Blind Impulse (9 page)

She returned to the bed.  Gar
in breathed a sigh of relief when her arms again wrapped around him.  Piecemeal, he began to relax, but his grip on her remained.

Alyna eased herself back on her pillows, pulling Garin with her until he rested with his head cradled comfortably against her
breast.  Her hands continued to stroke his hair.  “Tell me about your nightmare,” she said, her voice soft and gentle.

“’
Tis nothing,” he said, ashamed his dream had caused such fear within him.

“
Nay, Garin, ‘tis everything.  Talking about a dream will rel
ease its hold over you.”

He sighed, not wanting to tell her.  Such a gentle and elegant lady should not be disturbed with terrible im
ages and violence of war.  D
espite his hesitation, he found himself speaking.  Being trapped under his horse, in the mi
dst of the dead and dying, had been only one of the many brutalities he had suffered.

“
Simon rallied a group of knights and chased away the scavengers,” he said finally.  “He hauled me out fro
m under the pile of dead.  W
hat truly terrified me
,
in my dre
am
,
was the fact I could not see.  I did not know if I had been blinded on the battlefield or not.”

Alyna clung to him, kissing his forehead. 
“Aye,” she said, her voice thick.  “Not being able to see would make it mo
re difficult for you to realize your true surroundings when awaking from your nightmare.”

“
You...your presence helped me.  I was so grateful you were here.”  He sighed softly, his hand lightly traveling over her side, feeling the sweet lines of her body un
der her shift. 

She settled to a more comfortable position beside him.  Her thick black hair cascaded around him, over his chest and belly.  He stifled a groan as his desire hit him full force.  Good Lord, he had never wanted a woman so much. 

He longed
to feast himself on her beauty.  Did the moon shine brightly tonight?  Did its light spill through the window bathing her skin in a silver hue?  Did her raven hair shimmer with azure and argent?  Would her eyes look like quicksilver when he entered her, jo
ining her forever to him?  What would her expression be?  Wonder?  Ecstasy?  Love?

He would never know.

Grief welled painfully within his chest.  His hand stroked her hair.  He wished now, with all his heart, he had taken her to the gardens that night.  He
would have seen her, he would have memorized every detail of her body, of her face, of her beauty
, as he made love to her.  H
e would have that memory now, vibrantly alive, instead of the awful darkness surrounding him.  Alyna would have been his silve
r star.

She pulled the blankets over them.  Garin rolled onto his back and she settled herself with her head on his shoulder, her hand traveling over his chest.  “Rest now, Garin, your nightmares will no longer plague you.”

He closed his eyes against his a
gony.  She was his wife and they were in their
marriage bed.  He had every right to take her but he could not force himself to move.  She should not have to suffer
the touch of a blind man. 
Garin had to admit he savored the comfort she offered him, al
though it was far less than what he wanted.  He feared she would push him away or be repulsed by him and he did not want to lose the warmth of her embrace.  Torturing himself with what he could never have, Garin fell into a fitful slumber.

****

Alyna ope
ned her eyes to sunshine spilling into the room.  She blinked and realized she was sprawled across Garin in the most wanton fashion.  But his strong arms held her securely and he slept deeply.

She sighed softly admiring him.  His was beautifully made, she
could not deny that.  The sensation of him holding her, of waking in his arms, was more than she ever imagined. 

Alyna remembered his terrible nightmare last night and shivered.  For a brief instant, he had been a different man.  She sensed the violence a
nd fear coiling through him.  He was a warrior, preparing to fight for his life with the most feral of instincts. 

What had he suffered in the Holy Land?  She wagered the horrid story was only one of many.  Would nightmares constantly plague his sleep?  W
hat could she do to soothe him? 

She did not remember her father suffering nightmares and he had been involved
in many terrible battles.  P
erhaps men did not speak of such things.  Alyna knew if she asked her father he would answer truthfully.  He mig
ht have a suggestion on how to help Garin.

Alyna sighed and propped herself on her elbow, gazing down at Garin.  At least now he was relaxed in sleep and from the peaceful look on his face, she doubted nightmares troubled him at the moment.  As she moved,
his arm tightened around her.  Her heart lurched and battered her ribs as she remembered his hands caressing her.  

In spite of her fear last night, a part of her had wished he had made her his wife completely.  But Garin had not and probably would not. 
His natural confidence, which had been so evident when he first arrived, was gone.  He needed to rediscover it but that would take time and Alyna was certain she would go mad in the process. 

She pressed her lips against his chest, just over his right nip
ple.  Curiosity got the better of her, she tasted him with the tip of her tongue.  His skin was warm and salty.  His scent was so powerfully male she could not find the words to describe it.  The heavy muscle twitched under her mouth.  She looked up to see
if she had awakened him but he slept on.

