Blindness (34 page)

“Hot dog’s fine,” I say, forcing a smile and
finding myself a seat atop one of the coolers.

“Whatcha drinkin’,” asks Kevin’s friend.

“Oh, uh…Coke, I guess?” I’m not really
feeling beer today. He tosses me a freezing cold can and comes over
to introduce himself.

“I’m Rob, I went to school with Kevin. We go
way
back, all the way to grade school,” he says, reaching
out his hand for a shake. I meet him in the middle, and we do the
typical business introductions.

“Charlotte, nice to meet you. You’ll have to
tell me some embarrassing stories about Kevin,” I wink, also
planting a seed for a good 30 minutes of stories, hoping he’ll
monopolize my time.

“Oh, I’ve got stories,” he says, immediately
looking at Kevin and laughing. Just as I hoped, Rob launches into a
fraternity story from college, something about a prank, and dyeing
someone’s hair pink.

I’m half-listening, the rest of me focused on
Trevor and Cody bumping fists. I see Cody pick up a Coke from one
of the coolers, and I also see him add a little of whatever’s in
his flask to his drink. Jessie is quick to grab the flask from his
hand, but he quickly grabs it back, and I can make out his mouth as
he says, “Fuck off!” She gives him the finger and whispers
something to Gabe, no doubt telling him to keep an eye on Cody. I’m
relieved that they’re watching him, but I also know that no one is
on
my
team right now.

The next hour drags; we all sit around and
listen to Kevin, Rob and Trevor tell stories about Washington, and
politics, and law. I’m barely interested, if at all, and I can see
the boredom written on everyone else’s faces. Things pick up when
some teen races by on a skateboard, and Gabe talks him into letting
him ride for a few tricks. He gets on and starts flipping the board
with his feet, always landing on it the right way—like a cat.

Gabe is amazing to watch, and it catches
everyone’s attention finally, and the boys all take turns
attempting to do what he did. Even Cody does a few simple flips,
but I notice how he stumbles, not from his injury, but from the
sleepiness in his eyes from what I’m pretty sure is vodka.

The game of stunts manages to pass the rest
of the time, until we pack up the cars and head into the stadium. I
pre-arranged the suite tickets, giving myself the seat in the front
corner and putting Trevor next to me, hoping I’ll be able to
hide—or stare at the field and never once look behind me at the
very least. When we get to the suite, though, I’m the only one that
actually pays attention to the number on the ticket. Everyone else
gets comfortable wherever.

“Dude, Cody, check out this cheesecake tray!”
Gabe says, pulling the plastic lining from the dessert platter and
sliding out an entire piece on a paper plate. “Mmmmm, damn.
Seriously, Cody, this shit is good. Here, try.”

Cody just turns his face from Gabe and shakes
his head. I watch him walk over to the opposite corner from me, and
he props his feet up on the railing as he sits back in his seat.
For the first time today, we make eye contact, and my body is
rushed with the sensation of jumping from a high bridge. I can’t
look away, and Cody doesn’t. But he doesn’t smile, either. In fact,
his face is completely void of any emotion at all—he could be
looking out a window at nothingness. He reaches into his jacket,
still holding his gaze on me, and pulls out his flask and unscrews
the lid slowly. He finally raises it up to me in a toast and curls
his lip up the tiniest bit before taking a big gulp.

“This one’s on you, just so you know,” Jessie
says from behind me. I can’t face her, even though all I want to do
is hug her, have her tell me what to do. But she hates me right
now, and I deserve it.

“I know,” I say, my voice barely audible. “I
know.”

The pre-game announcements start, and pretty
soon the team is taking the field. Trevor comes to sit by me for
most of the first quarter, and I cheer along with him and Kevin,
just trying to act like I’m enjoying myself, like I’m distracted by
the game. But I watch Cody from the corner of my eye, I watch him
every time he takes a drink—and I shrink with every single one.

Trevor kisses me on the cheek at the start of
the second quarter, before he heads to the back of the suite to sit
in the sofas with Kevin and Rob. He feels obligated to entertain
me, but he would rather be with his friends, so I urge him to join
them. I pull my jacket tightly around me, thankful for the heaters
above my head.

The second half is full of action, and
Cleveland is moving the ball well. They score twice in the first
few minutes, and everyone in the suite high-fives and cheers, but I
stay in my corner and wait for Cody to explode. He’s getting louder
and bolder with every minute that passes, his language consisting
mostly of swear words at this point.

