Blessed Vows (16 page)

Failure shattered him. He was failing at this, the most significant thing that had ever happened to him. This woman was his wife, the woman who meant more than anything, and he was failing her. Failure was not an option in his world. Nor was softness.
Help me, Lord. I'm drowning here.

Her eyes were liquid sadness. She turned away from
him and his silence and all the words he could not say and things he could not be and stared down the beach. Two units down, the neighbor was noisily putting up a six-foot ladder. The aluminum clang echoed like a gunshot over the hush of the tide on the shore. The guy was putting Christmas lights on a palm tree in his yard. His wife came outside, holding two cups of coffee, and told him in a soft voice to be quiet. His answer was good-hearted, but the breeze carried his words away.

Jake felt his world fracture even more as he watched his neighbor hop down from the ladder to join his pretty wife at their small patio table.
That's
what he wanted, that kind of closeness, that connection, and he was afraid of it. He could admit that now. Afraid to place so much stock in something that could not be seen or conquered, only felt. Afraid to take down the shield that had kept him safe through over a decade in his career and leave his heart and soul completely unprotected.

He took a few steps after her out of the open doorway and onto the cement patio. How did he do it? How did he start? The titanium he'd closed around his heart began to buckle. “I didn't want to rush you.”

“What?” She turned to study him over her shoulder, confusion on her face and tears on her cheeks.

I made her cry. Nothing could seem more horrible. He didn't want to hurt Rachel ever. He would never do so again. He took a step toward her, the warrior in him unable to figure out how to attack and win this fight.

He'd need his heart for that. His whole heart, unshielded and vulnerable. “The separate bedrooms. I rushed you into marriage. I wasn't sure if you would be ready for a real wedding night.”

“That you even have to ask that is so wrong.” She only seemed more upset. “Do you understand? I thought you married me to love me. I thought you saw in me—” Her face twisted in sheer agony and she turned her back on him. Her hands went to her face and her shoulders shook. That you saw in me someone to truly love.

How could she tell him that? He didn't understand, she'd seen that clearly on his face. He thought she'd be grateful for a practical arrangement. It made sense, she realized. It all made sense. How he overlooked her faults and asked the right questions to find out how desperately she just wanted to be married.

What she did not tell him was how sacred she believed marriage to be. She meant her vows, heart and soul, those vows that were the strongest on earth. To love and cherish through hardship and trial, to find love in your heart without fail.

And he wanted a nanny and a cook. The sunrise splashed stunning bright colors across the waiting sky, and the pure golden light that followed dawn seemed to mock her, for she felt as if there could be no more sunshine in her world, no more beautiful days and bright clear skies. How could she have made such a monumental mistake?

“Rachel?” He was behind her, his hand on her shoulder, his touch more calming than anything on this earth. He leaned close and she shivered with longing for what could not be.

His lips brushed her cheek as he spoke quietly, as if they were in church, as if they were the only two people on a beach in paradise. “I love you.”

“But you said—” She choked on a sob. She couldn't believe him, not anymore. He'd tricked her, or so it seemed. But maybe she'd tricked herself in believing in fairy tales to begin with.

“I want my happily-ever-after to be with you, Rachel Hathaway.” His voice sounded strangled, and his strong hands caught her around the waist and turned her in his arms. “I married you for Sally, it's true, but I married you for me even more. I n-need you.”

“N-no,” she sputtered on a heart-wrenching sob. “You want a p-practical m-marriage.”

“Only because I'm dumb and I thought it would be safer. But I'm starting to get this marriage thing.” Jake shook all over. He'd never done anything so terrifying in his life. But for Rachel's happiness, he would do anything, even tell her the truth that terrified him.

He would show her the part of him that he trusted to no one. The shields fell, all defenses were abandoned. He could not protect his heart at the cost of hers. “I love you more than my pride or my life or my very being,
and it scares me. More than anything ever has. Can you understand that?”

The sadness ebbed from her beautiful eyes.

“Nothing in my life—no one—could ever mean as much to me as you. I love you. I'll say that as many times as it takes for you to believe it. I intend to honor and cherish you, above myself, above all my fears and my stubborn pride. I am trusting you with my heart. Can we make this marriage of ours all you've dreamed of?”

“I think it already is. Now.” The warm ocean lapped at her toes as the hush of the morning seemed to reassure her. She saw her future being loved by this strong, tender man. His kiss was like paradise; his embrace like eternity. She thanked the Lord for this beautiful dream of love come true.

Jake took her hand and led her through the sand toward the open sliding door, where Sally would need to be woken up and breakfast eaten. The demands of the day remained but for them, there were only blue skies ahead.