She sighed softly and crawled out of bed, dressing quickly.  It was cool and she needed to revive the fire in the hearth.  The day awaited and she was not quite sure how to face it.

****

Garin still slept when Al
yna went downstairs.  Her father sat in the hall eating his breakfast.  He paused and looked at her.  She had never seen the expression on his face before and it confused her.  A mixture of love, distrust, and pain. 

She gave him a reassuring smile but hi
s expression did not ease.  She took her place at the table, but her appetite had vanished.

Alyna choked down her food and wondered if she should take some up to Garin.  Usually the servants gave him his food in his chambers.  He refused to eat in the hall
but she was not sure why.  

Garin opened the door, calling for a servant to bring his food.  Well, at least she didn’t have to worry about that.  Her father stood and Alyna pushed her
half-finished
breakfast away.  “Father,” she said and approached.  “Ma
y I speak with you?”

Her father looked at her startled and Alyna thought she saw a flash of fear in his eyes.  “Of course, my dear,” he said, mustering a smile.  They moved to a quiet alcove off the great hall near the corridor to the kitchens.  “What’s wr
ong?”

Alyna fidgeted nervously, unable to meet his gaze.  “Something happened last night and it frightened me.”

Her father stiffened and she risked a glance up at him.  His expression turned flat and anger simmered in his eyes.  “What?”

“
Garin...had a terr
ible nightmare.”

Geoff stared at her, blinking, as if her words were the last thing he expected.  “A nightmare?”

“
Aye,” she said nodding and briefly explained.  “I didn’t know what to do, father.  I feared, for a moment, he would be violent.  I don’t under
stand what is happening.”

Geoff visibly relaxed, took a deep breath and considered her words.  “Most warriors, if they have a shred of decency, will suffer nightmares of battle and blood.”

“
But you didn’t.”

He gave her an indulgent smile.  “I did, Alyna, a
nd sometimes I still do.  I just never spoke of it.”

She couldn’t help the sigh of relief that escaped her.

Geoff placed a hand on her shoulder.  “Alyna, all men have demons, more so for those who witness a pitched battle.  Garin has no doubt been a part o
f the bloodiest fighting a man could experience.  The nightmares are a normal result, especially considering his loss since arriving home.  Remember, he came straight from a battlefield, he will need time to adjust.”

“
But what can I do to help him?”

His gr
ip tightened on his shoulder.  “Exactly what you did last night.”  He paused, his gaze taking a distant stare and his voice growing soft.  “I cannot tell you how many times I awoke from nightmares, longing for the comfort of my wife.”  Abruptly he looked a
t her again, as if just realizing his words.

Alyna felt tears well in her eyes.  “Father, I’m--”

“
Nay,” he said sternly.  “I need to mind my tongue.  You know I do not blame you.”

Alyna embraced him and her father held her tightly.

“
You know I love you, Al
yna.  There was not a day that passed in which I did not thank God for you.”

She nodded and pulled away, wiping away the tears which had gathered on her lashes.

Her father tugged her chin up.  “You are doing the right thing.  Garin simply needs time to for
get the horrors he witnessed.  Do not lose faith in yourself.”

“
I--”

Garin’s bellow and a tremendous crash nearly stopped her heart. 
Oh God, what’s wrong?
  She turned and sprinted for the stairs.

Chapter Five

Alyna flew u
p the stairs with her father, Simon, and Eleanor right behind her.  She barreled through the door and skidded to a halt.

She was not prepared for the raging lion she saw.  Garin stood in the middle of the room, wearing only his braies.  He clenched his fis
ts and every muscle in his body stood out in violent relief under his skin.  He shook with rage, his face twisted into a horrifying mask. 

A servant cowered in the corner.  Not far from him was the huge oak table, overturned, with shattered dishes and foo
d all over the place.  It quickly became apparent that Garin had tossed the table, narrowly missing the servant. 

She blinked, wondering if she dared believe her eyes.  The table was solid oak, it had taken four men and great effort to haul it up the stai
rs to the room.  Yet now it lay upside down, five feet from its former position.  The evidence of Garin’s sheer strength suddenly terrified her.

In a heartbeat she marveled at the full range of Garin’s emotions.  His rage was as intense as the fear she had
sensed last night.  I
t was matched only by his gentle touch and his passionate kiss.  No matter what sort of emotion he experienced, he experienced it fully, to the very depth of his being.

The servant spotted Alyna and quickly scurried toward her.  G
arin heard the noise and moved toward the sound, colliding with a chair.  With a growl he picked it up and tossed it toward the sound, which moved closer to Alyna.

