Blood (Dark Riders Motorcycle Club) (5 page)

Finally, the last Tarantula was loaded into the van. His eyes met mine as he walked, staring me down. Our gaze didn't break until the door slammed shut behind him.

At that moment, warmth spread through my whole body. Tears poured down my face, and I slumped to the ground. The last thing I remembered before it all went dark was the feel of Asher's arms squeezing me tight.

Chapter 12

The darkness was cold. I was alone. No one was there with me, not even Asher.
 

I ran in the dark, searching for someone.
Anyone
.

And I found them. Venom and Joel. Their bloody, decaying bodies chased me. I screamed, but no sound came out. Still, I kept calling his name.

Asher. Asher.
 

"Asher!"
 

My eyes slammed wide open and I swallowed a gulp of air. Asher. Where was he?

"Asher?" I yelled again.

"Nope. Just me."

My mom was sitting beside the bed, watching over me. I looked around. I was back in my room, at home. The place where all of this began.

"Mom?"

She smiled at me and laughed. "Oh good. I was beginning to think that I had somehow transformed into a handsome biker."

Yep, that was my mom all right.

On the side table there was a thermometer and what looked like a wet rag. A Bible was cracked open, and its pages were turned to well-worn psalms. Had she been taking care of me? How long had I been out? And more importantly, what had happened while I was gone?

"Asher!"

"Nice to see you too," Mom said." I'm doing pretty well. You know, considering I had no idea what was happening with my daughter for a good while now. Never mind that she came home unconscious, and with a police escort."

I looked away from her gaze. She was right. What was I thinking?

"Sorry mom, " I said.

That was all it took for her to break down. Mom jumped off her seat and took me in her arms. She squeezed hard, pressing me into her chest. Her tears fell on my head, hot and wet.

"Do you have
any idea
how hard it was not know what had happened to you?" she said. "After you came and left, I almost went insane."

Hearing her, hearing the hurt in her words, my chest went tight. All this time, I hadn't thought about her. Mom. She was the whole reason I had come down here in the first place.
 

But I didn't know what to say.

"And then that girl… What was her name? Heather? She came here looking like she had escaped from prison or a kidnapping. All she told me was that you loved me and when I asked for anything else, she started crying.

"Do you know what that did to me? I thought you were dead! I thought you were…"

Mom's sobbing choked out her voice. She squeezed me tight and her whole body shook, quaking with sadness.

"Mom I'm…" I hesitated. It didn't seem enough to say, but what else was I supposed to do? "Mom, I'm sorry."

Her high-pitched wails took on a new level of loudness. I reached my hands around and held her, rubbing her back gently.

"I'm sorry," I said again. It seemed like I couldn't stop saying it. "I'm sorry."

We stayed together like that for a long time. The only sounds were mom's crying and the birds chirping outside. It seemed strange. Why were the birds chirping? Didn't they know that my mom was sad?

When she finally calmed down, mom slumped back into her seat. Her eyes were rimmed with red, and her whole face was puffy and swollen. She sniffled, wiping her nose with a tissue. She looked exhausted.

Mom crossed her arms and fixed me with a look.

"Yeah, I know I'm chopped liver compared to Asher…"

"Mom, you know that's not true! I-"

Mom put up her hand, shushing me. She waited until I was quiet and then wagged her finger at me.

"Nope, no arguing," she said. "I call it as I see it. I'm old enough to know when my daughter is in love. I just hope you make a better decision than
I
did."

I dropped my head and stared at my lap. Suddenly, my cheeks were hot. They burned and my chest squeezed tight.

"It's not like that," I said. "We're just-"

"Friends," mom said. "Yeah, right. Look, I'm not going to force you to see what's right in front of your eyes."

I clenched my fists. Why did she always have to be like that?

"Anyway. Asher is fine."

I raised my head and looked at her. "Really?"

"Really," mom said and smiled. "He got treatment, and he's all patched up."