Finally, almost half-time, I hear him say,
“Fuck this, I’m outta here. You wanna come, Gabe?” Then I see the
two of them shake Trevor’s hand and leave through the door. It’s
strange how relieved I am that he’s gone, yet worried at the same
time. I walk over to the living area and pick around at some of the
plates of food, really just listening to the boys talk and hoping
someone will give me a clue where Cody went. I’m about to ask
Trevor, when I feel my neck choke on the tug from the back of my
coat. I stumble backward into the row of stools, where Jessie is
sitting.

“Okay, here’s the deal. I’m mad at you—like
so fucking mad I want to punch you in the face,” she says, and I
flinch in reaction. “Stop it. I’m not going to; I just want
to.”

I take a deep breath, but keep my guard up,
ready to run if I have to.

“We’ve got a problem,” she says, looking at
her phone and swiping a few times before she hands it to me. It’s
open on a text from Gabe, and when I read what it says, I’m hit
with a whole new wave of panic.

He’s fucked up, J. He’s making me drive him
out to the pits for jumps. He’s going to do something stupid. He
won’t listen to me, you know that.

I look back at her, my eyes wide. I’m not
sure what the pits are and what type of jumps Gabe’s referring to,
but I know how drunk Cody was when they left, so I’m pretty sure
whatever this mixture is, it’s dangerous.

“This is bad, Charlie. Do you understand? He
almost died when he tried some dumb-ass trick, and he’s in a really
fucked up place right now,” she says, and before I can rationalize
any of it, I’m at Trevor’s side.

“We have to go,” I say in his ear.

“Huh?” he says, turning to me and bunching
his brow.

I must look like a lunatic, my heart is
beating fast, and I know I’m talking rapidly and bouncing my leg
like I have to pee, but I just want him to hurry, to trust me on
this one.

“I’m sorry, I know this sucks, and I know how
much you love this game, but we have to go,” I say, forcing him to
look at me and put his beer down on the table when I hold onto his
shoulder. “It’s Cody; I think he’s in trouble.”

I see the panic hit Trevor now, and he pulls
his keys from his pocket and hands them to me, leaving a few bills
from his wallet for tips on the table. He shakes Kevin’s hand
quickly and pats Rob on the back, leaning over to explain to them
that there’s an emergency.

We’re out the door seconds later, Jessie
tagging along behind us. “Where is he at? What’s going on?” Trevor
says, his step picking up pace as we hit the ramps to the parking
lot.

“He’s drunk. Just got a little carried away
is all, but he’s heading out to the pits to jump his bike,” Jessie
says, once again bailing me out of a situation.

“Damnit,” Trevor says, and I can see the
frustrated look on his face. It’s not that Trevor doesn’t drink;
quite the opposite, he can hold his liquor well. He’s just not a
big fan of drunken behavior. The wildest thing he’s done at a bar
is make an unwise bet on a hockey game.

We get to the car, and I click the locks. We
get in, and I start racing from the lot before everyone’s seatbelts
are on.

“Where do I need to go?” I ask Jessie.

“Highway. Get off on Bird Lane, it’s about
ten miles past the shop,” she says.

I do as she says, letting my foot fall heavy
on the pedal. I know Trevor’s had a few beers and that’s why he let
me drive, but I’m glad he did. I need the distraction, because the
visions racing through my mind are unbearable, and each time I let
a new one rear into my mind, I edge up a few more miles per hour.
By the time we hit the suburbs, I’m cruising at about 90.

“Careful, Charlotte. Watch for cops, okay?”
Trevor says, his voice stern. I can tell he’s angry that we had to
leave, and I can tell he’s irritated at me somehow, too. But I
don’t care. I swear if I can just get there fast enough, somehow
stop Cody before he rides up a hill and does something to hurt
himself, I’ll tell him everything. I’ll tell Trevor everything. I
don’t know what I was thinking letting Jim make decisions for me,
about who I get to love.

Jessie guides me down a few rural roads after
I exit the highway, and soon we’re pulling into a giant dirt lot,
with lighted tracks and riders zipping over mounds and hills. I see
a few big ramps and a giant pit in the middle, full of foam, and I
know that’s where he is. I don’t even turn off the car when I push
the gear into park and sprint away, the door hanging wide open.