She squeaked and darted away.  The chair smashed against the wall splintering, shards of it
pelting her shoulder and head.  The servant flew out of the room like a scared rabbit.

“
Swein!” her father bellowed, stepping toward him.  He was the only man who could match Garin’s size and strength.  Garin spun toward the voice dropping immediately into
a fighting stance.

Alyna quickly moved forward.  Garin would react more like a trapped animal
in this situation.  “Father, nay
.”

Garin shook his head and frowned.  “Alyna?”

“
Aye
.”

H
er father’s rage was not to be dismissed.  “Do that again and I’ll--”

“
Father!” she screeched, drowning out her father’s threat.

“
Do what again?”  Garin asked angrily.

“
You almost struck my daughter with that chair,” Geoff growled. 

Alyna swallowed hard.  It was rare when she witnessed her loving father turn into the powerfu
l knight, poised for battle.

Garin’s face drained of all color.  His stance relaxed somewhat.  “Oh God.  Alyna, are you all right?”

Relief washed through her.  “Aye
, Garin.  Father, he did not know I was in the room.  He was only going after the noise.”

G
eoff was not appeased.  “Throwing furniture is a habit that stops now, before someone gets seriously hurt or even killed.”  He took another step toward Garin.  “I don’t care if you are baron or not, blind or not.  If you hurt my daughter I will--”

“
Father,
please!”

“
I don’t care, Alyna.  He could have killed you with that chair.  Look at this table.  What if it had been you instead of a servant?”

“
Father, just go.  Let me talk to him and find out what happened.”

“
I will not leave you alone with him.”

“
Geoff
,” Garin said.  “I am sorry.  I would never do anything to hurt Alyna.”

“
I don’t believe you.”

“
Father, leave now!”

Geoff glared at her and muttered a curse.  He strode out the door and slammed it behind him, shutting out the fearful bystanders.

Garin and
Alyna both exhaled at the same time.  “Alyna, I am sorry.”

“
What in the world happened?”

His jaw tightened.  “Nothing.”

“
Garin, obviously something happened.  You were out for blood.”

He tore his hand through his hair but refused to speak.

“
All right,” she
said firmly.  “My father is right about one thing, the throwing of furniture stops now.”

“
You mean to give orders to me?”  His voice was deadly.

“
You apparently need them.  You would have never done this....”  She clamped her jaw shut.

“
When I could see?”
he snarled.

“
Yes, Garin, when you could see.  Sweet Mary, I know this is hard.  I know you are angry but throwing furniture isn’t the answer.  It will get you no closer to defeating this.”

“
What do you care, Alyna?  You only want my barony.  Well, now you
have it.  What does it matter if I break some furniture along the way?”

Alyna sucked in her breath suddenly feeling as if she had been struck by the chair.  “I care about you,” she whispered.  “No barony, no amount of power is worth this...but you are Gar
in.  You are worth every moment of my life, every chair you throw at me, every insult you hurl.  You alone are worth that.”

He took a step back, obviously stunned.  His hands clenched and released over and over.  His expression melted from anger in to pain
.  “You lie, Alyna.”

This time her fists clenched.  The urge to
flee
rose
.  She wanted to run, to escape his painful words, but she couldn’t, she couldn’t back down.  She coul
dn’t hand him the victory so easily.

She raised her chin
.  “I do not lie, Garin.”

His anger returned, his face once again twisted in fury.  “Leave now before I do
something I may regret.”

“
What, throw another chair at me?  I am very good at dodging
and soon you’ll run out of chairs.”

“
Before I catch you and break your scrawny neck.”

Her eyebrows flew up her forehead.  She knew he spoke only in sheer rage and frustration.  Garin would never, ever hurt her, at least not physically.  She could not keep
the humor out of her voice.  “You are welcome to try.”

He growled and charged toward her.  She was surprised at how quickly he could move when he wished.  Silently, she danced out of reach.

“
Nice try,” she said sweetly, “but I’m over here.”

He turned and
again lunged for her. 

A second time, Alyna moved out of the way.  She was reminded of the game she used to play as a child with her friends.  “Shall we try again?”

Garin strangled an oath of rage, his hands went to his head, a sure sign of a p
ounding headache.  “Do not toy with me woman.  I cannot catch you.”

“
But you can, Garin.  Your anger clouds your mind.  Listen to what your other senses tell you.”

He frowned and turned to face her again.  Gulping deep breaths, he visibly tried to master h
is rage.  He stepped toward her, slower this time.

