Blindsided (18 page)

Meredith laughed. “Okay. I can handle that.”

The mall was packed. “I’m going to stay toward the edge,” Meredith said. “Fewer people.”

“Sounds good,” Natalie told her.

They hit all their favorite stores first: American Eagle, Aéropostale, Claire’s. “Look at these earrings,” Meredith said, putting a pair of enormous hoops in Natalie’s hand. “Can you tell how big they are? They’re so big, they’re gross.”

“Oh, these sweaters are beautiful!” Meredith gushed a few minutes later. She took Natalie’s hand and guided it to the display. “Isn’t it soft?”

Natalie nodded. “Very soft.”

“Half off! And they’re turtleneck, Nat. You love turtlenecks. They come in green, a deep red like wine, and black. Do you want to try one on?”

The thought of using a dressing room, and then not being able to see herself, was too much for Natalie. “No thanks,” she said. “Maybe later.”

At noon, they met Coralee and Suzanne at Chick-fil-A for lunch. Each of the girls gave Natalie a hug.

“Sorry about your sight,” Coralee said.

“Yeah, that’s a real bummer,” Suzanne added.

Natalie didn’t think either of the girls sounded overly sincere. But what did she expect? Would she rather hear them choking back sobs? No. No way. She had to give them some credit: at least they acknowledged her blindness instead of ignoring it. The four girls ordered their meals and sat down at a small table together.

“What’s it like?” Suzanne asked. “I mean, can you see like light versus dark?

“No.” Natalie shook her head. “Nothing.”

“I heard that when people lose their sight, their sense of hearing gets better,” Coralee said. “Is that true?”

“No, my hearing is the same. It’s hasn’t changed,” Natalie said.

“It’s just that I’m more tuned into it. I use it more. It becomes more important.”

“Wow. I think if I ever lost my sight, I’d get one of those dogs,” Suzanne said. “Why don’t you get a Seeing Eye dog?
I
would.”

Natalie smiled at her ignorance. “They’re called guide dogs. And, well, for starters, you can’t just
get a dog
. You have to be a certain age, and you need to learn how to use the cane first, because what if the dog gets sick? What if you need to go somewhere and the dog is not allowed? You need to be able to get around without a dog, too.”

Suzanne was quiet. Natalie hoped she hadn’t been too preachy.

Natalie felt a slender thread of tension wending its way through the group. Was it because of her blindness? She didn’t want to ruin the meal. But she didn’t want to turn it into a big Q and A about being blind either, so she tried to reverse the conversation.

“How about you guys? How’s school? Meredith—how are things with Richard? I mean, Richie?” she asked brightly, before dipping a chicken strip in barbecue sauce and taking a bite.

“Good! He went to Richmond with his family to have Thanksgiving with his grandparents. They’re looking at a college down there, too.”

“I forgot he’s a senior,” Natalie said. “How did you meet him anyway?”

“At a party,” she said.

Suzanne giggled. “It was a blackout party.”

“Yeah. That was so weird, wasn’t it?” Coralee added. “You couldn’t
see
anybody! I was talking to this boy. I thought he was really nice and he turned out to be this really ugly creep!”

The two girls laughed, but Natalie felt the blood drain from her face.

Meredith made a noise, and both girls instantly shut up.

“Ew. Sorry,” Coralee mumbled.

“Yeah. We didn’t mean anything,” Suzanne said.

Natalie tilted her face down. She stopped chewing, and the food made a lump in her mouth.
How could they?
She swallowed and wiped her hands on a napkin.
So incredibly insensitive.
Was it time to go? She wanted to go. Just
go.

“How much do I owe you anyway?” she asked Meredith, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice. She reached for her wallet. Her mother had put two ten-dollar bills in it.

“You don’t owe me anything,” Meredith said, pulling Natalie’s hand away from her pocketbook. “My treat today.”

Coralee and Suzanne remained silent, and the four of them finished quickly.

 

“That was stupid of them. I am so sorry,” Meredith apologized, her voice hushed, as they walked back down the corridor of the mall. Suzanne and Coralee had gone in the other direction. “They’re really assholes sometimes, you know it?”

Natalie’s arm brushed against what she guessed was a potted plant. “Yeah. I do know it,” she agreed, beaming at Meredith’s comment. She’d known it for a long time.

All at once, a warm feeling washed her face, and it struck Natalie that they must be in the mall’s center court, under the skylight.

They walked in and out of Payless, where Meredith was on the lookout for a new pair of black shoes, then drifted in front of Bath & Body Works for a free body lotion sample. “Ummm. It’s new: Rainkissed Leaves. Nice,” Meredith murmured. She held a tube up to Natalie’s nose, then put a dab on the back of Natalie’s hand so she could rub it in and try it. Resuming sighted guide, they left the store and walked down the corridor.

Suddenly, a boy’s voice behind them called out: “Hey there, you two lovers!”

Meredith stiffened. Her head swung around and then back. Natalie could feel the motions.

“Is he talking to
us
?” Meredith asked angrily.

“You two lesbos holding hands!” The boy’s voice came closer.

Natalie’s mind reeled: did they think they were lesbians because she was holding Meredith’s elbow for guidance?

“Can I have a smooch, too?” He snuck up behind them, making obscene little kissing noises.

“Beat it!” Meredith spit out. She pulled away with a jerk and it made Natalie tighten her grip.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Meredith said, quickening her step.

Natalie was nervous walking so fast, but Meredith did not slow down until they were clear outside the mall.

“Here’s a bench, Nat. Sit down,” she said.

Natalie felt behind her and sat, letting go of Meredith’s arm.

“Idiots!” Meredith muttered. She paced in front of the bench, and Natalie wondered if she was still watching for the boys.

