Blue (23 page)

Tabitha nodded and thanked the nurse, who left the room. Tabitha reached down and ran her hand over her legs, feeling the smooth, soft skin that the razor and lotion had left behind. She opened the package of cookies and took a bite before standing up, putting on her clothes, and walking out of the patient room. She went back through the hallway and into the waiting room.

Tabitha sat down in the same chair as more girls came back to sit in the waiting room. As the last girl filed back in through the door, Dr. Hance walked back into the room from inside the clinic and smiled at the girls.

“Much better, right?” Dr. Hance asked, and the girls nodded at him, a few even laughing. “One of a few happy, little surprises that you gals get to experience today. Okay, the other girls might not be quite done yet, but we can go ahead and walk over to the other building. Let’s go,” Dr. Hance said, walking up the steps again and pushing open the door to the outside.

The girls followed him out again into the desert, back through the gate inside the facility, and onto the brick path. They walked over to the side of the compound opposite Tabitha’s dormitory, and into a brick building with glass doors that Tabitha hadn’t even known existed.

Dr. Hance held open the door as the girls filed into a room that was full of quiet chatter, laughter, and what sounded to Tabitha like a vacuum cleaner. The entry way was decorated with soft colors and flowers, obviously attempting to create a feeling of tranquility for its guests. The girls crowded in the doorway, but Tabitha and Alyssa stepped away from the crowd a bit to avoid being shoved up together in the foyer.

A woman dressed in all black with bright red hair stepped around the corner of the wall, wearing a black shiny apron.

“I’m done with my last girl if someone else is ready to go,” the woman said, looking at Tabitha, smiling. “You ready?”

Tabitha didn’t exactly know what she should be ready for, but she agreed because the woman looked nice enough, and so happy to see her. The woman grabbed her by the arm and ushered her around the corner and into a black leather chair. She spun her around to look into a large mirror, wrapping a black cape around her body and fastening it around her neck.

“So, any idea of what you might like?” the woman asked, picking up a magazine from a table near the chair and flipping the pages. “I’m thinking something like this would look amazing on you. You look just like her.”

Tabitha looked at the picture of a woman with bright blue eyes and chiseled cheekbones, with wavy, caramel hair with blond highlights, cropped right below her jaw. She couldn’t help but think about how similar the picture was to the one that Alyssa had shown her earlier.

“She is pretty,” Tabitha said, seemingly agreeing with the woman about something that she didn’t even understand.

“Great. Trust me. You’re in great hands. You’re gonna look great!” the woman said, reaching for a tube of some kind of gel. “I think I’m more excited than you for this makeover. This color is going to look so great on you.”

C h a p t e r 
21

Anytha sat in silence for a few minutes after they pulled out of the parking lot of the clinic and onto the highway to head to Humanity. She could tell that Ari was waiting for her to speak, and she tried to multiple times, only to find her voice catch as she turned to Ari to spill her words. After a few miles, she felt the confusion stirring in her mind and couldn’t contain herself any longer—no matter how her words might sound.

“Am I—do you—I mean, am I—just completely insane for thinking that I might have a sibling that I knew nothing about out there somewhere?” Anytha asked, rubbing her eyes and leaning her elbows on her knees. “I mean, how am I even supposed to process all of this? It’s like my entire life was a lie.”

Ari kept his eyes on the road for a moment while Anytha leaned forward and rested her forehead against the dashboard.

“Anytha, you’re not insane. I understand how you could assume that. But I don’t think you should jump to any conclusions yet, either. There may be a strange explanation for all of this. I mean, you haven’t even talked with your parents about it yet,” Ari said.

“Well, if it is true, they’ve surely never wanted to talk about it before. No. I don’t want to talk to them about it. Not yet anyway. I want to find proof—something real—before I go to them. Something that they can’t just deny. I must have a brother or sister somewhere. I know that that baby wasn’t me,” Anytha said, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms across her chest as she stared out the window.

“Well, what if it was stillborn? Or something terrible happened to it before you were old enough to remember. There are so many things that could explain it. Maybe they were just trying to protect you,” Ari said, trying his best to be a voice of reason for her.

