Bliss (3 page)

It has been almost nine months since Eric died and I still wasn’t used to the night life. But I loved and craved it.

The night called for margaritas and lots of them I gladly welcomed the waiter bringing us refills as soon as me and Ana finished. He always left me with a dashing smile of sorts, I was sure it was flirtation and the idea of a big tip at the end of the night. I didn’t mind, it kept my thoughts away from other things. Like Jon and our failed lip lock.

Ana did what she always did. Chatter. Like an incessant fly, never knowing when to take a breath. I didn’t know how she did it. Or why I stuck around for it most days.

I guess I liked to see the good in people. It wasn’t that she was
awful; there were times I understood our connection. We had the same sense of humor.

And fashion, I thought envying the tight black dress she managed to find that I
would have died to have for myself.

“What about him?” Ana asked.

I studied the blonde surfer type at the bar ordering drinks. “What about him?”

“He’s hot, and he’s with his friends which are guys so I am pretty sure he is single.” Ana furrowed her brow. “I think you should talk to him.”

I scoffed, sighing heavily at the whole idea of her trying to set me up. “I’m not looking for a man. I had one.”

Ana sucked the last of her margarita through her straw. “I know, I know. But everyone needs a nice dick in
their life every once in a while.”

I rolled my eyes at her crude term. “Can’t we call it something else?”

“Like cock?” Carter said.

“Yes, like anything other than dick,” I said, fingers going to my mouth. I hadn’t even noticed him coming.

He took the seat between the two of us. “Sounds like something a lesbian would say.”

Ana playfully shoved him and
smiled. “Oh stop. Morgan is very into men. Right Morgan?”

Carter smirked
, his eyes lit up with a hint of mischief. “This place seems rather slow. What made you pick it?”

“Ana wanted a more laidback place tonight,” I said standing. “Excuse m
e while I get another margarita, I stood leaving them alone.

I was sure his eyes were someplace they shouldn’t be like my ass.
He was that kind of guy.

“I’ll have another,” I told the bartender, leaning forward, I returned the smile waiting patiently.

If I knew Carter would show himself I’d have chosen to stay home. Ana acted as if she was desperate and needed someone to accompany her; I wondered why he didn’t just come out with her. Why show up separately?

I tapped my fingernails against the counter of the bar, staring up at the ceiling, another drink and I would be two sheets to the wind and in a better mood.

“Make that two margaritas and a vodka on the rocks ,” Carter said from behind me. He pressed himself into my rear end dropping his money on the counter.

I took a deep breath inhaling his cologne. He smelled amazing. And he wasn’t backing off.

“I’ll pay for all three of them,” he told the bartender settling in behind me, acting as if it was just because of the others at the bar. I straightened myself up, the curve of my behind grazing the front of his jeans.

“You didn’t have to do that,” I told him, shooting him a look from over my shoulder.

“Your Ana’s friend, of course I did.” He grabbed hold of my waist moving me out of the way for a guy trying to squeeze by. “I don’t mind.”

I turned my head throwing my hair in his face in the process. “And your junk ramming my backside is
that necessary too?” I jerked my hips bumping into him.

“This place is packed,” he said.

I maneuvered myself until I faced him. I wanted to see if he would be so cocky looking me in the eye. Could he lie right to my face?

“You said at the table this place was
slow, now it’s so packed you have to rub your cock into me?” I said, dropping my gaze to his package.

“I don’t know what
you’re talking about,” he leaned in, his chest almost closing in on mine. I stuck out my hand stopping him from getting any closer.

“Your drink,” he said, grabbing the drink from behind me. “Easy crazy.”

I lifted one eyebrow. “You’re a total ass.”

I took the drink from him.

“I buy you a drink and that’s how you repay me?” He tucked his change into the bartenders tip jar and gave a playful grin.

“I didn’t ask you to buy me anything.” I gripped my drink even tighter, the cold biting at my fingertips. “Weren’t you just about to dump Ana the other night, now you’re here hanging out again?”

I followed him across the bar, he stopped at the jukebox. “Pick a song.”

I laughed, my gaze flicking upward at his stupidity. “Why?”

His finger slid down the jukebox, as he studied the music. “Do you want to hear something slow or fast?” Our eyes connected.

I moved forward, giving in. “B 12.”

He plunged in a couple quarters. “That’s a good song.”

Smiling I smoothed my hair behind my ear happy he
chose to act halfway human.

“A good song to fuck to,” he informed me. “Would you?”

Ana watched us from the table, a grin on her face. To her we were bonding and getting drinks.

“Would I what?”

“Would you get down to this song?” Another grin pulled up the corners of his mouth revealing perfect teeth.

