Blood Loss (20 page)

Ren smiled inside.

‘Damsel in distress,’ said Ben.

‘Seriously, Gary,’ said Ren, ‘I am fine—’

‘Bob, could you recommend a doctor to Ren?’ said Gary. He left the office.

‘I am going to lose my mind if I have to relax for the day,’ said Ren.

‘It’s only until tomorrow morning,’ said Bob. ‘I hate to say this, and I never thought I would, but you look like crap.’

Ugh.
‘I’ve bolted,’ said Ren, ‘you can’t lock the barn door now.’

‘It’s not that bad,’ said Bob. ‘You get to sit back and have a rest. I’d love a day off.’

‘It was funny coming to, though,’ said Ren. ‘You and Gary were right there, and your hand is hovering over my belt and Robbie’s standing to one side. And Ben. It was like those “special” movies you get in hotel rooms …’

Bob laughed. ‘Ren, you brighten up my life.’

‘“Please Officer” could be the title,’ said Ren. ‘“Or Officer (Going Down)” or “The Long ‘Charm’ of the Law.” That would be you.’

‘If I said something like that, it would be sexual harassment,’ said Bob.

‘And I’d love every minute of it,’ said Ren. She stood up. ‘I can’t believe I have been rendered invalid. This “head injury” business. I haven’t eaten – that’s all. I forgot to eat.’

‘Really?’ said Bob. ‘Is that really something people do? I don’t buy it.’

‘I swear to God,’ said Ren. ‘I haven’t eaten since … I had dinner last night.’

‘That is not good,’ said Bob. ‘I’m on Gary’s side.’

‘Bob, you know me, you know I eat like a horse …’

‘I see you drink coffee and eat my Jolly Ranchers.’

Ren sat in her bed at The Firelight Inn, propped up by four pillows. She was dressed in lemon-colored flannel pajamas with a pink ribbon trim. Her hair was in a messy bun. She scrolled through her contacts and decided on Matt.

‘Hey,’ she said. ‘I am so pissed off. Gary made me go back to the Inn for rest – for the entire night.’

‘Why? Did you fall asleep at your desk?’ said Matt.

‘No, I just fainted, big deal,’ said Ren. ‘I hadn’t eaten and, big deal, I fainted. But because I hit my head he was, like—’

‘You hit your head?’

‘Just, I had a minor encounter with the floor.’

‘Don’t tell me – no big deal?’

‘Yes!’ said Ren.

‘He was right to send you home,’ said Matt.

Silence.

‘OK. Why hadn’t you eaten?’ said Matt.

‘Jesus, who gives a shit? I forgot to. Everyone forgets to eat …’

‘Not so much,’ said Matt.

‘That is bullshit,’ said Ren.

‘Even if it was bullshit,’ said Matt, ‘not everyone who doesn’t eat is as … affected by that as you are.’

‘Seriously, Matt …’

Silence.

‘You buy an entire wardrobe for Ethan,’ said Matt. ‘You don’t eat, you stay up half the night, you’re sleeping with two men, or about to, I don’t know and I don’t want to know. Yet, you can not see the pattern, here—’

‘Screw you.’ Ren hung up.

Breathe. Breathe.

There was a knock on the door.

‘Two-two-three? It’s your fellow inn-mate.’

Ren laughed loud. Years earlier, Paul Louderback had nicknamed her two-two-three after the bullets: ‘slim, elegant and golden’ as he described them. Then he quickly added that they were ‘stable until they hit the human body, then … they would rapidly become unstable’.

‘Are you alive?’ said Paul.

‘No,’ said Ren.

‘Can I come in?’ said Paul.

‘Do you have revivifying elixirs?’ said Ren. ‘Have you taken liberties? Come in.’

Paul pushed open the door and held up a bottle of wine. He had two glasses upside down between his fingers.

‘You actually have taken liberties,’ said Ren. ‘You clearly agree that there is nothing wrong with me.’

‘Apart from the drink problem, yes.’ He looked at her nightstand. ‘Have you taken painkillers?’

‘No, Your Honor.’

‘But I shouldn’t go counting puncture wounds in blister packs …’ said Paul.

‘Exackily.’

He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, then sat down on the bed and poured them each a glass of wine.

‘Thank you,’ said Ren. ‘I am so pissed off with Gary. Feel free to join me in that.’

‘Gary’s one of the good guys,’ said Paul. ‘Unfortunately for you. He is your great defender and protector …’

‘Anyhoo,’ said Ren.

Paul tilted his head. ‘Have you been crying?’

‘No …’

‘About this?’ said Paul. ‘About being sent home?’

