Authors: Jamie Manning
“I stand for what’s right.” He took a few steps toward me, closing the noticeable gap between us. “And I believe in you.” Five little words that somehow made up for all that had been said. I couldn’t be mad at him after saying that, after saying he believed in me. No matter what he was keeping from me, I at least knew that much.
“I’m glad someone does,” I answered, my throat suddenly itching from the close proximity of his blood. It wasn’t like I wanted to drink it—not really—but being that close to it, to
him,
was a little uncomfortable. Not uncomfortable enough to make me move away, apparently, since I stayed put.
“You don’t believe in yourself, Ava?”
“I don’t know.” I was being completely honest, something I wished he could do with me. “I don’t think I have what it takes to get through this.”
“I think you do.” Again, he knew exactly what to say. “In fact, I know you do.”
“How?”
“You woke up buried underground, found out you were a vampire and that you have to do some pretty horrible things to save yourself. And you didn’t back down. You stood up and said ‘I’m ready.’ If that’s not enough proof for you, then just know that it’s enough for me.”
“I’m glad you have so much faith in me.” I smiled again, though this time without laughter behind it. He infuriated me, no question, but he was also being sincere and truly was there to stand by me and help me get my life back. How could I hate him for that? “And I’m sorry for pushing you.”
“Don’t apologize.” He stepped away then, and I felt the awkwardness of him not being close. It really aggravated me, that feeling. “I should be apologizing to you.”
“Yeah, you should.” I smiled at him, suddenly forgetting all the lies and secrets. Or at least forgetting them for the time being.
“You may be joking, but I truly am sorry, Ava. I’m sorry for everything that’s happened to you. And I’m sorry for keeping things from you.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “For now.” He smirked and looked away from me, like a shy little boy who was just told how cute he is. “And I understand why you’re keeping things from me, I do. But just know that you can trust
me
, just like you say I can trust you.”
“You
can
trust me, Ava. That, I would never lie about.”
“Fine, then let’s drop this and get back before your mom sends out a search party.” He didn’t answer, only smiled and began walking back toward home. We moved down the sidewalk slowly, every so often bumping arms or shoulders. I actually liked how having him so close made me feel, almost like I was special in a way. But all too quickly the events of the day flooded my mind again and my face went somber.
“Okay, what just happened?” Chance asked, looking at me intently. “Where did you go?” I hated to tell him, hated to make him mad again. But I knew that if he found out—and he would, more than likely from Aldric—he would never forgive me for not telling him. Nor forgive himself for not being there to protect me.
“Something happened at the mall today,” I started, pushing the pent up air from my lungs. “But don’t freak, because I’m fine.” I lied a little. My chest still hurt like hell and my head was a little dizzy from the horrific ringing, but I didn’t want him to know all that.
“What?” he asked calmly, obviously trying to contain the anger and frustration and fear that I knew were bubbling just under the surface.
“Another one,” I said, knowing he’d get that I meant vampire. We didn’t look at each other; we didn’t have to. He understood. I could tell by his tone, and by the energy radiating off him, what mood he was in. Seeing it on his face would be redundant. He stopped walking once we reached the crossing.
“I knew it,” he spat through clenched teeth. I watched the tiny vein running along his temple pulse with anger. His heartbeat was so alluring. I looked away, an unfamiliar yet comfortable grind in my stomach.
“There’s nothing you could’ve done,” I said. “You can’t be with me every second.” I admired his strength and loyalty. I knew it would take a long time for him to get over not being there.
“I knew I should have gone with you.” He was looking in my direction, but I could tell his mind was someplace else, someplace where he was more than likely beating himself up. I felt so bad for him, but at the same time, a huge amount of guilt was weighing down on me. My being here was ruining his life. He couldn’t focus on anything else but me.
“Did you kill it?” he asked, finally bringing his eyes to meet mine. There was sadness there, small but strong. If I hadn’t been standing there, I believe he would have been crying.
“No,” I said, preparing for fireworks. “Kayla did.” Chance’s eyes grew wide, his face filled with shock. I knew exactly how he felt. I felt the same way watching her actually kill the vampire.
“How the hell?” he yelled. “What was
she
doing there?” He was looking around wildly, like a trapped animal searching for escape, his face running red with angry heat.
“It all happened so fast.”
“My mom,” Chance blurted. “What did she see?” I heard frenzied panic in his voice.
“Nothing,” I answered quickly, hoping to calm him down. “We told your mom we needed a bathroom break when I smelled the blood. We left her behind.” Just the thought of his mom finding out what I was terrified me. That was the last thing I needed.
