(Blood and Bone, #2) Sin and Swoon (17 page)

I slump into a seat, a very fine seat for patio furniture, and stare at the cast-iron statue of the boys frolicking in the garden.

“Are you hiding?” The voice is Dash’s but then it’s not. I glance up to see the face and eyes of Dash but just a little different. I don’t know what to make of it.

“Yes,” I answer honestly.

“I’m Henry, Ben’s older brother.”
His very English brother with a very English accent.

“I’m Jane, Dash’s—er—friend from above the Mason–Dixon line.” I should have said girlfriend but I didn’t. The word felt wrong, less so than fiancée, but still wrong.

“Of course you are.” He chuckles and sits in the chair next to me. “Dash—I haven’t heard that since Eton. He always loved that name.” He gives me a sly grin. “I assume he likes you more than a friend might if he lets you call him that. Only his best friends ever called him Dash.”

I exhale my laugh. “Well, I think he loves the idea of being his own man, and I suspect I help him with that.”

“He has always enjoyed rebelling against the fold.” Henry nods, sipping his glass of red wine.

I scowl. “How did you get a glass of red?”

“I poured it. Sir George insists we drink white or champagne before dinner, and red with it. He’s a stickler for tradition. This is my version of rebellion.” He takes a huge gulp and passes me the glass. I take a drink from the other side of the glass.

“How badly was he broken when Melody dumped him?”

Henry chuckles just the way Dash does. “Oh, he told you about that, did he?”

I shake my head. “Not a word on it, ever.”

“So she told you then?”

I shake my head again.

“How do you know?”

I shrug. “I get paid to read people.”

His eyes narrow. “Liar! That can’t be a real profession.”

I sigh and stare back out into the garden. “It is.”

“It must be hard to read people.” I can tell he’s mocking me, challenging me.

“It’s easy once you figure it out. Take your family, for instance: Your father is reckless, and he’s never been good at doing what he’s told. But he can’t be caught doing them, so he does a lot of bad things on the sly. I assume he has mistresses and scandals, but they’re buried deep—not because he’s smart, though, but because he knows how to work the system. His whole family is made up of cheating men.” The words hurt on the way out as I realize Dash is one of them. “Your mother knows about it all. She’s smarter than your father is, far smarter. She wasn’t as wealthy as he was growing up. She’s more rigid than he is because she had to learn the rules and doesn’t want any of her poverty or lack of breeding accidentally showing.”

I turn and look at him. “You are like your father in the desire to be a free spirit, but at the same time you are smarter than he is. You have never allowed them to stifle you so you have no need to rebel the way he does. You joke of rebelling, but you don’t do it. You just live according to the rules that matter, the ones people talk about. The rest you ignore and love the fact it creates a slight bad-boy air about you.” I turn back to the garden with a smirk when he looks shocked. “And then there is the ever-fair Melody, who dumped Dash because you and she were having an affair, which is why your brother doesn’t really like you. She loved Dash, with all her cold heart, but you are the heir so she broke up with him, in hopes you would love her back. But that’s not your style. The sad part is that your mother invited her here in hopes of her and Dash reconnecting so he would break it off with me, not knowing how much it would hurt Dash to actually see the first girl who broke his heart. And ironically, she forced you to come in hopes that you and Dash would mend fences, but obviously with seeing Melody here that isn’t going to happen. The wound is now fresh in Dash’s heart, even with me here.” I pause, turning and looking at him again. “But that’s not the only problem with you two, is it? Everything that’s legacy in your family is going to go to you, and Dash resents that a little, I think, even if he doesn’t want to admit it to himself. He doesn’t think you are worthy of any of it. He sees the real you.”

His jaw drops. “Blimey!” He takes his drink back and finishes it. “You are good at whatever it is they pay you for. I hope they pay well.”

“Not really.” I shake my head. “But sitting back and watching will always get you further than talking. People say the things they want themselves to believe. They are saying it aloud to convince themselves only. Their actions are who they are.”

