Blood Tears (56 page)

“
I’m
leaving about three this afternoon. I’ll get there about ten
tonight.”

“
It’s
such a long drive. I hate it.”

“
I’ll
put music on and the kilometres will fly by.” He scanned my face.
“You going to be okay by yourself, Tessie?”

“
I’ll
be fine. I might head down to the beach for a while
now.”

“
I’ll
drop you off.”

“
It’s
okay, thanks. A good jog is exactly what I need today.”

I jogged to the beach,
enjoying the feeling of pushing myself. Since I’d slogged Rosie,
and now that they were all under suspicion of some fairly heavy
charges, the Bycrafts had backed off a lot. That didn’t stop me
from being vigilant though, a habit I didn’t think I’d ever
lose.

I sat on the beach for
ages. I hugged my knees and stared out at the horizon, the grey sky
and grey ocean matching my mood.

Twenty-eight.

I had a lot of
decisions to make. Where was I going to go from here? Should I
leave town and move back to the city? Should I quit the force and
get a new job? Would I ever find another boyfriend? Did I even want
one? I hadn’t found love to be much of a positive experience so
far.

I heard the vehicle
approaching and stopping up on the cliff top parking lot. I knew
who it was so didn’t bother turning around, even at the sound of
feet descending the steep stairs to the beach, even when somebody
plonked down next to me on the sand.

“
Happy birthday, Tessie,” said Jake.

I kept my eyes focused
on the horizon. “Thank you.”

“
I
went to Maguire’s house and he said you were here.”

“
Here
I am.”

“
I
bought you a present.” He fumbled and pulled out a small jewellery
box. He opened it and showed me a lovely pair of diamond stud
earrings.

“
I
don’t want them. Give them to Dorrie.”

His smile faded.
“Tessie, please. I saved up all year for them.”

“
I
don’t want them. I’d give you back the other jewellery you gave me,
but I can’t. It’s all gone in the fire.”

There was a silence in
which the only sound was the clip of him shutting the jewellery
box.

“
Do
you hate me?” he asked.

“
No,
Jakey. I don’t hate you.” And that was true. “We had a wonderful
relationship, and I’ll always treasure that.”

“
I’ve
fucked up everything so badly. I threw away the one good thing
that’s ever happened to me in my life.”

“
I
don’t know what you expect me to say. You finished it. It’s
over.”

“
Can
you give me another chance? Please? I love you so much,
Tessie.”

“
Looked like you were loving Dorrie last time I
saw.”

“
I’m
sorry. That was a mistake. A huge mistake that I regret a lot. I
hate myself for it actually, but I was so angry with you. I wanted
to hurt you.”

“
You
succeeded.”

“
I’m
sorry. I thought you were going to ruin Denny’s funeral, and that
you were going to do it on purpose just because you hate my family
so much.” He dug his feet into the sand, flicking it up with his
toes. “Turned out it was my family who ruined it. I know you better
than to think you’d do something like that, but . . . I must have
snapped or something. I don’t have any other explanation for why I
acted like that.”

That resonated with me,
because I knew what it felt like to suddenly snap in the face of
extreme emotional anguish. But at least I’d had someone to look
after me when I did.

“
It’s
okay, Jakey,” I said gently, and I meant it.

“
But
no more us?”

“
No.
I always knew we’d never last just because of the whole
Fuller-Bycraft situation. It hurt
so
much to break up with
you. I cried a lot. I can’t go through that again in the future. I
just can’t. So over is over.”

He didn’t say anything,
but I could hear the muted sounds of him crying. I put my arm
around him and we leaned against each other.

“
What
about if I divorce Chantelle? If we live together?”

“
No,
Jakey. You need to move on, and so do I,” I said sadly.

We sat there for a
little while longer before I stood. “I should go.”

He stood too and I
wiped the tears from his face.

He held out the
present. “Will you at least take this, please? I spent a lot of
time choosing something I thought you’d like.”

“
Thank you.” I kissed him on the cheek. “They’re
lovely.”

“
Will
you think of me when you wear them?”

“
Always,” I promised.

We hugged, and I left
him alone on the beach.

*****

Christmas Day dawned as
grey as the day before. My first Christmas without any family.

That despondent mood
followed me through the day, even though the Sarge rang me in the
morning. He instructed me to open a cupboard in his bedroom where I
found two presents for me – a set of expensive saucepans, and a
very expensive knife set.

“
We
have to start rebuilding a home for you somewhere,” he
said.

“
Oh,
Sarge, um, Finn. So thoughtful. Thank you.”

I felt guilty about
such extravagant presents, especially as I’d only been able to
afford a new album of his favourite artist for him. Not to mention
I’d been sponging off him for weeks. I’d have to think of some way
to repay him. Or better still, I should move out.

I was looking in the
fridge, shaking my head at all the festive food the Sarge had
stocked for me, when there was a knock at the door. Half-expecting
it to be Ronnie sent by Fiona to kidnap me and bring me to Big
Town, I opened the door to find Jake standing there with a bunch of
beautiful flowers.

“
Jakey?”

“
We
started with flowers. I thought we should end with flowers,” he
said, smiling.

For some reason,
instead of making me smile in return, it unexpectedly made me start
crying.

“
Oh,
Tessie. I’m sorry. It was meant to be light-hearted,” he said
hastily. “I’m so sorry. I wish I hadn’t done it. It was
stupid.”

I pulled him inside and
shut the door, sniffing. “It’s okay. It’s just . . . I don’t know.
I’m in a weird mood today.”

And knowing me well, he
put down the flowers and hugged me.

It was nice; it was
familiar. It was no longer to be mine.

He looked down and I
looked up, and he leaned down to press his lips on mine, and I let
him. And one thing led to another until we were in bed, remembering
exactly what it was we’d loved so much about each other.

