Blurred Lies (The Blurred Series Book 1) (13 page)

My bedroom door clicks open then, and I’m briefly distracted from my despair.

Oh, no. One of them heard me.

I’m facing away from the door, so I don’t know who it is. I lie perfectly still, hoping they didn’t hear me and that they’ll believe I’m asleep. I don’t want to talk.

I feel the covers being pulled away from my back, and the mattress dips as someone climbs in behind me.
Ryan
.

He puts his arm around my waist and pulls my back tight against his bare chest. He barely kisses my shoulder, and I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding. The tears being held at bay along with the air makes the breath sound like a whimper. Like I’m wounded.

You are.

“What are you doing here,” I manage to whisper, my voice thick with emotion.

“You weren’t answering my texts, so I had to check on you. I told you I would. Go to sleep, Natalie.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“I know.”

He brushes his lips against my shoulder and moves his fingers soothingly across my waist.

“Are you going to kiss me?”
Please, kiss me.

“Do you want me to?”

Yes.
“I don’t know.”

“No, I’m not going to kiss you, Natty.”

What? Why?
“Why not?”

“Because you’re not even sure you want me to, and I’d be taking advantage of you, even if you said yes. You’re upset; emotionally vulnerable.”

“I’ve changed my mind. I really want you to kiss me.”

He hugs me tighter to him, then.

“Maybe tomorrow, if you still want me to.”

I’ll still want you to
.

“Will you be here when I wake up?”

“Go to sleep, Natalie,” he demands, again.

So I do.

When I wake up, it takes me a few seconds to remember what happened yesterday...and last night.

Land’s gone
.

That thought immediately brings me to the realization that Ryan’s gone, too. Not from my life, but from my bed.

There’s a reprieve you get for a short moment when you first wake from a deep sleep. Your brain is suspended in a type of limbo. You feel neither happy nor sad; you just exist. Then your mind catches up to reality, rendering you one of the two emotions, depending on how you perceive your life at that particular moment.

When my reprieve ends, I’m definitely sad. Every morning, I remember where I am and why I’m not in the home I grew up in. But this morning, although I hold the bad feelings losing Land now adds to my sorrow, I know I would feel a lot worse had it not been for Ryan. That confuses me, because I feel both happy and sad at the same time.

I’m both happy and sad that Ryan isn’t still here this morning. The comfort I take from him holding me close brings me some sort of peace, so his absence leaves me a bit...discombobulated. However, I’m also relieved he left before I woke up, as his presence would only serve to confuse my already addled brain.

I know now that Ryan wants more than friendship with me, but I don’t know his full intentions. Given our past, I don’t know what to think and I’m not looking to jump out of the proverbial frying pan (promising myself to Land) and into the fire (giving myself to Ryan). It could all go horribly wrong, ending in broken hearts (most likely mine) and awkwardness for everyone. Everyone being myself, Ryan
and
Nate. We all live under one roof. It’s just not a good idea, no matter how you look at it.

What would Nate think? Considering how Ryan used to treat me, and not to mention the
Tina
situation, I can’t imagine he’d be happy that Ryan is pursuing me. I don’t want to come between two best friends, and I can’t help but feel that’s exactly what would happen.

Ugh
. Now I’m just confused.

Deciding that over-analyzing my current situation is a waste of time, I get up and begin getting ready for my shift at the café. I have the afternoon again today, thankfully. Calli realized that me and early mornings don’t get along very well, so now she only gives me the morning shift if she has no other choice.

She’s awesome and I love her.

Once I’m ready, I suddenly remember I switched my phone off last night, and quickly find and turn it on in case I’ve missed any important calls or texts from Nate. When it comes to life, a barrage of text notifications inundate the screen, so I quickly begin reading through them, in case there was an emergency.

Ryan: I know that’s not why it happened, Natty, and I’m so sorry. I’ll stick to your story, though. Are you okay?

Ryan: Please let me know that you’re okay. I’m worried. Nate said you are, but I need to hear it from you.

Ryan: I’ll check on you if you don’t text me back.

Ryan: Do you need me to come lay with you? Or you can come to my room if you want?