“Tell me exactly what happened.” Chance focused in on me then, his face serious and determined. I took a deep breath and explained all that had happened, the words flying from my mouth so fast I barely heard them. Chance listened intensely, paying full attention to every detail. He went into another panic when I spoke of Kayla’s crime-fighting friends.
“Erik and Lila,” I said with sarcasm. “The stake-wielding siblings. You should have seen them, Chance. They looked like bad versions of
Buffy
.” I actually remembered watching that show. Apparently my mind was only good at conjuring up TV references. Only then did I realize that
I
was
Buffy
; well, except for the whole half-human hybrid thing. I almost laughed. “And that Lila has quite the attitude. She really pissed me off.” I sounded like a typical high school girl, mad that she lost cheer squad captain to her rival. If I hadn’t been so mad at the memory of Lila, I would have noticed my embarrassing demeanor.
“Ava,” Chance said, taking hold of my shoulders, “can you focus on what’s important here?” I stared up at him, momentarily blinded by my hatred toward Lila. “You’ve been here a few days and three more people know what you are.” The way he said ‘what’ made my skin crawl, like I was some sort of wild animal. “At this rate, the whole town will know you’re a vampire inside of a week.” He let go of me and ran a hand through his hair, the curls once again falling back into place with natural ease. “Okay,” he continued. “We need to find Aldric.”
“What?” I asked, finally able to hear what he was saying over Lila’s voice chanting in my head. “Why?” I felt a cold chill run up my back; it was fear. I was scared to death of what would happen to Kayla—and a little scared for Erik and Lila—if Aldric found out she knew about me, about us. His life was in just as much danger as mine if word got out that vampires existed. I knew he would kill her, and I couldn’t let that happen.
“He needs to know, Ava. He can protect you better than I can.” Chance’s voice was strained, like he was holding back tears. “You just came face to face with
three
vampire hunters. That doesn’t scare you?” Did it? I honestly didn’t know the answer to that.
“I was face to face with three vampire hunters that saved my life.” I realized that I, too, was fighting back tears. “They could have killed me right then, but they didn’t. They let me go. And now you want to throw them to the wolves.” I was trying hard to keep my voice down. The streets were empty, but if someone had their windows open in their house, they would have heard everything.
“I will if it helps save your life. I’m here to protect
you
, Ava. Not them.”
“You worry too much.” I knew when I said it that it hurt. I saw it roll across his face. It took a few seconds for him to speak again.
“Maybe I do,” he finally said. “But that’s for me to decide, not you.” And just like that, all the anger I had for him came rushing back.
“You don’t control me, Chance, do you get that?” I snapped.
It was like my words slapped him in the face. “I’m not trying to,” he snapped back. “Maybe you should try the same.” I wanted to scream at him, yell at him until I couldn’t see straight. But once again, I kept quiet. I kept quiet all the way back to the house. He didn’t speak either, each of us furious with the other but neither of us willing to back down. Once we made it to the walk leading up to the house, I finally gave in.
“So what now?” I asked, waiting anxiously for him to tell me that he hated me and never wanted to see me again.
“Now,” he said, taking a deep breath and exhaling, letting the awkwardness of the moment go with it. “We go tell Aldric about the vampire hunters.” I knew by Chance’s tone that arguing with him would have made no difference. He intended on exposing Kayla and Erik and Lila to the most dangerous man I had ever known. As we climbed the steps and went inside, I couldn’t help but think that my crappy life was about to get a whole lot worse.
1
I tried my best to get Chance to agree to leave Kayla out of it when he told Aldric about what happened at the mall. I needed at least one person who could teach me how to take down vampires that was
not
an actual vampire. And after nearly an hour of convincing on my part, he agreed to only mention Erik and Lila. I felt as good as possible, considering I had probably just sentenced two people to die, and after I helped clean the kitchen—no way was I letting his mom do it
every
night—I crawled into bed completely exhausted.
That night, I had a dream that felt more like a memory than anything else before. Right away I knew I had had it before, many times throughout my life. I’m sitting on a park bench, wearing a gleaming white sun dress littered with tiny, hand-painted sunflowers, eagerly awaiting the arrival of my parents. The sun is bright in the sky, bathing everything in a warm yellow glow. Kids are playing catch with their parents on the lush green lawn in front of me, a group of teenage boys throwing around a football behind me. The world feels magical, alive, perfect. I can feel the excitement running through my body; giddy anticipation of seeing my parents walking hand-in-hand toward me, my mom’s long auburn hair bouncing as she walks, my dad smiling wide.
