Blood Shadows (49 page)

Hands flat against the wall, she didn’t move other than to shudder again. ‘Then do something,’ she said, a detectable lack of self-assurance in her voice.

He looked back into her eyes. He gave her a hint of a smile. ‘Are you trying to set me up, Caitlin?’

‘Are you planning to kill me?’

‘And why would I do that?’

‘Loose ends. Why wouldn’t you?’ He heard the uncertainty of her swallow. ‘No one’s expecting me home. No one even cares. What’s to stop you?’

The sadness in her tone pierced him deep.

‘Would you rather I kill you?’ he asked, reading deep into her eyes – the loneliness, the loss, the confusion.

‘What kind of question is that?’

‘Things are about to get nasty, Caitlin. The TSCD aren’t happy with you. The lycans aren’t happy. Jask’s not impressed you’re still breathing and he’s going to want to do something about that. The pride of his clan is at stake. So is his pride.’

‘He told me part of your deal with him was you finishing me.’

‘It was. The only reason I could negotiate him being witness in that courtroom was to start the downfall of your human empire.’

‘Is this the start of the prophecies? What Xavier was talking about?’

‘No. They’re very different.’

‘But they’re coming?’

‘Yes, Caitlin, they’re coming. Maybe sooner than we think. And you’re going to be right in the firing line doing what you do. Like I said, things are going to get very nasty, very soon. So I’ll ask you again, would you rather I kill you?’

‘You said was.’

He frowned. ‘What?’

‘You said finishing me was part of the deal. Not is.’

‘You changed the goalposts when you saved my life in the cellar. I repaid it by letting you kill the soul ripper.’

‘So now we’re even. But the truth is, nothing will ever even the score with you, will it, Kane? Only I’m fed up of waiting for the inevitable. I’ve had it for seven years. Waiting for something to come for me. I’m not doing it anymore.’

‘So you thought you’d lead me down some dark, isolated place to finish this. Give yourself that sense of control, right? Defy me in my own territory. Prove you’re not afraid of me.’

‘I don’t hide. From anyone. From anything. You should know that by now.’

‘And you’ve got a stronger sense of survival than anyone else I know. So what the fuck are you really up to, Caitlin?’

The confrontation was still emanating from her eyes but it was masked by a hesitation she couldn’t disguise. She lowered her gaze only for a moment before looking back at him. ‘I want to know if you meant it. What you said. I want to know if you feel enough. For me.’

Her honesty startled him. He expected a little more banter or at least a few more taunts. Caitlin laying her soul bare that soon was not something he had prepared for. The vulnerability in her eyes was crushing. ‘Enough for what?’

‘To not do this. When you have every opportunity to. I’ve made it easy for you. As easy as it gets.’

He brushed his lips across her ear, trying to calm the surge inside him at the challenge she was so boldly laying in front of him. ‘I like to hunt, remember? Maybe I don’t want it this way. Maybe I’ll just walk away.’

‘Maybe you will. And maybe you’ll never find me again if you do.’

The very prospect of it wrenched deep inside. He pulled back to look in her eyes again. For the first time, he couldn’t read them. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like the uncertainty. He didn’t like her cornering him – controlling the situation. She was subtle about it but she was good. He shouldn’t have expected anything less. She was out for the truth from him and she was going to get it – whatever it took.

He couldn’t afford to feel like this. Have a girl who had got so far under his skin he hadn’t already let her drained, ravished body slip to the dark, dank porch floor. But he took his time because he liked his time with her. Hell, he loved his time with her. Every minute and every second of studying those intense coffee eyes, of reading those beautiful, tempting lips. Of wondering what she’d say next, what she’d do next. Of experiencing the wealth of emotions she lived with every day, emotions that spilled out so many times, unwillingly, in front of him. Of the way she made him feel – alive, real, validating his existence.

And as the rain beat down outside the porch, exacerbating their isolation and the opportunity for him to do whatever he wanted to her – everything his vampire instincts, his advanced survival mechanisms and his reasoning told him to do – he knew this was going to be harder than he’d ever imagined.

But he knew that if he didn’t end it, everything changed there and then. She’d become his responsibility. He either killed her or he protected her. And that meant from then on. But, unlike the past seven years when it had been purely about preserving her for his plans, when he could be detached and calculated, this was personal. This would create conflict for him. Complications for him. His reputation would be questioned along with his loyalties, both within his species and others, not least with the lycans.

And he’d have someone to worry about again. Someone to care about. Someone others would want to use to get to him.

It was Arana all over again – the last time he had dared to love.

By loving Caitlin he was putting her at risk. He was putting them both at risk. Risk with consequences he wasn’t sure he could handle again. So love her though he may – deeply, painfully, irrevocably – he needed to walk away. He needed to let her disappear. But she wouldn’t. Tenacious, stubborn, dogmatic Caitlin would only get herself into trouble elsewhere, if she resolved to leave at all. He’d put nothing past her. That unpredictability would never change. And that’s why he had no choice.

‘Is that what you want?’ he asked. ‘Do you want me to love you?’

Her eyes flared slightly, the intimacy of the question, the probing for her to expose her inner feelings to him, only fuelling her obvious insecurity.

He cupped her face, the warmth of her soft, flawless skin radiating through his fingers, her supple trembling lips pliable beneath his thumb as he graced them with gentle, sweeping pressure.

‘I don’t want to be lonely anymore, Kane. Neither do you. We can do something about that.’

‘And that’s why you want me? To fill a gap?’

‘It’s more than that.’

‘And you deserve more than damaged goods.’

‘We’re both damaged goods.’

He turned his hand around to run the back of it down her cheek and throat. ‘You’ve only seen a fraction of me, Caitlin.’

