Bliss Series Boxed Set: The Whole Damn Harem (51 page)

Firebird.

Nightdancer.

Night dancer. 23. He was a fucking stripper, a night dancer, and he’s twenty-three.

Holy fucking shit. Am I that naïve?

Nightdancer is Zander. My Zander. My boyfriend. The man who just fifteen minutes ago had his mouth on me as I screamed out his name.

My breathing picks up as both panic and anger run through my body. Calmer than should be possible, I put the laptop back on the coffee table and sit back on the couch, thinking through all possible outcomes of this cluster fuck.

Do I ignore it? Forget about it? No. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

In my head, I run through everything we talked about. Did I approach him, or did he seek me out? Was this a prank gone wrong? No, I can’t believe that. Zander isn’t cruel. He could never do that, could he? Lying is a big sticking point for me. My deal breaker. He knows that.

Do I ignore it and wait for him to come clean? Fuck that, he’s had every opportunity to tell me about this, so do I confront him now and risk everything for the truth?

With every minute that passes, my body grows tense, my anger increasing. My heart feels as if it’s being squeezed tightly inside my chest.

I keep overanalyzing this, knowing that it will drive me insane not knowing the truth. I’ve always believed if you love somebody, truly love somebody, you don’t lie to them. Not about something like this. He’s been lying to me for months it seems, and worse still, he’d messaged me as nightdancer after he’d moved in as well. What the fuck was he playing at?

He probably thought that he didn’t need to tell me the truth anymore since I sent that goodbye message a few months ago.

Why has this happened to me again? The last person I let lie to me was Liam, but this is far worse because I’ve let myself see a future with Zander; living happily, in love, and hoping that this was it for me, for us.

I thought I’d finally found my prince; the person who made me see the world brighter, live life fuller and who I’d love unconditionally.

When Zander walks out of the hallway, his expression changes to one of concern when he sees my face. I just stare at him, my expression one of shock.

“Babe, what’s wrong?”

Just hearing his voice sets me off. The tears I’ve been trying so hard to hold in breakthrough, and suddenly my shoulders are shaking with my sobs. The enormity of the situation hits me like an eighteen wheeler at full load. I stare at him, almost like I’m looking through him. My entire body feels as heavy as lead. With a voice devoid of emotion, I open my mouth. “You tell me, nightdancer.”

He stands in front of me motionless, his mouth agape. He looks to the open computer and sees the Chicago Singles page open. Moments pass where he seems unable to speak, unable to say anything to me. “Babe, I can exp-“

“Oh you can, can you?” I spit out, my voice full of venom. “You can explain why you’ve lied to me? Why you decided to carry on this little game of yours after you’d moved in here? I bet you thought I was stupid. That poor Kate had to resort to internet dating. I gave you my heart...”

My voice catches in my throat, my sobs wracking my body. All of my mustered strength disappears as the hurt takes over.

He takes a step toward me, but I hold my hand up.

“I think you should go. Go back to Zach’s, or wherever, and leave me alone. I don’t think I know you anymore. You knew lying was a deal breaker, yet you still carried on this ruse of a relationship. What was I to you? A convenient, easy lay? I have to give you credit, though. At least you had the patience to wait out the three dates...well, almost. You said you loved me.”

A sob escapes my lips, and I wipe my nose in the most unladylike fashion possible with the back of my hand. I swallow hard, and hope that my voice is steady when I start speaking again. “I thought I was the luckiest freaking woman in the world because I was loved by you. You’d chosen me.” I choke out those last few words, my voice shaky at best.

“Of course I love you. Don’t ever fucking doubt that. Ever, babe. Sit down and let me explain. It’s not what you think.”

“I’m not going to let you talk your way out of this because I know I’ll cave. You’ll try to make it look better than it is. You’re going to tell me it wasn’t you who talked to me on an internet dating site for almost two months without letting me know it was you? That you never pretended to be someone else and messaged me after you’d moved in? After we’d started dating?”

“Babe, I-“

“No. I’m going out, and if you know what’s best for both of us, you’ll be gone when I get back.” I grab my purse from the counter and walk to the front door, turning around for one last time and sending a long, pained look at the man who has just single-handedly broken my soul. My heart shatters when I see my pain reflected back at me in his face.

“I thought I’d found the one. I thought that was you. But yet again, dreamy Kate was just letting herself believe in fucking fairytales. Last time I make that mistake.”

He tries to move closer. “Babe, you have to let me explain.” He’s pleading, but I can’t do it. Not now.

I shut the door behind me, running down the steps and to the cab rank down the road. There’s only one place I can go.

I just hope she doesn’t kill me for clam jamming her.

“Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart”

Zander

I’m a stupid fucking idiot.

I should have told Kate months ago about the internet dating thing. I should have explained my reasons and avoided this heartache. The pain in my chest is paralyzing. I never thought anything could match the pain I saw when my mother lost my father, but this is worse. This is of my own doing.

Mac sent me a text an hour after Kate left to let me know that she’d caught a cab to Daniel’s apartment.

Mac:
She’s here. You’re an idiot. Why the fuck didn’t you tell her?

Zander:
I know I fucked up

Mac:
She’s a mess. This is beyond a simple fucking up. I warned you.

Zander:
Fuck! How can I fix this?

Mac:
I’m sure she’ll come around. She just needs time.

Zander:
I’ll be gone in the morning.

Mac:
You sure you don’t want to stay and fight for her?

Zander:
I’m going to fight for her to the death, but she asked me to leave so I will.

Mac:
Okay. She’s staying here tonight. She’s not talking to me right now though.

