that sounds.”
When she recited the name and number, he committed them to memory. “Okay, got it. I’ll call tomorrow.” He smiled at her across the desk as she took off her glasses again and put her notebook and pen down. “Thanks for doing this. Thanks for everything, Maura.”
Had he once thought her blue-green eyes were chilly? Now they were as warm and inviting as a tropical ocean, as the faint scent of gardenia that perfumed the air.
“You’re very welcome. That’s what friends are for.”
He couldn’t look away from those mesmerizing eyes. He wanted to see them widen as he leaned in for a kiss, glaze over with passion . . .
Heat surged through him and his body tightened. Nope, better not go any farther down that road.
Remembering the idea he’d wanted to run by her, he said, “By the way, is it okay if I take a couple hours off on Saturday? I’ll make up the time.”
She nodded. “Of course. You’ve already put in extra time. Do you want to come in late, or leave early?”
“Need to check with her first.”
Her face tightened. Because he’d said “her”? Oh, man, she was jealous. Cool.
“Mrs. Wolchuk,” he clarified. “The one with that little white dog?”
“Boopsy?” There was a smile in her voice now.
“Yeah, Boopsy.” They both chuckled.
“What on earth are you doing with Mrs. Wolchuk? Jesse Blue, you aren’t taking her for a bike ride, are you?” Her tone was teasing.
He laughed again. “No, there’s only one lady I want to take riding. Thought I’d do a little work on her house. I went by and talked to her. Roof’s got some pretty bad leaks, and she’s got a lot of other stuff that needs fixing.”
“I thought she couldn’t afford repairs. Did she have a big win at bingo?”
“Nah. I just figured I’d do it for her.”
She tilted her head. “For free.”
He shrugged. “My boss says I can take some leftover stuff like roof shakes from the job we’re working on now. And use his business discount with suppliers. He’s a good guy.”
“And so are you, Jesse. That’s really sweet . . .” The way her voice trailed off told him she’d thought of one of those angles he hadn’t seen.
“So what’s the ‘but’?” Were they going to need their hostage negotiator to sort this one out? “Are you mad that it’d cost Cherry Lane a new resident?”