“Well, Jane Spears, I hate to say it, but I think my baby brother has bitten off more than he can chew.”

I sigh, knowing it isn’t true; it’s quite the opposite, in fact. “Being good at parlor tricks doesn’t make you desirable, Henry. It just makes you good at guessing the next move out of everyone else in the room.”

His eyes dazzle in the moonlight. “The answer I want, Jane Spears, is what your next move will be.”

I nod to the right. “A quick getaway if I’m lucky, between courses.”

He winks. “We can get away now if you like.”

I laugh right in his face. “Not a chance.”

His smile fades away, and I think he feels sorry for me. “You love him, don’t you?”

“My entire heart and soul, though unable to be much more than pathetic, are his.” I say it so matter-of-factly I feel sorry for me too. I don’t even think I meant to say it aloud, but the night has gotten the best of me.

“I will arrange a car out front for you. You can play at being Cinderella, and may leave when you wish. Tell no one, and slip out the office near the foyer. There is a door there for my father to smoke his cigars without the lady of the house
busting his chops
, as you Americans say.”

“Thank you.”

He nods. “Ben is an idiot to let you go, but I fear his bringing you here was his way of scaring you off. If he ends up with that ditz Melody I might have to just give him the title so I can run away with you.”

I stand, completely uncomfortable with the forward way he is acting. “I don’t run away, Henry. I either fit or I don’t.” Which is why I have one friend and one cat and nothing else. Because I never fit. I grew up in a house of people unlikely to fit. We rubbed off our awkward and discomfort all over each other. I walk back into the house to find the red wine and pour myself a glass.

When I see Dash and Melody talking to another couple I can’t help but hate her for fitting him so perfectly. She’s blonde and beautiful and perfect in every way. Together they’re tall and flawless, no doubt a match in every way. She laughs, resting an arm on his forearm. He flinches; I see it before he relaxes and laughs too. I can see the discomfort on his face, and all I feel is hate for her. Not because he’s mine but because she doesn’t seem to care that she has injured him. She is so selfish that she doesn’t see the agony she is causing. And his mother grinning from the other side of the room is just as clueless and cruel.

I force my eyes from them and head for the grand staircase in the foyer. I walk up the rounded staircase quickly, hurrying to the hall. “Evangeline?” I call out, searching each room. I can tell the right side of the stairs is where the guests sleep. Each room looks like a hotel, and the belongings are all in bags.

I turn to go to the left and Evangeline is there, smiling and breathless. “Are you all right?”

I shake my head. “I need your help. I need to find Dash—Benjamin’s room.”

She turns and walks back to the left wing of the house. She opens a door and waits as I hurry inside. I leave the ring on his pillow. My entire body aches, leaving it there.

My hand lifts, resting on the scar on my stomach, the one I thought he understood. The one that means I can never have children. I am actually stunned at the entire situation. There is no other way to handle it.

I need to go home and hug my cat and pretend it was all a mind ride. It was all someone else’s story. I never fell in love with a man so perfect that my broken heart doesn’t stand a chance at mending. I will settle back into my plan—crazy cat lady. I will let it go the way I let everything else go.

I brush the tears from my eyes and walk back to Evangeline. “Does my makeup still look okay?”

She nods, giving me a smile. “You are beautiful. Even without the makeup.”

I hug her. It’s a desperate act for me; I don’t hug and I don’t hold and I don’t touch. But I am all alone in the world at this very moment. I need my cat and my pasta from my dear sweet neighbor. I need my old life back. I pull back. “I’m so sorry, that was so inappropriate.”

She shakes her head, sniffling a little. “I knew you were too good for them all when you walked in the door.” She turns quickly and walks away, leaving me there to gather myself before I go back down into the pit of vipers.

As I get to the bottom of the stairs a glass of red wine meets my nose. Henry smiles as he hands it over. “I figured you needed this.”