Zander:
Shit. I’m sorry Mac. Tell her I love her. Tell her I’m going to make this up to her.

Mac:
I’ll try.

As much as I want to believe that Kate will forgive me, I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’ve lost her for good.

Fuck, I wish I had a fucking time machine so that I could go back all those months ago and tell her with my first message as nightdancer.

She told me she felt stupid, and that ‘poor Kate had to resort to internet dating’. Nothing could be further from the truth, but she wouldn’t give me a chance to explain. She just took off out the door, but not until she’d delivered the most crushing blow of all to my heart. She had thought I was the one.

All night I lie in our bed wondering how I’d fucked this up so badly and what in God’s name I was going to do to get my girl back. Because I want her back.

I need her back.

By the time the sun comes up, I’ve barely slept, and I have a full shift ahead of me. I’ve tried ringing her, but every call is sent to her answering machine. Every text is ignored. It is like she’s Antarctica, and I’m a stranded ship without navigation.

FUCK!

I just need a chance to explain. Maybe some space is needed. What if I move back into my old apartment? That will give Kate space to think about things.

Yes. I think that’s what I need to do. I grab my phone and call Zach.

“Zach.”

“Zan. What’s up?”

“I need my room back.”

“You fucked up already, man?”

“Fuck you.”

“What did you do? Get caught with your pants down?”

“No, asshole. Would you look elsewhere if you had Kate?” The line goes silent. “No, I didn’t think so. She found out about the internet dating profile, and that I was the guy she was talking to.”

“You’re a fucking moron, dude. I thought you told her. Isn’t that why you didn’t move back?”

“I didn’t move back because we were together and happy. To be honest, I fucking forgot about the stupid website. I haven’t logged on for ages. That was until this afternoon at the bar. She borrowed my laptop tonight and must’ve seen the site in my favorites.”

“You fucked up.”

“Yeah, you think?” I reply deadpan.

“So she kicked you out?”

“Kind of. She told me to be gone when she gets back, then she stormed out. Mac texted me last night. She went to their place. I think it would be better if I give her some space and move out.”

“You sure it won’t make things worse?”

“I don’t have a clue right now, but she should at least be able to come home without me here stopping her. It’s the least I can do.”

“You going to win her back?”

“I fucking hope so. I don’t want anyone else. Only her.”

“Well, you need to tell her that. I’m the wrong person, sunshine,” he replies.

“If she’d pick up the damn phone, or answer one of my ten text messages, then I’d tell her.”

“She isn’t going to answer, dude. You need to do something big, huge, to make up for this. This is the stuff that relationships are ruined by. You fucked up. You need to own it, then you can move on and make it up to her.”

“All hail the wise one. I’ve got to go to the station. I’ll pack my stuff and dump it in my room on my way. All good?”

“Sure, man. I hope you get this figured out.”

“Me too. More than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life.”

Kate

I was barely able to talk when I knocked on Mac and Daniel’s door last night. I was about to walk away when Daniel answered with a towel wrapped around his waist, and the best case of sex hair I’d ever seen. I started crying again, knowing I’d interrupted their engagement celebration sex.

“I’m…sorry. I’ll..g…g…o,” I stuttered, turning and moving toward the elevators.

“Kate! Get your ass in here now,” Daniel’s voice bellowed down the hallway. I scurried through the door and took up residence on their couch.

“I’m so sorry. I knew I’d cause trouble by coming here.”

“Kate, you are welcome here anytime. You need Mac, and you need me. We’re here for you.”

I started crying again, and Daniel’s eyes softened as he turned and yelled toward their bedroom. “Mac, put some clothes on and come out here. Kate needs her best friend.” He walked toward me and sat down. “Whatever he’s done, it’ll be okay.”

“How did you…? Never mind. I don’t think it will be okay,” I’d spit out before burying my face in his chest and bawling my eyes out.

“Kate, if this is payback for earlier, I…” Mac walked into the room and stopped dead in her tracks as I looked up at her, pain written all over my face.

“Shit. Superman, she needs white wine. Stat.”

“That I can do.” With a kiss on my forehead, Daniel got up and headed to the bedroom to get dressed.

Mac sat next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. My tears wouldn’t stop falling. I didn’t know how to stop them. Did I want to stop them? I was beyond caring what I looked like right now. My heart was broken. My seemingly perfect relationship had been a lie.

“Babe, what happened?” she asked as Daniel handed me a glass of wine and took a seat opposite us. I hadn’t even realized he’d walked back in the room.

“I got home on a real high. You know me, I’m emotional. I cried the whole time Daniel was on his knee in front of you. Well, I kind of jumped Zander when I got home, and all was right with the world. You have your dream guy. I had mine. So when I asked to use his computer, I didn’t think anything of it until I saw the Chicago Singles site on his favorites. I couldn’t help myself. I opened it, and there was his username saved, all ready to go.”

“It’s not a crime to be on a dating site, hon.”

“No, but do you remember that guy I told you about that I was talking to on the internet?”

“Yeah, but you stopped that awhile ago, right?”

“Of course I did. I sent him a message a few months ago after my second date with Zander and said that I’d met someone, and I wanted to see where it was going.”

I looked at Mac, but her face was expressionless. She’d pulled her arm back and was wringing her hands in her lap. Something seemed off. I’d expected her to be more pissed at him. My bulldog best friend should have been all over this like a dog in heat, but she wasn’t. She knew my stance on lying, but she’d stayed quiet, looking at the floor as if she’d wanted it to swallow her up.