Bleed Like Me (5 page)

My phone pinged in my pocket and my body tensed at the sound. I stared at the incoming text message. Brooks. I never should've given him my number at that party in the woods. Ali looked at me in question, but I shook my head, so she hopped up and moved toward the gum-covered wall on the side of the Punkin' to talk to a bunch of the smokers leaning against it. I flipped open my phone and read the text.

Brooks:
Come to the pool tonight.

I barked out a laugh and slid my fingers over the buttons in response.

Gannon:
Pool's closed Einstein.

Brooks:
They don't drain it for another week. There's a swim meet or some shit.

Gannon:
It's freezing. Swim by yourself.

Brooks:
Meet me after.

He was pushing me. I tucked the phone away, determined to ignore his pull. It pinged again a second later.

Brooks:
Gannon? Come on. Meet me after.

My thumb lingered over the buttons before quickly typing.

Gannon:
Maybe.

Brooks:
You know you want 2.

I moved my phone back and forth between my hands. Was I really going to get into something with a moron who went illegal swimming in fifty-degree weather for fun? I thought of how many days I'd gone to bed without talking to anyone but Ali, Dennis, and Ricardo. Of how many nights I'd watched movies in my room by myself. My index finger slid over the slightly faded bruise on my neck before punching in a response.

Gannon:
Be there at 10.

•  •  •

“You sure you're okay?” I asked again as Brooks navigated the streets to my house. His lips looked bluish-purple and he was gripping the steering wheel to keep his hands from shaking.

“Yep.” His teeth chattered and I bit my lip.

“Not to be a bitch, but I did warn you it'd be freezing.”

He pulled his light blue car to the side of the road. “Gannon. You're gonna need to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Acting like you give a shit.”

I opened and closed my mouth. “I—”

He faced forward and gripped the steering wheel again.
“Don't bother lying. It's true. You don't really care. You don't really know me. You're just intrigued.”

I shrugged. We sat in silence for too long. “Do you want to tell me about your back?” I'd been thinking about it ever since I'd seen him at the river.

“Not really. Do you want to tell me about the cutting?”

“Nope.”

He released a breath. “Okay, then.”

I tapped his shoulder and pointed to the end of the street. “We're close enough. I can get out here.” I moved my hand to the door handle, but he batted it away.

“I can drive you to your house,” he said.

I dropped my hands to my lap and eyed the clock. My parents should be asleep, but after the argument from the other night I couldn't be sure. What would they think of Brooks?

He stopped two houses away from mine and faced me. “We're gonna be a thing, you and me.”

“I don't even know you,” I repeated back to him.

The thing was, I
wanted
to know him. I
was
intrigued. But it was more than that. Something I didn't even want to think about.

His fingers traced a line down my cheek. “You will, though. And I'll know you. We're gonna be good together.”

“I'm a mess,” I blurted out. Stupid. Too many emotions
skated along my skin when I was with him. It was like my shields didn't work against his Brooks-ness.

His laughter echoed through the car and I blinked back tears. “Oh, Gannon.” His rough fingers traced my eyelids. “Don't cry. I like the mess. It makes me look better.”

He leaned forward then and took my cheeks in his hands. His mouth dropped to mine, and then he really kissed me. Not a little peck or a rushed kiss like the one in the woods. A real kiss. Lips and teeth and tongue and it was so overwhelming I almost couldn't breathe. My hands tugged at his hair and I inched toward him, holding myself back from hopping into his lap. He laughed into my mouth and I let go.

He rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip and looked at me hard. “Yeah. We'll work.”

He sat back into his seat. I moved on autopilot, grabbing my messenger bag and opening the door. The cool night air rushed over me, but I didn't feel it. Didn't notice my feet stumbling as I walked toward my house, knowing his eyes were on me without even turning to check. My fingers brushed over my mouth again and again. I pushed the key into the lock of the front door and finally turned back to see he was still parked in the same spot. He lifted his hand and waved at me. I waved back and then slipped into our dark front hall. My legs buckled beneath me.