“I’m sorry, Meres,” Natalie said as she set her tote bag on her lap. She was not only embarrassed and angry, but sorry that Meredith was upset. “Did you know those boys?”

“No! Never seen them before in my life! What a couple of jerks!”

“Look, I’ll get my cane out,” Natalie offered, pulling it from her tote bag. “I’ll use that instead.”

But Meredith was firm. “Let’s just call my mom, okay?”

I
s fighting for you?” a male voice on the tape began. “You may find yourself in a situation in which someone won’t take no for an answer.”

On the long bus ride back to school there was a lot to think about, and Natalie had to restart the recording several times. She still hadn’t gotten over the incident in the mall with Meredith. It blew her away that those boys thought they were lesbians.

Reluctantly, Natalie returned to her homework and put on her earphones so she could listen to a tape of Chapter Five in the self-defense book.

“You learned how awareness, intuition, and setting boundaries are your first lines of defense in avoiding an attack,” the tape continued. “Now we’ll discuss fighting back as part of your personal safety plan.

“Are you committed to fighting back if you are attacked?” the tape asked. “Are you willing to risk being seriously injured in order to survive?”

Natalie had never asked herself those questions before. She wasn’t sure how to answer.

Then the tape issued this warning: “Don’t ever believe a criminal, whether armed or not, who says, ‘If you stay quiet, do what I say, and come with me, I won’t hurt you.’ Police statistics reveal that in situations in which an armed assailant convinces his victim to get into a car, the victim’s chance of survival is a mere two percent. . . .”

Natalie turned off the CD player and tried to mentally recap the points made
. Women who have fought attackers—and won—had several things in common. They were committed to disabling their attacker. They were prepared to be hurt. They acted as quickly as possible. They did not allow themselves to be taken to a second crime scene.

“Facing Panic” was next. And panic was followed by yelling—how important it was to keep yelling during an attack, because it draws attention and keeps you breathing. Natalie clicked off the player again. It was scary to imagine a situation where she would face panic and have to yell her head off. The whole discussion was beginning to make her nervous. She thought of Miss Karen, her Braille instructor, who took two different buses to get to work every day—and then walked the last mile to school. It would be so easy for someone to take advantage of her. On the other hand, what were her options? Have a friend or relative take her everywhere? What if no one was available? The school receptionist sometimes waited two hours for the Paratransit van to show up. It was inexpensive and safe, she had once told Natalie. But who wanted to spend half their life waiting around?

Being blind, it seemed, was a no-win situation.

 

As if things weren’t bad enough, when Natalie arrived back at school, she walked into her room to find Bree already there, softly crying.

“What’s wrong?” Natalie asked as she settled her duffel on the bed.

When Bree didn’t respond, Natalie approached Bree’s bed, where she thought Bree was sitting, then made sure with her hand that there was an open space to sit down beside her. She put a hand on Bree’s back. “What happened?”

“It’s Kirk.” Bree sniffed. “My boyfriend. He’s seeing someone else. I found out when I was home. He thinks because I’m blind now that I can’t see what’s going on! Well, I may not have a lot of friends, but I do have people looking out for me!

“That’s not the only thing, Nat. When I got home, when I got out of Aunt Stina’s car, I used my cane to get in the house, and he was sitting there on the stoop waiting for me. He says, ‘What’s that?’ And I tell him, ‘It’s my cane.’ And he says to me, ‘Well, you ain’t takin’
that
anywhere with
me
!’ ”

The two girls were silent for a moment.

“Bree, anyone who says that must not care very much for you. Not really. Because if they did, they would understand that you need that cane. In the long run, this is best. You don’t want to have to depend on him.”

“You’re right,” Bree declared, surprising Natalie. “You know, I’ve been thinking about it.
A lot.
I want to learn everything, the way you are, so I don’t have to depend on a lowlife like him anymore. I’m serious. I told my aunt I was going to change and really try.”

“Then we’ll learn it together, Bree. We’ll learn what we have to together, okay?”

Another sniff. “Yeah. And Kirk will be sorry.”

“From now on, we move forward.” Natalie surprised herself at what a good pep talk she could deliver. Amazing what a phony she was! Because hadn’t she kicked her own cane under the chair when Jake showed up at the farmers’ market?

“From now on, Nat,” Bree repeated.

A soft “okay” was all that Natalie could manage.

 

The next morning it was pouring rain, but neither Natalie nor Bree realized it until they were at the front door. The dorm counselor sent them back to their room for raincoats and told them to check the radio for weather before they got dressed in the morning.

“And tell Serena to hurry up or we’re leaving without her!” the counselor called after them.

Natalie and Bree returned for rain slickers and umbrellas and, on their way back, Natalie turned toward Serena’s room and called in, “Hurry up! Or we’re leaving without you!”

“I just need to find my umbrella!” Serena called back.

Natalie stopped, mesmerized, and took several slow steps inside the door of Serena’s room.

Serena stopped rifling through her closet. “I told you, I’ll be right—Nat, what’s up? What’s wrong? Why are you looking like that?”

Natalie pointed to Serena’s bureau. “I think I can see your little plug-in Christmas tree. The one you brought from home. It’s all lit up.”

“Oh, my gosh, Nat. You can
see
it?”

Natalie walked toward it, holding out her hand until she had touched the tiny branches.

“Whoa. That’s like incredible,” Serena said. She unplugged the tree. The lights went out and Natalie’s hand fell away.

“Now they’re gone,” Natalie said.

Serena plugged it back in.

“Now they’re on!”

“Nat!” Serena exclaimed.

Natalie smiled with excitement. “What do you think this means?”

“I don’t know. But we’d better get going, ’cause I do know what it means if that woman has to come and get us. Come on.”