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Maybe it will all go away once I just
explode, and I would be one step closer to normal. My weakness and
pain would disappear and I will be whole again. I don’t want to
die, but I don’t want this burden anymore either. Truthfully, I am
slowly dying anyway. The pain is squeezing the life out of me and I
can feel it burn in the pit of my stomach.

THE DAYS PASS BY SLOWLY as I wait for Friday to
arrive. I can feel the loneliness for Marco setting in for the day
and I decide I will get on my laptop and Google the city he said he
had lived in to see if I can come up with some way of contacting
him, but there isn’t anything I can find to help. Apparently,
Brazil is a difficult place to find someone if you don’t know
exactly where to look.

My phone rings as I close my laptop. I’m so
happy when I see it’s my mom, Dr. Alison Hayes in Denver; she’s so
far away from me in LA. “Hey, Mom. How are you?“

“I'm good, honey how are you?“ she asks
quizzically.

My mom has always been very sensitive to how
I am feeling, she always knows when something is wrong and calls me
every time, which has always blown my mind.

“I'm fine, I- have just been a little sad,“ I
whisper, knowing she isn’t going to let this go.

“Well I know you’re sad, Abby, but isn’t it
time to move on?“ she asks, whispering ever so lightly.

I know my mom loves me and she means well,
but this isn’t something that I can just “let go“ of. The longing I
feel for Marco is more than she thinks it is. My mom never accepted
my relationship with him and my dad even less so.

When I met Marco I could always tell he was
watching me and when I would turn around to catch him in the act he
would look right into my eyes and own that was staring. His eyes
burned into mine like a fire I have never known before that.

“Abby?“

“Yeah, I'm here.“ I spoke while shaking my
head back into reality.

“When are you coming out to see us?“ she
asks.

“Well, Amy is coming home from New York and I
really want to spend some time with her, so it will probably be
around the holidays.“ The reality is, I have little to no desire in
being around my father, and I feel like a total disappointment to
him since Addyson has been gone.

“Ok, baby, but I really want you to actually
visit this time. Promise?“

I haven’t been to visit my mom or dad in a
while, let’s just say that I’m great at making up excuses.

They visited me on graduation day, they only
stayed the afternoon and I was really sad for them to go. I know I
need to try harder to be the daughter they deserve.

My father barely speaks to me and it breaks
my heart knowing that I can be this much of a disappointment to
him. But, I really don’t even know what I have done to cause
disappointment in the first place. He doesn’t know that I have
seriously considered backing out of medical school.

“You will love it here during the holidays.
Oh and I forgot to tell you your room has been redecorated,“ she
continues.

“I know, I will, I promise, and…that sounds
nice mom.“ She sounds so down and I can tell she misses me, or is
it something else?

“Ok well baby girl I have to go, I have a
meeting, but I will call you later. Ok?“

“Ok... Mom? I love you.“

“Aw baby, I love you too.“ She hangs up.

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING and realized it is finally
Friday and Amy will be back from school today. The excitement is so
overwhelming. I pick up my phone to send her a text and notice I
have a missed call. Huh. I wonder who can be calling me from an
unknown number. I decide not to worry about it and text Amy.

Abby:
Hey you know what today
is?

She texts me back right away.

Amy:
Yes and I am flying into LAX
at six!

I’m so excited.

Abby
:
Perfect! I will be there to
pick you up.

Amy
:
You better because we are
hitting the clubs tonight doll! Be ready to get your fun
back!

Aw crap! I think to myself. I don’t like
going to clubs with the ridiculous people that, in the past, always
felt the need to either grab my ass or ignore me altogether. There
is never a happy medium. So I decide to stop this before it even
starts when my phone beeps again.

Amy
:
Nope don’t even think about
coming up with an excuse cause we ARE going!

I would have asked myself how the hell she
knew I was going to back out, but I have known Amy since I was six
and she knows me better than anyone, so of course she knows I don’t
want to go.

Abby
:
HAHA...my ankle
hurts.

I try to save myself.

Amy
:
Aw that sucks for you but
you’re GOING! See ya at six.

Damn it! I know exactly what club she wants
to go to and who she wants to go with. I will only be the pathetic
third wheel. This sucks.

My clock reads seven fifty-nine a.m. I am
going to be late for work at
Page Six
so I jump up from my
very comfortable queen size bed, throwing the white comforter back.
Getting up on my ankle isn’t so bad. DAMN IT! My foot is feeling
better, it’s a good thing, but now what am I going to use as an
excuse not to go tonight? She isn't going to let me get out of it
anyway so why even bother?

I walk over to the closet when I hear my
phone beep with a text. I figure it is just Amy giving me shit so I
ignore it.

I grab my yellow sundress and wedges, tossing
them into my bag so that I can change after work. I also grab my
navy blue slacks and my favorite sleeveless blue and white polka
dot blouse out of the closet and pad into the bathroom, my very
small bathroom in my very small apartment.

I stop in front of the bathroom mirror. I
pull my long dark curls out of the matted ponytail. I stand there
thinking of Marco and his last week in this apartment.

