Bloodrose (14 page)

“I think you are right.” Pascal stroked his chin. “We often find
les ours
alone. Rarely do they seek out one another’s company.”

“Let’s hope the Keepers have other screwups for us to exploit down the road,” Mason said. “Right, Cal?”

I nodded, but my mind had drifted. I’d been watching Pascal closely. Watching the way he was watching Ren. That assessing gaze carried a fierce admiration in it. When Ren spoke, Pascal listened. I didn’t know whether to be surprised or not. Winning people over was one of Ren’s strongest attributes. He was a natural leader and had so much charisma you could drown in it. A painful twinge caught my chest, stealing my breath for an instant. Gazing at Ren, I saw the alpha mate who would have been mine, and in seeing him, I glimpsed what our future might have looked like. What a great leader he would have made for the Haldis pack, the strength we would have shared as alphas. Had I ripped that away from him? Or could our pack come together again—was our future lingering, waiting to be reclaimed? The sharp pinching in my chest was overtaken by the pounding of my heart. As if he sensed my stare, Ren’s eyes met mine and I couldn’t look away, couldn’t breathe.

It was Anika’s voice that finally broke the spell. I turned to see her standing beside Shay.

“The Scion!” She took Shay’s hand, lifting it high. Shay raised the sword in his other hand. It flashed, sparks of lightning alive in the blade. My racing pulse went cold as I listened to the Searchers’ roaring approval for their new champion.

Did he belong to them now? Was I a fool to think it possible that the Scion could be the mate of a Guardian?

I glanced back at Ren, wondering what he thought of Shay’s rapid ascension.

But Ren wasn’t looking at Shay or the sword. His eyes were still on me. I held his gaze, waiting, wondering what he was thinking, feeling. Suddenly he gave me that half-cocked smile and my knees caved a bit. Then he shifted.

Still watching me with dark eyes, the charcoal gray wolf lifted his head and howled. The sound filled the room, joyful, exhilarating. My heart leapt—this howl was the opposite of the last I’d heard from Ren. The night I left him in the woods. The night I ran beside Shay, abandoning my union with Ren. That night he’d howled and I’d thought the grief in that sound would tear me in two. In this moment, in this howl there was no hint of grief or doubt. There was only an alpha, reveling in his triumph.

Instinct took over and I shifted, raising my own muzzle to match his cry. Our voices united, singing out victory. Nev and Mason joined us. Sabine hesitated, watching. She didn’t change, though her eyes gleamed at the sound of our chorus.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of Shay. He continued to hold the sword aloft, but the lightning in its blade carried a charge of fury. A roiling storm cloud ready to explode. Like Sabine, he hadn’t shifted but had gone very still. His gaze moved between me and Ren, his eyes narrowing.

As I shifted back, a wave of exhaustion slammed into me, leeching strength from my limbs. The adrenaline from our mission had run out. Shay was coming toward me, and without looking, I knew Ren was already shifting to stand beside me. Two alphas once again jockeying for position. Both wanting me. Each hating the other. I couldn’t take it.

Before either of them could speak or reach for me, I whipped around and dashed from the room. The burden of keeping the peace between them had rubbed my nerves raw. Today I’d witnessed my two would-be mates staking out their places in this strange new world we’d found. Ren would still be an alpha even among his former enemies. He would lead and they would follow. Shay was the Scion, who the Searchers had spent their lives, and shed their blood, seeking. They both knew where they belonged and what they wanted. I’d escaped the life laid out for me by the Keepers, but even here I was trapped, unable to choose my own fate.

I ran through the halls, feet pounding on the marble floor, wishing I was in wolf form so I could run faster, but I thought there were enough Searchers not used to having Guardians roaming their halls that wouldn’t appreciate a white wolf running full speed through the Academy. I ran as fast as I could on two feet instead of four, needing to find the two people I trusted the most and hoping they might have some answers for me.

 

I followed their scent until I discovered them in a hidden corner of the courtyard. Tess was kneeling in the soil, up to her elbows in dirt. Ansel crouched beside her. I didn’t see Bryn until I was almost on top of them.

“Hey, Calla!” She grinned as she swung down from the branch of the apple tree she’d been lounging in.

