Blissful volume 2 (New Adult Romance) (3 page)

Amy leaves small kisses on my head, and her shushing comforts me. It’s almost lulling me into a trance. Like my mind is going empty and there’s nothing left but me and her.

In the distance I hear something creak, and I raise my head. I squint, my eyes stinging from the tears, and see Madeline standing in the doorway.

No. What is she doing here? No, no, no! She can’t be here. She can’t see me like this. I won’t allow it.

I quickly wipe away all the tears and dry my face when she comes closer. Amy clears her throat and backs away from me, but her eyes still send me comforting signals. I know that she’s still here for me if I need her.

“Daddy, what’s wrong?” Madeline says.

“Nothing, honey,” I say when I see her somber eyes. “Daddy’s just tired.” I get up from my seat.

Madeline
steps forward and holds up her arms. “I don’t want you to cry, daddy. Hug.”

Of course she doesn’t want me to cry. I don’t want me to cry either, but it still happened.

I smile at her and grasp her by the waist. I raise her to eye level, and she immediately wraps her tiny arms around my neck, burying her face in my shoulder. Her heartbeat calms mine.

I rock her sideways, balancing from one foot to another. She looks up at me and kisses me on the cheek. Then she wipes away a remaining tear.

“Daddy, don’t be sad.”

“I know, sweetie.”

Amy smiles and stands up, backing away from the piano. “Guess I should leave you two alone for a little while,” she says.

“No, wait,” I say. She stops and looks at
me. I briefly glance at Madeline, and when I see her sad little face, all I want to do is make her happy again. I don’t want her to see me like this, and in order to make her happy, I need to be happy.

“Let’s do something fun today,” I say.

“Fun?” Amy says, confused.

“Yeah. I could use some of that weird word that barely slips my lips.”

Amy chuckles a bit. “What’d you have in mind?”

“Oh, I know something good …” I pass Maddy a smirk
, and her eyes glow up like little light bulbs.

“Yay!” she squeals.

“What?” Amy says, still confused.

I laugh. “Madeline knows. It’s our little secret. You’ll find out soon enough.”

She rolls her eyes, but a wink from me makes her smile, and it makes me feel just a tiny bit better. That’s what I live for. Those short moments of happiness that numb the pain. They’re all I can do to make life better.

Amy

Jack gets two horses from the stable and puts saddles on them. I stare at him, wondering what the heck he’s planning to do. I don’t know where he wants to go, but if he wants me to ride on a horse, there’s no way I’ll make it out alive.

“We’re going to ride those?” I say.

“You make it sound
as if it’s a ridiculous idea,” he says, laughing.

Jack attaches a rein to both the horses and puts the curb bits in their mouths. I wince in disgust. I can’t imagine touching that drool. Actually, I can’t imagine touching a horse at all.

Jack looks at me with a quirky face, and then pulls a horse closer to me. “Here.”

I take a step back, and when he notices his eyebrows raise. “What? Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a
friggin’ horse, are you?”

I shake my head, but on the inside I feel
as if I want to run away.

He chuckles. “It won’t bite you. Unless you have carrots for fingers.”

Jack strides to me in his black boots, grabs my hand, holds it up, and pushes the reign inside. “C’mon. Try it.”

I sigh and roll my eyes when I see that lopsided smile
of his again that always brings flutters to my stomach.

Holding the reigns, I make contact with the animal that just stares back
as if I’m some kind of an alien. I try to pet it, but when it moves its head, I pull back, worried that I might smell like sugar. I’ve read somewhere that horses like sugar.

“You can pet her, you know,” Jack says from a distance, still readying his horse.

“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter.

My fingers slowly slide over the horse’s back
, and it’s soft and furry. It smells terrible, though, but I don’t want to snobbish, so I try my best to impress him. Jack’s watching me, of course. I don’t want to make a fool out of myself. I want him to like me.

“You ready, sweetie?” Jack says to Madeline.

Madeline jumps up and down and raises her arms. “Yes! I want to go!”

He lifts her and puts her on the far end of the saddle. Then he looks at me and
tilts his head, signaling me to get on the horse. Yeah, get on the horse. Of course I can do that. All right.

I lift my right leg and hook it into the stirrup. Okay, I’m floating in the air now. What do I do now? I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. Shit. I feel like an idiot.

Sighing heavily, I get off again and try my other leg. That’s what I did wrong. Of course, if I’d stayed the other way how in heavens name would I’ve gotten my other foot in the stirrup too? Backward. I’m so stupid sometimes.

I try again and swing my leg high up in the air. I fail.