I wanted to tell someone. Call Ricardo. Text Ali. Wake my mom. But sharing wasn't my style. So I snuck up to my room and lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. My hands slid beneath the edge of my shirt and I traced the lines carved into my stomach. And even though I knew better than to believe it, I couldn't stop the echoing of Brooks's words in my head:
We're gonna be good together.

Ricardo came up to me Monday at school.

“Gannon. How come you're smiling?”

I pinched my lips together. “I'm not smiling. But what if I was?”

He grinned. Clean-cut boy grin. I had no idea why he even bothered talking to me.

“Smiling sort of works on you. Not too many teeth, just sort of nice.”

I shoved him. “I'm glad you approve. Run along.”

He grinned again. “Yeah. You should smile for Dennis. He'd probably have a heart attack.”

I looked past Ricardo down the hall. Scanning the heads for a swatch of blue. Nothing. Stupid. We had way too many kids in our high school. But Brooks had seen me, so maybe . . .

“And off you go again,” Ricardo said.

“What?”

“Into your own head. Your own world. The one you never invite anyone into.”

I looked at him. “You wouldn't want to be invited in. Trust me.”

He shrugged. “I could probably take it.”

My eyes moved past him again. Was that blue?

His long sigh got me to turn back to him. “I'll be seeing you, Gannon.”

I nodded and refocused on the books in my locker. “Yeah. Okay.”

•  •  •

The rest of the week was annoyingly long. Brooks wasn't in school. I texted him Monday afternoon, but he said he was taking care of some things. Taking care of some things? What the hell was that supposed to mean? I stopped myself from asking for an explanation. This was the game guys played. I'd seen it with Ali dozens of times. They got all up in your head and then dropped you. I slammed around work and sneered at Ricardo for being part of the stupid asshole boy tribe.

The first few days, Brooks texted me a bunch of times. I ignored him, putting all my energy into a wooden gumball machine I was building for Alex's birthday.

The skate park had closed for the season, so when I wasn't
at work or school, I rode the El back and forth into the city to avoid going home. Most of the time I didn't get off, just sat and watched different people and wondered about their lives. The moms with small children were the most interesting to watch. Their endless diaper bags full of every little thing made me ache in a weird way. When all the time riding alone got to be too much, I made Ali ride with me.

“Do you want to go shopping?” Ali asked as she scraped the nail polish off her fingernails.

“No.”

She huffed. “What do you want to do, then?”

“I don't know. Maybe see a movie?”

“Okay, but I'm not seeing one of your crappy horror movies again. That last one gave me nightmares for a week. I mean, Jesus,
Pet Sematary
? I still have to cross the street every time I see the neighbor's cat.”

I laughed. “Classic.”

“Can't you get into something else like romantic comedies or something?”

“God, no. Anyways, horror movies rule. I don't judge you on your choices.”

She grinned at me. “That's because all of my choices are good ones. If you recall, I was the one to suggest your hair color.”

I nodded. “You are a paragon of good taste.” I eyed her striped tights and plaid skirt.

“Shut up. My clothes are perfect. You're just prickly because you're too short to wear any of them.”

I looked at Ali's long legs and shrugged. Short legs were sort of the least of my problems.

“Okay,” she said. “I have an idea. Let's go buy a bunch of
GQ
s and cut all the heads off the male models. You've been crabby all week and I know that makes you feel better.”

I grinned. “Yeah. It does. Okay. I'll buy.”

She clapped her hands and then reached out to squeeze my shoulder. I pulled back after a second, not wanting Ali to know how much one little squeeze meant to me. Her face broke into a smile, and it occurred to me maybe she knew anyway.

•  •  •

I heard Brooks before I saw him when he showed up at Standard on Friday afternoon. His heavy boots and loud voice carried through the alley.