"And Mav?"

The smile left my mom's lips. "He lost a leg."

"What?!"

I started to get off the bed, but my mom pushed me down.

"He's being taken care of," she said. "And it's my job to take care of you right now."

She pressed against my shoulders until I lay back in the bed.

"Now, I'm not going to ask about all the things that I'm
sure
happened while you were gone. All I'm asking you is to rest. Okay?"

Mom kissed my forehead.

"Okay," I said.

She took my hand and squeezed it before pulling the covers up around me. I was a little too old to be tucked in by my mom, but still it felt good. Safe. Warm.

Mom walked towards the door. Just before she closed it behind her, she turned around.

"Welcome back home," she said and shut the door.

Chapter 13

So I was back to the beginning. In my childhood bedroom. Teddy bears and old science trophies stared down at me from the shelves on the walls. Next to my head was still that poor old stuffed bunny.

I picked it up and wanted to laugh. Its fur was matted, and it still only had one eye, but that didn't matter. As a child, I loved it anyway. Despite its scars.

I stretched and my feet poked out from underneath the covers. They pressed against the wrought iron at the foot of my bed. I guess it only made sense.

Before, I had felt that everything was the same. But it wasn't.
I
wasn't the same.
I
had grown up.

And now, after everything that happened, what was different? Or was I still the same girl who came here riding on the back of a stranger's motorcycle?

I pushed the covers off me and jumped off the bed. The yearbook. I wanted to look at that picture just one more time.

It was exactly where it always has been, organized neatly on my bookshelf. I pulled out the thick, bound volume and worked my way through the letters.

A, B, C… Clarkfeld.
I dragged my finger down until it landed on my own face. I looked at the little girl. Her smile was wide but I knew that she was fidgeting outside of the range of the camera.

I was wearing a pink, frilly dress that day. It must've taken an hour to get me into it, but my mom insisted. She wasn't going to let me go to school in overalls.

"Just for one day," she said, "
One day
. Can't you look like a girl for me?"

Of course, my answer was no, but you don't have much of a choice at that age do you? I sulked all the way to school, stomping my little white patent shoes and frilly lace socks.

I hated wearing it, but what I really dreaded was seeing Asher. He would make fun of me. I was
sure
of it. He would pull my hair and... I didn't even want to imagine the rest. So I avoided him for the entire day.

Then school was over. All I had to do was make it home. Easy. Just a little bit longer and I would have been successful. But then I turned a corner. And there he was.

Asher opened his eyes wide and dropped his mouth open.

"Lily?"

I took off running before he even had the chance to make fun of me. And I kept running. All the way home. I only stopped to pick up balls of dirt and rub them into the fabric of my dress. I wanted to destroy it. I wanted it to be so terrible that my mom would
never
think about putting me in a dress again.

When I got home, she was shocked.

"What in the world happened to you?" She yelled.

I refused to say a word.

The next day at school, I went dressed as normal. I didn't avoid Asher this time, he didn't avoid me. But we never said anything about it. We just pretended that the dress had never happened.

I flipped the pages again. A little further back this time, to Thomas. But before I could get there, something fell out. A piece of paper.

It was folded into a square, but I had no idea where it could have come from. I opened the yearbook, looking to see if there were any more surprises hiding in the pages. There was. Just one.

At the back of the book, the back cover was peeled away from the hard surface. It looked like it had only been held on by some school glue that had finally dried up. Had this note been hidden back there all this time? I had never even noticed that something was strange about the back page.

I almost didn't want to read it. I wanted to put it back in its hiding space and seal it up forever. But instead, I picked up the yellowed paper with my shaking fingers.

The school ruled paper was thin and brittle. Just seeing the pink and blue stripes brought me back in time. Then, I unfolded the note.

I knew what it was as soon as I saw the writing. If I was honest with myself, I knew before I opened the note, before I even touched the paper. But what made it certain were those angular little strokes.

