Blonde With a Wand (10 page)

He looked into her eyes and tried to tell if she was lying. He discovered that his cat instincts seemed to detect whether someone was sincerely interested in his welfare or not. Anica gave off sincerity in waves.

The stuff in the bowl smelled like they’d ladled it out of a sewer. Why couldn’t a magic potion smell like a bowl of strawberries? You’d think if witches could brew up potions, they could find a way to make them smell good at the same time.

As he was bracing himself for the challenge ahead, someone knocked on the apartment’s door. Jasper froze in place. Should he make a break for it if Anica opened the door?

No, that was panic talking. He might have the recipe for the transformation in his head, but he couldn’t shop for the ingredients, couldn’t use cooking utensils, probably would burn the condo down if he tried to operate the stove.

“I know you’re up,” called a voice Jasper recognized. “I heard you turn on the blender.”

Yikes. It was the woman who’d walked home with Anica while she carried him wrapped in his clothes. It was the woman who had wanted his balls whacked off. He edged toward the bedroom, where he could take refuge under the bed.

Anica scooped him into her arms before he made it to the hall. “It’s just Miss Shoumatoff,” she said. “Don’t be scared.”

Scared? Nah, he was
terrified
. Any woman who could speak so casually about turning him into a eunuch was a woman to be avoided at all costs. But Anica held him fast as she walked to the door and unlocked it.

The hateful woman stood in the hallway with a pet carrier in her hand. “I see you still have that stray.”

“Yes, I do.” Anica scratched gently behind Jasper’s ears.

He shouldn’t like that, but to his shame he
loved
it. Ears must be an erogenous zone for a cat. His anxiety level decreased the longer Anica kept up the soft caress.

“There’s a free spay-neuter clinic today,” Shoumatoff said. “So just let me take him and save you the trouble. I’ll keep him until you get home later.”

Jasper glanced over Anica’s shoulder and there was Lily, smirking. Oh yeah, this was hilarious. A real laugh riot. He struggled to get away, but Anica held him tight.

“Thank you, Miss Shoumatoff,” she said, “but I plan to take him to my personal vet.”

Jasper had to believe that was a lie.

Shoumatoff frowned. “He’ll charge a fee, won’t he?”

“Yes, but my vet should get to know him if this cat is going to be part of my household.”

Surely Anica was making this up as she went along. Jasper prayed that was the case. The thought of becoming part of Anica’s household, eating from a dish on the counter every day—he might have to drown himself in the toilet bowl if it came to that.

Then he had another horrible thought. If Anica couldn’t change him back, she would feel obliged to keep him, and she really
would
take him to her personal vet. Jasper began to tremble as that potential eventuality played in his mind in excruciating detail.

“It’s a ridiculous waste of money,” Shoumatoff said. “But if you want to throw your money away, that’s up to you.”

“I appreciate the thought, Miss Shoumatoff.”

Jasper didn’t.

“Just trying to help.” Shoumatoff stomped back to her apartment.

“Thanks,” Anica called after her. She closed and locked the door.

“Bossy bitch, isn’t she?” Lily said.

“She’s the kind of wild-eyed zealot who gives a good cause a bad name. Now, where were we?”

“I believe we were trying to revert Jasper to his original self before your neighbor has him castrated. That could really ruin a guy’s day.”

“Right. But she’s never getting her hands on you, Jasper.”

Jasper certainly hoped not. He shuddered every time he thought about that woman. If he wasn’t keen on the potion before, he was all over it now. He’d drink sludge from an oil pan if it would keep him out of Shoumatoff’s clutches.

Lily and Anica stood hovering nearby as he crept toward the bowl, his whiskers twitching. The closer he came, the worse it smelled. He’d had a pair of gym shoes years ago that would have qualified for the toxic waste Superfund. Even they hadn’t smelled this bad.

Of course, his sense of smell was ten times better than it had been as a guy. Plus if he’d been a guy, he could have held his nose while he drank this swill. As a cat he had no option except to take it like . . . like a cat.

Slowly he lowered his face toward the shallow bowl. He estimated it contained about two ounces of this hideous brew. He couldn’t gulp it, either. He had to lap it, one tongue full at a time.