‘I’m not scared of you anymore.’

He exhaled a curt breath. ‘Maybe I should do something about that. Maybe I should do the decent thing and let you know what you’re contemplating.’

‘If every word you uttered was a lie, I don’t care anymore. Do whatever you want.’

She meant it. Those eyes he could barely look into in those passing moments meant every single word.

By instinct, he unbuttoned his jeans. From the way her eyes flared a little, even she hadn’t expected him to act that quick. She’d clearly expected more conversation, but he was done with conversation. He was done with her burrowing into his mind, making him face things he didn’t want to face.

He grabbed the backs of her thighs, lifted her in one easy move, spread her thighs around him and slammed her against the paint-flaked wall.

She snatched back a breath and locked gazes with him as he caught her hands, pinned them to the wall above her head with one of his, before gripping her hip with the other, keeping her contained.

‘Say no to me now,’ he said. ‘And walk away. Walk away from all of this. Or once I’m back inside you, I will own you.’

‘Are you threatening me, Kane Malloy?’ she asked with a detectable breathlessness, her gaze not flinching from his.

His erection strained through his open jeans. He tugged down his shorts. ‘I prefer to call it foreplay, Caitlin Parish. But whatever suits.’

‘Hurt me if it makes you feel better,’ she said, almost inaudibly. ‘If it helps you feel safe.’

He frowned, the challenge in her eyes, her perceptiveness, stunning him to both stillness and silence.

‘But I’ll have my answer,’ she added.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘You’re scared of loving me. Just as I’m scared of loving you. And you hurting me now will only prove that.’

She dared to delve that deep. She dared to look him in the eyes. He found her sex easily, pushed an inch into her ready heat, into her slickness, the temptation to thrust almost too much to bear. And as she swallowed hard and clenched her hands, he gritted his teeth behind closed lips, forcing himself to keep it contained for just a few seconds longer. But there was no panic in her eyes, no second thoughts.

She was his for the taking. This was her, without any fear of the consequences. She wanted him. Wanted him for exactly who he was. No compromise.

But one thrust would damn her. Could damn them both. Because the act would be more than sexual. For a long time it had been more than sexual. He felt too much, too deep for it to be anything other than fused with love.

He needed to end it. One lethal bite. Or one swift painless twist of her neck. A simple selfless act within his control.

‘I love you, Kane,’ she whispered, her gaze locked on his. ‘I don’t want to, but I do. I want you to know that.’

She may as well have put her hand on his heart and jump-started it from the power and quiet resolve behind her eyes.

Words that saved him. Words that condemned him.

She held his gaze expectantly and he knew she was on the verge of breaking.

He withdrew and lowered her to the floor. He pulled up his shorts and jeans and refastened them as he stepped away, stared back out into the darkness. He leaned against the arch as he watched the rain bounce on the cobbles.

‘Why does this have to be so complicated?’ he asked, partly to himself. ‘Why couldn’t you just walk away and get yourself a decent life somewhere?’

‘Is that really what you want? For me to leave?’

He glanced across his shoulder at where she still stood against the wall. He looked back out at the cobbles. ‘For your sake, yes.’

‘And for your sake?’

‘I’m trying to protect you.’

‘Why?’

Just because he’d said it once didn’t mean he was going to say it again. Letting those words slip the first time had been hard enough. He’d shocked even himself at how easily they had spilled out, Caitlin staring at him so defiantly, potentially ruining his plans, the soul ripper breathing down their necks. It had hardly been the most romantic of moments. But back in that warehouse he’d had no choice – here he did.

‘You have no idea of the danger you’re putting yourself in,’ he said.

‘I told you: I can look after myself. And I can make my own decisions. I know what’s good for me. You’re good for me. And I’m good for you. We’re good together.’

Her footsteps were light and hesitant as she stepped out from his blind spot.

‘Tell me if you were planning to kill me,’ she said, her tone wary.

‘Now who’s talking in the past tense? Very presumptuous.’

‘Were you?’

He pulled himself from his leaning position and turned to face her. ‘Better than letting someone else do it for me.’

He could see from her startled expression that it wasn’t the response she was wanting or expecting. But she’d demanded honesty. She’d cornered him for the truth and the truth was what he’d give her.

She took a guarded step back despite the resolution in her eyes. Her shock was obvious; it poured from her as transparently as her love for him. And what he did to deserve the love of someone so warm, so passionate, so giving and so beautiful both inside and out as Caitlin, he could never, and probably would never, understand.

‘You wanted the truth,’ he declared with a shrug.

Those vulnerable coffee eyes narrowed slightly. ‘You love me that much?’

That certainly wasn’t the response he was expecting. He stared at her dumbfounded. ‘Only you would see it that way.’

‘See you for what you are, you mean?’

He laughed tersely as he lowered his gaze before looking back at her, but his solemnity quickly mirrored hers.

She drew level, tilted her head up to his despite her three-inch heels, and kissed him gently, tenderly on the lips.

It was a fleeting but sincere kiss. It was all it took. After every intimate moment they’d shared, that one simple kiss told him he could no more survive without her than she could without him. Losing her wasn’t an option. Losing her had never been an option.

He lifted her with ease, spread her thighs around him again as he gently pressed her back against the wall. As his lips met hers, he didn’t thrust inside her – he pushed. Slowly. Deeply. Feeling every inch of her, watching every tiny reaction that her eyes betrayed. She gasped and trembled as he filled her to the hilt, as he withdrew inch by inch only to push deep into her again. She needed to know this was more than sex – it was a claiming.

He closed his lips over hers again, tasting her warmth, toying with her tongue and teeth in a way that made her clench around him. He bit her lip and she gasped again, her eyes flashing open to stare at him.