“Cody! Cody!” I’m yelling, my voice shrill
and cracking from the cold. People are looking at me like I’m
crazy, but I don’t care. I have to find him; I have to stop
him.

“Cody! Cody…Cody Carmichael?” I ask one guy
walking by with a helmet covered in stickers. He just shrugs and
shakes his head at me, almost avoiding me like I’m one of those
phone salesmen at a kiosk in the mall.

“Cody!” I hear Jessie yelling, several feet
away from me. She’s climbing up a series of steps, and Trevor is
jogging to catch up to her. I look to the top of the steps, up one
of the ramps. I see Gabe, and it fuels me. I run, faster than I
ever have, and take the stairs two at a time until I eventually
catch and pass Trevor and Jessie. When I get to the top, I see him,
swiveling his tire side-to-side on his bike, his helmet buckled,
but his goggles pushed up so I can see his bloodshot eyes.

“Cody, no! Stop it!” I yell, walking out to
the edge of the giant dirt ramp, but Gabe grabs my arm and pulls me
back to him.

“Careful, Charlie. It’s steep! You’ll fall,”
he says.

“I have to get to him, Gabe. He has to
see
me. He can’t do this,” I say, my entire body shaking
from the crying I can no longer stop.

“Relax, Charlie. He jumps all the time. He’ll
be careful, he always is,” he says, but I can tell by the look on
his face that he isn’t sure. So when his grip loosens, I take off
running toward Cody, waving my arms to get his attention. I’m
almost to him, and he’s pulling his helmet off as he sees me, when
I feel my left foot give and slide to the side down the hill. I
land on my knee hard and fall flat on my hands and face next,
sliding forward, but teetering dangerously on the edge.

I’m going to fall. It’s inevitable—I just
know it. I dig my fingertips into the dirt and press my cheek flat
as I slide slowly, hoping if I stay pressed against the earth that
I won’t roll or break a bone. I’ll have one hell of a set of cuts
on the front of my body, but those I can handle. I close my eyes
tightly as the direction of my slide starts to turn down the hill,
and I feel the left side of my body start to twist—and then I feel
a hand grip my wrist.

“I got you, Charlie. Hold on; hold on for me,
okay?” Cody says, his eyes scared. He’s laying flat along the top
of the hill, and he reaches down with his other hand to pull my arm
while I kick at the ground and dig in with my shoes, fighting
gravity.

“Cody, I’m falling. I can’t—” I say as my
foot slips, and I slide down a few inches.

“No you’re not. I’ve got you. Look at me,”
Cody says, his eyes focused on mine, willing me. I keep kicking,
reaching up with my other arm, until finally he has that one too,
and he starts to pull me backward. Soon Gabe is grabbing my elbow,
and the two of them have me back up on level ground.

I’m crying hard now, mostly from terror, and
Cody is sitting back on his hands, his breathing hard. Jessie and
Trevor are standing at the platform, and with Jessie’s urging, I
make my way over to her on shaky legs. She puts her arm around me
and slowly walks me down the stairs; I notice Trevor doesn’t
follow.

“Damn,” Jessie says. She’s calm about it,
nothing like the quivering mess I am.

“Damn what?” I say, my voice shaky, just like
the rest of me.

“I can’t really punch you in the face after
something like that. Just…pisses me off. That’s all,” she says,
curling the side of her mouth up into a smile. I smile back and
reach for her hand, even more relieved when she holds it.

I hear the thumping of the metal stairs as
Gabe and Trevor make their way down, and I hear the vibration of
Cody’s bike as he rumbles up next to us, tossing his helmet to the
ground. He’s in front of me seconds later, sitting on one knee and
rolling up the legs of my pants so he can cover my scrapes in
bandages and Neosporin.

“That wasn’t funny,” he says, not looking me
in the eye.

“It wasn’t supposed to be funny. You scared
me. You were going to get hurt,” I say, my heart sinking at the
thought of what could have happened if I had been a few minutes too
late.

“Probably,” Cody says, his face a
half-smile.

“Okay, what the fuck!” Trevor says, his
shadow blocking the light from Cody’s eyes.

Cody sets the first-aid kit down in front of
me and stands up, brushing his hands off. “I know, I know. I’m
really sorry, Trev. I ruined the game for you, it’s my fault
really…” Cody starts to explain, but Trevor cuts him off, pushing
him back, away from me.