“You auditioning for the role of Cheshire cat?” I asked, returning her embrace.

“Cat?” She wrinkled her nose. “Ugh! Never.”

“Good to know you still have standards.”

“So you’re here,” she said, stepping back to look me up and down. “Looking healthy. I take it that means the mission was a success.”

I nodded. “No casualties on either end.”

“None?” Tess looked up at us. “That’s impressive.”

“Bears are no match for wolves.”

Bryn snorted, placing her hands on her hips. “Of course they aren’t. Any of us would take a bear without breaking a nail.”

I grinned at her.

“And Shay?” Tess asked. “He has the sword.”

“Yes.” I wished I wouldn’t shiver when I thought about it. “He’s got it. We’re halfway to a fully operational Scion.”

Tess’s face was solemn. She nodded and then turned back to her planting. Ansel scrambled to his feet, brushing dirt from his hands. He still managed to smudge dark soil across his forehead when he pushed his hair back.

“Hey, sis.” He leaned forward, giving me a quick hug before shoving his hands back in his pockets and looking away.

“Hi, An.” A lump formed in my throat immediately. “What are you up to?”

I tried to keep my tone easy, knowing he wouldn’t take sappiness as anything but pity. And pity was the last thing he needed.

“Learning about herbs,” he said, pointing at a basket. Plants boasting diverse shapes of leaves in myriad shades of green were carefully sorted and tied into bunches, filling the woven containers.

“Herbs?”

“For the Elixirs,” he replied. When I frowned, he continued, “Those are the healers who work in Eydis Sanctuary.”

“We also gather herbs for the Alchemists in Pyralis Apothecary,” Tess added. She was wielding a pair of pruning shears and I cringed, remembering the hack job I’d done on my hair with them. “But that will take a few lessons. Those herbs are tricky and a little dangerous.”

Ansel flashed a smile at Tess, and I was thrilled to see genuine enthusiasm warm his features. “I’ll take whatever you throw at me. Just say the word.”

“One step at a time.” Tess returned his smile before standing up, taking a full basket in each hand. “Why don’t you take a break while I run these to Eydis? You probably would like to hear Calla’s story.”

“We can help you carry them, Tess,” Bryn said. “There are more baskets.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she replied. “I’ll bring us back some lemonade. The lemons were just harvested this morning, so it will be amazing.”

“Sounds great!” Ansel grinned, plopping down into the dirt. Bryn nestled beside him, snuggling into his embrace. He didn’t flinch or try to pull away. My throat started to close up again and I had to look away, focusing on the ripening cherries that hung from the branches of a nearby tree. The tightness of my throat gave way to my mouth’s sudden watering.

“So what are you doing hanging out with the civilians, Cal?” Bryn asked as I sprawled on a bench across the path from where they sat. “Shouldn’t you be plotting the overthrow of the Keepers?”

“I guess.” I lay back, letting the Mediterranean sun drench my skin.

“You guess?” Something in her voice made me look at her. Bryn’s blue eyes were narrowed, searching. “What’s going on?”

I ground my teeth. “Well . . . it’s just . . . I . . .”

“Spit it out,” she said.

“I wanted to try something. I need to . . .”
God, this is so hard.

“You need to what?” Ansel was gazing at me; worry furrowed his brow.

“I need to talk about my feelings,” I finally blurted out, and instantly felt blood rushing into my cheeks. I was sure my face mirrored the crushed velvet red of the nearby roses.

Ansel and Bryn both burst out laughing.

“Thanks,” I growled. “Your support is duly noted.”

“Sorry, Cal,” Bryn said, grinning and wiping a tear from her cheek. “It’s just . . . you’re adorable.”

“Adorable?!” I showed her my fangs. “I need help!”

“We’ll help.” Ansel was still laughing. “But it’s hilarious to watch you squirm just because you want to talk to us. Talking to their friends is what people do, Calla.”

“It’s not what I do,” I snarled. “I like to handle things on my own.”

“We know.” Bryn stopped smiling. “That means something’s really gotten to you.”

“Sure does,” Ansel said. “What’s up?”

Heat flooded my cheeks again. I stared at the path’s paving stones.

“Oh . . . oh,” Bryn said. I glanced up to see her and Ansel share a meaningful look.

