Blood Judgment (Judgment Series) (36 page)

Shivering with fear, he whimpered and drew the blanket tighter. He hunkered down and tried to make himself smaller. In an attempt to calm himself, he squeezed his eyes shut. Eventually the fear faded. Now, he didn’t remember what had frightened him in the first place.

A different fear closed in on him as he hauled himself off the floor. Something was so very wrong inside him. He was physically ill, but that wasn’t the worst of it.

His sanity was slipping.

He prayed it didn’t slide over the edge.

FRAMER MASSAGED his temples. The Resistance fighters were causing more trouble than he wanted to deal with, but the real source of his aggravation was Banks.

The dirty bastard.

After the Security Center’s failure to capture the two vampires wanted for the serial killings, he awaited a browbeating from Banks.

Every time the phone rang, he cringed and checked the caller identification. No way would he answer
that
call. Banks could leave a nasty message. He would put off a return call for a day or so, but then he would have to take his licks.

He was almost positive the blond vampire worked with members of the Resistance. The little cripple wasn’t a member, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t identify some of them.

He didn’t blame the vampires for fighting back, but he had tired of having to deal with them. And in this instance, the two males were a threat to society. They had to be captured and killed. And the sooner the better. Maybe Banks would authorize field kills in their case.

Once Banks finished with his verbal dress-down, Framer would seek permission to have them killed on the street. It would require a warrant amendment that would have to come from the State. Killing vampires out in the open wasn’t good PR, but sometimes it was necessary.

Those two, especially the blond, were too dangerous to risk the lives of any more of his men to bring them in for execution.

Maybe the virus project was the answer. Even though it called for nothing short of mass murder. The public would never allow outright slaughter of the vampire community unless they feared for their own lives.

He swallowed past the lump of shame and horror in his throat. He was sure they were all going straight to hell for what they’d concocted. Once the virus was set loose, the public would fly into a panic and demand eradication of the threat—the vampire community.

What they plotted bore too much resemblance to what had transpired in Germany to eliminate another race of people. And no less evil and wrong.

He set his glass down and stood.

He was not Catholic, but, minutes from his office, a gorgeous Catholic church dominated the block. He pulled on his raincoat.

He had an overwhelming need to pray for his soul.

Chapter Thirty-six

JULIAN CHASED Saranna around the bedroom. She laughed and turned, letting him run into her. The impact took them down onto the bed in a laughing pile, limbs akimbo.

He rolled them until he pinned her beneath him. “Okay, missy, game over. I win.”

She giggled and stroked his stiffening cock through his jeans.

He lowered his head and kissed her as his hand went to work on her clothes.

AFTERWARD, THEY lay wrapped in each other’s arms, their bodies slick with sweat.

Saranna traced a finger down his side. “Julian?”

“Um?”

“I love you.”

Panic shot through Julian. He stiffened.

She looked at him expectantly.

Heart pounding, he swallowed, trying to get past a thick wad in his throat.

“Julian?” Her voice sounded strained.

She wanted to hear it in return. As much as he wanted to love her, he couldn’t allow it. He wouldn’t put himself in a position to be betrayed again.

“I think the world of you.” It sounded like what it was, lame bullshit.

The pain in her eyes cut him worse than anything she might have said. His heart ached. “You know how much I care for you.”

Her lip quivered. “It’s okay, Julian. Save it.” She turned her back to him.

Shit
.

She sniffed.

Fuck
. “Saranna?”

“Don’t. Don’t say anything. I shouldn’t have said that.” Her voice was thick, choked with tears.

Chest tight, he bit his lip. Fuck, he was a bastard. He shouldn’t have slept with her. Shouldn’t have become her mate. She was hurting because of him. And despite how bad it made him feel, his cock hardened at the view of her uncovered backside.

“I’m sorry.” He squeezed his eyes shut.

She didn’t respond.

He wanted to crawl away in shame. He’d brought her nothing but pain. Hurting more than he would have imagined, he lay in the uncomfortable silence waiting for her to slide into sleep.

