Blind Faith (37 page)

But I’ve known that all along, haven’t I?  Deep down inside, I
have
always known that McKinley despised my weakness.  If she has any feelings for me at all, it is pity and loathing, not love.  It was never love. 

She was aware that Will and Rose had jumped to her defense and were arguing with McKinley, but Serena was too lost in her own thoughts to take notice of the harsh words being exchanged.  Her hand moved to her stomach where the prickle of uneasiness was rapidly escalating into something much more powerful.  McKinley never wanted a sister; she didn’t like sharing the spotlight and had taken every opportunity to push Serena out of it and into a darkened corner. 

McKinley might have been content with tormenting her on the sly…as long as Serena remained in her shadow.  After all, Serena wasn’t a threat to her.  McKinley was the undisputed queen of the school.  If she said a particular brand of jeans were all the rage, the other girls flocked to the stores and bought them.  If she decided to let someone into her circle of friends, they became popular overnight.  With one encouraging smile, she could have had any boy in the school.  Except Will
.

Except Will.

Serena’s pulse was racing. 
Except Will. 
She could feel it throbbing in her temples, pounding inside her head as if it was trying to drown out the words. 
Except Will. 
It was a mantra that kept repeating itself, over and over and over until she felt dizzy and sick to her stomach.  There was a heaviness in her chest, a sorrow like nothing she
had
ever felt before that made her wish she could reach inside and rip her own heart out before the pain of it became unbearable.   

Serena dragged air into her lungs, conscious of the silence that had fallen over the room.  She heard Will ask if she was okay, but his voice seemed to be coming from some place far away.  He tried to coerce her into the living room to sit down, but she pulled away from him, somehow finding the strength to stand on her own. 

Except Will. 

She understood the significance now, remembered who had said th
ose
words and when.  Those t
wo
words were the key to the door she
had
locked so many years ago, and now that it was open, Serena was helpless to keep the memories from tumbling out.  A sharp pain speared through her head as a series of white lights exploded behind her eyes, and for those few brief minutes she thought her sight was coming back.  But when the pain in her head ended as suddenly as it had begun, her world was shrouded in darkness once more.

“Serena, what’s wrong?  Talk to me, honey,” Will pleaded.

The warmth of his strong hands on her shoulders jolted Serena out of the downhill spiral her viciously vivid memories had plunged her into.  All she wanted to do was throw herself in his arms and surrender to
the
emotions that were swamping her
.  B
ut there
were
things that needed to be said, here and now, before the raw edge of pain began to dull.  Seven years ago, she protected herself in the only way she knew how; she
had
picked up a shield and hidden behind it.  But the shield was gone now, and there was nothing left to do but acknowledge the ugly truth of her sister’s betrayal. 
Sink or swim
, she told herself,
treading water is no longer an option.

“I’m fine,” she mustered a thin smile. 

“You don’t look fine,” Will’s tone was gruff, but she knew it was only because he was worried about her.

“I had a few…flashbacks, that’s all.  It rattled me for a minute but I’m okay now.”

“You remembered something?”

“Yes, but…Will, I want you to do something for me.  Without asking questions.  I promise
to
explain later, but right now I just need to
speak
to McKinley…alone.”

“Alone?  Why do you…”

“Please,” she said softly, “I know what I’m doing.”

There was a long pause before Will replied.  “All right, sweetheart, if that’s what you really want.  Rose and I will wait out on the porch.”  She felt the brush of his lips against her cheek.  “I love you,” he whispered in her ear before turning to Rose.  “Come on, Rose, we’ll take Rufus out with us.  He’s better than a weather balloon when it comes to detecting a bad storm.”

“A storm?”  Rose sounded bewildered as they shuffled through the door.  “There’s not a cloud in the sky…”

Serena shook her head; poor Rose didn’t have a clue what Will was talking about. 
Very clever, Will
, she mused.  He knew there was a strong connection between her and Rufus, how in tuned the dog was to her emotions.  If things got out of hand with McKinley, Rufus would pick up on it and let
them
know. 

She was grateful for his insight and suspected that wasn’t the only reason for taking Rufus outside while she confronted McKinley.  Rufus was fiercely protective of her, despite his gentle nature, and she had no idea what he would do if McKinley raised her voice in anger or made any threatening moves.  No, it was going to
be
difficult enough to get through this without having the added distraction of trying to keep Rufus from taking a chomp
out
of her sister.

“Okay, they’re gone,” McKinley said, a sharp edge to her voice.  “Let’s get this little heart to heart over with.  It’s obvious I’m not going to talk any sense into you, not with those two encouraging this insane idea of yours.”

“You’re entitled to your opinion,” Serena shrugged, attempting to sound indiff
erent.  It couldn’t have been fa
rther from the truth, but she wasn’t ready to lay her cards on the table just yet.  “I am curious as to why you
are
so opposed to it though.”