He took a taste and backed away, sputtering. Dear God, that was noxious stuff!

“Remember the goal, Jasper,” Anica said softly.

Exactly. The goal of becoming a man again so he could avoid castration and so he could make that witchy blonde pay for what she’d done to him. He forced himself back to the bowl and began lapping. Every time he started to gag, every time he wanted to quit, he pictured Anica homeless and living in a piano box down by the Chicago River.

No court would hear this case but that didn’t matter. She might have magic on her side, but he’d have justice on his. With every swallow of this evil-tasting brew he vowed to find a way to bring her down.

Anica watched in amazement as Jasper powered through the potion. “He drank it all.”

“He even licked the bowl,” Lily said. “Maybe it tastes better to a cat.”

“More likely he’s motivated to change after Miss Shoumatoff’s visit. You should have felt how he tensed up when she proposed the spay-neuter clinic.” She gazed at Jasper.

“He looks like every other cat in the world,” Lily said. “No one would ever know.”

“I would.”

“And you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself, would you?”

“Nope.”

“He’s lucky that you have a conscience as big as the John Hancock building. What if you hadn’t snatched him up right away and brought him home? What if you’d let him get away?”

“I don’t even want to think about it.” With a sigh, Anica turned toward her sister. “Now I guess we wait.”

“I wait. You go to work. Get your butt dressed. The sooner you organize the troops at Wicked Brew, the sooner I can go home and hit the hay.”

Anica started toward the bedroom and then turned back to her sister. “You could sleep here while I’m gone. My bed’s comfy.”

“Thanks, but no, thanks. The recipe said that depending on the potency of the ingredients, it could be longer or shorter than eight hours. I don’t relish waking up to find a very enraged, very naked man standing over me. When I meet a naked man, I like him to be smiling.”

“All right, then. I’ll—” Anica paused again as Jasper bounded over to her, meowing as he ran. “What?”

He charged back to her desk, leaped on the chair, and moved the mouse with his paw. Then he batted at it and his original message from early this morning filled the screen.

“Oh, right. I’m supposed to call his work and say he’s sick.” She crossed to the bundle of clothes that still lay where she’d tossed them the night before. She needed to gather them up, anyway, so she could take them to the cleaner’s on her way to work. His wallet was still in his pants pocket.

She pulled it out. “I should leave this with you. I mean, in case he transforms really fast and needs it.”

“I’m hoping that doesn’t happen, to be honest.” Lily peered over at her sister. “What’s in his wallet?”

“I’m not going to snoop through it, Lily. I found his business card and that’s all I—”

“You’re insufferable.” Lily grabbed the wallet away from her.

“Lily. Give it back.” She checked out Jasper’s reaction, but he seemed intent on typing another message on the screen.

“Come on, don’t you have any curiosity?”

“Sure, but I—”

“I doubt he
can
get any madder than he is already.” Lily thumbed through the bills. “A hundred and twenty-six bucks.”

“You’re not thinking of taking it?”

“Of course not. I’m not a thief, just nosy. Aww, look. Here’s a picture of a middle-aged couple. I’ll bet they’re his parents.”

Anica couldn’t resist glancing at the wallet-sized studio shot of an attractive, seemingly prosperous but un-smiling couple. He wore glasses and his hair was graying. Her hair was a gorgeous shade of brown that had to be compliments of a good color job.

Lily leaned close to Anica’s ear. “They both look like they have a stick up their ass.”

Anica choked back a laugh. “Stop it, Lily.”

“Well, they do.”

“If they could only see him now.”

“Dear Zeus, what a thought.” Anica hadn’t even considered the heartbreak she could cause Jasper’s parents. She couldn’t look at the picture anymore. “Put it away.”

Lily tucked the picture back into the wallet and continued her survey. “American Express credit card, driver’s license . . . wow. Is he this cute in person?”

Anica gave the license picture a quick glance. “Cuter.” “Whew. I understand the appeal. Let’s check out his stats—weight is one eighty-five; height, six-one; hair, brown; eyes, brown—”

“I would have said his hair is black, not brown, and his eyes aren’t brown, either. They’re more a golden color.”

Lily smirked. “Not that you’ve been gazing into them or anything.”

