Blue Saturn (15 page)

I huff. “Are you serious?”

Mike laughs and steps back while I’m manoeuvred into the back of the ambulance.

I’m given x-rays and scans and ultrasounds and a series of other tests but in the end I’m diagnosed with a bad case of bruising. There is no nerve or muscle damage. Not even one broken bone. My legs went numb simply due to the lack of blood supply. And the pain I experienced was the sudden surge of blood back into the legs.

“Pins and needles,” Mike says.

“Yep.” I’m relieved but at the same time I feel a bit silly. I’ve been admitted to hospital for pins and needles.

The doctors want to make sure the bruising doesn’t get any worse before they send me home. I don’t think it could get any worse. The backs of my legs are a combination of black and blue and purple and yellow.

Gavin and Steve are here too. Gavin has made numerous inappropriate comments about my hospital gown, and Steve’s been quiet. Other than a few sympathetic smiles, he’s barely acknowledged that I’m the reason he’s spending the afternoon in a hospital.

Andrew the paramedic drops by and Mike, Gavin and Steve pose for photos with him. He’s more than just a paramedic. He’s some sort of search and rescue guy. He’s also a huge fan of Blue Saturn. He has tickets to tonight’s show, but with all the commotion of the earthquake, it looks like Blue Saturn will be cancelling the concert. Mike has been on the phone with Liane and it looks like we’ll all be heading home sooner than thought.

Andrew starts to talk about the climbing death toll. I close my eyes and tune out. Why am I still alive? Why did seven people die in that hotel and I get away with a few bruises? BRUISES. Not even a broken leg or punctured skin.

Why do I get to live?

I feel a hand settle over mine and I open my eyes. Mike is smiling down at me. We look at each other for a while. I don’t smile back. I can’t. Because suddenly the events of the last twelve hours becomes a reality and I burst into tears. Ugly loud sobs escape my throat and I bawl.

“Hey Lynd’s.” Mike sits on the edge of my bed and wraps his arms around me. “You’re okay. We’re all okay. You’re safe.”

“Mikey,” I sob. “Mikey.”

“He’s perfectly okay. Look.”

I look over to where Mikey is sitting on a chair, playing games on Gavin’s phone.

“He’s unharmed because of you.”

“I was so scared,” I whisper.

“I know you were. But you’re safe now. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

I continue to cry. Mike’s shirt soon feels wet with my tears. “I want to go home,” I say. I sound pathetic.

“Back to Melbourne?” Mike asks.

I nod my head. “Just away from here.”

Gavin speaks from the other side of the bed. “Are you okay Lyndsay?”

“Yeah.” I sniff.

“Shock,” Andrew says. “I don’t blame her.” He starts to explain what shock is but I tune out. I just focus all my attention on Mike. His arms holding me. His strength. His reassuring whispers as he tells me I’m safe and that he’s here and that I’m going to be okay.

I feel my body relax against his. I feel my eyes close and refuse to open again. I feel him gently lower me back against the pillow. I feel him wipe my tears from my cheeks. I feel him kiss my forehead. I feel him take hold of my hand.

I can feel him.

I can feel him.

*****

We couldn’t go back to the hotel. There wasn’t much to go back to. Instead, Mike hired vans and we’re driving to Rotorua. From Rotorua, a chartered flight has been arranged to fly us to Wellington. From Wellington, we’ll fly to Brisbane. It’s going to be a long night and day, but hopefully we should be back in Brisbane before tomorrow night.

Mike asked me if I was happy to go to Brisbane for a few days before we head back to Melbourne. Gavin and Steve wanted some sunshine. I said I was happy to go to Brisbane as long as we can stay in the same penthouse apartment. Mike laughed and said I should consider it a given.

I’m holding it together pretty well.  A few times, when things are quiet and my brain is allowed to think, tears well in my eyes and spill out to my cheeks. I quickly wipe them away. I don’t want Mikey to see me upset. I don’t really want anyone to see me upset. But I know I’m not fooling anyone.

