Blue Voyage: A Novel (23 page)

“Donne? Never heard of him. But spring it, if you must.”

“‘
For they are ours as fruits are ours
.

He that but tastes, he that devours
,

And he that leaves all, doth as well.
’”

“Well, God deliver me from poetry. You can have it. Take all the lyrics you want, but leave me the legs.”

“I’m afraid I’ve got to leave you. That was my dinner horn—quarter of an hour ago. I’m late.”

“Was it! And I haven’t changed yet … We’ll resume this drunken discussion later … So long!”

“Yes, so long.”

Lights of Library and Port Deck. Lights of Bar and Starboard Deck. Single Stroke. Trembling
.

“Oh! Aren’t you ashamed, Mr. Demarest!”

“Ashamed, Mrs. Faubion? What of?”

“Why being so late—we’re almost finished!… Oh, we know all about
you
.”

“Help, I’m discovered … No soup, thanks, steward—hors d’oeuvres, and then—let’s see.”

“Calf’s head in torture is good—I had it. Very good. Good food on this boat.”

“No—roast duckling à l’Anglaise, and vegetables. And ice cream and coffee … So you know all about me. Father’s been telling on me.”

“He
has
. He told us all about your swell friend in the first cabin. When are you going to announce the engagement?”

“Engagement! My God. The family jewels.”

“Is it true, what Mr. Smith told Mrs. Faubion and me, that you first met her on another ship?”

“True as the gospel, Miss Dacey. Believe everything that father tells you and you won’t go wrong. But didn’t he tell you that we were secretly
married
this morning—at seven bells?”

“Ha ha! Wouldn’t you like to, though! Merry laughter.”

“Married, does he say. No, siree Bob. When Demarest marries they won’t ring bells, they’ll fire cannon and blow up the ship!”

“Why, what do you
mean
?”

“Does he look like a marrying man? Not him. Not much! He’s one of these ice-bound bachelors.”

“All right for you, Mr. Demarest—you can’t pretend any more that you’re a woman hater. Now we know the
real
reason why you avoid us all the time!”

“Avoid you! My dear Mrs. Faubion! What a scandalous and outrageous falsehood! Here I’ve been pursuing you from morning till night——”

“
Pursuing
!”

“—and I never can get any nearer to you than tenth in the waiting line. And you accuse me of avoiding you! Father, you can testify.”

“Testify nothing! We’ll never see
you
again on this ship. No, sir. You’re a lost man. Sunk without a bubble.”

“You hear that? And after Miss Dacey and I have been saying such nice things about you, too. Haven’t we? Your ears ought to have been burning last night.”

“Last night?”

“Last night after we went to bed.”

“Do tell me! I’m dying to know what it was.”

“Why, did you ever hear of such conceit?
Actually
!”

“That’s right, darling, don’t tell him a thing. Tantalize him. That’s what gets ’em every time.”

“Don’t
darling
me! I’m not your darling, nor
anybody’s
darling.”

“She’s getting mad again. All pink and mad … But didn’t you say you had a husband? Ah ha! Look at her blushing!”

“I’m
not
blushing.”

“Oh no, she’s not blushing. Not blushing at all. I beg your pardon, Mrs. Faubion.”

“Mr. Barnes! I wish you would teach your passengers better manners!”

“Is Mr. Smith behaving badly to you? I must caution you, Mr. Smith. You must remember that these young ladies are traveling under my protection.”

“I think he’s had a cocktail too many, Mr. Barnes.”

“C
OCKTAILS
! I like your nerve, Mr. Demarest! And you breathing brimstone all over the table. It’s a wonder the flowers don’t wilt.”

“Where were you at the mock wedding, Mr. Demarest! didn’t you see it? I thought you were going to be the wedding guest.”

“So I was. But I forgot all about it till it was too late. How did the bride look, the pianist?”

“Oh, he was a scream.”

“And you should have heard Mr. Ashcroft doing the marriage service! Oh! I thought I should die!”

“Oh, wasn’t he a scream?”

“Yes, he certainly was a scream! What
was
it all about, all that about the man trying to catch the pigeon in the field, and getting it by the tail?”

“What, madam! didn’t you understand that? That was the best part of it. Don’t you try to let on you’re as innocent as all that!
What was all that about the pigeon
! You were the one that was laughing the loudest.”