He seemed really anxious then. I thought it
was strange, but he would just smile and hold my face with his soft
hands and tell me everything was fine when I asked about it. God I
miss those hands on me.

I jump in the shower and cannot get my mind
off of him. I am determined to stop this shit because clearly he
doesn’t want to talk to me, right? He probably found some hot
Brazilian with sexy dripping off of her string bikini, or hell
maybe she isn’t even wearing a bikini at all. My face heats with
anger or jealousy, I’m not really sure which one or maybe it is
both.

I step out of the shower to finish getting
ready for work, and brush out my lengthy hair. I remember my phone
beeped earlier so I check it before throwing it in my bag. Huh,
it’s an unknown number again. I read the text.

Unknown number
:
I can’t wait
Abigale. I’m going to give you what you deserve.

Abby
:
Who is this??

I wait for my phone to beep, but it never
does so I throw my things in my bag and head out of my
apartment.

After making a quick stop at Remy’s coffee
shop that sits across from the office to get my soy mocha with an
extra shot, I am finally ready to start my day.

I enter the double glass doors that lead into
the offices of
Page Six
. The office is buzzing this morning,
everyone running quickly trying to make their last minute
corrections and turning their work in by the noon deadline. Luckily
I finished my editorial on
Religion in the New Century
two
days ago and sent it via email to Ramona, our editor-in-chief, for
approval.

I pass Melissa at the front desk, she smiles
as she twirls her red hair with a pen. She’s taking calls as they
come in five at a time. She rolls her eyes and makes a hand gesture
that says she’s sick of the conversation on the other end of the
line. I laugh quietly to myself, always grateful for Melissa’s
ability to make me laugh no matter the mood I am in, and it is
always welcome.

I pass Eric as I walk to my desk. He’s got a
few inches on my five foot stature and very lean. Eric is a very
neat and meticulous guy that never has a blonde hair out of place.
He’s one of the sweetest guys I have ever known and one of the few
friends I have allowed close to me at work. “Always maintain
professionalism,“ my father always says.

“Hey love.“ Eric winks as he turns in a
twirling motion following in the direction I’m heading in. “So, I
finally went out with you know who,“ he hums in a high-pitched tone
of excitement.

He’s the most nervous single guy I have ever
known. He’s mostly a homebody. He blames it on Doris and Day, his
fluffy little puppies. I’m not sure what kind they are, but cute
enough, at a distance anyway, since I’m allergic to dogs.

“So, how was it?“ This is a nice surprise.
Eric really likes James and has been so nervous for this date.

“He’s definitely a keeper,“ he winks, heading
back to his desk.

My cubicle waited patiently for my arrival
with mail stacked in a heaping pile next to the computer screen. I
sit with my hands in my lap, my legs shaking beneath me.

I tap my pen on the desk as I think about a
story on a domineering parent that refuses to accept that their
adult child may actually be capable of living their own life. Of
course this is totally a reflection of my father. I roll my eyes at
the thought.

My father is a strong, domineering man with
everyone, except my mother. In the Hayes home she runs the show.
He’s on the board of directors at the hospital he works for in
Denver and I know he’s the same with the people he works with or
should I say the people who work for him.

My eyes have been plastered to this computer
screen for the last six hours as I made corrections to the article
I previously turned in. I only have until four to fix the disaster
my work is...

I finish the corrections and glance at the
time on my phone. Three thirty glares from the screen. I open a new
email and send it to Ramona.

All finished, I sigh.

I anxiously stand from my desk as I decide to
change into my yellow sundress and wedges. If I want to make it
through traffic to get to the airport in time, I better go.

I wave goodbye to Eric and Melissa who are
chatting at the front desk, and head out to the parking lot to my
white Range Rover. My mom and dad bought it as a graduation gift
and I love it. However, now that pre-med is over and I am expected
to go into the medical program, I am sure that I will only have it
for the summer once my father learns of my plans.

I bend down to pick up the keys I dropped as
I put my bag in the back seat. I swear I hear someone call out my
name. I shrug it off to the busy LA streets and the fact that I’m
probably not the only “Abby“.

Traffic is horrible. I finally pull in to the
LAX entrance; it is six fifteen before I finally arrive. I am sure
Amy isn’t off the plane yet so I park my car and wait. My phone
beeps.

Amy
:
I'm getting my bags and I’ll
be out.

Abby
:
K I’ll be here
.

I am so happy I will get to hang out with Amy
and maybe she can shed some light on this whole Marco heartache
thing.

I watch the comings and goings of the people
and they look so happy. Maybe they are going on an adventure I
think. I’m suddenly shaken from my people watching when a beautiful
dark-haired man walks directly in front of my car. He glances at me
with his phone at his right ear and then stops as he stares
intently at me.

OH MY GOD! I blush. He must be a businessman.
No, definitely not! He has to be a GQ model. His grey suit is
nicely fitted and hugs his amazingly large muscular body. I might
possibly be sweating from the heat that is invading my body.

We stare at each other for an awkward few
moments. I hear my name and look to my left to see Amy jumping up
and down, waving her hands in the air to get my attention. The man
turns his head in the direction that has caught my eye, turns back
to me, smiles, and then he walks away with a confident swagger.