Blackout (10 page)

The surprise of seeing her things unsettles me. I recognize a couple outfits from photos of Mom. Her clothes are neatly tucked away, probably by Dad.

Why didn’t he get rid of them? Why didn’t she take them with her?

I sift through designer labels, fancy party dresses, evening gowns, and skirts in an assortment of colors that titillate the senses. It amazes me that I have no recollection of most of these because they’re very chic. She knew how to dress.

I find a short flouncy skirt patterned with yellow and white daisies and a silk sheer baby doll top that would be perfect for the party. Should I wear them? Mom left them here, though I don’t understand why. I pull them out with a wild scarf that oddly matches the burst of colors. I can almost feel her artistic self in choosing these clothes. She had flare.

The skirt and top fit me perfectly, and at first feel odd against my skin, like a ghost brushing over me. I stand in front of the full-length mirror. I look…beautiful. My hand reaches for a photo of her. My face, the hair, the shape of my body. It’s like I’m an incarnation of her. A wave of tremors ripples through me.

Where did she go? Did she really return to Paris where she met Dad and Francois?

I pick up red lipstick from the basket on my dresser where the county clerk envelope stares at me. I tear it open and read. Dad is supposed to call into court tomorrow, like Dare said. The time has been moved up an hour, probably so the judge can go fishing on his yacht.

It hits me what I should do. I’ve hurt Dare, and he keeps rescuing me.

I should tell Dad about the court time change, but I won’t. I’ll appear by myself instead. It’s the same judge I had years ago, so I’ll have an opportunity to get some answers as to what I originally testified.

I need to know about that day and its ugly truth.

I plop down on the bed in front of the mirror, and it smiles at me. The reflection is an uncanny resemblance of her, and I don’t know if I like it.

A bonfire blazes on the beach, and sparks crackle, sizzle, and rise into the night air like fireflies. The sun has set, but the sky casts a brilliant blue and a parade of stars twinkle. A small Bluegrass ensemble with a banjo, guitar, violin, and mandolin play—their music thrumming through my bones. This is exactly what the doctor ordered.

I inhale the sea air tainted by pine smoke while Kami tugs on my arm to get a beer. I don’t like to drink, the fear of blacking out casts shadows on the outskirts of my mind, and alcohol only encourages it.

At the keg, I pump the handle then drain off the foam to fill a Solo cup for Kami. I pour only a third of a cup for me to sip and not look like a complete straight arrow. Teal Covington already sticks out enough as it is.

Once again Kami grabs my arm, leading me into the fray of dancers, mostly couples. She raises her glass in the air, threads her fingers into her wild shoulder-length, golden-brown kinks, and sways her hips. She’s graceful and sensual—her hand moving in front of her face in cut motions, no different than a music video dancer.

I learned to dance in Paris with my boyfriend Henri, the one who claimed my virginity without my involvement. I don’t understand why having sex with him triggered a blackout. I was nervous but looking forward to it.

I sway my hips and throw my arms into the air. In France, I didn’t have this fear of blacking out, so I enjoyed myself. I felt free. I want those feelings again.

Boys turn away from their girlfriends to watch us until a couple cute guys push their way next to us. I take a step back to dance alongside the boy joining me, so I won’t stick out. He looks vaguely familiar with his burr haircut and glazed over eyes.

He inches closer to me. Beer and cigar waft off him. A small tremor works its way into my hands and then into my lips. I don’t like the smell of tobacco. It terrifies me. My mind digs deep for where I know him.

Don’t let me black out and embarrass myself. I focus on my breathing and my inner self and not the guy humping my leg. Though he’s cute in only Bermuda shorts, his proximity sends waves of terror into me. I don’t know him well enough, and he doesn’t know me, and I don’t like it. I don’t like him. I step back from him, but he climbs right back onto my leg, like some horny dog.

Where have I seen him before?

Kami tosses her hair and swings her head from side to side in a heated passion dance. I concentrate on something other than the mongrel trying to impregnate my thigh.

I think of something else. College. Kami and I will both attend Duke in the fall. Kami and I will be roommates, which means I have someone there to help me push down the panic attacks. Dad bought a two bedroom, two-bath townhouse close to the university where I can ride my bike.