I shifted my weight to my other foot. “Why must you always be so
vulgar? I thought the English were supposed to be gentleman.”

“Does my dirty mouth offend you?” He plucked the strap of my dress returning it to my shoulder. “Some girls aren’t used to it.”

“What I find offensive is you coming on to me when Ana is six feet away.”

He ran a hand through his hair and leaned closer. “Somebody’s confident.”

I started walking, I heard enough. I refused to stand there and play his little games. I think he wanted me to explode so Ana would be angry and he could get out of dating her.

“Everything alright?” Ana asked.

“Just fine,” I said. Carter already struck up another conversation with a table of men and woman.

“Isn’t he charming?” Ana asked me. “He’s makes friends so easily.”

Oh I bet he did. Cramming your junk into someone’s rear end would make you all kinds of friends. A collision with his junk was probably how Ana first ran into him.

“Mr. Beckman is out of the office right now,” I said, I grabbed a pen. “Could I take down your name and number, sir?”

Lilith the other secretary at the doctor’s office I worked at tapped on the door to my office. I lifted a finger finishing up my phone call.

“The fax machine is down again,” she said.

I pushed away from my desk standing. “That’s fine I was about to go for lunch. What do you need me to do?”

Lilith pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and pursed her lips. “The agents sent over a massive amount of clients and we have all this paperwork we have to send back.”

I smirked. The agents were just that agents. And when they were helping do head hunts for actors and actresses of the porn star variety they sent them over here to be checked out.

“No problem, I’ll run it over on my way to eat,” I took the file and grabbed my purse from my desk drawer.

Lilith lingered in the doorway. She pushed her hair from her shoulders. “How is everything?”

“Fine. Everything is fine,” I nodded. “How are you?”

I hated work sometimes. A lot of them wanted to treat me different. Eric’s accident was all over the newspapers and television, his death was no secret to anyone.

“I’m just fine,
” Lilith said. I knew she was more than fine; she just got engaged. But she wasn’t going to share this with me, because to her I was broken. I wasn’t normal Morgan, I was the widow.

***

I hit the button on the elevator and road it to level fifteen. As soon as the doors parted I fought through the sea of wannabe actors and actresses to get to the front desk. I kept the file tucked under my arm, nudging my way through.

“Fax machine is down,” I announced to Pam, the reception
ist for
the agents
.

Pam smiled, taking the file. “You’re a lifesaver. Mr.Cosgrove is in his office today. I’m sure he would love to see you.”

I bit my lip, weighing my options. “I suppose I could say hello. I was about to get lunch.”

Down the hallway I went to say a quick hello to Ana’s father. He was the number one guy to see if you wanted to be an actor of any kind. I wrapped my knuckles against the door before barging in. He didn’t mind, in fact he was always happy to see me.

“Morgan,” Mr. Cosgrove said jumping up from his desk.

I waved a hand, shoving my hair out of my eyes to make sure
what I saw was real.

Carter stood.

“I was sending over files, the fax machine is down again. Pam said you were in your office today.” I kept my eyes away from Carter.

“We were just finishing up our meeting.” He took me by the elbow, steering me toward Carter. “This is
Carter; he is looking to break into the industry.”

The porn industry
more than likely
, I smiled. I was sure Ana told her father about Carter as much as she talked about him.

Carter stuck out his hand. “Carter, nice to meet you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, right. And let me guess you’re here for the porn gig?”

Carter pulled at the collar of his shirt. “
We were discussing the new action film their shooting downtown.”

Ana’s father looked
between the two of us. “Do you two know each other? Carter, I thought you said you haven’t been here long?”

I waved at Mr. Cosgrove weirded out, I wasn’t about to open my mouth and say anything else. “No, never seen him before. I have to run. Nice seeing you again, Mr. Cosgrove.”

I hurried down the hall shocked I ran into the pompous jerk once again.

“I thought for sure you were going to spill the beans,” Carter said, catching up with me
with a couple of quick strides.

I jabbed the button on the elevator not giving him a second glance. When it didn’t light up I went for it again. Carter stopped me.

“Thank you,” he said.

I pulled away and stabbed the button with a fingernail. I waited to hear something sarcastic fly out of his mouth.

“You’re welcome.”

The elevator doors parted and released another slew of people. I waited for a chance to break through before the door shut. Carter caught the door with his hand and let me through first.

He punched main floor, and then looked at me.

“Same.” I stared at my shoes, ignoring the way the entire elevator smelled like Carter’s cologne.

He sighed, leaning against the wall.

The ride was slow and torturous. And when he wasn’t being an arrogant prick it was hard to ignore him.

