Blush (13 page)

“Seriously,“ Sera agrees.

I know what the monkey song means and I'm
already reaching for her before she tries climbing my body. I lift
beneath her thighs and she wraps her legs around my waist and her
good arm around my neck.

“I broke it, babe,“ she tells me, waving her
cast in front of me.

“I know, love. It'll be okay.“

She yawns.

“When was the last time she had any pain
medication?“ I ask.

“They gave her something just before we left
so she should be good for four to six hours. The doc also gave her
these,“ Xander tells me, holding out a prescription bottle.

I whistle. “Heavy stuff, “ I tease. Tylenol
with codeine is not heavy stuff but for Lucy it is.

“She broke these two bones.“ Sera shows me on
her own hand as Lucy rests her head on my shoulder, her breath
wafting across my neck. It's such a welcome sensation that my heart
beats faster and hurts a little. I hate that she's hurting like she
is and it's because of me.

I nod to Sera.

“They had to kind of maneuver one of the
bones a little to set it straight so her hand is a bit numb now
too.“

“Okay. Let's brush your teeth before you go
to sleep, baby.“ I know how obsessive she is about her oral
hygiene. Brushing three times a day and flossing every morning. The
woman is something else.

“Mhmm,“ she murmurs. “I don't like icky
teeth.“

Kennedy snickers.

“Shush up,“ she tells him with a slur and a
giggle.

“God, she's cute,“ he admires.

I nod and head toward the bathroom. There's
not a whole lot of room to maneuver so I set her on the small
counter space by the sink. Sera comes in with Lucy's toothbrush and
toothpaste.

“Thanks.“

She nods, lips in a firm line. It must be the
way their family physically expresses disapproval without hitting
someone. I know she's holding back. Ben coaxes her into the other
room and I hear him talking to her. More than once my name is
mentioned and harsh whispers filter into the bathroom. Xander
closes the door, arms crossed over his chest.

“On-
ey
,“ Lucy sings around the
toothbrush. I smirk.

“Spit, babe,“ I instruct.

“Spitters are quitters,“ she tells me around
a mouth of toothpaste and I can't help it. I laugh loud and
hard.

“That they are, but not when it's
toothpaste.“

She nods and spits.

Xander's behind us, leaning against the door,
laughing so hard tears are streaming down his cheeks. He's bent
over at the waist, gasping for air.

Lucy cocks her head to the side. “What's
going on Xan my man?“

He gasps for air. “Just laughing, Luce my
goose.“

What the fuck?
What the fuck is that
“my“ shit? And little nicknames. I frown. I want to growl, but I
don't.

“Turn that frown upside down, Jesse my
bestie.“

Aw hell. Well that sure made up for it all,
didn't it?

“You did it for me, Wife my life.“

“Aww, that's so sweet,“ she slurs, then pats
my cheek. “It's just too bad you don't really mean it.“

I meet Xander's eyes in the mirror and he
frowns.

“Rinse, Cupcake.“

She swishes and spits. “Look, I'm a quitter
again,“ she giggles.

I smirk, trying hard to put the awkward
moment behind us as easily as she did—for now.

“I'm so sleepy, Jesse,“ she murmurs, pressing
her head against my chest.

“I know, baby. Let's get you ready for
Sleepyland.“

“I like Sleepyland,“ she whispers.

Xander hands her pajamas to me and exits the
bathroom.

“Let's get you changed.“

She nods, her forehead still against my
chest. I grin.

“Lift up, baby.“

She sits back, her eyes still closed, and she
lifts her arms over her head. I take off her top then her bra. I
take off her shoes then stand her up. I slide down her shorts, her
nylons, then her panties. She needs a shower. She'd been sweating
like crazy.

“We need to get you in the shower, but let's
take this junk off your eyes first.“

She snorts. “You might need Sera to come help
with the eyelashes.“

“Okay. Let me yell for her.“

“M'kay.“ She leans into me again. I open the
door a crack.

“Sera?“

She's there in two seconds. “What's
wrong?“

“Nothing,“ I tell her as she closes the door
behind her.

“Eyelashes,“ Lucy slurs, nearly bonking
herself in the face with her cast. “You know something,“ she
begins, her eyes opening, “my hand really fucking hurts.“

Sera lets loose a laugh. “Well, sister of
mine, it
is
broken.“

She grimaces and her gaze meets mine. “I
can't deal with this tonight and I don't know if I'll even be able
to tomorrow, but we
will
deal with this. I won't stand for
what happened tonight. I deserve better than that. I'm going to say
this now to give you time to figure out your answer and do
not
answer now.“

I nod and swallow hard. This isn't going to
be good.

“You need to think about whether or not we
should annul this marriage or get divorced because honestly, Jesse,
I'm not sure you're all-in like you said you were.“

Sera sucks in a breath.

I start to say something and Lucy cuts me off
with a glance. “No. Not right now. You take this time to think
about what you really want deep down. Not what looks right, not
what feels right, not what you want but what you
need
. You.
Not me. Don't factor my feelings into this at all. I know. I see
the look on your face already but you need to do it. Think about
this as if you're single. Would we have gotten married if we hadn't
been drunk in Vegas? Think about that and let me know your answer
when I ask again, when I can function enough to remember to ask
again.“

I nod. What can I say? Nothing. She's given
me no choice but to stay quiet and not tell her that, yeah, she is
what I need. Being married to her is one of the best things I've
ever done, but that's not what she wants to hear or what she wants
me to think about. She wants me to pretend I'm single. She wants me
to think of the “before“. It seems so long ago now that I turned
that corner and saw her up on that faux stage singing her heart
out. Would I do the same thing again? Pursue her past the weekend
we agreed to?