My legs ache, especially when I walk. The doctor said I need to walk though, to make sure no clots form.

During the three hour drive to Rotorua, I stretch my legs out and bend them back again. I wriggle my toes and rotate my ankles. Mike even rubs my feet for a while.

I tell myself I’ll be fine once I’m back on home soil and after a good night’s sleep.

But I don’t sound too convincing.

15.

Somewhere along the line, Mike arranged for clothes to be delivered to the hotel in Brisbane. When we arrived at the apartment late this morning, the wardrobe in my room was full of dresses and pants and t-shirts and jumpers...and underwear.

“It bothers me that you know what size bra I wear Mike,” I say as I join him on the balcony after showering and getting dressed.

Mike laughs. “I’ve been in the business for a very long time.”

I have no idea what he means by that, so I shake my head and sit down in the sun.

“Where’s the little man?” Mike asks.

“He’s fallen asleep on his bed.”

“You look like you could do with a nap too.”

“I’m okay for now. I’ll have an early night tonight.” The truth is I’d love nothing more than to go to sleep, but I’m feeling like I need some company. If I could, I would get Gavin to come for a run with me, but I’m pretty sure my legs aren’t up to it just yet. Besides, Mike didn’t get me any runners. I’m sure he did that on purpose.

“Do you feel like doing anything tomorrow?” Mike asks me. “Steve and Gavin want to go to Wet ‘N Wild. I thought we could all go.”

I stretch my legs out. “I don’t think my legs are in a state to be seen in public places. But you go. I’d actually like to stay here and rest up a bit.”

The boys are scheming. I don’t know what about. There’ve been hushed whispers and whenever I go into the kitchen, everything goes very quiet. They’re talking about me.

I’m sitting on the couch, reading a story to Mikey when Mike comes and sits next to me. He listens until I’ve finished reading and then he takes the book from me. “Come with me,” he says.

I follow him to his bedroom and through to his bathroom. The bath is full of water and bubbles and the spa jets are running.

“I like you and all Mike, but I don’t think we should have a bath together,” I say, the jest in my voice a nice surprise.

Mike laughs. “As much as I’d love to join you, I have other plans. You get into the bath and you’re not allowed to come out until I say you can.”

“What’s going on?”

“It’s a surprise. Go on. Get in. I’ll be back in about an hour.” Mike leaves the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

The bath is heavenly. I sit immediately in front of a jet and let it massage my lower back. The aching in my legs soon subsides and as I relax I feel weightless.

I’d be quite happy to stay here all night.

But Mike has other ideas. He knocks on the door and slowly opens it.

Bubbles cover me entirely, only my neck and head are exposed.

“It’s time to get out,” he says, grabbing a robe from the hook and holding it open to me.

“Not a chance Mike,” I say.

He laughs and puts the robe back on the hook. “It was worth a try. Don’t be too long. We’re ready for you.”

“Who is we?” I ask but he doesn’t answer. I get out of the bath and dry myself off before donning a robe and heading to my room to get dressed.

It’s a very mild evening. I slip a long dress on over my head and leave my feet bare. I can tell by the aroma in the apartment that we’re eating in tonight. I have no idea what they’ve ordered up, but it smells divine.

I head out to the living area and stop dead in my tracks. The mess in the kitchen tells me that someone has been cooking. In fact, it looks more like three musicians have been cooking. Steve is serving up pasta into bowls.

“Don’t worry about the mess. Housekeeping will be up later to clean up.” Mike appears beside me. “We’re eating out on the balcony.”

I turn around and look out through the windows. The outside table has been set with plates and glasses and candles. I look up at Mike and smile at him.

“We wanted to do something nice for you,” he says. “Steve is actually a pretty decent cook, so the food should taste good.”

“It smells awesome.” I turn around and smile at Steve.