The guy presses his palm against my waist. I swallow down the panic threatening to seize control. It’s no big deal I convince myself. He’s just flirting with me. Where’s Graham?

He squeezes our hips together and grinds against my pelvis. I push away from him, but he’s strong and pulls me closer with one hand on my lower back. His five o’clock shadow scrapes against my neck where his tongue slides up and down. “I knew I recognized you, Teal. You look better than ever.”

I shove him back. “Get off of me.”

His voice is even familiar.

It hits me. He was at that party. At the end of my sophomore year, I’d gone to a college party at someone’s house with one of my supposed friends. She’d gotten smashed, and I was left to fend for myself.

I’m shaking hard now—the spots. I wobble, but he now has a tight hold on me. I won’t be falling down—just passing out in his arms. How much worse can this get?

Where is Kami? When I go down, she won’t let him maul me. She’s always protected me when the darkness comes for me, except at that party—the one she couldn’t attend because she was grounded.

She’s no longer dancing but chatting up some boys by the keg. I step back from the boy smooching on my neck, pushing him away again, then the void grips my throat.

“I’ll take it from here,” a husky voice says. As soon as Dare tugs me away, my body calms and relaxes in his arms, and my breathing evens out.

I practically curl up into a ball. His arms wrap around to hold and comfort me.

“You’re shivering,” he says only to me, rubbing my arms to warm me up, a hint of bourbon on his breath. “You were about to go under.”

I nod. “Thank you. I don’t know why I feel so at ease around you. It’s been years.”

“Because you know I’d never hurt you, and if you shoved me away, I’d leave. Which leads me to wonder why you sold me out.”

“I didn’t.” And I’ll prove that tomorrow. I’ll get a copy of the transcript.

“Yes, you did,” he whispers into my ear. It’s so like him to argue pointlessly. He has that in common with his brothers, who were always fighting either with each other or outsiders.

I can’t help myself. I lean into Dare like he’s the perfect shelter from a storm.

“Hey, we were dancing,” my ex-dance partner says, wobbling a bit. He goes to shove Dare and stops, looking up at the massive build.

Dare stands a few inches above the other guy. When Dare narrows his eyes possessing a touch of crazy, I wince. Even with a polo and shorts on, Dare’s powerfully-built body along with the tats covering his bare arms is intimidating.

The other guy snorts out, “Stupid townie. Nobody invited you.”

“And you think you can make me leave.” Steely cold ices Dare’s voice. “Move on Jason before I kick your ass.”

Jason wavers. “Aren’t you that guy who molested her? She must’ve liked it.”

Nan glances up, her hands grasping the lawn chair, like she’s about to rise. She protected Dare at the accident.

Dare’s fist curls on my waist, so I grasp it. “He’s not worth it,” I say, as if to tame the animal that’s grown in him—a far cry from the boy I once knew.

Dare continues to warm me. His body heat soaks into me like a hot bath. My thighs quiver when I think about him on top of me, pressing his heat against me. I can’t go there with him. Daddy would have a fit. What if he’s the problem? He’s not, I remind myself.

Jason stands a little taller when his friend walks up. “You should go.”

“Lisa Skittleharp invited me,” Dare says. “Take it up with her.”

Dare still runs with her? Then what’s Shannon to him?

Lots of girls used to like him but that probably all changed after his many run-ins with the law. He’ll never go to college now, and most girls prefer money over raw animal magnetism, even if his pumps into me like a subwoofer playing rap.

“I think I will go ask Lisa.” Muttering under his breath, Jason snarls then pushes through the knot of people dancing. He stomps over to the keg and kicks sand into the air. A few girls swear at him and brush off the grit from their bare-bikinied bellies. He tops off a beer and slugs it down.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Dare places one hand on my back. “A girl with your condition could be seriously hurt by this pack of wild dogs, but then again, beach house girls like frat boys.”

“There’re just college kids,” I shoot back, “and I’ll be one of them next year. I’m not that messed up.” What a lie that is.

The intensity of his stare engulfs me in flames. “You’re pretty fucked up, Teal.”

His words hurt because I like him, but how can I? He’s mean and bossy. He’s not the boy I worshipped when I was his lackey, though I’m giving him the wrong idea by allowing him to hold me.

“You don’t know them like I do, and you aren’t in college yet. You shouldn’t be drinking.” He snatches the Solo cup from my hand and tosses the beer out.