TWO HOURS later, Julian slid from the bed, showered quickly, and dressed. He had to get his shit together and he couldn’t do it there.

He was no good for her. She deserved someone who would love her back, someone who would treat her like a queen. But if he left her, she would be miserable and she wouldn’t recover from it. Mating was for life. He’d tied her to him without thinking it through. Self-loathing heated the blood in his veins.

He took a little blue box from the top drawer of the bedside stand. His father’s ring. He opened the box and slipped the huge ruby on his finger.

He was as rotten as his father. He would wear the ring for a reminder. And as punishment.

He refused to look at her when he turned away.

Silent as a shadow, he left the bedroom. The door was right at the bottom of the stairs. All he had to do was make it downstairs undetected. He didn’t feel like talking to the others if they were still up.

He glided down the steps and went outside. Walking fast, he took off for downtown.

He roamed the streets in search of a cheap room. Every place he might be able to afford had a little sign proclaiming him unwelcome. Well, what did he expect? He wasn’t supposed to be in the Restricted Zone.

After walking miles of city streets, he found a falling apart dump with a discrete sign which read,
Vampires Accepted
. He went inside and utter revulsion closed on him.

A bored-looking clerk collected three days rent from him and handed him a key. “Room’s on the second floor. If you bring your blood partner in, keep it quiet. I don’t put up with a lot of racket around here. Too much noise from
your
kind and I’ll be shut down for violating the law.”

“I’ll be quiet,” Julian told the repugnant little man and quickly ascended creaking steps.

God, he hated being treated like a piece of shit. He didn’t think he would ever get used to it.

A scent like decaying garbage permeated the air and turned his stomach, a prelude to the room itself. Devoid of color and smelling of mildew, it had the appeal of a public bathroom.

He tossed his bag on the table. The room was a shit-hole all right, but he didn’t have anything better to crawl into at the moment. And hell, he didn’t deserve any better.

STILL HALF asleep, Saranna reached for Julian. Then full wakefulness brought back the hurt and humiliation after her admission of love. She rolled over. Julian’s side of the bed was empty. She listened to the silence in the house.

She launched from the bed and yanked on her discarded clothes. Heart pounding with foreboding, she skimmed over the stairs to the lower level. None of the others were awake. And Julian was gone. Panic dug deep into her.

Maybe he’d left a note in the bedroom. She raced back up the steps. Nothing on the dresser or the little bedside table, but a scrap of paper lay on the carpet.

She picked it up and read his scrawled words.

Saranna, I need a few days to work things out. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Julian

Ice formed in her belly. Her heart crumpled. He hadn’t gone because he needed to work through anything.

He’d left her.

Eyes burning, her vision shimmered through unshed tears. His things were still there. His violin case was there. He wouldn’t leave it if he didn’t intend to return. Would he?

She drifted to the closet and opened the door with a shaking hand. His black duffel was gone, although he’d taken few of his clothes.

Her legs let go and she sat on the floor in an undignified heap. And the tears wouldn’t be denied.

JULIAN HAD one thing on his to-do list before he could think about Saranna and their relationship. And as soon as darkness settled over the city, he set out to take care of business.

He hitched a ride with a woman who didn’t seem in the least afraid of him. Instead of putting him at ease, her lack of fear perturbed him to no end.

He leaned his head against the window and pretended to sleep until she pulled over and touched his arm. “We’re here.”

Julian straightened in the seat. “Thanks for the ride.”

“You’re welcome.”

He opened the door.

“Be careful around here. Some of the residents are pretty bigoted.”

“I will. But thanks for the warning.” He slid from the car.

He’d made a promise, and by God, he was going to see it through, no matter what happened between him and Saranna.

His heart ached. He wanted to go home and take her in his arms and… What? Tell her he loved her? He didn’t. He desired her, wanted her, admired her, but he wouldn’t let it go further. Being away from her hurt enough. If he loved her and she left him, it would be too much. And if she ever found out what he’d been like, she
would
leave him.