Ryan: I can hear you crying, and it’s killing me. I don’t know if me being there would make you feel better or worse.

Ryan: I’m coming to your room now.

Ryan: Sorry I couldn’t stay and find out if you still wanted me to kiss you this morning. If I could have, I would have ;) I hope you’re feeling better this morning, sweetheart. Same time tonight?

Ugh
. Why did I tell him I wanted him to kiss me last night?

Because you did.

It’s going to make what I have to say now that much more confusing for him.

Me: That’s alright. I think I’ll be ok tonight. Thank you, though :)

There. The smiley face says,
“I like being your friend,”
whilst the text says,
“I can’t let you anywhere near my bed or my lady parts”
.

He doesn’t reply to that message. I guess that means he’s not going to try to change my mind.

* * *

When I get to the café just before noon, Tara is busy at the cash register, while Calli serves a table of two.

I wave to Calli as I pass, then go behind the counter to put on my apron and say, “Hi,” to Tara. The café is busy so I get straight to work taking drinks orders and making them, while Tara continues ringing up the sales.

“Thank God you’re here. This place has been packed for the last hour! Why does caffeine have to be so addictive to so many people?” Tara says in exasperation.

I laugh at her dramatic statement and we continue to make small chit-chat as we serve. Calli moves from table to table, to counter, to kitchen, back to table, and it makes me feel tired just watching her.
Her poor feet
.

“Hey, Calli. Let me serve tables for a while. You come take a breather with the drinks orders.”

“Oh, bless you, Natty. My feet are on fire!” Calli says with a relieved sigh.

I don’t think any of the customers inside require service right now, so I head outside to serve a guy who just sat down at one of the sidewalk tables. It’s a beautiful day and he’s lucky he got a seat out there at this hour.

As I exit the café, he sets a small blue laptop in front of him and opens it, focusing on something on the screen. As he’s preoccupied with technology, he doesn’t see me approaching, so I have a moment to just look at him.

He’s actually pretty cute. Not quite as hot as Ryan, but who is?

His light-brown hair is impeccably styled and he’s wearing rectangular, black-rimmed glasses, which suit his boyish face perfectly. His white polo shirt and smart blue shorts are kind of preppy, but he carries the look well.

Maybe he likes to golf,
I muse.

Just as I’m finishing my assessment, he looks up from the laptop screen and I blush, embarrassed that he caught me staring. His wide grin, full of perfect white teeth, tells me he knows exactly what I was doing.

I realize I’m supposed to be taking his order since he is, in fact, a customer, and so I spring into action, crossing the remaining few feet that are between the door and his table and pulling my order pad from my apron.

“Hi, welcome to Calli’s Café. What can I get for you?” I smile down at him, pen poised on paper.

“What’s your name?” He asks, coolly.

“Uh, it’s Natalie. Can I get you something to drink? The lunch menu, perhaps?” I try and stay focused on the job at hand, but his casual perusal of my body and even more casual question have me a little flustered.

“I’ll take a double-shot espresso and your number.”

I half expect him to wink, but then I remember that’s Ryan’s thing. First Ryan, now this guy. Did I turn into a supermodel and someone forgot to tell me? This is bizarre.

“All righty. I’ll be right back with your espresso.” I ignore his other request and turn around, heading back inside with a quickness.

When I return with his coffee, Cute Preppy Guy is holding his head in his hands, looking pained, like he has a headache or something. He doesn’t even seem to notice that I’ve returned when I place his coffee on the small table.

“Hey, are you okay?” I ask, concerned.

He looks up and his smile returns, as though whatever was ailing him has disappeared with my reappearance.

“Oh yeah, I’m good. Just frustrated. Writer’s block is a bitch,” he explains.

“You’re a writer?” I ask in surprise, happy to meet someone who shares my favorite pastime.

“Yeah. At least, I like to think so. I’m not so sure right now.” He gives a small self-deprecating laugh, and I immediately relate to him.

“Me too. I mean I want to be a writer. What are you writing?” I ask with interest.

“A novel. It’s crime fiction with a supernatural twist.”

“It sounds cool. Well, let me know if you need anything else...um…”

“Elliott,” he offers, realizing I was searching for a name. Then he says, “Are you due a break anytime soon?”