“I would have thought Ana’s father knew who you were,” I said looking up.

“Ana said her father doesn’t like to do favors. She told me I had better luck landing a role if he didn’t know
we knew each other.” Carter shrugged. “I’m willing to do whatever it’s take to get my foot in the door.”

Like sleep with the daughter of an agent I thought to myself. I wasn’t buying his bullshit.

“She said after I met him she would introduce us.” He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “Not that you would care. Because you think I am fucking her to get some tv role.”

“All that I know is you were close to dumping her the other night and now you’re in her dad’s o
ffice seeking him as your agent, seems rather odd if you ask me.” Two more floors and I could go.

Carter stopped the elevator. “What is it with you?”

I laughed. “Me?”

He nodded. “Yes, you
, the one standing over there being so god damn judging.”

“It’s not judgmental if it’s true and you’re an asshole,” I shrugged. “But what do I care? Turn the elevator back on so I can get lunch.”

“We can do lunch,” he said.

I shook my head
right away. “No, we cannot.”

Carter drew in a long breath and exhaled through his nose. “You are going to lunch and I just happen to be hungry. We’re a match made in heaven.”

“More like hell,” I said, eyes rolling.

His fingers hovered over the button. “What will it be?”

I sighed. “Fine. Lunch.”

Was I stupid?

One could say that agreeing to lunch with Carter instead of running the other way was stupid. But as I stared at his tight behind as he leaned against the counter ordering lunch I knew why I did. I was taken hostage by parts of me that shouldn’t be controlling anything in my life.

And the arm sleeves. His perfect tattoos, colorless and breathtaking, like Eric’s.

“Do you like lettuce?” Carter asked waving his perfect muscled arm in my face trying to gain my attention.

I shook the sexual fog from my mind. “Yes, I like lettuce.”

He pushed our tray down the line as our sandwiches were put together.

“I could have taken you some place a little nicer,” he told me.

I lowered my brows. “Why would that matter?”

He reached into his vintage jeans paying the cashier for our food. “Seems a bit tacky.”

I sat down, accepting my sub. “You worry about all the wrong things. And you seem to be forgetting you forced me into this lunch date.”

Carter’s expression morphed into amusement,
after I said the wrong words. I crossed my legs and flipped my hair from my shoulders. “I don’t think this is a date.”

He nodded as I spoke a cute smile on his face. “Just two hungry people eating lunch.”

I unwrapped my sandwich. “As long as you know that.” I took a bite.

Carter leaned in, taking a bite of his sandwich. He reached out
brushing his fingers against the side of my mouth.

I grabbed a napkin pulling away from him. “I got it thanks.”

He toyed with his own napkin as he ate, even his chewing was sexy.

I sighed, knowing I should eat and leave but something about the way Carter
looked at me told me to press on, to get inside this man’s mind and figure him out.

“
Since we’re here, why don’t you tell me who Carter Sterling really is,” I said.

He shrugged
, leaning away from the table. “I think it would be better to hear who you think I am.”

I licked my lips. “Well, for starters I think you have a lot to hide and that’s why you try to play it so cool on the outside.”

“I don’t think anyone should be so open. What’s life without mystery?”

“That sounds like something someone would say if they had something to hide,” I told him. Most people enjoyed talking about themselves.

Carter rolled his eyes. “You sound like you think a lot about other people’s lives too much.”

“I studied psychology in school for almost two years,” I pressed my lips together, picking at my sandwich. “But I quit.”

Carter’s brows pulled in, he scratched at his neck, staring me down. “How come?”

Did he really care enough to hear my explanation? “I got married and I thought I had better things to do.”

“Like what?” He leaned in, arms resting on the tabletop. “What made you give up on something you wanted so bad?”

“Being a wife, I enjoyed my marriage,” I looked away. And look where it got me.

Taking another bite of my sandwich I focused on Carter. “What about you? Do you have anything going for yourself?” I said around a mouthful of food.

“
I left home to become an actor. Getting in the business where I’m from is a hard thing to do,” he said. “My brother offered me a job while I try to do that. So I said why not?”

He was proving he was more than just a hot guy with a bad attitude. He could carry a conversation.

“What does your brother do?”

“He’s a photographer. I run errands and chauffeur around his clients
, haul his equipment whatever he wants,” Carter shrugged, he didn’t look so confident anymore.

“It’s something. And in Hollywood it’s very
promising. I see it happen all the time,” I assured him. Yeah it took a little more than luck, but Carter had the face, the body and the confidence, he could pull it off.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” he grinned, dropping his sub on his plate.  “People like me are a dime a dozen here. I’m sure Ana’s dad has said so himself right?”

