Blue Sacrifice (Blue Davison) (16 page)

Struggling with the loop, I took a short break and
ate a few candy bars. The sugar high helped me focus and I returned to killing
myself. The loop was too small and I had trouble getting my head through it.
Laughing at the idea of my head being too fat, I stood on the chair and
considered going on another chocolate run.

The house was so quiet and the demons were nowhere
in sight. Letting my guard down, I hadn’t noticed the slightly ajar door. Even
if I had, I wouldn’t have worried since Gretchen never checked on me. Even
though the open door didn’t feel like a concern, it allowed the cats to enter.

Without noticing them, I struggled with the loop
before finally working enough slack to possibly fit my giant head. I lifted the
noose then noticed something from the corner of my eye.

The other cats charged towards Vixen who was
slinking around my room. Startled, I wobbled on the chair, holding the rope for
balance. Yet I never considered shoving my head through the noose, so if I fell
my troubles could be over. Instinct forced me to remain upright, yet the cats attacked
Vixen just under my chair, tipping it over in the squabble.

Falling sideways, I tried to brace my fall, but I
hit the footboard of the bed first then the hardwood floors. My lungs emptied
out in a gush and I felt a bone snap when my stomach smacked the ground.

Once the distraught cats ran from the room, I
tried to push myself up, but my left shoulder throbbed from the impact with the
bedpost. Groaning, I rolled over and stared up at where my mother glared down
at me.

“Eight years ago, I thought to have you cut your
wrists, but I pitied you and thought you might become something worth loving
over time. I see now how I made a mistake.”

“I love you too, Mom,” I muttered, trying to sit
up and unable to do much more than scoot towards the phone.

“I’m going to have the twins scream in your ears
all night,” Mom hissed. “Enjoy, bitch.”

Ignoring her, I dialed Lacey. Answering, she
sounded more relieved than angry.

“I’m going to take a day off and enjoy the opera,”
I said. “Oh, and I think I need to go to the hospital again.”

“On my way.”

Hanging up, I quickly realized my mother wasn’t
kidding about the twins screaming. I was still stuck on my butt while covering
my ears when Lacey arrived. Using her keys, she walked into the house then my
room. Sighing, she studied the noose.

“How many times are you going to fail before you
stop trying?”

“If I jumped from the bridge and lived, I would
take it as a real sign, but this screw-up might have been just sheer stupidity.”

Lacey helped me up. “Did you break something?”

“Maybe.”

Lacey left me sitting on the bed while she found a
bag and shoved clothes into it. Finally she helped me into a jacket and out of
the house. The twins never stopped screaming until I was in the car. Even then,
they sat in the backseat and glared at me.

The same doctor as the night before treated me. Again
he wasn’t interested in details and I suspected he was tired from the busy ER.
Even if he wanted to care though, Lacey’s money kept him from asking questions.
While my ribs were bruised, they weren’t cracked, despite the snapping sound I
heard as I hit the floor.

When I entered the Zandi house, I felt embarrassed
in a way I hadn’t the day before. They had been so generous with me and I’d
turned around and tried to die again.

Soon Amira appeared and smiled sadly. “Another
tough evening?”

“I’m sorry,” I said as she hugged me gently. “The
town is falling apart.”

“The darkness is always around. You can’t take it
personally,” she said, knowing very well how it was my destiny to take it personally.
“Are you hungry?”

“No, I had a big dinner.”

Amira studied me suspiciously. “No Hot Pocket?”

“No Hot Pocket.”

“Very well. At least have popcorn and hot chocolate.”

Before I could get out a thank you, Lacey was
pulling me upstairs. We passed Tyson who didn’t give me his usual smile. In
fact, he looked depressed and why shouldn’t he be? I had promised to go with
him to the opera and twice I had made it abundantly clear how I didn’t intend
to keep the promise. Having hurt him, I had no real defense. I could have told Tyson
the truth the day he invited me to the opera, but I chose to lie to make things
easier.