“I told you why.  You’re not up to it, Serena.  You’re going to fall to pieces and end up right back where you started at.”

“You’re wrong.  You’re also being dishonest.  I think the reason you don’t want me to go back to the cave is because you don’t want me to remember what really happened that night.”

“Well, of course I don’t,” McKinley snapped.  “You were so traumatized by it you were practically catatonic for weeks.  I just don’t want to see you go through that again.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Serena shook her head.

“You don’t know that.  Regaining your memory could trigger a worse response than before.”

Serena’s laugh was bitter.  “Worse than being blind?  Worse than being terrified of every male I encounter?  Worse than being afraid to go to sleep because I know I’ll be terrorized by nightmares?  I couldn’t even imagine having a normal relationship with a man until Will came back into my life.”

“Well you’ve certainly gotten over
that
fear,” McKinley shot back. 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, come on, Serena.  You know exactly what I mean.  Do you honestly think you
will
be able to conquer all
your
p
hobia
s
just because Will managed to worm his way into your bed?”

It was a crude remark, one that was meant to throw Serena off balance or perhaps reduce her to tears, but she refused to fold so easily.  What
did
bother her was th
at
McKinley didn’t seem to be fishing for an answer as whether Serena had slept with Will.  She’d made the bald statement as if she knew it for a certain fact.
  But the only way McKinley could possibly know for sure was if…
 

“
Oh, my
God,
” Serena
’s throat tightened in shock,
“tell me you haven’t been prowling around outside at night peeking into my bedroom window!”

“Don’t be ridiculous!  I have better things to do with my time than lurk around your bedroom windows.”

“Then how did you know?”

“Honestly, Serena…”

“I want to know,” Serena persisted.  “For once in your life, tell the truth.”

“All right, I’ll tell you.  Fair warning, you’re not going to like it.  I came over here late one night and let myself in.  I planned on sneaking upstairs and slipping into Will’s bed.”  She paused for a moment when Serena gasped, then continued in a voice that was
brittle and far from contrite.  “He’d been…unreceptive before, but in my experience no man can resist a naked woman, especially one that is already in his bed.”

“You
don’t
honestly
believe Will would have had sex with you just because you crawled into his bed!”

“God, you are so naïve, Serena.  Will is no different than any other man, with the possible exception of feeling guilty afterwards.  At any rate, it didn’t happen so I guess we’ll never know.  I decided to check on you first, to make sure you were asleep.  That’s when I saw the two of you in bed together.”

An entire brigade of emotions marched through her; shock, disbelief, disgust, anger…none of them good.  How was she supposed to respond to something like that?  It was unnerving to know McKinley had crept into the house with the intention of seducing Will, but what really rattled Serena was the lack of
shame or remorse
for having done it.  In fact, she suspected that was the same night McKinley
ran
to their parents professing to be worried sick that Will was taking advantage of her baby sister.

Jealousy
.  That’s what had driven McKinley to try to convince their parents that Will was some sort of predator.  With sudden clarity, Serena saw the whole picture now, not just the bits and pieces that had tormented her over the years.  Her sister viewed Will as a conquest.  It made her angry when he rejected her, but she would have gotten over it eventually.  If Will hadn’t chosen the one person in the world who could turn McKinley’s anger into a spiteful, jealous rage. 

McKinley could have justified losing Will to someone who was as beautiful and vivacious as she was, but to lose out to her mousy little sister?  It was inconceivable; the ultimate insult to her ego, and it ate at her like a cancerous tumor.  There was no doubt in Serena’s mind that McKinley’s jealousy was responsible for the horrific acts of violence that occurred the night of the party.
 
She
nearly destroyed Serena
and
had
pushed
Will
into hunting down those boys and jeopardizing his own future
.  Ind
irectly,
McKinley had also
cost Steven Bennett his life.  And she
had
never been held accountable for any of it.

Until now.

Chapter 18
            
     

“Except Will,” Serena said in a hoarse whisper.

The choking sound that emanated from McKinley’s throat told Serena all she needed to know.  She wasn’t fooled by the futile attempt to cover it up with a cough, nor did she try to stop McKinley from fleeing to the kitchen on the pretense of getting a glass of water.  Let her stall for time.  Let her warped, devious mind work out all the excuses and lies it wanted to.  Serena was done playing games.  One way or another, she was going to hear the truth from McKinley’s own mouth.

A strange sort of calm enveloped her when she heard McKinley’s step falter more than once as she made her way back to the foyer.  It gave her a sense of power to know she was in control of her emotions and that it was McKinley whose nerves were on edge.  But she wasn’t under any illusions, not anymore.  And now that she understood what the endless assaults on her self-esteem had been about, Serena could no longer hide beneath a cloak of denial.