Afterwards I ran a bath
for us, and we sat either end, sipping on some of the champagne the
Sarge had left for me.

Jake raised his glass.
“Here’s to break up sex.”

I raised my glass, and
clinked it against his. “Cheers.”

“
That’s what it was, right?”

“
Right.”

“
Never again?”

“
Never again.”

“
Are
you moving on with Maguire?”

I sat up in the bath,
disturbing the bubbles. “What?”

“
Nothing.”

I sank back down into
the bubbles again. “Jakey, I’ve been thinking. You should move
right away from here. Right away from your family. Divorce
Chantelle and find a lovely woman who isn’t tainted by Little Town.
Build a life a million miles away from here.”

He thought about it for
a moment. “There is that new prison opening soon up north. I know
they’ve been scouting for experienced prison officers. Maybe I
should apply there?”

“
That’s a great idea.”

We talked about that
more over a dinner of the goodies from the fridge before Jake had
to leave to start a shift. We kissed goodbye, both of us with a lot
of regret, but both glad to be parting on good terms as
friends.

The Sarge rang just as
I was getting ready for bed.

“
Hope
you weren’t too lonely today,” he enquired.

“
No.
Jakey kept me company for most of the day.” There was a deafening
silence from the other end. I thought I’d lost the connection.
“Sarge? Sarge, um, Finn? Are you there?”

“
Getting back together, are you?”

“
Definitely not. He’s probably going to leave town. Get a job
at that new prison up north.”

“
Oh,
okay. Good. I mean, good for him. It would be best for him to get
right away from his family.”

“
That’s what I told him.”

“
I’ll
be home the day after tomorrow. Have you missed me?”

“
Missed who?” I teased.

His warm chuckle
tickled my ear. “I’ll see you then. Night, Tessie.”

“
Night, Sarge, um, Finn.”

“
Is
that my new name? Sarge-um-Finn?”

“
Consider it a transition period.”

He laughed again. “Keep
practicing.”

“
I
will, I promise.”

*****

We were both on duty on
New Year’s Eve. Thankfully, if the Bycrafts were partying, they
were doing it in private and didn’t bother us for once. We had a
few call-outs – a couple of minor domestics, three overly drunk
people to escort home, and a sheep that had managed to work a keg,
consequently going on a drunken rampage. And I can say I hadn’t
laughed as hard at anything all year as I had at the sight of the
Sarge trying to round up a sloshed and belligerent sheep.

Most of the action was
at Abe’s pub, and we walked through there a couple of times to keep
an eye on things. Gretel, propping up the bar and rather tipsy by
now, became a little frisky with the Sarge when he wasn’t
looking.

“
Someone keeps pinching me on the arse every time we go into
the pub,” he complained after our third circuit. “I’m not going
back in there again. You can go in by yourself next
time.”

I laughed, but didn’t
tell him who his secret groping admirer was. “Do you think we’ve
done enough beat walking for now? It’s almost midnight and my feet
are killing me.”

“
Yeah, let’s go home. If anyone needs us, they can call
us.”

We walked away from the
pub towards his house, jostling each other good-naturedly over
sharing the footpath.

“
Shove over,” I said to him, ramming him sideways with my
body. It was like pushing on a mountain. “You’re hogging the
footpath. You’re too big for us to walk side-by-side.”

He rammed me back, but
with less force. “Women like big men. Consider yourself lucky to be
working with me.”

“
If
you say so, Mr Modest,” I laughed.

I was walking with one
boot on the footpath and one on the grass, so I rammed him harder
to make him move over.

He rammed me back, but
he was a little too strong. My feet tangled together and I fell
over on the grass, giggling.

He laughed, holding out
a hand for me. “Drunk on duty again, Fuller? Tsk, tsk. What would
the Super say?”

“
She’d say ‘cheers’,” I smiled up at him from where I lay on
the ground.

I accepted his hand and
he yanked me up. I was brushing the grass off my cargo pants when
the countdown started. When the revellers shouted out, “Happy New
Year” from the pub, we looked at each other.

“
Happy New Year, Finn,” I said.

“
Happy New Year, Tessie. This year is going to be great for
you.”

It should have been an
air kiss, or a quick peck on the cheek between colleagues to
celebrate the arrival of the New Year, but neither of us moved our
head to the side. Our lips touched. We pulled back and searched
each other’s eyes for a few moments. He leaned down until our lips
pressed together again in a kiss. He drew me in tight against him,
his arms around me, and I softened against his hard body. I slid my
arms around his neck and we kissed again. And it was good.

He certainly wasn’t a
boring kisser.

But then I panicked.
What the hell was I doing?
I asked myself. He was my
boss.

I pushed him away, and
with wild eyes, I fled without saying anything, sprinting all the
way back to the police house, jumping up the stairs, and fumbling
with my key to open the front door. I ran to my room and shut the
door, locking it and barring it with my body, my heart beating a
million miles an hour.

I heard him pounding up
the stairs before he rapped on my bedroom door.

“
Tessie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please don’t . . . Don’t . . .
Oh, God.”

I didn’t say anything,
but sank down until I was sitting on the floor in the darkness, my
back against the door.

“
Tessie, please talk to me.”

I kicked off my boots,
dropped my utility belt carelessly on the floor and crawled into
bed, still in my uniform. I curled up into a ball listening to him
trying to talk to me on the other side of the locked door.
Eventually he gave up, but I still didn’t sleep. And as soon as it
was light, I changed out of my uniform, packed a small bag,
appropriated the keys to his Beemer, and drove to Fiona’s.

Hungover, she didn’t
blink an eye at me turning up early on New Year’s Day in the
Sarge’s car, but welcomed me into her home without a word. I dumped
my gear in my usual bedroom and fell asleep.