Blink of an Eye: Beginnings Series Book 8 (65 page)

“
Yes.”

“
This morning at services, I thanked God, really thanked God that nothing worse happened.”

“
It could have.”

“
Yes, it could have. Because ...because, El, accidents happen.”

“
Great, just great.”

“
What?”

“
You’re defending Frank.”

“
In a part, yes, you can say that.”

Ellen started to stand up
. “I am not going to listen to you defend Frank.” She felt Dean’s hand pull at hers. “Stop it.” She snatched her hand away. “He left his gun lying around. He left the safety off. He was drinking. He has a drinking problem.”

“
You knew about it and you pretended it didn’t exist.” Dean stood up following her.

“
Are you blaming this on me?”

“
No! No one is to blame. It was an accident. Frank wasn’t drunk last night. He hadn’t even had a drink.”

“
He was getting one.”

“
So are you saying that was why it happened, because he was getting a drink?”

“
Yes.” Ellen folded her arms to her.

“
What if it was water?”

“
It wouldn’t be water, because Frank has a drinking problem.”

“
You think taking the kids from him, screaming at him at the clinic, and making him feel like the worst parent in the world is gonna get him to stop?”

“
Yes.”

“
Well it won’t,” Dean yelled at her. “Frank has to stop and he is going to need help, your help.”

“
I refuse to help him. He started drinking on his own and he can quit drinking on his own, especially if he wants anything to do with these kids.”

“
Listen to you.” Dean walked to her. “Two nights ago, he was drinking just the same and where were the kids? They were with him. You’re taking a holier than thou position here, El, and it’s wrong. Frank made a mistake. An accident occurred to one of the children while they were in his care. You cannot condemn the man for that. If you want to bring his drinking problem to light then you do it. But don’t you put this accident on his drinking when he wasn’t even drinking. Bad instances happen to good parents.”

“
Bullshit,” Ellen snapped defensively.

“
Bullshit?” Dean questioned with edge. “You think?”

“
Yes.”

“
Josh.”

“
What?” Ellen dropped her arms. “Josh went out with his friends.”

“
Not Josh Slagel. Josh Calaway.”

“
Oh my God.” Ellen moved away from him. “Oh my God. Why are you bringing up my son?”

“
Because I remember you telling me what happened when he was two years old, when you fell asleep on the couch and Josh drank floor cleaner, remember? His stomach had to be pumped and you felt guilty.”

“
You are throwing that in my face. Fuck you.”

“
No, El. I’m just reminding you that accidents happen. Josh could have died, like Brian could have died. Why didn’t Frank put on the safety? Why didn’t you cap that bottle tighter? Why didn’t Frank put away his gun? Why didn’t you put away the cleaner? Why was Frank getting a drink? Why were you sleeping? Were you any less of a parent? Was Frank?”

“
Stop.” Ellen held up her hand. “I get your point. You slapped me in my face with it, but it was delivered.”

“
Good.” Dean let out his breath and calmed down. “Now here’s the part where you have to be the strong one. You have to show Frank that all those years of friendship mean something.”

“
You want me to give him the kids back.”

“
Yes, but that’s not it.”

“
What is it?” Ellen asked. “Tell him I’m sorry?”

“
No, you can even withhold that if you want. You just have to go to him and let him know that you understand now it was an accident. And ... it’s time you offered your help, any help that he needs, in quitting drinking. It’s important, El. It’s more important than you know. He’ll quit, I’m sure of it and he’ll do it if you help him. The first step is to get him out of this slump you and this accident threw him in.”

“
I should go talk to him then.” Ellen walked to the couch and sat down. “I’ll ... I’ll talk to him.”

“
Good,” Dean said that one word with an outward breath. “But, El, be prepared, he’s so down on himself, he may not listen.”

“
Then what should I do? What should I say?”

“
I don’t know.” Dean shrugged as he sat next to her. “But to be honest, you’d better take a moment and give it some thought. Think of what you’re gonna say and it better be good.” He saw Ellen look at him through the corners of her eyes. “Because if it’s not, Frank could very well end up leaving Beginnings ... tonight.”

<><><><>

What to say and how to help Frank was foremost on Ellen’s mind. Having found very little help—word wise—from Dean, Ellen was at a loss at how to handle the situation. So before going to Frank’s, she stopped at the Social Hall and found a small group of women sitting there. She sat down with them and, for the first time, she sought out their advice, and listened to what they had to say. Ellen needed their advice. If her life wasn’t complicated enough, how was she going to include helping Frank in it without making things worse. With what they told her racing through her mind, nervously she went to Frank’s.

“
El,” so shocked he spoke as he opened up his front door.

“
Frank.”

“
El, look.” His words were low. “If you came here to blast me I ...”

“
No.”

“
No?”

“
Can I come in?”

“
Sure.” He stepped back opening the door for her.

“
Thank you.” She walked in but not too far in. “Brian is doing very good.”

Frank closed his eyes
. “Thank you for telling me that.”

“
You’re welcome. Frank?” She waited for him to look at her. “I was wrong for making it worse than it needed to be.”

“
No, El. I was wrong. It was all my fault and I deserved everything you said. I deserved it.”

“
Frank, look I ...”

