Bliss (23 page)

“Yes, J.M. Yes!”

He groaned as he thrust into her again and again. As her orgasm blossomed to a higher level, she felt an intense connection with him, as though they’d become one being, filling the universe with their divine pleasure.

Finally, a sense of time and space returned and she lay snuggled in J.M.’s arms, aware only of the wonderful sense of peace surrounding them.

He rolled sideways, pulling her into a warm embrace. He nuzzled her ear, then stroked her hair.

“I love you, Kara.”

The moment he said the words, J.M. felt her tense up. Good God, how could the woman deny her feelings for him after that? Every time he made love to her, their connection became stronger. He knew she felt it. He was sure she loved him. Why did she keep denying it?

He propped his elbow under his head and stared down at her.

“Kara, maybe we should talk about this.”

She sighed deeply, then nodded. She stood up and retrieved her clothes, then pulled them on. He followed suit, not happy with the distance this put between them.

She sat in the easy chair and he sat on the edge of the bed.

“J.M., at the beginning of the week, you asked me to keep seeing you and explore the possibilities of a relationship between us.”

She gazed at him and what he saw in her sapphire eyes tugged at his heart.

“This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Things are moving way too fast. I feel totally off balance. I mean”—she gazed at him, her blue eyes imploring—“we’ve only known each other for a few
days.
”

J.M. leaned forward. “Don’t you see? That doesn’t matter. When you find your soul mate, it doesn’t take years to figure out that you belong together. You know right away.”

“But I didn’t even believe in soul mates a week ago. And now I’m not sure what I believe about anything.”

“Kara—”

She shook her head. “You’re so sure about us, but . . . I’m not. You want me to tell you I love you, but”—her hands rolled into fists—“I just can’t do that.”

J.M. stood up and walked toward her, then crouched in front of her. He rested his hands on her shoulders. “Kara, I think it’s just your fear holding you back. If you just allow yourself to—”

Kara stood up, pressing past him. “I’m sorry, J.M. I can’t lie to you and tell you I feel something I don’t.”

She paced back and forth, clearly anxious to escape. His gut clenched as he realized he was losing her.

She gazed at him, her eyes shimmering. “I think I’d better go now. I . . .” She hesitated, then stammered, “Thank you for everything.”

His heart thundered in his chest as she walked toward the door, opened it, then silently walked out.

Kara stepped off the elevator, an image of the hurt in J.M.’s warm brown eyes too vivid in her mind. As she walked through the lobby, unsure what to do with herself, she spotted Quinn walking toward her. He looked so sexy in his well-cut charcoal suit, white shirt, and burgundy tie, errant strands of his light-brown hair falling across his forehead.

Quinn smiled when he saw her, his deep sea blue eyes twinkling. “Hey there. Where’s J.M.?”

“I don’t know,” she answered. “I’m not sure what he’s planning for this evening.”

His eyebrow arched upward. “Really. Well, I was thinking of going out for a drink. Want to join me?”

The alternative was going to her room and being alone with her thoughts, spiraling in an endless cycle of guilt and confusion.

“That would be nice.”

“I was thinking of trying a little pub a few people told me about. I’ll have to go to my room and get my coat. Want to join me?”

“Sure.”

She wondered if Quinn would suggest they have a little intimate diversion before they went out, or invite her to stay the night afterward. If he did, would she say yes? It would certainly keep her distracted. But she couldn’t do that to J.M.

They rode the elevator up to the tenth floor. When she stepped into the hallway, she realized this was the same floor as J.M.’s. The conference organizers had arranged a block of rooms for attendees and those seemed to be concentrated on two floors. Hesitantly, she accompanied Quinn to the right, down the hall. Then they turned left, Quinn chatting all the way. She tensed as they walked down the corridor with J.M.’s room . . . held her breath as they passed J.M.’s room on the right . . . then continued four rooms down.

“Here we are.” Quinn slid his key card into the slot, but the light flashed red.

Oh, please just open.
Kara glanced toward J.M.’s door, praying it wouldn’t open . . . or that J.M. wouldn’t appear suddenly in the hall heading back to his room.

“Darn thing doesn’t always work.” Quinn slid the card into the slot again and drew it out more slowly. This time the light flashed green and he turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.

