Blubber (6 page)

“Mom …”

“Hum?”

“Remember the time that sixth-grader called Tracy a
chink
?”

“I remember,” Mom said.

“And how she socked him right in the nose and he never bothered her again …”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, that’s what I’d do if somebody called me a name.”

“I wouldn’t,” Mom said.

“How come?”

“Because it makes more sense to just laugh it off.”

“I never thought of that.”

“A person who can laugh at herself will be respected,” Mom said.

“Always?”

“Usually … what makes you ask, anyway?”

“Nothing special … just this girl in our class who lets everybody walk all over her … she really looks for it.”

“You should try putting yourself in her place.”

“I could never be in her place!”

“Don’t be too sure,” Mom said, as she took off her reading glasses and slid them into their case.

“I think I will go to bed now,” I said, leaning over for my kiss.

On Wednesday morning we had our social studies test on the explorers. It was all matching and multiple-choice questions. Mrs. Minish handed back the corrected test papers right after lunch. I got a C. I knew I’d forget which one was de Vaca and which one was de Soto and I did. I also goofed up Cortez and Mexico. But what got me really sore was that Wendy and Caroline both got A’s. And I saw Caroline copy all the answers off Wendy. Sometimes I wish Mrs. Minish would wake up.

Miss Rothbelle sent for us at one-fifteen so we’d have time to rehearse before assembly. She made us stand in size place on the stage. I wound up between Rochelle, who is a new girl, and Linda, with Wendy right behind me. All during
rehearsal Wendy kept giving me little pokes and pinches, trying to make me laugh. But I kept a straight face the whole time.

We practiced singing each of our lullabies twice. Miss Rothbelle seemed satisfied and went down to talk to Mr. Vandenberg. He always plays the piano for assemblies. I wish he taught music instead of Miss Rothbelle. He has this funny moustache that he’s always twirling and he loves to tell jokes.

As soon as Miss Rothbelle was gone Wendy leaned close and whispered, “Nobody sings
breast
but Blubber. Pass it on …”

I whispered that to Rochelle and she whispered it to Donna, who was on her other side.

Then Mr. Vandenburg started playing a march and we watched as all the other classes filed into the auditorium. When everyone was settled Miss Rothbelle blew her pitchpipe at us and we hummed the opening note of “Brahms’ Lullaby.” We sang two more songs before we got to “Sweet and Low.” The way Miss Rothbelle conducted us you’d have thought she was leading some famous symphony.

In the second verse of “Sweet and Low,” when we came to the line that goes, “Rest … rest … on mother’s breast …” all of us mouthed the word “breast” except Linda. She
sang it loud and clear with a trill on the
br
, the way Miss Rothbelle does. It was like a one word solo. The rest of us came back in on the next word but by then most of the kids in the audience were laughing so hard no one could hear us sing. Linda turned absolutely purple.

I might have cracked up right on stage except for my loose tooth. Because all of a sudden it wasn’t there anymore. It didn’t fall out of my mouth but I could feel it rolling around on my tongue. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid if I let it stay in my mouth I would swallow it, so I spit it into my hand and stuck my tongue in the space where my tooth used to be. I tasted blood.

After the assembly Miss Rothbelle made an announcement to our class. “Everyone except Linda will stay after school tomorrow … and if this ever happens again you will all fail music!”

I knew she’d say something like that.

I showed Tracy my tooth on the way home from school. “It’s neat,” she said. “How much do you think it’s worth?”

“I’m not sure,” I told her. “Last time I got a quarter.”

“If I were you I’d try for more. We haven’t got that many baby teeth left.”

“I’ll try,” I said.

I didn’t know which to tell my parents first—that I have to stay after school tomorrow or that I lost my tooth. I decided on the tooth. I handed it to my father.

“Very nice,” he said, inspecting it. He passed it to Mom.

“Don’t forget to put it under your pillow,” she said.

“I won’t.”

Mom handed the tooth back to me. “I went shopping at lunchtime,” she said. “I found the bar mitzvah dress. It’s in a box on my bed.”

“I hope I like it,” I said.

“I hope it fits.”

