Blood Life Seeker (11 page)

I noticed a flickering in the room, a lightness that burnt my eyes. The Darkness inside screamed in pain, lashed out at that flickering Light, but couldn't connect with it, so lashed out at me. It was my fault there was Light in the room, it was my fault the Darkness felt threatened, I needed to make it go away.

Michel moved to the other side of me so the bright flickering Light could come to where he had been. I felt a hand touch my shoulder, heard words trying to sooth, but I screamed and shoved and clawed at that Light. I had to get away from the Light, I had to destroy whatever it was that had come to bathe me in it. I did not want the Light, I wanted Dark. Dark had promised me an end to the pain, an end to the guilt, it would take it all away. With Light everything is so visible, I didn't want to see any more.

I felt someone's rough arms lift me up to face them, there was a Light to their features I couldn't open my eyes to, but I felt the Light behind my closed eyelids any way. I blanched and tried to turn away. The Light in front of me moved their hands to either side of my face, I felt Michel's hands hold me from behind, not allowing me to pull back. I tried to turn my head, but the Light's grip was too firm. And it hurt, oh dear God it hurt. Why did it hurt so much? Was this my punishment? Was this the end?

Suddenly, I felt warm lips meet mine, harsh and firm, desperate in their need for me to acknowledge them. I pushed back against Michel's hold, trying to get away, but those lips kept finding me, kept pursuing, kept hunting. I opened my mouth to scream at them, but then a tongue slipped between my teeth. I wanted to bite that tongue, to sever it from the Light, to stop it invading me. I wanted to cause pain so badly I ached.

Then I felt a warmth, just a small tiny speck of it, seep inside. It swirled around my body and settled next to my heart, like a dog at your feet in the evening, content and happy and at home. After the warmth came a glimmer of Light, just a flash, then another. The Darkness recoiled, only slightly, but the Light was determined, it was so strong. I couldn't fight it. The Darkness couldn't fight it. And then I realised, I didn't want to fight it. I recognised it. That shocked me. I didn't want to recognise it, I wanted to wrap the Dark around me and cry, but I knew this Light, I couldn't deny it and all of a sudden, I wanted it.

I felt my arms go up around the person in front of me, I felt myself mould against the strong broad chest, I began to devour that Light, I craved it, I wanted all of it. A need so strong it rocked me and made me moan out in frustration that it wasn't giving me all of it. It was my Light, damn it! Give it back!

And then I could hear whimpers that sounded strange, but vaguely like me, a man's half suppressed moan. Then I felt things around me, the touch of his hands on my face, my neck, behind my head, the way he caressed there, pulling me closer, the firmness of his body against mine, the heat of his breath against my mouth, the feel of his skin under my finger tips, the warmth of him.

I opened my eyes and stared into deep pools of cinnamon and coffee. I cried out in alarm and pushed away, my back against the sofa, my breath panting in and out. I doubled over as though I was going to be sick, I even dry retched, but nothing came up. I felt cold and clammy, my hair was plastered to my face, my palms itched with the wetness there.

I looked around me trying to take it all in. Michel sat back against the couch, his mouth in a thin grim line, a look of anguish washing his face. He was breathing hard, as though he had run a marathon, his gaze was intense, his eyes not leaving mine. I could hardly look away, but I knew I had to. I knew I had to face the man in front of me.

I turned my head slowly and looked Nero in the face. I bit my bottom lip then, frowned at him, but he still just sat there serenely, with a slight smile on his lips. A look of chagrin on his features.

“What are you doing here?” My voice was small, quiet, shaky. I was not surprised at that at all. I was surprised that Nero was in my apartment, was here Dream Walking for the second time tonight.

He cleared his throat softly, as though he was having difficulty finding his voice too.

“I am the Light to the Dark, Kiwi. Your need called to me. I came.”

He paused then, and shook his head, trying to dislodge a thought I think. He smiled, that dazzling, light-up-your-world, Nero smile.

“
When you call, you
really
call, don't you?” he said softly.

“What do you mean?” My voice was getting stronger, thankfully. But it was Michel who answered my question.

“He means, that your need required something more than just a conventional intervention. I do believe he is pleased with the method required to reach you, my dear. I believe... he rather enjoyed it.”

The sarcasm was not lost on me. I felt my cheeks flame bright red and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Bugger.

“What was all of that?” I was still sitting on the floor between the two men, no one had moved. No one had said anything else, just leaving it up to me to start the ball rolling. Gee, thanks.

“All of what?” Nero answered, his smile had toned down a bit, but I could still see he was enjoying himself. Quite relaxed sitting on the floor of my lounge, taking in every inch of me. He knew Michel couldn't see him, so he didn't try to hide his appraisal of me. I gave him a glare. He got the message and reschooled his features into the more intense look he usually wore.

“
All of that...Darkness. It felt like it was eating me up. Consuming me. What was all of
that?
”

Nero sighed and frowned slightly, his forehead furrowing in concentration. “It would seem your new skills as the
Sanguis Vitam Cupitor
has made you more susceptible to the Dark. It recognised your....pain, whereas normally it would not have had the courage to attack so boldly, one of the Light, now it sees it as a necessity. You frighten it, you are more a threat to the Dark than you have ever been before.”