I take the glass, gulping it back too quickly. “Thanks.” I reach over, stealing his wine while handing him the empty goblet. I’m nearly done swallowing Henry’s drink when Dash makes his way to us. He smiles. “You have met my brother?”

Henry nudges him in the ribs. “Found her scaling the walls in the backyard.”

I roll my eyes. “He found me checking out your parents’ weird obsession with naked cast-iron boys. There must be twenty of them on the property.”

“Wrought,” Henry says.

“What?”

“Wrought iron. Cast iron would rust in the rain. They are wrought iron. And they are a common decoration for gardens. Like imps or fairies.”

“Whatever. It’s no less creepy with a different name.”

Dash gives me a worried look. “You all right?”

I shrug. “Dandy.”

Henry takes the empty glasses and turns. “I’ll fetch more wine.”

Dash takes my hand in his. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been particularly attentive.” His eyes get heavy with emotion. “But you know we only have to do this once. Then we’re free for a whole year.”

I scoff. “I can’t do this right now.”

“What’s wrong?”

I walk past him, tearing my hand from his, and enter the office, the one with the door I will be leaving from. Dash follows me in. “Did Henry say something to bother you?”

“You honestly think your pompous playboy brother could upset my delicate nature?” I laugh with bitterness. “You don’t think my years in the military might have rounded off those edges for me? He isn’t the first player I have met in my life, Dash—sorry—Ben. And I suspect he won’t be the last.”

“What did he do?”

“Nothing. He got me a glass of red wine, and he listened to me complain about your ex-girlfriend. Because, apparently, your family has the magical ability to make me into a whiny and petty bitch. I do not like who I am here, and I will not be this girl.”

He pauses. “What?” I can see the guilt all over his face.

“Oh, please. I know you and Melody were a thing. She cheated on you with your own brother in hopes of landing herself the heir of the family. I know she’s money but not enough. She needs someone like your brother to make her the top of society. You were clearly crushed. And your conniving mother decided it might help us end our relationship a little sooner if Melody came back into your life to remind you of the good old days. If you can’t see all that, then you are far less intelligent than I had given you credit for.”

He looks like I’ve kicked him in the balls, but I don’t let it end there. “You think I don’t see the song and dance at this palace? I see it just fine. You lie about me because I’m not good enough. My years of military service aren’t enough for your family. So I have to pretend to be a doctor. Well, fuck you, and fuck your family. Defending my country means more to me than either of your PhDs do. I know you’re smarter than I am with books and science and all the other things people deem important, but I am smart enough to see you are happy with me. You and I are happy people. I didn’t even know there was this other side to you, because I don’t think this is who you are. This guy, I fucking hate this guy. And I know I can’t ever be the girl you need me to be. I can’t have kids; thanks for letting your mother rub her need for grandkids in my face. Benjamin Dashiell—stupidest name ever!” I turn and storm out the door, not even waiting for the entirety of my hateful words to hit. I’m in the car, speeding down the driveway, before I realize what I’ve said and done. And all without proof. The very thing I work to find in every case I work. I have assumed every bad thing about him.

But it isn’t as if he denied any of it.

I curl up and let the driver whisk me away to the airport as I message for a flight to be booked in my name. I am so cliché I almost wish I’d left a shoe behind.

14. You forgot that you still love me

 H
is fur smells exactly the way I remember it smelling. I curl around him, kissing his soft head. He’s a ticking time bomb, and I’m going to be scratched any moment. But I don’t care. I just need a hug from a safe person. When the microwave dings, letting me know that Mrs. Starling’s pasta primavera is done, I kiss once more and jump up for my carb-filled feast. I love eating my feelings.

The doorbell rings as I touch the microwave. I sigh and walk to the door, assuming it’ll be Angie and she’ll want to share my dinner and listen to me go on and on like a regular girl about Dash and the fucking mess in the South.