But something is different this time. I’m different. I’m still wearing the same white dress, the wind catching it every so often and twirling it around my legs. I still feel the electric energy coursing through me, the anticipation of what is about to happen almost too much to bear. Then I see them, my parents, smiling and laughing as always. I stand, just as I have in all the other dreams, but I realize that this time I’m not waiting for them to rush over and smother me in kisses and love. I’m not eager for my dad to lift me into the sky and spin me around and around as I watch clouds swirl over my head. No. This time I’m anxious for something else, something darker.
In this dream, I’m waiting to kill them
.
I’m standing tall, much taller than the five-year-old me in all the other dreams. As tall as I would stand today. I’m not five this time. I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m sixteen and I’m myself and I’m waiting with growing but hidden impatience for the two people who abandoned me to come happily walking up the stone path so I can plunge my fangs into their veins and kill them. I can think of nothing else but watching them die.
I see them topping the hill to my right. They’re holding hands again. My mom’s hair billows in the afternoon breeze. Her features are smeared, like someone ran their hand through fresh paint. My dad’s face is blank, except for the smile my mind created there so many years ago. He has no eyes, no nose, no face from my memory; only a smile I cut from someone else in my life and pasted there. They are total strangers to me, as they have always been. But this time, it doesn’t matter. I’m not crying as I watch them walk toward me like in all the other dreams. I am only thinking of what I’m about to do to them. How good it’s going to feel to make them hurt as much as I’ve had to hurt throughout my life. I realize I’m smiling at just the thought of taking their blood from them, at leaving them as nothing more than lifeless, empty bodies. The same way they left me.
Suddenly the scene changes. With a flash as fast as lightning, I’m no longer standing in the park waiting to kill my parents. Now I’m standing in an open field, with nothing around me but trees, thick with leaves and swaying heavily in the forceful winds circling me. I see the snow piling up on the ground as it blasts from the gray sky above, but I feel no cold. I feel only heat, intense and full of anger, running through every cell in my body. Anger toward the two people who were supposed to love me but didn’t, my parents. I begin to search the clearing, my eyes breaking through the wall of falling snow, trying desperately to see my mom and dad. I still have the uncontrollable urge to kill them, just like in the park.
But someone is there to stop me. I can’t see them, but I know they are right behind me, eagerly waiting to keep me from killing, to keep me from ending my parents’ lives. The anger in me grows stronger, now including this person, this
invader
. My mind quickly alters its plan. Now I will kill three people today.
Just like in the park, I finally see my parents walking toward me, their hands still locked tightly together. I move to take a step when large, familiar hands clutch my shoulders, the electricity from the touch mixing with the current already enveloping me. I don’t need to see his face to know who he is.
“Why are you here?” I ask him, not taking my eyes off the young, happy couple battling the blizzard to get to me.
“I’m here to stop you,” I hear Chance say from behind me. His voice is just as intoxicating as always, and I can’t stop my body from relaxing upon hearing it.
“I have to do this,” I say, trying to force my legs to keep moving forward. I feel my fangs break through my gums, the venom flowing to their pointy tips, ready to release.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Ava. You have the power to end this.” I want to turn and look at his face, to see those beautiful eyes full of warmth, but I can’t. I can’t allow myself to be distracted by his beauty. I have to focus on what I came to do.
“I have to make them pay for what they did to me. It’s the only way I can survive my life.” Even though the anger in me is still very strong and very present, and I want so desperately to end those who gave me life, I can’t help but cry at the pain of my abandonment. It always lives just below my skin. I can always feel it there, clawing away at me, each day taking a tiny piece of me and destroying it. Giving that pain to my parents is my only hope.
“It’s not the only way, Ava, and you know that now.” Chance’s hands fall from my shoulders, leaving me missing his touch. Powerless to stop them, my feet spin my body and suddenly I’m facing him, that beautiful, chivalrous guy who saved my life. That’s when I realize that he’s right. I do know that destroying my parents is not the only way to save myself. But the urge is too strong for me to resist. Chance is smiling at me, his teeth gleaming even in the snowstorm.
“You know what can save you now, don’t you?” he asks, reaching out for my hand. I smile back at him, knowing exactly what I have to do. I take Chance’s hand, letting him pull me to his body. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tighter than anyone ever has, the heat between us melting the snow falling above us before it ever touches down. I put my hands around Chance’s neck, pulling his face to meet mine. He is still smiling wide at me, and I can’t help but feel immense gratitude and loyalty toward him. I want to tell him I love him, but I can’t. I don’t know if I ever will.