“You talk about it as though it is a sentient being. I always thought of the Light and Dark as being metaphors for what we represent: Good versus Evil,” I said.

“Yes, they are that too, but they are a power from the gods and as such, they are more than just that.”

I sighed and ran a hand through my still sweat soaked hair. I so did not want to think about
gods
and how they fitted into this mess.

“I know you do not believe that we are descended from a god, Kiwi, but just because you do not believe, does not mean it is not true.”

I shot him another you're-not-being-helpful look, then turned to Michel. “What do you believe?”

Michel had managed to get himself well under control again. He was not exactly wearing his blank mask, but he was protecting himself. He showed mild interest, but a relaxed demeanour, as though what had just happened hadn't scared him half to death. I knew better though.

“My kind have long given up the notion that any of us are descended from gods, but we are more capable of open-mindedness than most. What animates us, is not of this world, so what else does it leave?”

That didn't help me one little bit.

“Will it happen again?” I'd turned back to Nero, he seemed to be the one with all the answers.

“It could. You are closer to your Dark side than you have ever been in the past. You have been brushed with Darkness. Your Light must now battle it. It is a war that only
you
can win or lose.”

“Have you ever had to battle it?”

Nero looked suddenly embarrassed, as though I had asked the most intimate of questions. His face had gone a deep red, his eyes were looking at the floor unable to make contact with mine, his shoulders even hunched slightly. Whoa. I reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, he blanched slightly, but didn't pull away.

“Nero?”

His voice was soft when he did answer. “Sometimes I battle it daily, Kiwi.”

What could make Nero fight Darkness on such a regular basis? Nero was the most brightly lit person I had ever met. I wanted so badly to ask him, but I felt it was not something he would willingly share with me in front of Michel, if at all. I pulled my hand away slowly from his shoulder and just sat there looking at him. He didn't raise his face to mine at all.

Michel had kept very quiet throughout all of this, he hadn't moved at all, but I felt his gaze on me now, intent, interested in what I would say next. I didn't spare him a glance. If he had something to say, he could just pipe up and say it.

The silence stretched out for a while, taking on a calmness that I hadn't felt before. Despite what had just happened, I did feel safe with these two men. Sometimes for completely different reasons, but both of them had the ability to settle my nerves.

So, I had just had my first introduction to the Dark. The Dark that lurks inside every vampire. It didn't surprise me, as I thought it would. We are of the same ilk, vampires and Nosferatins. If they suffer Darkness, then we should be capable of it too. But, what did surprise me was how easily I had accepted it, almost completely allowed it in. If Nero had not come along, what would have happened?

“How did you make it go away, Nero?”

He knew what I was asking about,
how did I make the Darkness go away?
He also knew I wasn't asking about the physical aspect of the task. We all knew he had kissed me. What I wanted to know, was why him, why not Michel?

He glanced at Michel quickly, then back to me. “Like I said, Kiwi. I am the Light to the Dark. I am your Herald. It is within me to call your Light forward. That is all I did.”

“Who calls your Light forward when the Darkness comes calling?” My voice was soft, quiet, scared of frightening him away.

He smiled, it lit up his dark brown eyes, making the copper flecks which had started blazing there, dance around the pupil. I couldn't take my eyes off them, they were so beautiful.

“Nafrini, sometimes. My family. Myself. You.” The last was a whisper.

I didn't know what to say to that. Part of me had expected him to say Nafrini, his family of Nosferatin in Cairo, even himself. Nero is strong, so strong on so many levels, being able to fight the Darkness himself just seemed so natural. But, I had not expected him to say me. What had I ever done to help him?

I paused, then decided it was best to get back on track. “OK. So, I'm going to have to battle this Darkness from time to time. Any suggestions on how to do that? Any tips?”

“You need only remember that you are Light, Kiwi. The brightest Light I have ever met. Do not hide it, let it out. The Light will always prevail over the Dark.”

“Always?”

“Always. It is only our self doubt that would make it stumble, the Light itself is strong enough. We need only believe that, for it to be true.”

And there you go with the belief system again. I can't believe we are descended from gods, but I can believe we have Light in us. How much harder would it be to believe the Light always wins? Yeah, right.

I finally turned back to Michel. I wanted to say I was sorry, so very sorry for hurting him. I wanted to say I'd make it better, I'd correct my mistakes, but I had absolutely no idea how to do that. No idea at all. He must have read something in my face, because his softened and his hand reached up and stroked my cheek, his thumb running along the edge of my jaw. We stared at each other for a moment, then I sighed. Why was my life so complicated?

“What is it,
ma douce
? What is wrong?”

I smiled at him, a little sarcastically, I'll admit. “I have Dark inside me, that I can't control on my own and I also have a master vampire, member of the
Iunctio
, tricking me into marking him and being marked by him
and
trying to seduce me as his own. What could possibly be wrong, Michel?” My voice hadn't risen at all, it was just tired, almost resigned. Where had my fight gone?