Losing my balance, I fall down with my foot still stuck in the stirrup.

“Ouch!” My head lands on the dirty stable ground.
In the background I hear Madeline giggling, and when I push myself up with my elbows and look at her, I see Jack muffling a laugh, too.

Snorting, I take my foot from the stirrup, get up, and pat my jeans. Jesus,
straw is in my hair. I look like an idiot.

“Hold on, Maddy.
”

“Why? I want to go! Let’s go!”

“I’ve got to help Amy out. We’ll go in a bit,” Jack says.

Maddy folds her arms and
blows a raspberry at him.

I try to clean myself before Jack comes my way, because I don’t want to look like a pile of dirt when he sees me. I think it’s already too late, though.

He laughs when he gets here, and I frown.

“Want me to get the ladder?”

“No. I’m fine,” I say, my head raised high up in the air. “I can do it.”

“
All right. At least let me help ya out a bit,” he says. “Put your foot on the stirrup, like you did the second time.”

I sigh, but do what he says.

“Now raise your leg and throw it over. Put some power into it.”

I
try again, but almost flounder. Jack catches me. His hands are on my butt.

I freeze when I feel his fingers on my fat ass, digging into my flesh. Oh my god. Jack’s touching my ass. His hands are on me. And he’s pushing me up, helping me get on.

With flushed cheeks I manage to flip my leg over that goddamn horse and sit down on the saddle. Jack clears his throat as he pulls his hands away again and gives me the reigns.

“Wasn’t what I had in mind, but it did the trick. Well, now that you’re seated, we can get you ready to leave.”

I cringe from the thought of having to ride this big animal. I’ve never done this before. I have no idea what I’m doing. Luckily, Jack explains everything to me. How I should behave on top of her so that I don’t scare her. Her name’s Lucy, I just heard. He tells me how to wield the reigns and how to use the stirrups to control her.

When he’s done explaining, I take a big breath, trying to remember everything he said.

“Daddy, can we go already?” Madeline yells.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re going,” he says, and he walks back to their horse.

“Yay!” she screams.

It only takes him seconds to
get on top of their horse and ride it to the entrance. “Follow me,” Jack says, and we gently walk out of the stables. I’m having trouble adjusting to this unfamiliar wobbling, but it’s kind of cool. I can see why he likes doing this. Still, I wonder where we’re going. I wonder why Jack suddenly has the urge to go to some secret place of his and Maddy’s. Maybe it’s because of his outburst.

Jesus, just thinking about it makes the hair on my back stand up.

***

After a while I get the hang of it
, and I can focus on something else than staying on this horse. Jack told me Lucy is quite the easy one, compared to his horse. Well, whatever. I’m glad I’m not blundering. Now that I’m getting used to being higher and in control of what she does, I can look around. And boy, do I like what I see.

Jack’s in front of me, sometimes glancing back to see if I’m still there. He’s wearing a gorgeous white tee with torn jeans, like a proper rancher. Appetizing. Watching his strong muscles flex with each movement is fascinating. When I realize I’m biting my lip, I quickly let go and lick them. Dang, I shouldn’t be doing that. Especially not after what happened today.

He’s not ready for this. For us. Whatever it is. He can’t handle it. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, even though I told him he can. He can handle the hurt, he must. He can’t quit, but I know he can’t handle me being here right now, either. Only after today do I realize how much pain he’s in. I never saw it before.

That’s why he was drinking so much.
He’s drowning the misery inside his head. Turning his blood into alcohol so that he won’t have to deal with the truth.

I wonder what he’s thinking about that makes him so sad. When I held him in my arms as he cried
, it felt as if he broke apart. I can’t believe this was hiding inside him all this time. Impressive that he managed to keep it from me for so long.

Still, it’s eating him up alive. I could see it when he looked at me. His eyes were full of disgust. Not for me, but for himself. Whatever happened, he’
s blaming himself, and now he’s trying to avoid his own happiness. It’s as if he’s making himself suffer for it. As if he doesn’t deserve anything.

But he does. No matter what he did, I know he’s a good man. He’s sweet and kind and my god so handsome. He deserves his happiness. I don’t ever want to see him cry like that
again. It ripped out my heart.

I need to do something about it. Find out what’s bothering him so much and help him get over it. I want him to be happy. I want him. Need him with me. Him and me.

Shit, I’m over thinking this. He’s clearly hurting and here I am, busting into his life, making it more confusing for him. Making it more confusing for me, too. But Ronnie isn’t here and he’s an asshole. Jack’s here, and he’s nice. If I think about it like this, nothing’s holding me back from jumping him. Then again … life is never
that
easy.