‘No,’ said Ren. ‘My brother is giving me a hard time. It’s no big deal.’

‘Your wet eyelashes …’

‘Yes – looking good,’ said Ren.

Paul reached out and took her hand. ‘You always look good. But, particularly tonight. You had me at pajamas.’

Ren smiled. She leaned back against the pillow and closed her eyes.

This is too hard. You shouldn’t be here with me. I shouldn’t be here with you. Ben Rader is out working on the case, and here we are drinking wine. And popping painkillers …

‘Let’s watch a movie,’ said Ren.

‘Sounds great,’ said Paul.

That’s the pressure off.

Just after midnight, Ren’s phone beeped.

‘Sorry,’ said Ren, ‘let me just check this.’

u knw ur spendng 2 mch time wth 16 y/os, whn ur wondrng if sme1 wnts 2 b ur girlfrnd … XBen

Ren’s heart did a little flip.

She sent him back a Smiley face.

‘I should be too old for Smileys. I should hate them,’ said Ren, putting the phone down. ‘But I just don’t. They say so much.’

‘Who are you sending Smileys to?’ said Paul.

‘Everyone,’ said Ren. She held out her glass. It swayed. Paul poured more wine.

‘Thank you,’ said Ren. She drank more, and her eyes started to close. Paul took her glass and put it on the nightstand.

‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m … exhausted.’
And guilty. And so, so suddenly drunk.
She closed her eyes as the room started to spin.

‘Shall I stay with you?’ said Paul. ‘Do you want me to?’

No. I want to do the right thing. I want to be kind to Ben Rader. Ben Rader is kind to me
.

‘Yes,’ said Ren, opening her eyes. ‘But, just so you know, I’m probably going to …’ Her eyes closed.

‘Fall asleep?’ said Paul, smiling. He watched her for a minute until he was finished with his wine. He undressed to his plaid boxers and t-shirt and pulled back the covers. He lay behind her and wrapped his arm gently around her waist. He kissed her neck and pulled her closer.

‘Sweet dreams,’ he said, as quiet as he could.

Ren’s breathing was steady.

Paul’s eyes started to close. He spoke one last time, even quieter. ‘I think I might just be falling for you, Sleeping Beauty.’

Shit.

Ben Rader was standing alone outside an empty conference room when Ren arrived in the morning.

‘Hey,’ he said, ‘are you feeling better?’

‘Not quite on top of the world,’ said Ren. ‘Maybe a third of the way up. How did last night go?’

‘I hope you didn’t think my text was too dumb,’ said Ben. ‘I was just trying to be funny.’

‘
I know that,’ said Ren. ‘It made me laugh.’

‘So, what is our story?’ said Ben.

Put me down, you don’t know where I’ve been.

‘I mean, are we … you know …?’ said Ben.

I’d be the last to know. ‘
I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now,’ said Ren.
Because whores don’t go in for relationships much.

‘Oh,’ said Ben.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Ren. ‘It’s just … well … I’ve never been alone for very long. And I probably should be.’
Either that or with two people …

‘Why?’ said Ben.

Because that’s what people tell me.
And that’s what healthy people do.

‘Good point,’ said Ren.

Ben looked at her with a tilted head.
‘So, do you want to hook up tonight?’

‘In Breck? No way,’ said Ren. ‘With Gary hovering around?’

‘But you had dinner with that CARD guy the other night. That was just the two of you.’

‘Yeah, but that’s different,’ said Ren.

‘Unless you’re sleeping with him too.’ Ben laughed.

Ren laughed too
.
‘Jesus, keep your voice down.’

‘Relax,’ said Ben. He looked like he was about to hug her.

‘Hey, we’re back in Denver tonight,’ said Ren. ‘It’s Sunday. I forgot. I feel like I lost a day. I could call over to your place tonight?’

‘That would be great,’ said Ben.

‘So, last night?’ said Ren. ‘What happened?’

‘It was something else,’ said Ben. ‘I ended up hooking up with a group of kids at Big Mountain Brewery, and they invited me along to a house party five minutes from town on the road to Fairplay.’

‘What did you get?’

‘A few six packs, a couple bags of chips—’ He smiled.

Gorgeous, gets-under-your-skin smile. That I don’t deserve.

‘This was a party full of high-schoolers, and some a little older. We were in the basement of a house. There were two girls, I’m not making this up, they were in the games room on the pool table …’ He glanced at Ren. ‘They had … sex toys …’ He paused. ‘That they were using …’

‘As opposed to holding them up like on the adult teleshopping channel?’ said Ren.