“Careful, Mr. Smith! Careful!”

“Well, I ask you, Mr. Purser, as man to man——”

“That will do, father!”

“
Don’t
call me
father
. A man is as young as he feels … Ha ha!”

“Well … what’s funny in that?”

“Oh, nothing funny—it’s damned serious. Yes indeedy.”

“My little gray home in the west. Don’t you
love
that song? I just couldn’t
live
without that song. Are we ready to go, Pauline?”

“Yes, are we ready to go, Pauline?”

“
Pauline
!… Mr. Smith, your manners are simply
terrible
. Good night, Mr. Barnes—oh are you coming too? Good
night,
Mr. Demarest!”

“Good
night,
Mrs. Faubion!”

“Gosh, that girl gets my goat. Yes, siree, she sure gets my goat.”

“She’s damned attractive.”

“Attractive! She’s a dynamo.”

“Dynamo—dynamas—I loved a lass——”

“Yes, siree. And you know, I’ve got a damned good idea.”

“What is it?”

“Just between you and me and the bedpost——”

“I must caution you, Mr. Smith. You must remember that these young ladies——”

“No, sir, I’m not swallowing any bunk about those girls. If they aren’t—I’ll bet they’ve been in half the staterooms on this boat.”

“I don’t believe it. Not Faubion.”

“Oh? You don’t think so? Well, maybe not, maybe not. Just the same, I’ve got a damned good idea.”

“Well?”

“It’s simple, and I don’t see how it can get me into any trouble … It’s this. I’ve got a purse full of gold sovereigns—look! you don’t see gold sovereigns every day! Not since the war you don’t. They look pretty good, don’t they?”

“Very nice.”

“Yes, sir! They look pretty good. And I’ve got an idea that if I just take them out and kind of flash them at Mrs. Faubion—without saying anything, you know—anything that would give me away too much—what do you think?”

“Gosh, father! You’re getting reckless.”

“No! I don’t see any harm in it. I’ll bet these sovereigns would look pretty good to her. Don’t you think so?”

“Suppose not?”

“Well, suppose not. Where’s the danger? That’s the beauty of it. If she’s as innocent as
you
say she is, she won’t know what I mean by it. Will she?”

“True.”

“Well, I think I’ll try it. If I can get up the nerve. That’s where the trouble is! Guess I’ll take a few Guinnesses first … And then do it the last thing before I turn in. I’ll bet she’ll know what I mean, all right! Yes, sir, if that girl doesn’t know more than you and me put together, I miss my guess.”

“Well, I’ll put a flower on your grave. A syringa.”

“You just wait! The old man’ll show you something … The trouble is with you, you’re too slow. How’s your dollar princess?”

“She’s dropped me.”

“Dropped you! What do you mean?”

“Her mother cut me this morning. It’s all over.”

“You mean to say you’re going to
let
them drop you?”

“Good God, man, you don’t suppose I can run up into the first cabin forty times a day—where I don’t belong, and where all the officers know me by sight—in pursuit of people who won’t speak to me when I meet them? Nothing like that. I tried it twice this afternoon, but the only one I saw was her uncle, writing letters in the smoking room. And he doesn’t know me.”

“Well, why didn’t you put it up to
him
?”

“Ask him why they were cutting me? Nothing doing!”

“Well, I guess the trouble is you don’t care very much. Not like me!… Coming up? Take a turn on the deck?”

“As far as the smoking room. I think I’ll get drunk tonight.”

“Well, I may pop in later … What’s the singing?”

Single Stroke. Trembling
.

Sound Signals for Fog and So Forth
.

“
And the next time I met her, she was all dressed in pink
.

The next time I met her, she was all dressed in pink
.

All in pink—all in pink—what will her mother think
?

Down in the alley where She followed Me …
”

“That’s a new one on me. Well, see you later. Gosh, look at the smoke in there!”

“—pure as the snow, but she drifted.”

“She was pure as the snow, but she drifted.”

“
And the next time I met her, she was all dressed in gray
.

The next time I met her, she was all dressed in gray
.

All in gray—all in gray—what will her father say
?

Down in the alley where She followed Me …
”

“—two for a nickel poker player like you! Are you coming in or are you staying out?”

“
I’ll
come in—
I
ain’t no piker!”

“
He’s
no poker piker!”