“We’re here.” Jacks voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

Stupefied, I look at him. “What?” We’re still surrounded by trees, moss, dirt and stones. There’s nothing around us but trees, and maybe the edge of the forest, but nothing else.

“There!” he says, and he points at the edge of the forest.

We walk farther until we reach it. Well of course, why didn’t I see this sooner? There’s a giant lake up ahead, sparkling in the sunlight. It’s beautiful.

“Wow,” I say.

Jack gets off his horse. The way he graciously lifts his legs sets my core on fire. “That’s what I thought,” he says.

He holds out his hands
, and Maddy falls into his arms so that he can put her down, too. He binds a rope to the tree and makes sure the horses don’t go anywhere. Then he comes to me and holds up his arms. Seriously, he’s expecting me to jump at him? This is too good to be true.

I let him help me off
, and he holds onto me until I’m steady on the ground, maybe even a little longer. His hands are warm, and I can smell his aftershave drifting through the air, luring me in. Glancing up at him, I can see he’s watching me with similar affection. Dear god, the sparks are flying off us. His lips are alluring, and the way they’re separated makes me want to press mine onto his. Oh, god, how I want to kiss him.

“Daddy, look!”

He turns his head, distracted. And then the moment is gone. Evaporated into thin air.

He l
et’s go of me and walks to her.

Damn. There goes my chance.

Shit, I’m so stupid; I should’ve just gone for it. Should’ve just kissed him. Just like that night …

Maddy hands him a stone that’s shaped weirdly, almost looking like a heart. She makes it out to be, anyway. Kids. They’re so full of imagination. I wish I still had that.

Checking out Jack’s horse, I notice he has a saddle bag that looks kind of stuffed. I unclip it and open it. There’s a blanket in it and a whole lot of other stuff wrapped inside.

“That was supposed to be a surprise,” Jack says. His sudden voice startles me.
“Relax, it’s just me,” he says when he sees my frightened face.

“Sorry. I’m too curious,” I say.

“Yeah. I know you are,” he says, and he grabs the blanket.

Jesus, way to be upfront. I frown and
fold my arms. “Well, whatever.”

He chuckles and grabs the other stuff that’s inside the saddle bag. There’s a whole lunch
packed inside. Biscuits, sandwiches, apples, grapes, packets of juice, and a bottle of wine. My mouth drops open.

“What? When did you
—”

“Ah,” Jack says, and he holds up a finger in the air. “Secret of the trade. I’m Jack of all Trades, remember?
Can’t have a picnic without some tasty food.” The wink that follows sets my heart ablaze.

“A picnic?” I say.

Jack puts the blanket on the ground, just after the line of trees. “Yep. Maddy and I used to come here a lot. We went fishing, hiking, swimming and diving off that pier over there.” He points into the distance.

He spreads the food and
drinks out evenly and makes it look like a five star restaurant. Meanwhile, Maddy is running around picking up leaves and stones from the ground, probably checking if they resemble anything like a heart or a star.

“Then what changed?” I ask.

Jack stops for a second, looking at the pier. He’s quiet and then sighs. “A lot.”

All right. I get the picture. You still don’t want to talk about it. Still afraid to open up. Whatever.

Pursing my lips, I sit down on the blanket beside him. He’s watching Amy carefully and then beckons her to come eat.

We eat brunch
, and I don’t think I’ve ever eaten something this delicious. Maybe it’s made better by the surroundings, too. It’s beautiful here. I can imagine spending days just sitting here against a tree, reading a book or playing songs into the wind. The slow waves in the lake are hypnotizing and could easily lull me to sleep if I closed my eyes.

Madeline can’t wait to get up and run away again. She’s already hopping about, throwing stones into the lake and making signs in the sand again while Jack and I sip our wine. Ah, this is the life.

Jack keeps a vigilant eye on Madeline, though. He’s frowning, watching her dance along the shoreline. When she sets one foot into the water his eyes widen. He gasps and immediately gets up.

“Madeline, no!” he shouts. He’s running toward her, and I’m watching them.

“Do
not
go into the water!” he yells. His voice is so loud I can hear it from far away. “I told you to never go in there again.”

Stunned, I put my glass of wine down. Madeline starts crying as Jack quickly picks her up and walks away from the water
as if he’s afraid it’s going to eat her up. What’s his problem?

I get up and barge to them. Why is he treating her like this? It’s only a little water. He’s scaring the shit out of that kid, being so angry.