“You ignoring me?” he said, leaning against the side of the garage.

“You had things to take care of.” I flipped the power switch on the circular saw and drowned out his next few words. He strode across the garage and yanked the cord from the wall.

“What the hell?” I snapped. “Plug that back in.”

He pulled me up and pressed in to me. His nipple ring rubbed against my chest and his eyes bored through me. “That's not how we play.”

I pushed him off. “Oh really? How
do
we play? With you telling me we'll be good together and then disappearing? I don't think so. I don't need that shit. I'm invisible enough, thank you very much.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. Why had I said that? His face softened for a second and I hated his pity so much I kicked him.

“Knock it off,” he said through his teeth, stepping so close I smelled his cigarettes and soap mixed together. “Now.” His hands clapped along the side of my face. “Let's get this straight: You're not invisible to me. We
will
be good together. I had some shit to take care of, but I'm not pulling you into the crap salad that's my life if I don't have to. Got me?”

I swallowed and searched his face, looking for the trick. The lie. The evidence that he didn't care. But I found only truth in his words, so I finally nodded.

“And next time I text you, you better frickin' text me back, because I know I'm not invisible to you either.”

His mouth dove onto mine so fast I couldn't take a breath. His hands held me too hard and I clawed at him. He scratched me back and I moaned as I banged into the side of the garage wall. Brooks dragged his mouth away from mine and gave me a cocky smile.

“What the hell was that?” I said, breathing hard.

“I missed you.”

“Funny way of showing it.”

His hands slid down my back. “You liked it.”

My breath hitched when he pinched the skin along my spine.

He chuckled. “Yeah. You liked it. Like I said, we'll be good together.”

•  •  •

The movie theater in my town does “Creature Features” every Saturday night. It's how I first got into horror movies. I rarely missed one. I used to be able to talk Ali into going with me, but now I went by myself.

As I stood in the line to buy my ticket to
Freddy vs. Jason
, Brooks slid next to me.

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you stalking me?”

He grinned. “No. But I sort of figured you'd be here.”

I stepped forward and pulled out my money. But Brooks pushed my hand back. “You're buying my ticket?”

“Yes. That's normally what happens on dates.” He asked for two tickets and slipped a twenty out of his worn leather wallet.

When he had our tickets and started to usher me into the lobby, I said, “Actually, normally someone asks you on a date first.”

He grinned. “That ruins the element of surprise. Admit it, you're excited I'm here. You don't have to see
Freddy vs. Jason
alone; you have someone to cling to during the scary parts.”

I laughed. “I don't need anyone to cling to, thank you.”

He hooked a finger in one of the belt loops on my jeans and dragged me toward him. “Well, maybe I do.”

I grinned and patted his shoulder. “Okay, Brooks. I'll protect you from the scary parts.”

“Outstanding. I knew this would work out.”

Ease and lightness bubbled inside me. I loved Brooks like this, me like this. Normal, not broken or scarred or hurting so much I would do anything to make it all go away.

“Thanks for coming,” I blurted out, then looked at my feet. Brooks tilted my chin up and searched my face.
Please don't ruin this. Don't make it more. I can't do more right now.

“I'll go buy us some snacks,” he said, and my shoulders dropped in relief. “Junior Mints okay?”

I made a face. “Junior Mints? Really? That's almost as lame as Good & Plenty. How about some popcorn?”

“Nope. Junior Mints are better.”

“How do you figure that?”

He waggled his eyebrows. “Then we'll have minty fresh breath. Perfect for making out in the back of the theater.”

I shook my head. “I'm here to see the movie.”

He pulled me close and dropped a kiss on my lips. “Junior Mints it is.”

My parents forced the family to go out for breakfast at the House of Pancakes on Sunday mornings. They'd tried church for a while, but it was such a ridiculous joke with my brothers they ditched the idea. The last time Father Don had seen our family, Luis had accidentally-on-purpose knocked a cup of communion wine all over him.