“Oh God.” I buried my face in my hands.

Bryn kissed Ansel on the cheek and came over to me. “Scoot. I need to sit here.”

I made a place for her on the bench.

“Do you want this to just be girl talk or can your brother stay?” she asked.

“He stays,” I said quickly. “I need to hear what both of you think.”

“About your love life?” Ansel teased.

“You know I’m not above biting you—” I started, and instantly regretted my words.

His eyes clouded for a minute, but he forced a smile. “I’ll just muzzle you if you start acting like a rabid animal.”

“Enough,” Bryn interrupted. “Time for serious. What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I just feel . . . confused.”

“About what?” Bryn lowered her voice. “About sleeping with Shay? Do you think it was a mistake?”

I blushed, glancing at Ansel. He was grinning like a fool again.

“No,” I said. “I’m not sorry. But I don’t know that it really changed anything.”

Ansel’s grin faded. “You’re saying you want to be with Ren?”

“Did you ever want to be with Ren?” Bryn peered at me like I was a specimen under a microscope. My skin felt hot, uncomfortable, and I didn’t think it was the warmth of the sun causing it.

“I never gave it much thought,” I said, edging away from her, trying to give myself room to breathe. “I just always assumed I’d be with him.”

“But Shay—” Bryn said slowly.

“You said you loved him.” Ansel’s words sounded almost like an accusation.

“I do.” I met his gaze, knowing the price he’d paid for that love. “I didn’t lie about that, An. I love Shay. I want to be with him.”

“So what’s the problem?”

I curled my fingers around the side of the stone bench. “I don’t know if he belongs with me.” When I said it out loud, my heart gave an unpleasant thud, like a stone dropping against my rib cage.

“I don’t understand,” Bryn said. “He loves you. It’s obvious.”

“I know,” I said. “But he’s the Scion. I think . . . I think it might be changing him.”

Bryn tilted her head. “He was different? After he got the sword?”

I nodded. An awkward silence settled on us, broken only by the sound of birds chirping above our heads and the rustle of leaves in the breeze.

“I never thought about that,” Ansel said finally.

Bryn couldn’t meet my gaze. “Me neither.”

I bit my lip, taking a long, slow breath. “So what do I do?”

“Do you still want Ren?”

I listened to my own heartbeat for a minute before answering. “Yes.”

“That’s one hot mess, Cal.” Ansel smiled at me. I almost snapped at him before I realized he was trying to lighten the mood.

“You sound like Mason,” I said, making a weak attempt at laughter.

“Well, he
is
my best friend,” Ansel said.

Bryn took my hand. “Calla, Ren’s an alpha, but so is Shay. It makes sense that you’d be drawn to both of them. You and Ren have a lot of history, which has to make this even harder.”

“Is there an answer somewhere in there?” I forced myself to laugh, squeezing her fingers.

“She’s telling you there isn’t an answer,” Ansel said, smiling when Bryn blew him a kiss.

“There isn’t an answer?” I couldn’t figure out why they looked so happy. This was what they considered helping me? Then I remembered: they were still basking in puppy love. Why couldn’t I have puppy love? I only seemed to have “I can’t decide if I want to rip your throat out or kiss you” love. Ugh.

“There isn’t an answer yet,” Ansel continued. “Ren and Shay both love you. They both could be your mate.”

“That doesn’t mean they both will be your mate.” Bryn giggled. “I don’t think they’re that kinky . . . but you might be able to talk them into it.”

“Bryn!” I shoved her off the bench.

“Nice one.” Ansel doubled over laughing.

“I hate you guys,” I said, still mortified. “No wonder I don’t talk about my feelings.”

“You don’t hate us.” Bryn smiled. “You love us. And we love you.”

“We always will, Calla,” Ansel said. “We can’t tell you the answer because you’re the only one who can figure this out. You have to choose.”

“Though I’d try to hold off until this war sorts itself out,” Bryn said. “If Ren is fitting in with the Searchers, we can’t afford to lose him. And Shay—well, if he leaves, the war is over before it starts.”

“I know,” I said. I guessed I was stuck in the same place as I’d been since Shay first appeared in my life, caught between two loves, two destinies. And it didn’t look like I’d be getting out of this fix for a while.