Upstairs Lacey shoved me into the shower and told
me the hot water would help with the tenderness on my ribs and shoulder.
Suspecting she was hiding something, I didn’t ask because she wouldn’t spill
anyway. When I emerged from the shower, she wore another pair of power blue pajamas.
On the bed, I found my gray cashmere pajamas and touched them lovingly.

“Popcorn awaits us,” Lacey announced with a big
fake smile.

Dressing with her help, I followed Lacey
downstairs, past the angry twins, and to the family room where the whole family
once again prepared for
Seinfeld
.

“Do you watch this every night?” I whispered to
Lacey.

“A few times a week. We like family time, so sue
us.”

Knowing she was irritated with me, I said nothing
else as I joined her on the couch. Tyson was at the window, staring into the
pitch dark night. When he glanced back and saw me wearing the pajamas, his
expression shifted from sullen to a hint of amusement. Smiling big, I hoped he
understood how much I cared for him.

His mood brightening a little, Tyson sat on a wide
chair with Alyssa who was brushing out her long black hair and dropping clumps of
it against his face. He glared at her, but she only twisted to allow more to
fall on his head. Watching them, Lacey grinned.

“The old man is getting ready to blow.”

“Hush, child,” Tyson muttered with a wave of his
hand.

Alyssa finally stopped tormenting Tyson and
cuddled against her brother as they watched the show. Yousef sat quietly nearby,
wearing an expression as forlorn as his son’s had been. Yet he cheered up once Amira
joined him. Soon we ate cinnamon popcorn and despite my big dinner, I had two
bowls.

A part of me hoped to fall asleep on the couch
again so Tyson could carry me to bed. Despite my feelings for Flynn, I felt
safe with Tyson and I wanted to feel safe again, even if it only lasted a few
minutes.

I didn’t fall asleep though, instead walking
upstairs on my own with Lacey. She turned on her stereo and told me to wake her
if any of the demons bothered me. While she wasn’t Tyson’s strong arms, I felt
safe with Lacey and dozed off smiling at how lucky I was to have her as a
friend.

Wednesday morning, Lacey and I were up on time.
When we reached the kitchen, Alyssa was still sleeping, Amira and Yousef were
in the sunroom drinking coffee, and Tyson sat in his robe at the kitchen island.
No matter how much I tried to picture Flynn without his shirt, I couldn’t stop
staring at the flash of chest hair I saw peeking from Tyson’s robe.

When I entered, Tyson gave me a soft smile. When I
kept staring at him, he quietly chuckled while pretending not to notice. When I
wouldn’t stop staring and Lacey didn’t help me focus, a grinning Tyson finally
excused himself so he could dress.

“Subtle,” Lacey muttered.

“When I’m here, I sometimes have trouble
remembering Flynn. It’s almost like he’s a fantasy I’ve created to make the
world better. Here though with your family, the world is wonderful and the
fantasy fades.”

“Flynn sucks nuts.”

“You should be nicer to him. He’s nice to you.”

“That’s true,” she said, setting her plates into
the sink. “I just like when you stare at my brother more than when you stare at
the outsider.”

“You should stop calling him that.”

“To his face, I’ll consider it. Behind his back,
no way.”

“Deal. We better go before Tyson returns and I
fall into my stupor again.”

“Yes, he is very handsome for an old man,” Lacey
said wistfully. “I often shudder to think of how ragged I’ll look at twenty one.”

Grinning, I grabbed my backpack and said goodbye
to Amira and Yousef who were entranced by the paper. They told us to be wary,
yet keep happy thoughts. Lacey smiled like she was totally on board with being
super happy then she complained all of the way to school.

Flynn met us in the parking lot and his expression
wasn’t a happy one. Kissing me tenderly, he took my hand without saying
anything. Once we dropped Lacey off in her dreaded English class with Abby
Bitch, her official new name, Flynn and I walked to my class.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“You’re going on a date with someone else tonight.
I’m not sure why, but I feel like maybe this should bother me.”