“Yeah. But honestly, Ari, if that was the case, then why was she at Humanity? And why was she crying? My mom isn’t exactly the emotional type. Why did she cry every time she watched the news after the dam broke and killed all those people? It makes sense that they might have been tears of guilt,” Anytha said as water welled up in her eyes. “They were born ‘afflicted’ and my parents were too greedy and selfish to keep them, and decided to sell them to the compound and make some quick money, and be rid of the responsibility of raisin
g an afflicted child. You know, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. It sounds exactly like something they would do. They have always been so wrapped up in their own lives, and never really cared about my well-being. They probably thought they were doing my sibling a favor by putting them in the compound, even though they were more than capable of providing for and protecting them. And now her selfishness is coming back to haunt her. You’re right. It makes sense that something terrible might have happened to my brother or sister before I was old enough to remember. Something terrible that my parents chose for them. Something terrible like living an orphaned life in a compound, not knowing that they had a sister out there that would have visited them every month if she had known they existed,” Anytha said, looking out the window as she allowed the tears to streak down her face.

Ari reached over and grabbed her hand and squeezed it, rubbing her fingers with his as she wept next to him.

“Ari, all I can think about—all I hope is that I had a brother. Because, if I had a sister at Humanity… Ari—what if I had a sister at Humanity?” Anytha asked, sobbing and holding her face in her hands.

Ari rubbed her back as she wept in the seat next to him. Ari knew what it meant if Anytha had a sister at Humanity, and it made even more sense as to why her mother might have been crying. It made sense that she had been there, overcome with the feeling of guilt she felt over the death of her daughter. The weight of seeing her daughter’s blood on her hands. The shameful feeling that sending her daughter to the compound to protect her life actually caused her to lose it.

Anytha knew that Ari understood exactly what it meant if she had a sister at Humanity. But Anytha also knew that he wouldn’t believe it until he saw proof for himself.

After a few minutes, Anytha collected herself, wiped her eyes, and looked at herself in the mirror on the sun visor. Her eyes were puffy and red, and her makeup had dripped down her cheeks. She wiped away the black streaks that had formed all the way down to her chin with her finger, and blew her nose into a napkin from an empty fast-food bag on the floorboard of the car.

“Okay. You’re right. I shouldn’t jump to conclusions about this until I know more,” Anytha said, sniffing and dabbing her nose with the napkin as she attempted to compose herself. “So, what do you know about the files at Humanity? Do they even keep records on birth parents or check-in dates, or birth dates or anything?”

“I honestly have never looked at any of their files, but there is a room full of metal filing cabinets off to the side of the office where I work. They keep the water cooler in there. I know that the filing cabinets are locked, but I’m pretty sure that they keep the key in the desk drawer. They probably wouldn’t really like me rummaging through their files though, and they definitely wouldn’t want someone else rummaging through their files,” Ari said, looking over at her briefly.

“So, do you think that I even have a chance to find something?” Anytha asked, wiping her eyes with the side of her forefinger and sniffing as she forced a serious face.

“No, I don’t think it’s impossible. I’m thinking that we should go at lunchtime when there’s nobody in the office. I’ll offer to watch the front desk and answer the phone, so the front desk person—Barb—can leave for lunch with the rest of the office staff. And then you can try to sneak in and take a look. I’m not guaranteeing anything, though,” Ari said.

“Okay. Well, all I can do is try,” Anytha said, taking in a large breath. “Do you know anything about the files, though, just so I’m prepared? Do you know how they’re set up? Are they alphabetical?” Anytha asked.

“I know that some of them are, but I just haven’t looked around the room that much to know,” Ari said. “I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you more.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just figure it out when I get in there,” Anytha said, shrugging her shoulders and looking out the window. “If I can get in there.”

The car crossed the overpass that led to Humanity, and Anytha gazed over at the Vaal Dam. The road was surrounded on either side by piles of sediment and mud; dried cracks in the mud ran perpendicular to the road. At the sight of the dam, she felt a sickening feeling come over her. An image of a rush of water pouring out and sweeping their car off the road flooded her mind. She felt her breath get stuck in her chest, and after a few seconds, she gasped a bit as she inhaled, grabbing the door handle next to her to steady herself. She looked over at Ari to see if he had noticed her gasp, but he continued looking ahead, turning the steering wheel to lead them onto the dusty driveway to Humanity.