I don't even have to take a second to answer
that. Absofuckinglutely I would. She's
it
for me. I know it
deep down all the way to my soul. I just need to convince her of
it.

Sera gives me a look. “She's all set.“

“Thanks.“

She nods and pats my shoulder.

Fuck all these fuckers and their pity
shoulder pats. I don't need pity. I just need Lucy and I am
motherfucking going to prove that to her. I'm going to give her
everything she needs. No, not monetarily—emotionally. Not just
words, but actions.

I strip off my shirt when there's a soft
knock at the door.

“Yeah,“ I say, opening it a crack. It's
Sera.

“I brought you some clothes.“

I smile at her gratefully and she smiles
back. “Thanks, Sera.“

“No problem,
bro
.“

My smile turns into a full-fledged grin now.
She winks and closes the door. She knows what my answer to Lucy's
going to be as well as I do. The only one who isn't sure of it is
Lucy. I'll do everything I can to reassure her, I think as I strip
off my boots and clothes.

I turn the water on and adjust the
temperature.

“Come on, wife, let's get you cleaned
up.“

She eyes me warily at my use of the word
“wife“ but I don't give a fuck. I won't let her give up. I'm not
giving up. I fucked up. Again. I know it. Now's not the time for
that. Now's the time to take care of the wonderful woman in my
arms. I lift her up and step under the spray, closing the door
behind us.

“Mmm,“ she purrs as the water pours over
her.

“Hold your cast out and I'll wash you
up.“

She nods. Even waterproof has to dry and the
last thing she needs to deal with is being uncomfortable. She needs
to sleep.

I tip her head back gently under the spray
then reach for her shampoo. I lather up her hair and she moans.
“God, that feels so good. My hair was sweat plastered to my scalp
and it's now dried on and it's so gross.“

I chuckle. “Not anymore,“ I tell her as I
rinse out the suds.

“Thank God.“

“How much of this conditioner?“

“Twice that. Yeah, perfect,“ she tells me as
I close the cap on the bottle.

“I don't need that on my scalp, just the
loose strands.“

“Got it.“ I work the conditioner through her
hair, threading my fingers through her wet hair, stray strands of
hair collecting on my fingers.

“You're shedding.“

She snorts. “I always do. It just seems like
a lot because the strands are so long.“

“You've been taking your vitamins and
supplements regularly?“ I ask and she looks at me
questioningly.

“What?“ I ask. “I pay attention. I like to
make sure you have what you need, especially out on the road.“

She nods, bottom lip quivering.

“Lucy, don't. Please.“

The first tear slips down her cheek. Then the
second, third, fourth, and then it's a never-ending stream. I pull
her to me.

“I'm so sorry, Lucy. I love you so much.
Please don't cry.“

“You hurt me,“ she whispers. “You let them
touch you, Jesse.
God
.“

“Lucy, I didn't even notice.“

She snorts. “Well your dick sure did.“

I put a finger beneath her chin and tilt her
head back to look at me. “It didn't. Any of the guys can vouch for
me. I'd been hard since I saw you up on that stage. Do you know how
fucking incredible you looked up there? How fucking kick ass you
were tonight? All of you?“ I shake my head, still in awe of them.
“It was like you'd been playing together for years. And the way you
worked that stage? Fuck, Luce. I was hard the minute you shouted
your greeting to Portland. You belong up there. You own it.“

“Really?“

“Really.“

“You don't even know which part I meant.“

“I meant all of it. But which one did you
mean,“ I ask when she gives me the look.

“She didn't do that to you? It was me?“

I blow out a breath and rest my forehead
against hers, looking into her eyes. “Only you, Lucy. Never anyone
else. Ever. No one can do that to me anymore. Just you.“

She eyes me skeptically.

“You can test me. Parade a line of bimbos in
front of me naked. My dick won't work. It never did for them unless
I wanted it to. I have better control than that, baby.“

“If you rub a cock long enough it gets
hard.“

I shrug a shoulder. “That's true. But I was
already wanting you so whatever she did, I didn't feel.“

“Why did you let her?“

“I didn't mean to. I'm just so used to that
behavior that it doesn't even register to me anymore. I know we're
a unit now and I'm sorry I wasn't paying better attention to
things. I just wanted to do the autographs and get them the fuck
out of there so I could get you alone and worship your body with
mine. Because I do. Worship you. Love you. Need you. Want you.“

Her eyes close briefly and I wait for them to
open.

“You own me, baby. You. Only you. You're my
heart. Please believe that. Deep down in your soul I know you feel
it. Let your brain believe it.“

More tears slide down her cheeks and she
nods. She presses a soft lingering kiss to my lips. “We still have
more to talk about. We both have issues, but I'm too tired tonight
and the water's getting cold.“

I chuckle. “Okay. Let's finish up in here and
get some sleep.“

She nods, tilting her head back as I rinse
her hair.

Her eyes open and meet mine. Her lip quivers
again. “I love you, Jesse. So much it hurts sometimes.“

“Ditto, baby. Everything you feel, remember
I'm feeling the same thing.“

A small smile pulls at the corners of her
lips.

“Remember that.“

“'Kay.“

We made some progress but there is so much
more to work through. So much more. We'll get there. There's
nothing I wouldn't do for her. Nothing. That and our love will get
us through this.

“The great thing about
new friends is that they bring new energy to your soul.“

—SHANNA RODRIGUEZ

MY HAND IS killing me. I groan aloud and Jesse stirs
next to me.

“You in pain, baby?“

“Unh,“ is all I can manage.

“Aww, let me get you some water so you can
take some more meds,“ Jesse tells me, slipping out from beneath the
covers. There's a sliver of light filtering through a crack in the
blackout shades in this back bedroom. I roll onto my back wondering
what time it is. I suppose today it doesn't matter since we don't
have a show.