She moved around him.  He cocked his head and followed her.  Alyna smiled, if he only would reach out, he could touch her.  She saw his nostrils flare slightly and his hand grabbed her arm.

Slowly, she too
k both of his hands and placed them around her throat.

“
What are you doing?” he asked, completely stunned.

“
You said you would break my scrawny neck if you caught me.  Well, you caught me.”

Briefly his thumbs pressed on either side of her throat where the
veins of life beat steadily.  A strange fear cut through her.  He could break her neck with as little effort as it took to draw a breath.  His hands were large and warm against her throat.  His grip tightened only slightly as he crushed his lips against he
rs.

Her world spun in complete chaos.  His mouth ravished hers.  One hand slipped down her back and pulled her against him.  His hard frame molded her body to his.  She felt his arousal stiff against her belly.  Her hands glided lightly up his massive ches
t.

Garin hauled himself back, his breathing as ragged as the dance of her heart. 
I
nstead of pushing her away, he embraced her tighter, his face burying into her hair.  “Alyna, forgive me.”

Her arms wrapped around his neck and she kissed his cheek.  “I
do not lie, Garin.”

“
I know.”

They remained in their embrace for a long moment.  Finally, she pulled away.  Alyna made his tea and they settled on the bed together, entangled in
each other’s
arms.  The arousal, the desire was still there but pushed aside a
s Alyna tried to coax from Garin an explanation of what happened.

“
My breakfast dishes were spread all over the table,” Garin finally said.  He lay
with his head on her breast while she gently worked her fingers through his hair, helping to ease his headac
he.  “I could find nothing, nor could I tell what was what.  Many things were mixed into the same plate creating awful combinations that almost made me sick.  I would set my cup down only to reach for it and find it moved, usually spilling it when I groped
.  I couldn’t even lift it to my mouth without it sloshing all over me.  Then I heard the servant laugh and something snapped inside, Alyna.  Never have I been so enraged.”

Alyna closed her eyes and stopped her ministrations long enough to hold him tightly
to her.  She suddenly wanted to cry.  How could anyone be so cruel?  But her heart already knew the answer.  It happened every day on the streets.  People tormented and teased the blind and infirm, wanting nothing more than a laugh at another's expense
.

“
Garin, you must understand this was only a cruel joke.”

“
I know...and that’s what infuriated me all the more.  Alyna, if I
could see, he never would have pulled such a stunt.”

“
True.”  But there had to be a way to prevent this.  The servant today was not the last who would stoop to find humor at a blind man’s expense.

An answer blossomed in her thoughts and a slow smile spre
ad across her face.  “Garin,” she whispered and cuddled closer, pulling him up so her lips brushed his as she spoke.

“
Hmmm?” he asked, trying to return her kiss.

“
I have an idea.  Do you think you can lift the table up for me?”

He arched an eyebrow.  “I k
nocked it over, I guess I should be able to pick it up.”

She chuckled softly.  “Stay here, I’ve got to clean up the glass first.”  She crawled off the bed and took the broom from the corner.  Soon, she had the debris in a pile, out of the way.  “All right,
Garin.”

He stood and Alyna guided him to the table.  She released him while he felt around it, judging the best way to pick it up.

“
Are you out of the way?” he asked.

“
I am.”

He crouched and his hands gripped the table.  Gritting his teeth, he lifted. 

A
lyna stared in wide eyed amazement.  He slowly raised the huge oak table, large enough to be a bed in itself, to its side.  Garin stepped back, his chest heaving.  He returned and adjusted his grip.  With a primal groan he lurched.  Muscles jumped to life
with such vibrancy, his skin appeared barely able to contain them.  She saw the very fiber of his sinew.  With a heavy thud the table settled upright. 

“
Sweet Mary,” Alyna whispered.

“
What’s wrong?”  Garin asked, struggling to breathe.

“
You...I...I have n
ever seen anything so beautiful.”

For the first time since his illness, a genuine smile threatened to crack Garin’s face.  “What?  Me or the table?”

She grinned.  “The table of course.”

He blinked at her stunned.  Alyna cursed her sharp tongue.  He was not
ready for teasing yet.  She opened her mouth to apologize but stopped when she heard a strange sound.  A deep rumble echoed through his chest, a grin creased his face and suddenly his rich laughter resounded.  It wrapped around her like a blanket of fine
velvet.

The wonderful sound brought tears to her eyes.  Her own laugh rose in response.  She moved next to him and hugged him impulsively.  To her shock, he returned her embrace.

Garin managed to catch a breath.  “Ah, now that felt good.”

“
What?  Lifting t
he table or the compliment.”

His laugh returned with a vengeance.  “Both, my sweet.”