“I know you can’t say it, Ava.” It’s as if he read my mind. I look into his eyes and the secret to ridding myself of the pain of my childhood is lurking there, just waiting for me to take hold and pull it free. Knowing what has to happen for me to do that, I lay Chance’s head down on my shoulder; and just as he whispers “I love you, Ava,” his breath hot and perfectly enticing in my ear, I feel the tips of my fangs break into the skin of his neck.
My mind destroyed the dream when my eyes flew open. I was lying in bed, my body drenched in sweat. I quickly got rid of the blanket on top of me, the coolness of the air chilling my heated skin instantly, the sweat cold and soothing. My mind immediately began racing.
Had it not been a dream? Had I killed him for real?
Panic set in and I sprang from the bed and threw open the door to Chance’s room, terrified of what I would find. Right away I could hear the water running and Chance’s voice trying to carry a tune. He was in the shower. I let the air out of my lungs and walked down the hall, careful of the hardwood floors that were prone to squeaking whenever I walked on them.
“You almost done?” I asked through the bathroom door. My voice was incredibly shaky, and I had to concentrate on not sounding scared to death—which I was. The hum of rushing water abruptly stopped.
“One minute,” I heard Chance yell back, and after a few seconds, the bathroom door swung open, a plume of hot steam hitting me in the face. “All yours,” he said with a smile, nothing but a towel covering the lower half of his body. The upper part—the part I couldn’t stop staring at any time it was exposed—was glistening with thousands of tiny water droplets, reflecting the overhead light like crystal. His dripping hair clung to his face in large, thick curls, only adding to his mesmerizing scent. I felt my face blush as he stepped around me and into the hall.
“Thanks,” I said, and as he turned to walk to his room to get dressed, I stole a quick glance at his neck, smiling with deep relief that it was wound-free.
I took a super-quick shower and threw on some clothes as fast as I could, still unnerved by that awful dream. I had no recollection of it before last night, but now it felt as if I had been having those thoughts my entire life. I couldn’t actually remember them, but the feeling of a memory was there. I tried to shake it off as I headed downstairs. Chance was seated at the kitchen counter, a half-eaten bowl of cereal beneath him. The same awkward tension between us yesterday eased its way back in once I saw him. I was still mad at him—a little at least—and I knew he felt the same toward me. I fake-smiled and fixed myself a bowl of cereal, opting to sit at the table across the room from him. I noticed as I passed the counter that his mom had left a note. A quick glance with my all-new super vision told me Ms. Caldon had been called in to work, and for the two of us to have a fun day. Yeah, like that was possible. I sat at the table and was nearly finished eating before Chance finally spoke.
“We need to go see Aldric,” he said firmly as he placed his used dishes in the sink. He turned and leaned against the counter, staring hard at me as I finished my breakfast. I knew it was coming. Talking to Aldric had probably been on his mind all night. And yes, if I was being totally honest, I somewhat agreed that filling Aldric in was the right thing to do. I just hated the idea. The thought of something horrible happening to Erik and Lila because of me—though I didn’t fill
as
bad for Lila—made my stomach wrench. I didn’t argue, quietly adding my bowl and spoon to his in the sink and following him outside. Once we were in the car and on the way to Aldric’s, I tried one last time to change his mind.
“I think you’re making a mistake telling him,” I blurted out, trying to fill my voice with confidence. I wanted Chance to believe me, even though I didn’t fully believe myself. I couldn’t be positive Aldric would kill Erik and Lila, or that he wouldn’t. I just felt that somewhere down the line, I would need them. Keeping their existence a secret seemed like the best idea. Chance didn’t agree.
“I already said I’d leave Kayla’s name out of it,” he snapped back. “Don’t push it.”
“I’m not pushing anything. I’m trying to keep two people from being killed.” I was sulking on my side of the truck cab, mad that Chance was being so obnoxious. “I know you don’t care about that, but I do.” I watched as he fought to control his anger, gripping the steering wheel and grinding his teeth.
“I don’t care? How can you say I don’t care? Look what I did to save you?”
“That was different. These people are innocent.”
“And you’re not?” he asked, anger lacing his words. I tried to answer him, but I couldn’t. In my mind, I wasn’t. I was a vampire. So I didn’t feel very innocent. I opened my mouth to protest Chance’s faith in me, but he had already moved on.