“There we go,” he said.

Kara rushed into the room, desperate to be out of sight.

J.M. heard Quinn’s voice outside, traveling along the hall. He had hoped to find Quinn and arrange to go for a drink. He could really use someone to talk to. He peered out the peephole to see who Quinn was with.

His heart stalled as he saw Kara walking along beside Quinn. Damn it, why was Kara up here with Quinn? He heard their voices stop outside Quinn’s room, then disappear inside. He could hear the sound of the door latching behind them.

Kara was going to spend the night with Quinn. His heart thundered in his chest as he realized he’d lost her. Her words echoed through his mind.
You want me to tell you I love you, but . . . I just can’t do that. I can’t lie to you and tell you I feel something I don’t.

No, he hadn’t
lost
her. He’d never really had her.

How could he have been so wrong? Everything he’d thought about her being his soul mate—his perfect woman—had just been wishful thinking. Once again, J.M. had put his whole heart on the line. And once again, he just wasn’t good enough. Would he ever learn?

He pulled his suitcase from the closet, set it on the bed, and began to pack. He couldn’t bear seeing Kara and Quinn together for the rest of the week. It would just twist the knife further. He needed to get home, where he could nurse his wounds in peace.

Chapter Twenty

Kara stood by the door, annoyed by the tingle of nerves dancing through her body. Or was it desire? Did she want to be with Quinn tonight?

Quinn tossed his key on his dresser, then tugged his conference badge from his jacket and tossed it beside the key.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll take a minute to change.”

He pulled off his suit jacket and draped it over the back of the nearest chair, then discarded his tie. When he began to unfasten his shirt buttons and she saw the smooth flesh of his broad chest slowly revealed, she tugged on her lower lip.

Did he just want to change or was he sending her a message? That he was available? Ready if she wanted him?

He tossed the white shirt on the bed, then stepped toward her. Hormones flickered through her body at the sight of his broad chest closing in on her . . . his strong, masculine arms that would be just as capable of offering comfort as they would of holding her tight while he made love to her . . . as he had so many times this week.

She wanted to melt into those arms. To lose herself in the pleasure of his lovemaking.

Or did she just want to escape her thoughts of J.M.?

“I’ll be back in a minute.” Quinn disappeared into the bathroom and she walked to the window and stared out into the darkness.

A few minutes later, he returned with his hair brushed neatly and smelling delicately of musky aftershave. He placed his hands on her shoulders. The gentle heat washed through her. Comforting. She cupped his cheeks and pushed herself on her toes. But at the first touch of her mouth on his, she knew this was wrong. All she could think of was J.M.

“Do you want to stay here, Kara?”

She stared into the depths of his sea blue eyes and saw acceptance. Understanding. He cared about her in a loving, friendly way. But he didn’t
love
her. She could be with him and not worry about hurting him.
Or being hurt?

He moved to kiss her again, but she dodged out of the way.

Oh, damn. She couldn’t do this. She wanted J.M., not Quinn. It wouldn’t be fair to treat Quinn as a surrogate. Not for him. Not for her.

“I’m sorry, Quinn. I can’t do this. I’m in love with J.M.” She gasped and covered her mouth, shocked at the words that had just spilled from her lips. Then she repeated them softly, more to herself than to Quinn. “I’m in love with J.M.”

She stepped back from Quinn.

“I’m sorry. I hope I haven’t led you on.”

He rested his hand on her shoulder, the comforting heat steadying her.

“Not at all. J.M. really loves you. Do you know that? And it’s clear you love him.”

“Did he tell you that?” She didn’t even know what she meant to ask. That he loved her? That she loved him? What did it matter?

“No, he didn’t tell me. I can see it. When he looks at you. When he makes love to you. And the way you respond to him. It’s clear as day that you two are meant to be together.”

“Up until this week, I didn’t believe in love.”

He shrugged. “Well, it obviously believes in you. The loving energy pulsing through the two of you is palpable.” He tucked his finger under her chin and tipped it up, then kissed her. “Don’t worry about me, doll. We all had a good time. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Kara knocked on J.M.’s door. There was no reply, so she knocked again . . . and again . . . and again. “J.M., are you in there? Please be in there. There’s something I really need to tell you.”