‘It was unbelievable,’ said Ben. ‘It was the kind of thing guys should have to pay for.’

Hello?

‘You know what I mean,’ said Ben. ‘That kind of stuff shouldn’t happen at a teen party. It was basically a sex show.’

‘And the crowd went wild,’ said Ren.

Ben nodded. ‘But, the party was kind of split,’ said Ben. ‘This was the basement action. Upstairs, were the more regular kids. Less skeevy. So, anyway, when I went back down to the basement, two guys passed me in the doorway, they were leaving the room, and I heard one of them say, “She’s no Shelby.”’

‘It was obvious that one of the girls was less experienced than the other, she was trying too hard, and I think he was referring to her. So I figure Shelby was the regular, and this girl was her replacement. I tried to get up to talk to the other girl when they were finished, but there was a line of guys waiting to move in …’

Grim.
‘And how was she reacting?’

‘Her boyfriend was there,’ said Ben. ‘Standing in the wings. She didn’t acknowledge the other guys.’

‘But … what was the deal? Was she getting paid?’ said Ren.

‘So cynical,’ said Ben. ‘I didn’t see any money being handed over, but who knows what could have happened before or after?’

‘If she wasn’t getting paid, what’s the point?’ said Ren. ‘She has a boyfriend, he was right there …’

‘Getting off on it probably.’

Ren nodded.

‘Anyway, I got talking to the guy who left the room, told him I thought one of the girls was a total fail, and he was like, yeah, there was another girl here before, she was way better, and I said “Who?”, and he said, “Doesn’t matter, she’s not around any more.” Looked like he got an attack of speaking-ill-of-the-dead guilt. I said, “Oh, she just left?”, hoping to hear more about her, and he said, “No, she stopped, like, a year ago.”’

‘And her legacy lives on …’ said Ren. ‘If she stopped a year ago – when she was fifteen – how old was she when she started? Jesus.’

‘I know,’ said Ben. ‘But if she stopped a year ago, what’s with the bag at her house? Was there a layer of dust on it?’

‘There could have been before the mom moved it,’ said Ren. ‘Who knows? Maybe she just reduced the size of her market to one man at a time and a guaranteed payment at the end.’

Ben Rader stood up at the top of the conference room, and started to go through the details of the party when the room filled up. Ren stood at the side wall, watching him. There he was, looking like a college kid, but speaking better than Gary, better than Paul. He was passionate about what he did. He really cared about people.

And look at the piece of shit he wants to have a relationship with.

Ren turned her head as Paul Louderback arrived into the room looking deathly. His face was gray, and for the first time since she had known him, he hadn’t shaved. She turned back to Ben.

Beautiful Ben
.

Ren bumped into Gary in the hallway afterward.

‘I wish we weren’t leaving,’ she said.

‘I think we both know that this isn’t about Breckenridge,’ said Gary. ‘I don’t believe there’s anything more to be found here or anything to be gained by being here. I don’t know what exactly this is, but our official line is out there, sadly, we’ve got the bodies … we can do more in Denver. At less expense.’

‘I know … but still.’

‘See you in the morning,’ said Gary, walking away.

Bob came out of his office. ‘I hate to see you go,’ he said.

‘Yes,’ said Ren. ‘This whole “tidy” ending … I feel like I’m going home from the party early … with the wrong guy.’

‘Now why would you ever go home from the party with the wrong guy?’ said Bob.

‘Because my friends told me he was perfect or I thought he was a better option than the unknown. Or … you get where I’m coming from,’ said Ren. ‘I’m leaving this party with the wrong guy. What do you do when all the evidence is there and it aligns and the only hole is the one in your gut, because something is eating away at you? If the autopsy results said that he didn’t pull the trigger, that would be helpful. But we know that he did. He killed Shelby Royce. There was semen in her mouth, he more than likely raped her, and he killed her.’

‘There are two words that come to mind at a time like that,’ said Bob. He put his arm around Ren and squeezed her shoulder. ‘“Case” and “closed”.’

‘You don’t believe that,’ said Ren.

‘Nope,’ said Bob. ‘So, go out there, little lady. Spread your wings and fly.’

‘I think I might have a problem with my landing gear.’

‘I can’t help you with that.’

Ren laughed. ‘Will you help me when I come back with the real story?’

‘I’d help you, Ren, no matter what the hell you showed up with,’ said Bob.

‘Thank you, Bob. You are a wonderful man.’

‘So my beloved wife tells me.’

Ren went back to see if Ben was finished. He was tidying his notes with his talented hands, talking to some of the detectives. Paul Louderback came up and stood beside her in the doorway.