Boy's handwriting.
Asher's
handwriting. I used to make fun of him for it, say it was like chicken scratch, now I treasured each little mark.

The page was covered in smudges. Probably from his hands, from the graphite rubbing against itself for so many years, and from the places where he erased, rewrote, and rewrote again.

The words started out the way you would expect them to:

Lily,

You really should pay more attention to where you leave your things. You know how easy it was to steal this yearbook?

If you don't be more careful, it could get you into trouble one day.

Yeah, tell me about it.

When I saw you on picture day, I didn't say anything. I couldn't.

I like your overalls. I like that you don't mind getting dirty, unlike the other girls.
 

But in your pink dress, you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

A tear fell from my eye and I tried to blot it up with a tissue. It was hard to keep reading.

The next few words were written on a cloud of grey, as if they had been rewritten over and over again.

You'll never see this, so it's safe to say it.

I love you, Lilly Clarkfeld.

Always. Forever.

No matter what.

-Asher

By then, the paper was totally wet with tears. I gave up trying to blot them and held my head in my hands.

What was I feeling? Not sadness. My body felt light, like I was floating.

I wiped the tears away and looked back at the letter.

I love you, Lilly Clarkfeld…. Always…

A smile slowly crept over my face. I got up on wobbly legs and laid back down on the bed. The letter crinkled in my hand as I pressed it against my chest.

Why did it take me so long to understand? Finally, I knew the answer. I knew what I should have told him such a long time ago.

Chapter 14

Breakfast was normal. We had oatmeal with plums and cherries. I sat down at the little table across from my mom, and we spooned the warm cereal into our mouths.

It was a beautiful day. The sun shone into the house, falling on our skin and warming the air. It was quiet. There were no gunshots. No motorcycle engines revving. Just the sound of the wind and the chimes on the porch tinkling in the breeze.

Still, I couldn't relax. I kept bouncing my feet against the floor. It was hard to eat because my stomach refused to settle. It was hard to keep still.

"So how are you feeling today?" my mom asked.

"Good," I said. I gave her a wide grin.

"Much better than yesterday?"

"Yes," I said. "
Much
better."

"You know, I was thinking that we could go shopping together today," she said. "Only if you're up for it, of course."

A lump formed in my throat.

"That sounds...
great
," I said.

The clatter of my mom's spoon against her bowl made me jump. I looked up at her, and she was staring at me.

"Go," she said.

"What?"

"
Go
!" Her voice wasn't angry, just stern and steady. "Look, you can hide from yourself but not from me. So go!"

I looked at mom for a while, but her expression didn't change. It wasn't a joke. I stood up, slowly moving away from the table. By the time I reached the door, my feet were moving ahead of me.

I ran.

Down the stairs of our porch. Across the street. To the end of our road.

I ran. And I
kept
running. Where? I wasn't sure.

My childhood streets rushed past me in a blur. The sun shone in my eyes, obscuring my vision. That was okay. I didn't need to see. My feet would take me there.

The ground was harder than I expected. I hadn't even stopped to put on shoes, so every little rock jabbed itself into the bottom of my soles. I was probably bleeding. It didn't matter. I had to run.

Warm air filled my lungs as I gasped for breath. It smelled like it always smelled. Of the trees lining the streets. Of the flowers tended meticulously by the old lady down the road. Was she still tending those flowers? Or was someone else?

I should have known.

The old school loomed up ahead of me. Where else would I have gone? This is where everything happened. Where I always ended up.

And
this
time? What would happen?

I stopped running in front of the chain-link fence. My fingers clamped onto the weather-worn metal, and I felt its warmth burn into my skin. For a while, I just stood there looking at the old overgrown field, and feeling the sun beat down my back.
 

Sweat formed on my forehead and spilled all over my body. I must've looked like a mess. Ha. Like I always did back then. All I was missing was some dirt on my face.