“I never said I wasn’t attracted to him.”

“Are you still?”

“Of course not.” Anica put plenty of conviction into her denial, but judging by Lily’s smile her sister wasn’t fooled.

Lily continued to study the license. “He’ll be thirty-one on August fourteenth, which makes him a Leo. How appropriate that you turned him into a cat.”

Anica felt weird standing here discussing Jasper as if he wasn’t in the room. She waved the business card she’d plucked out of the wallet. “I’m calling his work.”

“And who are you supposed to be, his girlfriend? Sister? Mother? Cleaning lady? Round-the-clock nurse?”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“You’d better come up with something. You can’t make an anonymous phone call announcing that Jasper Danes is sick and won’t be coming in today. That’s how office rumors start. I mean, how sick would he have to be if he couldn’t even call in himself and has some woman do it for him?”

About that time Jasper meowed again while retaining his post at the computer.

“I think he has something to say about it.” Anica walked over to the desk.

Jasper had typed EMAL THM. Then he switched screens, where he’d already called up his server and accessed his account.

“He wants me to e-mail and pretend it’s him,” Anica said.

“Good solution, but I hope he changes back soon, Anica. This is getting creepy. I don’t like thinking of domestic pets having human thought processes. It makes me very nervous.”

In the midst of composing the e-mail Anica glanced up in alarm. “You’ll still stay with him, though, right?”

“I’ll stay, and I’ll do a little cleanup while I’m at it. If Jasper tries any funny business, he needs to remember I have a working wand, and I know how to use it. Got that, Jasper?”

 

He got it all right. He’d decided the night before that Anica was the more softhearted sister. If he’d been dating Lily instead, no telling what she’d have done to him with that wand of hers. Being changed into a cat might have been one of the better options.

He was probably as nervous about spending the morning with Lily as she was worried about hanging out with him. Thirty minutes later when Anica left, taking his clothes with her, he turned and stared at Lily.

She’d picked up the two halves of the crystal ball. Retrieving her wand, she murmured something and tapped each half. Whatever she’d done must work like Super Glue, because when she put the halves together, the ball became whole again. Impressive.

Lily replaced the crystal ball in its holder and turned to him. “Don’t look at me, pussycat. I may be a witch, but I’ve never had a thing for cats. I like dogs better, but with my lifestyle dogs aren’t a good option, either.” She waved a hand at him. “Go take a nap or something. Maybe by the time you wake up, the potion will have worked.”

He loved that idea. A snooze might be the perfect way to pass the time. Sitting around waiting for his hair to fall off could send him into loony land. Strolling to the sofa as if it had been his idea, he hopped up on it and found a cushy spot in the corner.

“Before you go to sleep, though,” Lily said, “let me impress upon you that I’m an innocent bystander in all this. It’s not my fault that you’re currently walking on all fours and your whiskers stand out at a right angle to your face, so if I’m the only one here when you transform, don’t try to take it out on me.”

Jasper wasn’t making any promises. Lily hadn’t been the one holding the wand in the initial incident, but she’d been the one laughing at the idea of him losing the family jewels. She’d been the one going through his wallet. She wasn’t so damned innocent.

Plans for revenge swirled in his head as he closed his eyes and settled down for a nap. He felt as if he’d been asleep for all of two seconds when Lily’s “Born to Be Wild” ring tone sounded.

From her side of the conversation, he gathered that she was talking to Anica and all was not well. Jasper opened his eyes to slits so he could stay alert to whatever new disaster was brewing.

“If you say so.” Lily didn’t sound happy. “We’ll be there as soon as we can. Bye.” She closed her phone and gazed at Jasper. “We have to go to Wicked Brew.”

That was all well and good, but he was a cat. Last he’d heard the health department frowned on animals other than guide dogs in any establishment serving food. How was she planning to take him into a coffee shop?

Lily disappeared inside Anica’s bedroom and came back out wheeling a hot pink overnighter. “She told me to put you in her pet carrier and then smuggle you into the back room, but that’s a bad idea on several levels. First of all, the health department will shut her down if they get wind of me doing that. Second of all, the pet carrier doesn’t have wheels, and I don’t want to lug your sorry ass for three blocks.”