“
This is not like you,
ma douce
. You would not normally accept this fate so quietly. Gregor has wronged you. He
has
tricked you and now threatens your safety, your life as you know it. Will you not fight back?” Michel's eyes had not left mine, they were asking something of me themselves, more than his question actually did. I didn't have the strength right now to work it out.

“I need a shower,” I said abruptly and stood, walking towards the bathroom, but stopped just in the doorway and looked at Nero. “Will you be here when I get out?”

“Yes, if you so desire it.”

I just nodded and shut the door behind me. They could have it out in privacy for all I cared, I just wanted to get clean.

I turned the shower on, got undressed and when the water came up to temperature, slipped in. I let it fall against me, hard and fast, almost stinging my bare back. I thought I might cry. I thought perhaps, I would break down at the injustice of it all. But I didn't. Gregor
had
tricked me, he
had
taken away something very personal, very mine. Something that I may or may not have chosen to give to someone else in due course. He had made me mark him. I realised now just how personal, how special that was. Vampires don't give their marks, their
Sigillum
easily. It is an honour and an intimate thing to share. Michel had alluded to that. I hadn't thought of marks as being like that before, but I knew better now. And Gregor had made me give mine away without even realising it. I hated him for that, but I also couldn't understand him either. Why had he given me his?

I sighed and let the water run freely through my hair, grabbed some shampoo and began washing the metaphorical sweat and dirt of being tricked by Gregor away. I numbly watched the soap suds disappear down the plug hole and decided one thing. I was not going to be a victim here. So, Gregor had used trickery to gain my mark against my will. He had violated my trust. I would not lower my guard again. I realised then, that I wanted him dead. Dead-dead. The final death. I had never wanted someone so dead before in my life.

That thought calmed me. It made me feel strong. Not a victim, not a helpless thing waiting for the hammer blow to strike. Gregor thought he had all the answers, that he held all the cards. But, I am the
Sanguis Vitam Cupitor
, I can find him when he least expects it and I can kill him. I will take the battle to him, on my terms, at a time that suits me.

I got out of the shower feeling invigorated, dried myself off and grabbed some clean clothes out of my laundry cupboard. My usual hunting garb, black short mini-skirt, tight fitting black Tee and a new black jacket with custom made pockets for my two stakes and a spare silver knife. I slipped on some tights and came out of the bathroom.

Michel and Nero were both sitting on my couch, as far apart as possible. If they had been having it out, I couldn't tell. Michel looked relaxed, almost sleepy. Nero was sitting in his usual stance, legs crossed at the ankles and stretched out in front of him, hands clasped behind his head. Both sets of eyes took me in. I walked passed them into my bedroom. Grabbed a couple of stakes from the chest under my bed, my silver knife from under my pillow and slipped them into their pockets. They were balanced perfectly, not hindering the line of the jacket at all. You wouldn't have been able to tell they were there, unless you knew to look for them. I slipped into my black leather knee length boots and took a quick look at myself in the mirror.

My hair was hanging damp around my shoulders, I flicked a comb through it, but didn't bother with anything else, it would dry pretty much straight. A natural curse. My face was pale, not its usual lightly tanned glow. I admitted to myself then, that the events of the past few hours must have had an effect on me after all, but I didn't bother with make-up. Who was going to see me anyway?

I came back out of the bedroom and noticed that both Nero and Michel were sitting up straighter in their seats, no longer faking casual disinterest. It was Nero who spoke first.

“
Why are you dressed for hunting, Kiwi? The night is almost over and I do not sense the Pull.” The Pull he was referring to was the evil-lurks-in-my-city pull, all Nosferatin feel it. There wasn't a pull here, in Auckland, but for me there was most definitely a pull elsewhere. Before I answered him, I let myself sink into the blackness ever so slightly. The blackness that allowed me to Dream Walk, but also allowed me to
seek
other Nosferatu around the world and
sought
Gregor. I found him alone, right where I wanted him. I smiled and could tell it wasn't at all friendly.

“
I
am
on a hunt, Nero, just not here.” Michel cocked his head at me, but didn't say anything. Nero stood up, his full height making him tower over me, not hard to accomplish, but still, I think he was doing it on purpose. It was a waste of time, I've been short all my life, I've long ago learned to ignore height when used as a tool of power or sway.

“
You have Dream Walked once this evening already, Lucinda, you would risk yourself to Dream Walk again?” He'd hit the nail on the head, he'd worked out my plan. If I wasn't hunting here, then I was hunting in that other realm. And, because it would be my second Dream Walk of the night, like his, it would lay me up for three days when,
if
, I returned. Something we Dream Walkers try to avoid at all costs.

“Look, Nero. I'm grateful for you coming again tonight, for a second time, for placing yourself at risk to save me. Really I am. But, it was your decision to do that, just as this is my decision now.”

“You are angry, Kiwi, I understand, but you are letting your anger cloud your judgement. And, what is it you plan to do when you face him? What exactly is your goal with this?”

And there you have it, the crux of the matter. I could deny my intentions, but he'd see through me. He knows me well enough by now. And what would be the point? I'd already decided, I knew what I was going to do, nothing he or anyone else said was going to change that now.