The dress turned out to be a short knitted thing, with tiny sleeves, a round neck, and three stripes on the skirt. “It itches,” I told my mother after she’d made me try it on.

“It can’t,” Mom said. “It’s acrylic, not wool.”

I wiggled around. “It itches all over.”

“There’s probably a scratchy tag inside. I’ll take it out later.”

When Mom and Dad came into my room to kiss me goodnight Mom said, “Did you put the tooth under your pillow?”

I patted my pillow and said, “Of course.”

“I hope the Tooth Fairy comes,” Dad said.

“Me too. Do you think she could leave me a check this time, instead of cash?”

“A check?” Mom asked.

“Yes.” I twisted the edge of my blanket. “Made out to the Winthrop Stamp Company for $2.87.”

“That’s a lot of money for one little tooth,” Dad said.

“I know it,” I told him. “But I haven’t got many baby teeth left and I’m sure the Tooth Fairy will understand if you explain it to her.”

Mom and Dad looked at each other. “We’ll try to get the message through,” Mom said. “Now go to sleep.”

The next morning I felt under my pillow. The tooth was gone and in its place was the check I’d asked for. I found Dad in the kitchen, squeezing oranges, and I thanked him.

Then I went looking for Mom. I heard the water running in her bathroom. I figured she was washing up so I tried the door. It was unlocked. “Mom, thanks for the …” I stopped right in the middle. Mom wasn’t at the sink. She was crouched in the corner of the bathroom, smoking a cigarette! “Mom … what are you doing?”

My mother tossed the butt into the toilet.

Then she stood up and fanned the air, trying to get rid of the smoke. “I couldn’t help it,” she said. “I really needed one this morning.”

“You promised …” I began.

“I promised to try and I
am
trying!”

“But …”

My mother held up her hand. “Please get ready for school. I have a very busy day coming up and I don’t have the time to drive you if you miss your bus.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” I said. “I have to stay after school today.”

“Well, this is a fine time to tell me,” Mom said, as she pulled on her pantyhose.

“I forgot to tell you last night because, I was so busy trying on the dress and thinking about my tooth and all …”

“Damn!” Mom said. “I just got a run. Now I’ll have to wear pants.”

“And anyway, the whole class has to stay after.”

“Why?”

“Oh … we were fooling around in music.”

Mom went to her closet. “Damn again … they’re at the cleaners.”

“I’ll get a ride home with one of the mothers, so don’t worry.”

“You’re sure?” Mom asked, looking for another
pair of pantyhose. “Because I could call a taxi.”

“Oh no … Wendy said either her mother or Caroline’s will drop me off.”

“Leave a note for Mrs. Sandmeier.”

“I will.”

On the way to school I told Tracy about my check and that now I have enough to buy a whole bunch of approvals from Winthrop. When Tracy heard that she started wiggling both of her loose teeth.

Mrs. Minish told us to hurry and settle down as we walked into our room because she had to collect the money for our class trip. We’re going to the Planetarium next month. I’ve already been there four times.

I knew it would take Mrs. Minish forever to get our trip money straight so I pulled my chair over to Wendy’s desk. She and Caroline had a couple of books spread out in front of them to make it look like they were hard at work on some assignment. But really, they were making up a list. They showed it to me.

HOW TO HAVE FUN WITH BLUBBER

1. Hold your nose when Blubber walks by.

2. Trip her.

3.
Push her.

4. Shove her.

5. Pinch her.

6. Make her say,
I am Blubber, the smelly whale of class 206
.

Before I’d had a chance to read the whole thing the office called on the intercom, asking for a messenger from our class and Mrs. Minish looked up and said, “Jill, will you run down to the office please.”

Ms. Valdez—that’s what the clerk likes to be called—handed me a notice that had to be signed by all the fifth-grade teachers. By the time I got back to our room my class was saying the Pledge of Allegiance. I waited outside the door until they were through. Bruce picked his nose the whole time, which wasn’t a very patriotic thing to do.