“It’s not a date,” I said as we reached my class.

Nodding, Flynn gave me a quick kiss then walked
away. Though I felt stupid just standing there watching him walk down the long
hall to his class, I couldn’t turn away. Even when two girls screamed at each
other and threw books, I ignored them and watched Flynn disappear into his
class.

It proved to be another pointless day at school. I
wished a teacher would actually teach or give us real work, just so I’d be
distracted from Flynn’s unhappiness. Having wanted Tyson for so long and imagining
him as mine so many times that I still couldn’t accept this new reality of me
and Flynn. I did have one foot out of the door, just like Flynn said. Since I
didn’t believe I would be around much longer, I had no intention of falling in
love. If I really let myself though, I would fall hard for Flynn. Fall so hard,
I wouldn’t be able to let go.

When Flynn appeared at lunch, I immediately lunged
into his arms and kissed him hungrily. Even sucking hard at his tongue as if no
boundaries existed between us, I still couldn’t say the words he needed to hear.
I just hoped my overwrought affection would be sign enough.

Lacey didn’t enjoy the display, but said nothing. Appreciating
her attempt to be nicer to Flynn, I planned to find a way to reward her for the
gesture. She loved having her hair brushed so I intended to give her a round of
attention tonight.

“I missed you,” I told Flynn as we waited in line.
“I never want you to want an out.”

Flynn gave me a lopsided smile and filled his tray
with an assortment of meat choices. He said nothing until we were outside and I
was cuddled against him. I hoped to keep warm while showing him how I felt
without saying more than I already had. Somehow the words felt like I was making
a promise I couldn’t keep. Affection formed a less ironclad promise.

“Did you have a nice evening?” he asked, ignoring
his food.

“It was okay. I was a little freaked out at home
so I went to Lacey’s for the night.”

“Again?”

“The town is acting weird and I was in the house
alone.”

“Good call then. You’re lucky to have such a good
friend.”

Flynn raised an eyebrow, daring Lacey to find
fault with his hollow compliment. She snarled at him dramatically then returned
to eating her fish sticks. A smiling Flynn kissed my forehead then my cheek and
finally gave me a warm and forgiving kiss.

“This guy is your friend,” Flynn said, sounding
like he was convincing himself.

“Yes, I’ve known him since I was in kindergarten.”

“Does he have a girlfriend who is totally cool
with him attending the opera with my hot mermaid?”

Lacey lifted her gaze at the mermaid comment, but
chose to let it drop.

“Not that I know of. He dates a lot of women, but
I don’t think he’s serious with anyone.”

“A player, huh?”

Lacey was ready to jump to her brother’s defense,
but fought the urge until she looked a little constipated. I grinned at her and
she finally gave me a smile.

“Can I come to your house on Thursday?” I asked
Flynn. “Would that be okay with your dad?”

Finally giving me a real smile, Flynn nodded.
“He’ll be thrilled to meet the girl who’s making me nuts.”

“What if he doesn’t like me? Will he make you stop
dating me?”

Flynn laughed loudly. In fact, Lacey stopped
staring at her food to stare at him. We watched him laugh and laugh until he
laughed himself out.

“No, Blue, my dad won’t make me stop dating you.
He’s not my warden.”

“I just thought I’d ask,” I muttered,
uncomfortable with how he laughed at my question like it was the silliest thing
ever.

“Are you angry?”

“No.”

“Are you lying?”

“Why did you laugh like that?”

“My dad is very hands off when it comes to
parenting. I could bring anyone home and he could absolutely hate them, but who
is he to judge? Don’t stress it.”

Smiling slightly, I felt calmer about meeting his
dad who I was curious about, yet nervous I wouldn’t impress.

“Will I still get pork if I come to dinner?” I
asked, licking at my lips like pork was the best thing ever.