They got out of the car, and Ari popped open the trunk. Inside was a large cardboard box, and next to it lay a pair of socks and a scarf. Ari picked up the scarf and socks and threw them into the box. He picked up the box and turned toward the front gate as dust clouded around his feet.

“What’s that for?” Anytha asked.

“Well, I’m not on the volunteer schedule today. Thought this might make it look like I have a reason to be here,” Ari replied, setting the box down on the ground and pulling his wallet out of his pocket. “Here, get my ID out of there and hold it for me. I don’t want to have to set the box down when we get to the gate. They’ll be able to tell how light it is.”

“So, you don’t think that a huge box with a pair of socks in it is more suspicious than showing up unannounced?” Anytha asked.

“Hey, there’s a scarf in there too!” Ari said sarcastically. “We just have to make it in the gate.”

They walked up together to the gate and Ari gave the guard his name.

“I don’t see you on the list today,” the guard said to him, flipping back and forth between two pages that were stapled together on his desk.

“I know, I just had a donation, and thought I would stop by the office to see if they could use some help today, since I was already here,” Ari said, acting like the box was much heavier than it really was.

“Okay, just let me see some ID. Your friend, too,” the guard said as Anytha handed both of their licenses to him.

The guard ran them through his scanner. The first gate buzzed open, and they entered, closely followed by the other two gates. Ari set the box down in the donation bin slot and slid it down the chute, and they heard a quiet thump as it fell into the pile with the other donations.

Ari reached for Anytha’s hand as they walked up to the front door of the office, letting go right before they reached the door, which he pulled open for her. They walked into the brick building, which had a large open room with a linoleum floor. To the side was the office, with a desk out front that opened up into the foyer.

“Hey, Barb. How are you?” Ari asked, approaching the front desk and knocking on the top twice.

“I’m fine. Hungry. Almost lunch time,” Barb replied. “Is this your lovely girlfriend that we have heard so much about?”

“Oh—yes. Barb, this is my girlfriend, Anytha,” Ari said to the sweet-looking, elderly woman sitting at the front desk.

“Well, Anytha, we have definitely heard so much about you. It’s so nice to meet you!” Barb said, standing up from the desk to shake Anytha’s hand. “What are you doing here today, Ari? I didn’t think you would be back until next week.”

“Well, we came to drop off a donation that was taking up room in my trunk, and I thought I would stop by and let Anytha meet everyone,” Ari said, placing his hand between Anytha’s shoulder blades. “I saw that you were on the list to be at the front desk today, and I thought you might want to take your lunch with the rest of the crew rather than just eating by yourself at your desk. I’ll take over the front desk. That way, I can teach Anytha how to do it for when she gets back in town, too.”

“Ari, that is too sweet of you. That’d be great. The phone hasn’t been ringing much today, though, so I don’t know how much she’s actually going to learn,” Barb said, laughing a bit and standing up from her chair. “I think the other girls already left to go eat, so, if you insist, you can take over now.”

“Of course. I insist,” Ari said, opening the door to enter the office and pulling Anytha by the hand behind him.

Ari sat down at the front desk while Barb put on her coat, reached into a small refrigerator beside the desk, pulled out a Tupperware container and an apple, and nodded at Ari as she walked out of the office. Ari watched her round the corner to head into the break room, then reached down to open the bottom drawer of the desk and opened a black, plastic box that held a small set of keys.

“I don’t know which one works for what cabinet, but they’re through that door,” Ari said, handing Anytha the keys and pointing to a wooden door with a round, metal doorknob on the side of the room. “Hurry. I’ll keep watch.”

Anytha grabbed the keys from his hand and walked over to the door and opened it. It was a small room, but it was filled wall to wall with filing cabinets, with only enough room for the drawers to open between them. Anytha started looking around to see that the drawers nearest the door were labeled on the front with letters, every drawer representing one or two letters of the alphabet. She walked clockwise around the room, following the letters of the alphabet, until the letter labels ended. Where the alphabet ended there was a small break between cabinets. They changed colors from a newer, dark brown metal to a dusty beige metal, and the cards on the outside of the drawers were all labeled with a letter and a series of numbers, which Anytha figured were dates. Anytha reasoned from the timeline of the pregnant picture of her parents that any sibling of hers must have been born around October, so she felt like it would be a good place to start with October of the year that she was born—1978. Anytha started scouring the cabinets for anything that might imply contents from that year.