I needed his body against me, filling me. It was a desperate need that I couldn’t—
Suddenly, the feeling vanished as if I’d just had a bucket of cold water thrown at me.
“See what I mean?” he said, amusement sliding behind his gray eyes.
I slapped him so hard across his face that my hand stung.
“Don’t do that,” I snapped.
He shrugged. “It worked though, didn’t it?”
“It wasn’t real. Stop fucking with my mind.”
He raised a pale eyebrow. “What’s real? If every one of your senses tells you something is real, then why can’t it be?”
“I’m not in love with you.”
He studied my face. “In the beginning I could only increase the desire you already felt for me, but now it sounds like there are more interesting emotions to play with. Let me know when you want me to make it permanent.”
I tried to slap him again but he caught my wrist.
“I’ll take that as a polite no?” he said.
“You can take it as a hell no.”
Matthias scared me and this was just another example of why. He had too much power over me. If he chose to exert that power again and not take it away, I knew he could make me do whatever he wanted and I’d follow him around happily like an adoring pet. It seemed so real, if only for a moment. That was almost scarier than anything Kristoff could do.
He eased himself out of the coffin. “Enough of this. I’m better now and I need to find my daughter.”
“Nice to know we agree on something.” I crossed my arms tightly over my chest. “And by the way, Matthias? Influence me like that again and next time I’ll rip your heart out myself.”
I could have sworn I saw him grin at me, but I turned my back and exited the room.
Maybe I should have left him locked in the coffin after all.
22
MY ANGER AT HAVING MY EMOTIONS SHAMELESSLY manipulated faded quickly. As soon as we left the room Matthias had been imprisoned in, I got my priorities straight again. Also memories of what happened earlier at The Silver Cross and what Alex wanted me to tell Matthias kept replaying in my head.
“I need to tell you something,” I said as we quickly moved down the tunnel toward the rope ladder leading back to the basement. “It’s about . . . Alex.”
Matthias stopped walking. “I know what Kristoff wanted you to do. He saw Alex as a threat now that he’s been awakened.”
I nodded. “Kristoff sent me to his nightclub earlier tonight.”
His expression tensed. “Is he dead?”
I clasped my hands in front of me to stop them from shaking and nodded. Matthias needed to know this. Maybe this wasn’t exactly the ideal time to tell him, but if something went wrong I was afraid there might not be another time. “He knew why I was there—someone tipped him off about my blood, but . . . but he bit me anyway. I—I tried to stop him. I’m so sorry.”
He didn’t speak for a moment.
A big part of me worried about how he’d take this news. My blood had killed someone Matthias had cared deeply for at one time, someone he likely felt a great deal of guilt about. I wondered if he’d been there when Alex was dragged out into the sunshine, watching from a safe, dark place as he extracted his vengeance.
I’d seen many sides of Matthias. It was very possible he could be that cruel if he felt justified in what he was doing due to a perceived betrayal.
“I hadn’t seen him in years,” he said quietly.
“He—he wanted me to tell you something.”
Matthias looked at me, his expression grim. “What?”
“That he forgives you. And that he still has faith in everything you do.” I didn’t elaborate. I think Matthias would know all too well what was being forgiven.
Matthias squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “There are very few things I regret in my long life, Jillian. What happened between me and Alex is one of those things. A dying man’s forgiveness doesn’t ease my guilt very much about the choices I’ve had to make then or now. Sometimes there’s only one path that can be traveled, even if it’s a rocky one.”
He started walking again. I wasn’t going to make him keep talking about Alex. I wasn’t that cruel.
No one stopped us. It felt as if the entire house was abandoned. It was eerie, but I pushed aside my uneasiness enough to get this done.
“It’s nearly sunrise,” Matthias said. “You’ll have to leave without me. Take Sara and I’ll meet up with you when I can.”
There was no room for argument in his voice. You couldn’t argue with sunlight.
I nodded. “All right.”
“We need to remove her from this house before Kristoff has the opportunity to hand her over to the new leader of the Amarantos.”
I looked at him with surprise. “That has to be Kristoff’s goal in killing Alex. Getting a new leader in place who doesn’t hate his guts.”
“I’m sure he has someone positioned to take over. And what better way to buy his allegiance than with a bribe of immortality?”
I really didn’t like the sound of that.
I scanned the hallways looking for Jade and Noah, but didn’t see them. We kept moving. Finding the room Sara was being kept in took a few tries, but the crib in a small room near the front of the expansive house was a good tip-off. The vampire nanny snoozed in a chair by the door. As we opened it, she woke, leaping to her feet to stand in our way and baring her fangs.
“The baby’s sleeping,” she hissed. “And you’re not Kristoff.”
Matthias frowned. “How can you tell?”
“Kristoff isn’t wearing a blood-drenched shirt tonight.”
Matthias looked down at himself. “Good point.”
She launched herself at him, but he easily knocked her to the side. She hit her head on the wall and fell to a heap on the floor.
I eyed him. “You do look exactly like him. It’s freaky.”
His lips curved. “One thing I can never fault Kristoff for is his good looks.”
“Right. Or his brother’s extreme vanity.” I moved toward the crib and was immediately relieved to see Sara sleeping there safe and sound, wrapped in a thin yellow blanket. I carefully picked her up and held her against my chest.
“Here she is,” I whispered. “You can finally take a look at your daughter.”