He walked with a ground-eating stride, purpose fueling his steps. When he reached the whorehouse, no light illuminated the second or third floors. The lower level was lit by a single light.

What the fuck?

Only one way to find out. His running shoes made no sound as he approached the front door. He knocked hard.

A thin woman opened the door a crack. “Can I help you?”

“I’m looking for Jeff and Bobby.”

“They used to work here. But, Miss Margo … she was murdered. The house is closed.”

“Oh, shi— Can you tell me where I might find them?” He hadn’t counted on the house closing down or them leaving the premises.

“Probably at O’Shay’s. They spent most of their off time there.”

“How far is that?”

“About a mile. Straight down that way.” She pointed a finger through the crack. “But you won’t find them there. At least not tonight. They were heading out on a fishing trip.”

Terrific. “Do you know when they’re supposed to be back?”

“Friday. I’m sure they’ll head straight to O’Shay’s.”

“Thanks.”

Julian trotted down the walk. He kept up the pace until the pub came into view. Small and seedy, it screamed
good ol’ boy hangout
. He should go back home and face Saranna. But maybe a couple of days apart would give him some time to get his shit together. Maybe this was a good thing.

SARANNA DIDN’T want to get out of bed. A deep, aching loneliness held her in an iron fist. Her heart beat, but was empty of anything but grief. She’d lost her mate and her body knew it thanks to her bond with him.

She forced herself to get up and go through the routine of getting ready to face the night without him.

She waited until she was pretty sure she was alone in the house before she left the bedroom. She didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes when she told them Julian had left.

It was bad enough that he’d walked out on her without having to tell them about it. Though she’d only be able to avoid them for a little while, she’d take any reprieve she could get.

Unfortunately, she didn’t make it down the stairs before Slade made an appearance in the great room. The moment he spied her, he stopped and waited for her.

Terrific
. She so did not want to talk to him about anything involving Julian.

“Where’s Julian? He’s late.”

“He isn’t here.”

Slade plucked the ferret from around his neck and set the little animal on the floor. “I can see that. He’s supposed to go with us to do a little recon.”

He wasn’t going to let it go. Slade hung on worse than a pit bull sometimes. She went into the great room. Afraid her knees might let go, she sank into a chair. “He left.”

“What do you mean?” Suspicion reflected in his dark eyes.

“He left and I don’t know when, or if, he’s coming back.” It broke her heart to say those words. Broke it into a hundred ragged pieces.

To his credit, he didn’t smirk. “Why?”

She couldn’t tell him the truth. It was too shameful, too painful. How did one come to terms with their mate leaving over being told they were loved?

“It’s too personal to discuss.”

“I see.” Now his eyes sparkled with anger and his lips thinned before he spoke. “I hate to say this, but I told you he was no good and would hurt you.”

“Please don’t.”

“Don’t what? Speak the truth about your precious Julian?” His tone seethed with hostility. She knew his anger wasn’t directed at her. “So how are you coping without him?”

She knew exactly what he meant. “I need him.”

“Of course you do. You bonded with the son of a bitch.”

God, wasn’t that an understatement. If he didn’t come back, how was she going to deal with losing him? How long would her bond with him hold if he wasn’t there?

Slade paced around the room. “I knew something like this was going to happen. He doesn’t have the bond to keep him with you.”

She didn’t reply. She didn’t have to because he was right. Julian would feel none of the anguish that was ripping at her. She
needed
to be with him.
Needed
to mate regularly with him. It was nature’s method of ensuring survival of their race. And if he’d bonded as he should have, he would need those things, too.

Her eyes burned and her vision distorted. She willed herself not to cry in front of Slade, but she lost the battle.

“Son of a bitch,” he hissed. In a moment, he was before her and pulled her up into his arms. He held her and then the tears came hot and hard. He stroked her back and let her cry against his shoulder until the sobs tapered off to sniffles.