I looked around uneasy; he made it hard to continue our conversation. I wasn’t trying to make him feel better, I was being human. Did he want me to be rude and tell him odds were he would fail?

“I don’t talk to Ana’s dad about his business. I think he talks to me because I’m friends with Ana nothing more.” I shrugged.

Mr. Cosgrove I was sure was only being polite. He also liked anyone who wasn’t into begging him for help. I didn’t want anything to do with fame. I was happy being a secretary.

I wiped my face with my napkin. “What made you want to become an actor?”

I was sure he would say something pompous like he was born to play the role. Or that he wanted to get all the woman. So I waited.

“
Me.” He bit his lip, but his eyes didn’t meet mine. “I got sick of failing and being told I would never amount to shit back home my entire life.”

I rubbed the back of my neck. This wasn’t what I expected to hear.

“I’ve fucked up royally and I have been fucked royally.” There was tightness in his eyes; emotion crawled up his entire body. “And no I don’t want your pity.”

I fidgeted in my chair.  I didn’t know what to say. “I understand.”

Our eyes met, and for a split second Carter looked as if he considered believing me. He blew out a noisy breath of air. “The fuck you do.”

“I lost my husband. The one person who me
ant more to me than myself,” I said. “I know what it feels like to be hurt.”

He laughed. “I’m not hurt.
I accept I was handed a shitty life and that I fucked up and made stupid choices. Don’t compare me to losing your dead husband.”

I flinched, trying to slow my racing heart. “Sorry I tried to act like a decent human being and feel for you.” I collected my purse and phone from the table ready to leave. “And the next time you talk about my husband I’ll knock
that pretty little smirk right off your smug face.”

Carter grabbed me. I glared at his grip on my wrist.

“Your right, I was wrong for saying that,” he said. “And when I’m sorry I say that I’m sorry.”

The anger
melted away. “So then say it, before I punch you in the face.”

He grinned. “
You’re going to punch me in the face?”

I nodded, I wasn’t prone to violence but he was bringing it out of me all of a sudden. “I would.”

He leaned in, pushing into my space, his knees parting my legs as he got closer. His face inches from mine. He raised a hand egging me on. “I want to see this.”

I bit my lip, looking away from him, doing my best to keep from laughing at him. He was acting so serious. I clutched my sides unable to hold it in any longer.
I pushed him away losing it.

“You don’t want to see it,” I said through tears. “I have a horrible right hook.”

Other people in the restaurant looked at us confused.

I ran a hand through my hair, wiping at my eyes. I threatened to attack him and
now I was laughing. It was a turn of events. I couldn’t stop; I covered my mouth with my hand trying to calm down.

Carter grinned watching me lose control. “I think if you keep this up they are going to ask you to leave.”

I nodded, agreeing with him. “Maybe you should go into comedy, because that was fucking funny.”

He slipped into the chair next to me, leaning into me. “I think you’re the only one who finds anything I say amusing to be quite honest with you.”

I smirked pulling at my shirt trying to get it together. “Maybe.”

His phone rang ending the moment. He lifted a finger, signaling it was important. His eyes going from amused to serious in seconds. “Hey, baby.”

I raised an eyebrow.

Carter leaned back in his seat, toying with the collar of his dress shirt. “Yes, I saw your father. He seems to be a nice guy… yes, I have one on Friday.”

I stared down at the ground frowning at the thought of Ana on the other end of the phone.

“Yeah, I’m happy… and yes I’ll see you tonight,” he said, looking around the restaurant before he spoke again. “That sounds fucking hot, I can’t wait.”

I studied my nails pretending to care more about my cuticles than Carter and Ana’s conversation. “What’s Friday?”

Carter ran a hand through his hair. “Casting call downtown for the role I
told you about. Ana’s father got me in.”

I forced a smile. “That’s awesome. And I wish you the best but I have to run. I’m ten minutes over my break.” I stood up.

Carter stood as well. “I’m sure we will run into each other again.”

He
meant the bars I was sure. I nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure. Good luck, Carter.”

Carter grabbed me before I could take off. “
This is very important to me, so good luck means a lot.”

“I see that it is,” I said referring to him and Ana. I saw it all, he was so focused on his career that he was willing to put up with Ana to obtain it.

“I’d tell you about life back home but it would depress you.” He smirked trying to inject some humor into the uncomfortable situation. “I need this in more ways than you know.”

“We all need something to be proud of, I get that,” I assured him, touching his arm. I smiled.

I let out a disappointed sigh, sick to my stomach and weighed down walking back to the office.