I follow Mike out onto the balcony. Mikey is sitting at a placing, as is Gavin. Mike and I sit down next to each other as Steve brings out the first bowls of pasta. It’s gnocchi with a tomato based vegetable sauce stirred through it.

My mouth begins to water. I realise that it’s been over twenty four hours since I last ate a decent meal.

Once Steve is seated we all begin our entree. Apparently, there is a main and dessert to follow.

As the sky darkens, I forget about the pain in my legs, I forget about earthquakes and death tolls. I listen to Gavin tell stories about him and Mike as kids. Steve tells me about his disastrous audition for drummer and how his hands were so sweaty he could barely hold his drum sticks. He begged Mike for a second chance and proved himself a fully capable drummer.

Gavin is the first to leave and Steve follows not long after. I thank him profusely for a wonderful dinner and he steps forward and gives me a small hug.

Mikey fell asleep in Mike’s lap sometime after dessert, but he decides to hold onto him a little bit longer. I wonder if he’s thinking about what he could’ve lost had I not got him under the bed in time. I feel my eyes begin to sting and quickly steer my thoughts toward something else.

“What’s going to happen to Paul?” I ask.

“Do you really care?” Mike asks.

“A little bit. Some people are saying he left because of me.”

“Don’t listen to those people Lyndsay. He was fired because he was on his last warning.”

“Will he join another band?”

“Probably. He’s a good guitarist. It’s his attitude that stinks.” He looks out to the lights of the city. “Don’t worry about Paul.”

Mike and I sit out on the balcony together while housekeeping clean the kitchen. Once they leave, Mike carries Mikey to bed and joins me again on the balcony. I’ve moved to a lounge and Mike lies down on the one next to me.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“I’m okay.”

Mike looks over to me. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” I turn my head to look at him. “I’m sure.”

“If you need to talk about anything, I’m here for you.”

“I know you are,” I whisper.

We lay side by side looking at each other. I have no idea what’s happening between Mike and I, but right now, I love the way he’s looking at me. It’s almost as if his eyes are touching every part of my body. Can eyes do that? Can eyes make the skin on my toes feel alive, even though his eyes aren’t moving from mine? Can eyes make the heart race, make the mouth dry and make the stomach somersault? Because that’s what I’m feeling, right now, while looking into Mike’s eyes.

A phone rings. Mike closes his eyes and looks away from me. “I need to get that,” he says. I hear his curt greeting to Liane as he walks into the apartment and into his bedroom.

It’s getting late and Mike is still talking on his phone. I decide to call it a night. I go to my bathroom, brush my teeth and get ready for bed.

As soon as the silence of my room hits my senses the tears start. At first they’re slow and run from the corner of my eyes down to my ears. When my breathing becomes laboured, I roll onto my front and cry into the pillow. The more I try not to think about how close we came to death, the more I cry. The panic overwhelms me. I don’t know if it’s the dark room or the fact that I’m alone in silence and darkness for the first time since the earthquake hit or what it is but I can’t bear to be in my bedroom. I need air. I need to feel the cool air against my skin. I stagger out of bed and out onto the balcony.

My sobs are getting louder and more erratic and my tears stream from my eyes.

Mikey could’ve died.

I could’ve died.

I would give my life for that little boy.

I don’t want to die.

I want to live.

Mikey could’ve died.

He could’ve died.

I could’ve lost him.

I could’ve lost
him.

I know my cries are loud but I’m beyond trying to contain them. I sit down on the cold tiled floor of my balcony, hug my knees to my chest and cry.

Then I feel
him
; his arms around me, his breath against my skin as he lifts me into his arms and carries me inside.

He lowers me down onto his bed. I know it’s his bed because it smells like him, like cigarettes and Mike.

I’m still curled into a ball when Mike lies down behind me and presses himself against me. He wraps his arms around me, one under my head and the other around my middle.