“
No. El, you’re right. I was pathetic. I am pathetic and I don’t deserve you coming over here. I appreciate you telling me about Brian and I’ll never forgive myself for what happened.”

“
Frank.” Ellen grabbed his hand. “Come with me.”

“
What?” Oddly, Frank felt pulled to the steps. “What’s going on?”

Ellen said nothing
; she just led him up stairs and to the bedroom.

“
El?”

“
Close the door, Frank.” Ellen stepped backwards towards the bed.

Frank shut the door
, as he turned around he saw Ellen lifting off her shirt. “El, what’s going on?”

“
You’re down Frank.” Ellen unclasped her bra. “You need something. I want to make you feel better.”

Frank watched her stand there
, undressing. Ellen looked blank, almost emotionless. Instead of being filled with any stir of desire, Frank got angry. “Help me feel better?”

“
Yes.”

“
What? By fucking me?”

“
Isn’t that what you want?”

“
No!” Frank yelled strongly. “It isn’t what I want. Not like this! Who the hell are you trying to be, El? Jenny? The other woman? Thinking that you can give up your body to us men and in one lay it takes it all away, like some sort of emotional fuckin call girl?”

“
I can’t believe you’re saying that to me.”

“
I can’t believe you’re standing here being like this with me. Me!” Frank pointed to his chest. “Me, El.”

“
Isn’t this what you need?”

“
No. You are what I need. Not this. Not you like this.” His hand motioned at her. “After twenty years, this is what I get, you standing here before me like I mean nothing?” He bent down to her clothes, picked them up, and handed them to her, not even looking at her partially nude body. “I appreciate the offer. I appreciate what you told me downstairs but I would also appreciate if you took your clothes and left.” Turning from her, Frank walked to the door and opened it.

“
I was just trying to help, Frank.” She held her clothes tightly to her chest. “I didn’t mean to come off so cheap.” She rushed to the door but stopped when Frank closed it slightly. “God, I feel so stupid.”

“
Just tell me one thing, El,” Frank whispered in her ear as she stared at the door’s edge. “Tell me how we got to this point. Did you lose that much respect for me, that much love, that you have to withdraw in order to be with me?”

“
No, Frank.” Ellen’s voice cracked. “I have to be like that.”

“
Why?”

Ellen
’s breath was shivering, her eyes held tight to his fingers that gripped the edge of the door. “I just do. Please let me go.”

“
No.” Frank moved his head closer. “You tell me why. You tell me why you have to stand before me and act as if it is nothing. Why?”

“
Because I’m afraid.”

“
Afraid of what, El? Huh? Afraid of what? Of me?”

“
No.”

“
Then what?”

“
I’m afraid of me.” She sounded so much on the verge of tears. “I’m afraid if I’m not like that ...” She lifted her eyes to his, staring deep at him. “I’m afraid I may never wanna let you go.”

So barreled over by Ellen
’s words at that moment, Frank felt his entire being drop to the pits of his stomach, hard and fluttering, forming an emotional lump in his throat. With what he just heard Ellen say, and no longer holding back what he kept deep inside, Frank’s hands released the door and went immediately to Ellen’s face. He pulled her up and into him and placed his mouth wide and hard to hers, kissing Ellen like he hadn’t done in so long. His body shook as he did so, weakening with the whimper she let out as he pulled her closer to him. He closed the bedroom door. with the weight of their two bodies, so symbolic-like, almost as if they were closing a long chapter in their lives. And they were. From that second on, Frank and Ellen both knew, there was no turning back.

His voice was barely heard
, graveled and whispered, deep from within his soul. Never pulling his mouth far from Ellen’s as he spoke and brushed his lips against hers with nearly every word. “This is what I need ... this.” Sadness and aching carried in his voice. “You are my heart. I love you.” He kissed her again, spreading his fingers across her face, caressing the lips that he so lightly touched. “When will you understand? When will you learn? Everything I am ... I am for you. I live for you.”

This time Ellen grabbed on to Frank
, grasping him, kissing him as she leaned back into the door, not wanting to let him go, pulling him back each time he pulled away.

“
Tell me, El.” He kissed her as they began to slide down. “Tell me.” He felt Ellen’s head shake, her lips reaching for his. “Tell me.” Another kiss. “Please.”

“
I love you, Frank.”

Frank lost his breath
, his eyes rolled slightly, and he gripped Ellen with everything he was.

“
I have never stopped loving you, Frank.”

Parting her lips with his
, Frank slipped his hand under Ellen’s hair, then lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed.

Locked
.

Side by side their bodies were joined
. Frank cradled Ellen in his arms, wanting to hold her as much as make love to her His mouth held tight to Ellen’s with kisses he did not want to stop, moving almost in perfect synch with his body. Each passing sweep and press of his lips reflected the motions his body made. Slow. So slow. Deep and intense.

Frank
’s heart beat so strongly he could barely breathe. Through it all, only once did he pull his lips from Ellen’s. In their final moment, only briefly, Frank separated from that kiss.

A hesitation in their near lips
, a cessation of movement with tightly closed eyes and one slow, shuddering breath ... quiet.

Frank kissed Ellen again
.

<><><><>

Holding on to Ellen’s hips as she sat on the edge of the bed putting on her shirt, Frank ran his lips sensuously up from the small of her back and under shirt, feeling her. “You cold?”