“Not really. Maybe in a couple of hours. Why?”

“I’ll probably be here. Why don’t you come and sit with me on your break? We can talk writing.”

“Oh, okay,” I say, excitedly. A little too excitedly. The last thing I need right now is another male friend, but the offer to talk about my passion with someone actually sitting across from me, and not on a computer screen, is just too tempting.

I smile, not knowing what else to say, and then hurry back into the café.

* * *

Two hours later, when the lunch-time rush has died down, I glance out the window and smile when I see that Cute Preppy Guy...I mean
Elliott
is still tapping away on his laptop outside.

“I’m going to take my break now, if that’s okay, Calli?”

“Oh, sure, go ahead.” She smiles brightly, and then gets back to cleaning the table she just cleared.

Deciding I’m in the mood for a smoothie, I make two and head out to Elliott’s table.

“Hi. I’ve got a twenty minute break. I made me a smoothie, so thought you might like one, too. It’s on me.”

“Wow, thank you. That’s really sweet of you. Please, sit.” He gestures to the seat opposite him and takes a sip of the fruity concoction.

“You’re welcome,” I say shyly.

“This is delicious. What’s in it?”

“It’s just strawberry, banana and a little Greek yogurt,” I explain.

“Well it’s my new favorite.” With that, he smiles, and it makes me...happy.

Elliott tells me the general plot of his novel and I tell him about my ambition to even make a start on mine. After about ten minutes of talking about our writing and other general small-talk, I realize we might actually be able to be friends. We seem to have quite a lot in common and conversation comes easy between us.

Just as I’m done with that thought, something blocks the sunlight from our table, casting a shadow over us.

“Natalie, who’s this?” the shadow asks tersely, trying in vain to sound merely curious.

Ryan.
Shit
.

I look up and see his strikingly handsome face, but his gaze isn’t on me. It’s on Elliott, and if looks could kill...well, let’s just say Elliott wouldn’t be doing so good.

“Elliott Cleveland.” Elliott holds his hand out to Ryan, which Ryan ignores.

Damn testosterone
.

“I just realized I don’t care,” he states flatly to Elliott, then turns to me with a look in his eyes that I can’t quite discern, and then says, “I’ll see you at home, Natalie.” And with that, he’s gone as quickly as he appeared.

“Who’s that dick?” Elliott asks, sounding justifiably irked.

“Sorry about him. That’s Ryan, my brother’s best friend and our roommate. He’s not usually quite that dickish. At least not lately.” Why am I defending him? He was blatantly rude to my new friend. Or maybe he’s not even my new friend anymore after Ryan’s little display of...I don’t even know what that was.

“So you live with your brother and that guy?” Elliott seems surprised by that for some reason.

“Yeah, our apartment is just up there.” I point in the direction of the large living room window that looks out over the long, tree-lined street.

Looking down at my watch, I realize my twenty minutes is almost up.

“Well, I better get back to work. It was nice talking with you.” I stand and collect the empty glasses, turning from the table to go back inside, but before I can start walking, Elliott stands, gently grabbing my arm to stop me.

“So if it was nice talking to me, can I have your number so we can talk some more?”

I turn to face him and see a sneaky grin tugging at his lips.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I say quietly, looking into his chocolate-brown eyes, framed by those curiously sexy glasses.

“Well, we’ve already had one date, so how about you let me take you somewhere else for our second?”

“What? That wasn’t a date!”

“Well, since I’m leaving enough money on this table to pay for both our smoothies, I say it was. Although, it was painfully short,” he states brazenly whilst placing a twenty dollar bill under his forgotten coffee cup. “I want to take you for dinner tonight. What time do you finish here?”

“Uh, six,” I respond with the only reply my brain can seem to muster right now.

“Cool. I’ll pick you up at seven, but seeing as you won’t give me your number, I’m pretty sure you won’t give me your apartment number either, so listen for my car horn and I’ll wait down here for you.”

“Um, okay.”

“Until tonight, Natalie.” With that, he turns and strides down the street with his head held high. When did he even pack his laptop away? How did I not see that?