“Shhh.” He kisses the top of my head and strokes my hair as I continue to cry unashamed.

My body is shaking and I can’t take a full breath of air. I have lost all control.

“Lyndsay, you need to breathe.”

I am beyond being able to breathe. I am beyond being able to do anything but cry.

“Lyndsay, can you feel my chest against your back?”

Mike takes a deep breath in and I feel the pressure against me. I make a sound that resembles a yes and then feel Mike slowly breathe out.

“I want you to breathe with me Lynd’s. Can you do that? Slowly breathe in and out.” He takes another deep breath in and I feel his chest press against me again. “Breathe with me,” he urges.

I try. I try to take a deep breath but I can’t. I can feel my head becoming light as I struggle to take a full lung of air.

Mike holds me tighter and continues to breathe long deep breaths. “I’m here for you, Lyndsay,” he says between breaths. “You’re safe now.”

I feel his chest against my back again before his lungs empty.

“You don’t have to be afraid anymore. You’re safe and I’m right here with you.” He kisses my head again before I feel him press against me.

I try again. I slowly breathe in, but before I can take a full breath, a sob forces the air out of my lungs.

“That’s it,” he says. “Breathe with me. Feel my chest against your back and breathe with me.”

He breaths in again and I find myself breathing with him. I take a full breath and hold it for a second before a sob forces the air out of me.

“Good girl,” Mike whispers. “Breathe again.”

I do. I take another deep breath. With him breathing in at the same time as me, the pressure against my back increases and it helps to calm me. My body soon stops shaking and although tears still spill from my eyes, the sobs stop. I focus all my attention on Mike’s breathing and after a few long deep breaths, I feel my body beginning to relax.

I can breathe.

I keep breathing in time with Mike. Under the covers of his bed, I search for and find his hand. I take it in mine and pull it in to my chest.

“Mike,” I say. “Please don’t let go of me.”

Mike kisses the top of my head again. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I wake with a start. My body tenses and I take a sharp intake of air.

“I’m here Lyndsay,” I hear Mike say quietly. I feel his fingers softly brush hair from my face.

I slowly open my eyes. I’m lying on my side, facing Mike. He’s looking at me. He’s not smiling. His eyes are moving over my face, taking in all my features. He’s waiting for me to talk.

“I was dreaming,” I say. “We were back in Auckland and when the earthquake hit, I didn’t get to Mikey on time. The wall fell down on him.” I take a deep breath as tears come to my eyes.

“It’s just a dream Lyndsay. You did get to him in time. You saved his life. And I’ll be forever indebted to you for that.” He cups my cheek in his hand. “Thank you Lyndsay. Thank you for saving my little boy.” He smiles at me and squeezes my hand. I look down to where our hands are clasped together between us. He’s still holding my hand.

He didn’t let go.

The planned day out to Wet ‘N Wild has been postponed. I know for certain it’s because of my outburst last night and Mike doesn’t want to leave me alone all day. But Mike insists it’s because Mikey needs a day to chill out.

Mikey asks if he can go down to the pool. I encourage Mike to take him. Mike asks me to come with them, but I tell him no, I want to spend a bit of time alone. What I really want to do bathe my back in some sunlight.

Once the boys have left, I grab my iPod and phone and a few towels and head out to the balcony. I lay a towel down on the lounge, put another one down next to me and lay down topless on my tummy. I set a timer on my phone for fifteen minutes and put in my earphones and listen to some music.

Mike and I stayed in bed together for an hour before Mikey woke up and came in to join us. I had tried to get up earlier, but Mike didn’t want me to. I didn’t want Mikey to get confused if he saw us in bed together but Mike didn’t seem to care.

“Better you than some other woman,” he said, smiling.

We talked about the earthquake. Blue Saturn were just finishing up when it hit. Chaos ensued and the band was whisked safely away. Mike felt bad abandoning his fans, but getting to Mikey was his main priority. No lives were lost inside the concert venue.