“
And the next time I met her, she was all dressed in green
.

The next time I met her, she was all dressed in green
.

All in green—all in green—my, how she did scream, scream!…

Down in the alley where She followed Me …
”

“The man said to the girl—‘You know what your personality reminds me of? a handful of wet sawdust!’ Flap, flap. And he shook his hand, as if he was shakin’ sawdust off it. And the girl said—‘Ah, your face would make a false tooth ache!” … ‘Is
that
so,’ the man said. ‘Do you know what your face is like? It’s like an exposed nerve.’ And the girl said, ‘Why, you’re so narrow-minded you could button your ears at the back! Ha ha!’ … And then the man took a long hard look at her and said, ‘You want to know what you remind me of?… You remind me of a neglected grave … Where’s your lily?’”

“Ha ha ha!”

“
And the next time I met her, she was all dressed in red
.

The next time I met her, she was all dressed in red
.

All in red—all in red—I stole her maidenhead
——

Down in the alley where She followed Me …
”

“Yes, you hear some funny things there. Another time——”

“Ukulele, sure. I was lying right here, behind the back, and she didn’t see me. She was inside the bar there with the door shut for half an hour. When she came out and saw me she turned red as a beet. She tried to laugh it off … Well, she’s got a fine pair of shafts, by God!”

“Who can open it. Can
you
open it?”

“Who—? the guy with the long hair—? If he so much as puts a
finger
on me I’ll knock his block off.”

“
And the last time I met her, she was all dressed in blue
.

The last time I met her, she was all dressed in blue
.

All in blue, baby blue—what will the poor kid do?—

Down in the alley where She followed Me …
”

“Hooray! Here’s old Paddy again.”

“
One—more—drink
!”

“I didn’t see you eatin’ much, Paddy.”

“Let me tell you somethin’ … It’s an awful thing to say—and I’m not insultin’ anyone that’s present here—but what I’m telling you is facts and
figures
. There was an Irishman once and his name, I think, was Mike. And he was living in N’York, at a boardin’-house that was kept by a Mrs. McCarty.”

“She was pure as the snow, but she drifted.”

“P
URE
as the snow, but she drifted.”

“Prohibition—that’s what drove me out of the country. As nice a little saloon as you could want! forty and one-tenth miles from New York. And everything as orderly and nice as it could be. And
now
look at it!
High
-school girls goin’ out to dances, takin’ their own old man’s hooch with them, and gettin’ so drunk they can’t walk!
Paralyzed,
that’s what they get.
High
-school girls!”

“—and the parrot she had—
ahip
!—he hated it, see?… And so one mornin’ when he was shavin’ he took his razor and cut the back of its neck, and dropped it into the——”

“A
NTE
, God damn you! You can’t slip anything like that over on me!”

“You shut your face! You can’t talk like that to me!”

“I can’t eh? Well, tellin’ me won’t stop me!”

“Sure he anted. It was me that didn’t ante.”

“All right, all right, my mistake. No hard feelin’s, pardner.”

“—and the parrot said, ‘By God, if she had that cut, and lived, there’s hope for me!’”

“Ha ha ha!”

“I’ll ask you a question you can’t answer, Paddy … Who was it drove the Danes out of Ireland? Eh?”

“St. Patrick.”

“Ah-h-h-h-h! G’wan with you. It was Brian Boru … And do you know who it was used to make wine out of the whorts? I’ll bet you don’t know that either.”

“I don’t know, and I don’t
give
a damn …
Who
was it?”

“Ah, you don’t know nothin’. It was the Danes.”

(“
My throte is cut into the nekke bone!” seyde this child …
Bored Silberstein. Deliberately, in that particular way. Coming the highbrow. Why did I do it? Some sort of relief—catharsis. Too bad we had to stop when we did. A good thing we had to stop when we did. I’d have told him everything. I’d have told him about——Why did I lie to him about her physical attraction? But I only recognized the lie as I told it. So did he. She was pure as the snow, but she drifted. P
URE
as the snow, but she drifted. And the next time I met her she was all dressed in black. Back. Smack. Crack. Clack. Attack. Golden engine and silver track. The golden engine on the silver track. I am wounded with a deep wound. ὄτατοι ποποὶ δα. He prescribed whisky—hemostatic and astringent. Whisky; and a modest prayer.)