Matthias sent another fervent glance out the open door as I drew closer to him. Finally he gazed down at the face of his daughter, and he drew in a breath. It was the most honest reaction I think I’d ever witnessed from him.
“She’s as beautiful as I’d imagined she’d be.”
“She’ll be a heartbreaker one day.”
He smiled and touched my arm. “Please keep her safe for me. I’ll be able to find both of you through our bond.”
I nodded. “I’ll have to stock up on baby formula and diapers again. Walmart here I come.”
She opened her pale gray eyes and yawned. So adorable. And to think, I’d never really given much thought to having children before, but she was pretty darn—
Just then, Sara screwed up her face and started to cry, a sharp sound that cut through the silence of the dark house like a knife.
I winced at the earsplitting noise. Babies weren’t cut out to be stealthy escape artists.
“Go now,” Matthias commanded.
I didn’t argue. With a last look at him and the painful knowledge that we were running out of time to escape undetected, I hurried down the hall and then another. I had to find the room my nieces were in. I couldn’t just walk out the door with Sara and leave them behind.
They were nowhere to be found. My chest tightened and I tried to hold back the panic and frustration overflowing in me.
“Where are they?” I whispered, trying to will the baby in my arms to stop crying.
All I had to do was find Meg and Julie and I was marching out that front door into the early morning light. I passed a grandfather clock that confirmed it was a quarter to six. The morning after what was, quite possibly, the longest night of my life.
So close to being free again I could taste it.
I turned a corner to find Declan standing there.
I gulped a mouthful of air, and tried to stop my heart from beating so wildly in my chest. “Oh, thank God. Declan, you have to help me find the girls.”
He looked frustrated. “You should have tried to be quieter, Jill.”
I looked down at Sara. “Babies don’t take direction very well.”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jade approach from the far end of the hallway, her arms stretched in front of her. “There’s my baby. Darling baby.”
I turned my attention from the crazy baby-loving dhampyr to Declan. “I have to get out of here before Kristoff knows—”
“He already knows everything. He commanded me to bring you to see him for a private meeting.” His face was expressionless.
“He
commanded
you,” I repeated, feeling sick.
“I told you what that means.”
All too well, I was afraid. “You said you can’t disobey him.”
“That’s right.”
I looked over my shoulder.
“Looking for your soul mate?” Declan asked dryly. “I easily knocked him out a minute ago and the guards took him away. There is a hidden camera in the tunnels downstairs. Kristoff saw everything.”
This wasn’t happening. I’d been so close to getting out of here. Declan couldn’t be the one to stop me—he was supposed to help me. “Did you know there was a camera there?”
“I do now.”
I looked into his face, desperately searching for some sort of signal that he was just faking this like he’d done earlier. “No, Declan. Please. You have to fight this.”
He shook his head, his expression bleak. “I can’t. I have to do what he says. He asked me to bring you to him and I’m compelled to obey. Give the baby to Jade.”
“Your father wants to give this baby to the new leader of the Amarantos Society. And you’re just going to let him do that?” My words twisted into anger.
He grasped my upper arm so tightly I flinched. “Hand Jade the baby or you might drop her. I know you don’t want that to happen.”
Of course I didn’t. Reluctantly, I handed her the baby. Jade cooed at her and rocked her gently in her arms. The next moment, Sara finally stopped crying.
Maternal instinct. Sara seemed to like the crazy dhampyr. Go figure.
Declan wasn’t quite as gentle as he dragged me down the hall to see the vampire king.
23
“I KNOW YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND,” DECLAN HISSED at me as I continued to fight him. “You don’t know what it’s like to be compelled to do something when you know it’s wrong.”
He knew what he was doing was wrong, and yet he did it anyway. There had to be a way he could fight this. If not, then there was no way I could get away from him. He was too strong. “You don’t realize just how much of a hold Matthias has on me.”
His lips thinned. “Wrong. I do know. I watched you give him back his heart. I saw the way you looked at him. And I saw you kiss him.”
My stomach sank. “That was mind manipulation.”
“You didn’t seem to resist very much.”
“Neither do you.”
“It’s not the same.”
Kristoff was waiting in his throne room, the same one in which he’d originally stabbed Matthias in the chest shortly after our arrival. He sat in his high-backed red and gold chair with his fingertips pressed to each other as Declan pulled me closer.
“Good morning, Jillian,” Kristoff said. “You’ve had an interesting night, haven’t you?”
The nanny was right. Except for the bloody shirt, he could be Matthias. “I think my reply to that is ‘fuck you.’ As will be my reply to pretty much anything you have to say.”
“You don’t know how generous I can be with those who don’t constantly defy me.”
I glared at him, trying to fight the fear and despair growing inside me. “Where’s Matthias?”
“He’s restrained in the next room.” He nodded toward his left. “I’m thinking I might set him outside so he can watch the sunrise. I know he approves of that as another method of punishment to those who cross him. I think you saw the proof of that last night.”
A shiver raced down my spine at that pleasant-sounding threat to blind Matthias. “You ripped his heart out of his chest.”
“Yes, I did. It was an experiment to see what would happen. Turns out, nothing did, and he will recover completely in a few days.” He leaned back in his seat. “And I didn’t thank you very well earlier for your help with Alex. Very impressive.”
I glanced over my shoulder to see Declan standing there, his arms at his sides, staring straight forward like a soldier awaiting orders. “I’m not really sure why you even wanted him dead. He couldn’t have been that much of a threat to you.”