No response.

“J.M.?” She knocked again.

Had she hurt him so much he’d left the conference? Her heart clenched at the thought.

A sinking feeling began in the pit of her stomach. “Damn it,” she muttered as she raced toward the lobby. Once there, she scanned the area. No J.M.

She hurried through the hotel bar, scanning the faces for J.M.’s. She checked the gym. The pool. Still no sign of him.

As she entered the lobby again, across the large expanse she saw J.M. walking out the front doors, his suitcase in tow. She gasped, then raced across the lobby and out the front doors—heedless of the cold and snow—just in time to see J.M. get into a taxi. She called his name as she ran toward him, but he didn’t hear her over the sound of an ambulance siren blaring by and he closed the door. Luckily, the cab ahead of his stayed put while the emergency vehicle sped past, so she reached his cab before it started moving and slapped his window to get his attention, leaving her palm pressed against the glass. J.M. glanced up at her in surprise.

“J.M.,” she panted. “I need to talk to you. There’s something I need to tell you.”

Though J.M. wouldn’t be able to hear her through the glass, he seemed to understand her intent. He leaned over and said a few words to the driver, then slowly stepped out of the cab.

Kara continued to pant, trying to catch her breath. She realized she must look like a madwoman, but she had more important concerns right now.

“You told me you loved me and . . .” Her gaze dropped from his. “I was just surprised. You caught me off guard, but it doesn’t mean . . . I don’t feel the same way about you.”

Understanding filled J.M.’s gaze. “You think I would stop loving you. Just like you believe your father did.”

He drew her to his body and held her close, his strong, warm arms wrapping around her. His big hand cupped her head and held it to him, her ear nestled against his chest. She could hear his heart beating and the gentle rhythm soothed her.

She just stood here, taking comfort from his embrace, not allowing herself to think.

“I won’t stop loving you, Kara.” He kissed the top of her head, his lips brushing her hair tenderly. “I will never stop loving you.”

Tears welled in her eyes.

“You are my perfect woman.”

She shook her head, knowing she couldn’t believe that.

“But I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. I have flaws. Maybe you’re just seeing what you want to see.”

“I didn’t say you must
be
perfect. I said you’re perfect
for
me.” He hugged her tighter, then stroked her hair behind her ear. “Believe me, Kara. I will love you forever.”

Tears streamed down her face.

“Tell me, Kara. Do you love me?”

Her throat tightened, choking back any words. He tipped her chin up and gazed at her.

“Do you love me?” he asked again.

Staring into his intense brown eyes, she could not lie. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

He kissed her, his solid lips caressing hers with such sweet tenderness it tore at her heart. If he ever stopped loving her . . . If he ever left her . . . How would she survive?

“I know you’re afraid of being vulnerable. Afraid I’ll fall out of love with you. But that will never happen. I promise you that.”

She shook her head. “You can’t know. . . . You can’t.”

“I will
never
stop loving you.” He held her close. “And I will never stop doing what it takes to make our relationship work. With the two of us totally committed to doing that, we can’t fail.”

She drew in a breath, mesmerized by his words. She would do anything to make this relationship work. She
needed
this relationship to work. Because the alternative—living without J.M.—was simply unacceptable.

Gazing into his dark eyes, she saw the love there. Recognized what it was for the first time. A mirror of her own powerful feelings for him.

She brushed her hand across his cheek. The delicate contact sent shivers through her.

“Oh, J.M., I love you, too.”

The smile that spread across his face had enough wattage to light an entire city. His lips captured hers in an exciting burst of passion. Her heart leapt in joy and she flung her arms around him and held on tight.

Chapter Twenty-one

Back in her hotel room, as his mouth moved on hers, his strong arms holding her tight, and his solid chest crushing her breasts, Kara’s joy turned to yearning. She grabbed the hem of her top and pulled it up, releasing J.M.’s lips to drag it over her head. Then she tossed it away and slid her hand around the back of his neck and dragged him into another kiss. With her other hand, she flicked open the buttons of his shirt, then glided her hand along the hard ridges of his stomach. She glided her fingers to his belt, then dipped under the fabric.