After that, it was time to line up for gym. I like Mr. Witneski, our gym teacher. He treats the girls the same as the boys. This time of year we usually play kickball. I have this great daydream where it’s the bottom of the last inning and my team has two outs with the bases loaded. We are losing by three runs and I’m up. When the ball comes rolling toward me I kick it so hard and so fast that it goes way into the outfield, over everyone’s head. It’s a home run and we
win the game. My whole team starts yelling and cheering and then they pick me up and carry me around on their shoulders and after that I’m always the first one picked for a team. So far this has never happened but I keep hoping it will.

While we were walking down the hall Caroline whispered, “You missed a good show. When Blubber went up to give Minish her money, Wendy stuck out her foot and tripped her and Blubber fell flat on her face … and Minish said,
From now on try to be more careful, Linda
.”

“What’d Blubber say to that?”

“Nothing … what do you think?”

I called Tracy as soon as I got home from school.

“What did Miss Rothbelle make you do?” she asked.

“We had to write,
I was very rude yesterday. I will not misbehave in music again
.”

“How many times?”

“One hundred.”

“Ugh!”

“You can say that again. Did you hear about gym?”

“No … what?”

“Well … Michael and Rochelle were captains.”

“Yeah …”

“And I was on Michael’s team and Wendy and Blubber were on Rochelle’s. Blubber was the last one picked.”

“That figures.”

“So … on my first time up I kicked a blooper right at Blubber … not on purpose or anything … it just happened … you know?”

“Yeah …”

“And probably anyone else would have just caught it and I’d have been out. But Blubber missed the ball …”

“And?”

“Fell over backwards.”

Tracy laughed.

“So then Wendy started yelling at Blubber,
You dummy, you idiot, you smelly whale …
because Wendy really likes to win.”

“I know.”

“So then Blubber started bawling,
It’s not my fault
and she grabbed her belly and groaned,
She hit me right in the stomach … ohhhh!
”

“Then what?” Tracy asked.

“So Mr. Witneski dashed out to the field and said,
Are you hurt, Linda?
which made Blubber start crying harder. She sounded like a sick elephant. And the whole time she kept telling Mr. Witneski that I did it on purpose … that I aimed
right for her … as if I could just kick the ball wherever I wanted.”

“Fat chance,” Tracy said.

“Which is what I told Mr. Witneski.”

“Did he believe you?”

“I’m not sure because then he turned to me, of all people, and I was already safe at second base … and he said,
Jill, take Linda down to see the nurse, please
.”

“Oh no!”

“Oh yes! But I told him,
Mr. Witneski, I’m on base
.”

“So he didn’t make you go?”

“Wrong! He said,
Someone can run for you
and next thing I know Caroline was sent in to take my place. And I was stuck walking the smelly whale to the nurse’s office.”

“Go on … go on …”

“Well … first thing she says is,
Why do you always pick on me?
So I tell her,
I don’t pick on you
and she goes,
You do too. You and all your friends. And I never did anything to you
. So I tell her,
You’re full of it
and she goes,
Some day you’ll be sorry. I’ll get you for this
. So I tell her,
I’m really scared
and she goes,
You should be
. So I say,
Yeah … I’m shaking all over
and then she goes,
I hate you!
”

“She really said that?” Tracy asked.

“Yup. So then we get to the nurse’s office and she starts bawling all over again and the nurse asks her where it hurts and Blubber tells her,
In my stomach
and the nurse makes her lie down on the cot and pops the thermometer in her mouth even though I say,
She got hit with a ball. She doesn’t have a temperature
. But the nurse doesn’t care what I say because she likes to stick thermometers in people’s mouths which I happen to know because of that time I sprained my finger and the first thing she did was take my temperature. So while the thermometer is in Blubber’s mouth and she can’t talk I ask the nurse,
Can I go now?
and she tells me,
Yes, dear … and thank you for bringing her
.”

“So who won the game?” Tracy asked.

“Them … two to ten.”

That night I struggled over my math homework for an hour. I should be great at math since my father is a tax lawyer and my mother works with computers. I don’t understand why I have such a hard time with word problems. Dad explained three of them to me but he doesn’t set the problems up the way we’re supposed to, so even though I got the right answers I knew Mrs. Minish would still mark some of them wrong. But I’d done my best and Mom and Dad always say that’s what counts.