I push him back. “Dare, you’re not my mother.”

“You need one. You always did. Of course, she’s dead now.”

“She’s not,” I toss back at him.

He shakes his thatch of wild hair at me. “What don’t you get? Someone died out there that day, and it was probably your mom.”

“She didn’t.” Why am I so sure? It’s the most logical solution—all that blood, her conveniently leaving. I wobble on my legs, and he tightens his hold to brace me.

“It had to be her,” Dare says, quieter now, like his words will break me and most likely will.

His conviction cuts me, though they shouldn’t. Dad and I did just fine without her. “You aren’t the nice boy I used to hang out with. Now you’re an ass.”

As my rebuttal slices through him, pain shadows his beautiful eyes. Now, we’re even for him throwing out my beer, but it doesn’t make me feel better.

“A minute ago, you were into me,” he says, glowering.

“A minute ago, you were almost nice.”

The music slows to a waltz, and the violin sings while the mandolin is plucked in harmony.

“You owe me a dance, Teal Covington, for all those saves.” His whisper feathers my ear and neck. He treats me like a child, yet he can’t let go of me.

“No, I don’t.”

His strong arms spool around my waist, pulling me close so that I smell a hint of cologne but mostly the scent of brush and open field, of something wild, and all Dare.

“No, Dare.” I push him away.

“Please,” he says into my ear. “I did save you, several times now, and I’m sorry for being an ass.”

I exhale. “Just one.”

“That’s all it takes.”

I lean my head against his chest. It feels right and safe. I draw close to him, the beat of his steady heart pumping into my ear. My body melds to his.

Gazing off to one side, I catch the flare in other girls’ eyes as I dance with him. They lick their lips and smile enticingly at him. He could have any one of them at least for the night. Is Lisa here with him? Does she know about Shannon?

“You smell so good, Teal.” His nose nestles into my hair. His breath warms my neck, his touch sending shockwaves through me.

The song keeps us close, me tangled in his arms, my breasts aching for his hands to caress them, O’s desire for her lover’s touch. I should be running, but my body begs to stay, clinging to him. All my senses breathe him in.

His excitement presses into my pelvis. I don’t want to need him. Daddy must’ve had his reasons for the restraining order. I shouldn’t lead Dare on and add to his humiliation.

“I want to hate you,” he whispers into my ear, “but I also want to call you mine.”

“Why?” I don’t understand. When I was a kid, he barely tolerated me.

“I already told you.”

My body aches all over for him. I press my breasts against his chest, and his arousal stirs in his shorts. I don’t understand what I’m doing, but I want him in the most primitive sense. I want to be loved, not used by men like O.

A strong hand rips me from Dare’s embrace while we dance.

“What the hell?” I gasp.

Shock electrifies my body, and blood and tupelo trees flash in front of my eyes. The darkness seeks me. Please not that. Stars spin around me.

One touch from Dare straightens the world for me. “Leave her alone, Graham. She doesn’t need someone like you.”

Graham laughs. “You mean she doesn’t need someone like you. I caught you red-handed with my girlfriend. What is it with you wanting my dates? I invited Teal and Kami here, and why are you even here?”

Dare glances my way, disappointment flashing in his eyes.

“Did Dare really steal Graham’s old girlfriend?” I step back from Dare toward Graham. What am I doing with Dare when Graham invited me?

Dare had sex with Graham’s girlfriend? I shake my head. Dare is one disappointment after another.

Dare huffs out a laugh, not hearing me but focusing on Graham. “Your girlfriend wanted it, and I gave it to her good.”

Dare’s gaze darts to me with the pain of regret crinkling those sensuous lips that beg to be tasted. “Oh, shit,” he mutters. “Teal, I’m sorry. That was fucking stupid.”

Graham’s fist curls into a hard ball. I touch it. “Don’t.” Dare would kill him. All those years of scrapping with his older brothers hardened him.

“Look, I didn’t know she had a boyfriend, and she came on to me,” Dare says, gaging my reaction. He can’t make up for what he said earlier. I’d like to walk away now, but I stare at him instead.

What happened to the Dare I admired? Is he long gone? The one who’d wrapped bandages on the snapping turtle his dog had chewed up and who’d put the baby bird back when it fell from a tree before it could fly.